Dear Eggs,
Why have you eluded me? I don't even want a premie membership ... I just want to click you. C'mon, let me click you!
Forever,
TJ

4/5/2007 3:18:37 PM

dear tape library

please dont decide to go down when I begin my on call

4/5/2007 3:18:55 PM

i chuckled

[Edited on April 5, 2007 at 3:19 PM. Reason : ^^]

4/5/2007 3:18:56 PM

dear eggs...i've seriously gotten 3 of you since like 10:30...what gives

4/5/2007 3:19:07 PM

Dear mechanical pencil,
why must you always stab me through my bookbag?
I'm good to you; i feed you high quality lead, and replace your eraser.
Affectionately,
chaoticbliss

4/5/2007 3:26:18 PM

dear seriose kitten,

why must you be so seriose, you are young and not quite cat yet. go play, love this thread very much. is hugz teim now, k. bai!

IRSC

4/5/2007 3:41:29 PM

Dear weather,

why you gotta be all cold an shit on this grand weekend when I'm right next to the beach.

-Peter

4/6/2007 1:01:22 PM

dear ticketmaster e-mail bot,
Just because I bought tickets to one concert last summer does not mean I want a ticket to every event you host, such as Brooks and Dunn or WWE Smackdown. Please take me off of your mailing list; I will come to you when I am interested in attending an event.

-Me

4/6/2007 1:16:57 PM

Dearest chocolate bunny,

I am sorry we decapitated you with a kitchen knife. You were merely too large to consume otherwise.

My Sincerest Apologies,
Heather

4/6/2007 1:19:16 PM

Dear frozen yogurt (actual yogurt I put in the freezer) -

You're much more difficult to eat than I thought you would be. Frankly, I'm put off by your crystalline hardness, but I do so love your strawberry cheesecakey goodness for only 100 mere calories. I find myself both loving and hating you, desperately wanting to spoon you into my mouth, but forever destined to scrape sadly at your slow-melting exterior. Damn you.

- Ricky

[Edited on April 6, 2007 at 1:22 PM. Reason : fridge != freezer]

4/6/2007 1:22:33 PM

Dear YouTube

Thank you for allowing others to upload various videos to occupy my time. I should be doing some form of homework, but with all fansubbed episodes of Naruto and Bleach uploaded on your site, homework can wait until Monday. YouTube, I bask in your glory.

Sincerely,
SIG

4/6/2007 1:35:45 PM

Dear English Paper,

Write your fucking self.

Sincerely,
Zach

4/6/2007 11:06:54 PM

Dear Work:

This assignment you have for me on the Saturday before Easter better be very profitable or I am going to be pissed.

Also the weather tomorrow morning in Va had better not cause me any problems.

thnx

4/7/2007 12:11:45 AM

Dear history paper,

I should get you written already and stop procrastinating by looking at threads on tww. It's okay, I have until Monday before I have to turn you in.

sincerely,
Puppy





Dear tww,

Stop distracting me. My mouse cursor keeps clicking on links here. I have stuff to do.

k. thx,
Puppy

4/10/2007 3:29:06 PM

dear mckimmon center, i'm about to call u

4/10/2007 3:30:47 PM

Dear Stomach,

Stop making noise. I’m not feeding you junk today. Yesterday you had a greasy burger, fries and chocolate. I’m sorry but today you have to suffer the consequences. I know.... it's hard but it hurts me more than it hurts you.

your devoted friend,
crackmonkey

4/10/2007 3:38:06 PM

dear shrine of the silver monkey,

<3.

love, me

4/10/2007 3:55:47 PM

Dear Everything2,
Why aren't you working? I know I only check you when I'm bored or restless and I apologize for that. If you start working again tonight I'll treat ya right and I promise to start reading you on a weekly basis.

xox,
Misha

4/15/2007 10:02:08 PM

dear bacon

i'm glad i didnt meet you when you were alive...i wouldnt want to eat you as much

4/15/2007 10:12:16 PM

dear chicken,
why are you not cooked as much as i thought you were?
qntmfred



dear salmonella,
please don't hurt me.
xoxoxo,
qntmfred

4/15/2007 10:14:56 PM

Dear $100 bill,

Can't you, like, clone yourself multiple times, and help me pay off my mortgage?

Love,

broke homeowner

4/15/2007 10:33:37 PM

Dear kitchen,

Please generate a dishwasher. I'm fucking tired of not having one, and I hate washing dishes.

Love,

-Chris

4/15/2007 10:54:19 PM

dear free rubbers from student health,

why do you always break? I've already got one kid. I don't need another 'til grad school is done.

4/15/2007 11:24:45 PM

Dear Shaving Cream,

I did not mean to swallow a small portion of you. Please don't do anything funky to my digestive tract/body.

Sincerely,
Jeff

4/15/2007 11:31:14 PM

Dear MP3 player,

I REALLY wish I could arrange my music the way I want to...not in alphabetical order only. You make me sad, as thankful as I am to have you.

Sincerely,
bethaleigh

[Edited on April 15, 2007 at 11:34 PM. Reason : ]

4/15/2007 11:34:04 PM

Greetings tree branch,

I am inquiring as to your motives for confiscating my lure.

