Dear page 15,

why has no one posted on you yet?

Love,
Forte

5/8/2007 1:34:39 AM

Dear computer at home,

Is it time I upgraded you?

damos

5/8/2007 2:59:02 AM

Quote :

"Dear Penis, I don't think I like anymore, You used to watch me shave, Now all u do is stare at the floor. Oh dear Penis, I don't like you anymore. It used to be u and me, A paper towel, and a dirty magazine, That's all we needed to get by. Now it seems things have changed, I think that your the one to blame. Dear Penis, I don't like u anymore. Now he sings, Dear Rodney, I don't think I like u anymore, 'Cause when u get to drinkin' You put me places I've never been before. Dear Rodney, I dont like u anymore. Why can't we just get a grip, On our man to hand relationship. Come to terms with truly how we feel. If we put our heads together, We'd just stay home forever, Dear Penis, I think I like you after all. Oh and Rodney, While yer shavin', Shave my balls."

5/8/2007 10:10:51 AM

Dear Alcohol,


First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer
at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.
However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to
some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place
after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone a ll
hours of the night?


2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with fire sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale bbq
chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far
this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing
me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it
should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but
the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread
products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way
interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the
provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than
Friday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully, we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

5/8/2007 12:24:48 PM

Dear Pluto,

why did you let those punks push you outa the solar system

xoxo

thebulldoza

5/8/2007 12:27:50 PM

Dear TWW,

ZOMGWTFBBQROFLMAO

5/8/2007 12:29:04 PM

Dear Room,

Pack yourself the f*** up in those boxes!

Thanks,
NCSUPAGE

5/8/2007 12:47:08 PM

Yo school,

5/8/2007 12:49:41 PM

Dear files,

Please clean yourselves out. I need more drawer space and am too lazy to actually sort through which of you are important and which are not...

Thank you,
AP

5/8/2007 1:13:22 PM

Dear Fleshlight,

If someone taped a Cucumber Melon Glade Air Freshener to you to make it smell more like a woman as he abused you, would that make him weird?

5/8/2007 2:25:17 PM

dear internet tracker from work,

i RDP home first and do everything from there. thats why i have no web history ever, but still get no work done. i felt it was time for some honesty in our relationship.

thanks,
mr. n. guy

5/8/2007 2:34:52 PM

dear courage,

why do you leave me when i need you, only to inopportunely return in anger once i've been drinking. sure, you getting the job done but quality control is the main issue. lets kick it up a notch and try to act a little more quickly from here on out, seriously.

-jake

5/8/2007 2:38:28 PM

Dear McDonalds,

If you're going to run commercials for Big Macs on tele, please to put them on $2 for 2 or whatever again. Thanx in advance.

xoxo,
John

[Edited on June 29, 2007 at 1:54 PM. Reason : ]

6/29/2007 1:52:35 PM

Dear Internet,
I hate that you make some information so easy to obtain, but so hard to know what to do next with it, or if any action is even necessary (which I know it's not in this case). Stop tempting me.

xo

7/22/2007 11:13:29 PM

Dear Facebook,
Please stop telling me that that message is new and unread. I have read it, and replied to it, so you can just shut the fuck up.

K? K.

xo

10/11/2007 3:37:29 AM

Dear coffee,

Not only did you help wake me up this morning,
but you have kept me warm while I sit in this
frigid office.

Thank you,
Catherine

10/11/2007 9:51:14 AM

Dear FE,

why do you stress me so? why must you cover so much material? why are you so boring to study for? why do you cover material I've never heard of? why do you have to take over my life in October?

Your's In Hatred

wdprice3

10/11/2007 9:52:33 AM

Dear prunes I just ate,

Please to work and help me out soon.

kthanx,
John

10/22/2007 7:02:04 PM

Dear Water,

You ran right through me.

Chris

12/10/2007 3:34:15 PM

dear body odor? wtf b

12/10/2007 3:39:06 PM

Dear Hangover from Saturday Night,

It is about time that you stopped making me tired today. Please to go away.

Sincerely,

Tyrone

12/10/2007 3:47:53 PM

Dear Unmarked, Nondescript BiLo Honey Bun,

You were delicious and the best I ever had. I could not heap enough praise upon your flavor, proper baking and texture. I enjoyed all you had to give.

But now I am sad, as your wrapper was completely unmarked, save the $0.99 BiLo sticker. I'll never be able to find you again, Honey Bun. I am devastated.

I guess it is better to have enjoyed you and lost you than never to have enjoyed you at all.