Please to be returning post haste.

Sincerely,
Good1

4/21/2007 4:57:32 PM

Dear Nair,
Please don't give me a chemical burn! I just want to look cute in skirts but skip on shaving before hand because I am lazy.

xox,
Misha

4/23/2007 9:36:39 PM

dear qntmfred,
get to work. you haven't done squat in weeks.
<3,
qntmfred

4/23/2007 9:41:27 PM

Dear Harrelson Hall Stairs

Don't trip me up, why don't you stretch yourselves out or something?
Better yet, evolve into elevators

Thanks
-Lazy foreign students who take the elevator up/down 1 floor.

4/24/2007 12:19:14 PM

Dear Calvin Johnson & The Sons Of The Soil cd,
Why do you start out sounding promising and then end up sucking hardcore? I mean, you suck a little too much to even justify using the microwave to kill you.

4/24/2007 12:43:47 PM

dear advertisers, please stop trying to shove shit down our throats

[Edited on April 24, 2007 at 12:47 PM. Reason : not inanimate... just impersonal... ]

4/24/2007 12:47:11 PM

dear stupid fucking carpet that keeps hilling up under my computer chair,

QUIT FUCKING DOING THAT!!! I CAN'T ROLL AROUND AND SPIN MY CHAIR TO KEEP MYSELF AWAKE!!!!

good day!

fanbln182

4/24/2007 12:52:18 PM

dear scm011's boxers,

forgive me.

[Edited on April 24, 2007 at 12:54 PM. Reason : .]

4/24/2007 12:52:25 PM

Dear end of semester,

Fuck you, I have 4 projects due this week. Dead week my ass.

Go to hell,

Hunterb2003

4/24/2007 12:59:32 PM

Dear Mustang,

You are truly a classic American automobile. You really know how to take off when the stoplight turns green. I am so proud to have owned four of you.

Signed,

Axelay

4/24/2007 1:30:14 PM

Dear Axelay's mustangs,
what years were you?
qntmfred

4/24/2007 4:43:38 PM

Dear Radio Station,

Dear sweet god please let me get through and win some Tool tickets tonight. I've been waiting to see them for 4 years and I seriously cannot afford to buy tickets now.

Love,

Vicki

4/24/2007 6:00:47 PM

dear dumbass thread,

how did ye get to page 14 & i'm just noticing.
chxn

4/24/2007 6:02:40 PM

Dear Nascar,

This Nascar Day bullshit is retarded. You fuckers create a day and some gay ass pins you charge $5 for so you can "celebrate". Your $5 goes to help people, animals and conservation though, so rednecks can feel good about being swindled. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea, and have precautions been taken to ensure those people can't reproduce?

xoxo,
John

5/6/2007 1:34:04 PM

Dear Bricks,

Why must you be uneven so that I trip on you? Even in flip-flops. You make it hard to go to class. Plz to settle.

Much love,

Witch

5/6/2007 1:59:06 PM

Dear University of Indiana and Rice University,

Plz to hurry the fuck up and tell me whether I am admitted or not. Much as I adore living in a state of constant uncertainty and severely limited finances, all things lose their charm after awhile. Thx for time.

Jeff

5/7/2007 9:35:39 PM

dear keyboard,
i'm sorry for the load i splooged on you.
me

[Edited on May 7, 2007 at 10:18 PM. Reason : misspelled "splooged"]

5/7/2007 10:17:48 PM

dear webct vista,
i hate you and i would kill you if you were actually capable of being alive. after almost 12 hours trying i finally downloaded the sample test that i need to study.
you die now,
jeepman

5/7/2007 10:28:43 PM

dear smarterchild,
i never realy said i was sorry for all those bad things i said and names that i called you.


and i never will.

5/7/2007 10:49:55 PM

Dear Super Mario Allstars,

I have looked everywhere for you and you have yet to turn up...please come home!

-Erik

5/7/2007 10:52:44 PM

Dear asshole,

I am sorry for ramming things into you when I/you was/were young.

5/7/2007 10:54:55 PM

Dear Super Mario Allstars,

please show up so TheBullDoza will be happy!

Sincerily,

Nerdchick

5/7/2007 10:55:13 PM

Dear fingernails,

Bite me.

,
Heather

5/7/2007 10:58:48 PM

Dear Nerdchick,

"Sincerily" is not how that word is spelled. I am only pointing it out because you are a "nerd" chick.

Sincerely,
0EPII1

5/7/2007 11:00:04 PM

Dear WFMY2 in Greenboro:
The Good Morning Show was good and worthy to watch years ago with Lee Kinard. Now it's really nothing special. Shorten it and run the CBS Morning Show LIVE.

Dear WXII12 in Winston Salem:
The name of the show is LIVE with Regis and Kelly, not taped and shown an hour later with Regis and Kelly. If you can't broadcast it live, please allow one of the other Triad stations to broadcast it live.



[Edited on May 7, 2007 at 11:10 PM. Reason : -=-=-=-=-]

5/7/2007 11:08:55 PM