Love,

30thAnnZ

12/12/2007 11:17:09 AM

Dear pink dildo,

it's been fun, but now i need to upgrade to something bigger. we can still be friends, though.

Heidi

12/12/2007 11:34:01 AM

Dear MyPack website,

Let me see my grades...

12/13/2007 2:19:49 PM

dear phone... i love you and your picture taking abilities. It has amused me all day. lol.

<3 Megan

12/13/2007 2:44:54 PM

dear alcohol,



thanks for liquid courage!

12/13/2007 3:19:42 PM

Dear Chemistry exam,

Currently, you are makin my life miserable. I can't wait until I'm done with you, so I can drink off the stress of this semester. Also, your timing is horrible. 8am?!? Seriously, chem exam, seriously?

No love,
Cassie

12/13/2007 3:22:10 PM

liquid courage, ahaha. i like that....

dear 40,
you ain't no shorty. but since it's just you and me tonight, i might put my eggroll in your hole.

12/14/2007 12:54:52 AM

Dear subject test,

fuck you. you threw my whole plan off.

go to hell,
DD

12/14/2007 1:01:27 AM

Dear Traffic Light,

Red makes you look fat.

-3 of 11

12/14/2007 1:01:55 AM

dear my balls,

can you hang on a sec?

tnx,

The rest of me

12/14/2007 1:03:53 AM

Dear Phone,

Please find me phone numbers of people who will be awake at 2am when I am bored and driving my ass home.

Love, me

12/14/2007 2:05:45 AM

Dear Ear,

Lets go ahead and skip this earache business. It was horrible last time and this isn't exactly the best time of year for you to come back. If you really feel the need to act up, can we reschedule for late January? I haven't done anything to you, so there isn't any reason for this!

Grr,

Misha

12/15/2007 5:40:39 PM

dear penis,

i do not appreciate it when i have to pee in the morning. Your energetic behavior in the morning makes it hard for me to aim. Also, whats up with you and fat chicks. Seriously.. i dont get it. Seriously.

Yours truly,
NC86

12/15/2007 5:43:56 PM

dear statics test,

you might wanna bring some lube tomorrow morning. i'm gonna rape you.

sincerely,
chris

p.s. please do not contain a wedge problem (or any extremely complicated friction problems, for that matter)

12/16/2007 11:29:54 PM

Dear family secret santa,

Please make it easier for me to get a present next year, this year's person is too hard to shop for.

Thanks.

12/16/2007 11:34:06 PM

Dear Coffee,

Every morning you burn my hand just a little. Enough to really piss me off, yet not enough to quit you for good.

We have to make this work!!

<3

Pusha

12/17/2007 10:28:44 AM

dear upcoming calc 2 test,
I haven't done any math for two weeks except for the studying I'm doing right now. Please include only the easier, broad topics, and don't make me do anything specific that I have long since forgotten. thanks.

See you at 1.

12/17/2007 10:35:43 AM

Quote :

"Also, whats up with you and fat chicks. Seriously.. i dont get it. Seriously."

hahaha

12/17/2007 11:24:40 AM

Dear Chemistry homework,

You are lame. I know how to do you, but I just don't feel like it. I would so much rather go to sleep and ignore you.

No love,
Cassie

2/4/2008 7:52:19 PM

This may have been done before, but I don't care.

Dear Lamp:

I LOVE YOU

Wolfdawg4

2/4/2008 7:56:06 PM

dear openmpi

why the fuck wont you accept the intel compilers?

they are so much better than gfortran

thanks
Aficionado

2/4/2008 8:13:19 PM

Dear trash and recycling,

Get the fuck out. Right now.

Thanks
SB

2/4/2008 9:21:18 PM

dear clock,

plz to fast forward.

kthx.

2/4/2008 9:23:55 PM

cookie,

You tasted very good but you have now aroused my appetite without bedding her back down. Also, being the last one, you are now depressing. Please to provide more of yourselves with the quickness.

2/10/2008 7:58:13 PM

dear guitar,
are you ever gonna get wet for me so i can fuck you proper?

2/10/2008 8:09:13 PM

dear stock,
please be worth $texas soon

2/10/2008 8:10:36 PM

dear foot,

please stop falling asleep all the time. also, please keep my leg awake, too. i do not like falling down when i get up to pee.

elise

2/10/2008 8:49:08 PM

New seats in the library,

you look really comfortable but you're not that great. i've sat in better.

oh yea, and you striped ones look ugly as hell.

-yoshie

2/10/2008 8:53:12 PM

dear #2 pencil,
you have a silly name ^_^
qntmfred

2/11/2008 4:04:29 PM