Quote :

"I had a consultation for plastic surgery today. I'm 90% sure I'm going to go through with this even though it could end up costing 7+ grand, I might not be able to make a Roth IRA contribution this year, and I'll be in a bind if an emergency arises. "

5/12/2011 12:16:36 AM

fuck, you just reminded me I have to fill out my 401k shit

5/12/2011 12:21:02 AM

^^ Boobs?

5/12/2011 12:21:43 AM

Quote :

"I hate BubbleBobble! Wish he was dead."

Agreed

[Edited on May 12, 2011 at 12:37 AM. Reason : ]

5/12/2011 12:37:13 AM

cool

5/12/2011 12:39:33 AM

die fucker

5/12/2011 12:39:55 AM

Quote :

"When I was a freshman in college, my assigned roommate never showed up, so I had the place to myself for the whole semester. Though I'd like to say it was a regular whore house, the truth is that ended up being mainly a jack shack. For me. I didn't have much luck with the ladies. Between my acne and the fact that I was a good 30 pounds overweight, I struggled to have really any interaction at all with them. I might've talked beyond a "hello" with maybe 3-4 girls all year. The furthest I got with any of them was a kiss on the cheek, and that girl stole my wallet. As you may expect, a nineteen year old boy is going to have a lot of pent up sexual aggression when he's not getting any action. So, several times a day, I locked my door, loaded up my torrents and just beat the living fuck out of my genitals. I've always been a no lube guy, so with that kind of abuse, I had trouble wearing boxer briefs for some time. But no matter how sore and sensitive I got, I pressed on. Day after day, night after night. If I didn't ejaculate 30 times in any given week, it was an upset. So as a byproduct of all this jerking, I inevitably produced a lot of the white stuff. The love gravy. The creamy goodness. The man chowder. Whatever you want to call it, its messy and can ruin suede blazers. I had to find somewhere to put it! Considered the ol' reliables...tissues, socks, water bottles...but quite frankly they bored me. You see, I like to see the results of my efforts. I like to see the arc of the shot. And any of the aforementioned deprives me of this. I liken it to hitting on a real ball field vs hitting in a batting cage. I want to see where it goes. So in that moment of transcendence, I happen to glance to my right, where I see the furnace for my room. Its a real piece of shit. And I have probably one of the biggest fans you've ever seen, so I rarely even use the thing. But its got something I can use. Its got a nice flat panel about thigh high, right next to my jerk chair. Probably about eighteen inches by two feet. Its got a nice surface, straight enough that the nut won't pool or run off the side. It'll be a nice target. Big Day for me. I'm breaking in my new landing strip. I can't recall exactly what spurred me along that time, but I want to say it definitely had something to do with Kobe Tai. It was one of those really intense boners where it actually points slightly upward like a fucked up rim in Carmichael. When I felt the first signs of impending glory, I stood up and turned ninety degrees so I was directly in front of the furnace. Feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent. I could've been bracing to cum or playing strong safety and you wouldn't have known the difference. Hips bucking wildly as I furiously churn the final few strokes. BOOM. My eyes close and my knees buckle. This was going to be a good one. Not one of those bullshit loads where you get distracted and half ass it just to finish before your mom calls you down for dinner. This was Northian. The thing I remember the most about the first rope was just how fast it was. The velocity was just incredible. Were I fortunate enough to have an actual human partner on that occasion, it would probably have left a mark. It splattered down on the furnace surface with a satisfying kerplunk. I'm not as proud with the rest of the batch. There were a couple decent ones, but most could have been spewed forth by any pubescent 12 year old without a great deal of effort. First one was an obvious A, but the total package grade was only a C+. Bit of a letdown. Nevertheless, my aim was pinpoint, having been nearly perfect save for a stray splatter on the curtains. But fuck those curtains. The important thing was that I had found my new best friend. In three and a half months, I jacked off more than you probably did your whole college career. Literally nonstop. I skipped classed to jack off. I went to classes then went to the bathroom and jacked off. I would do that thing where you don't even stop jacking after the first nut and keep going straight through to the second. If I didn't answer my phone, it was probably because I was jacking off. It consumed me. It was all I did. I had under a 2.0 GPA. I was out of shape. I had no friends and I couldn't get a bitch. All I had was dirty magazines and sticky fingertips. I was a fucking loser. But look at me now."

5/12/2011 12:49:44 AM

Quote :

"I am excited about the outcome of this thread. http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=593645 But don't want to wait. "

hardy har har

5/12/2011 12:50:54 AM

Quote :

"When I was a freshman in college, my assigned roommate never showed up, so I had the place to myself for the whole semester. Though I'd like to say it was a regular whore house, the truth is that ended up being mainly a jack shack. For me. I didn't have much luck with the ladies. Between my acne and the fact that I was a good 30 pounds overweight, I struggled to have really any interaction at all with them. I might've talked beyond a "hello" with maybe 3-4 girls all year. The furthest I got with any of them was a kiss on the cheek, and that girl stole my wallet. As you may expect, a nineteen year old boy is going to have a lot of pent up sexual aggression when he's not getting any action. So, several times a day, I locked my door, loaded up my torrents and just beat the living fuck out of my genitals. I've always been a no lube guy, so with that kind of abuse, I had trouble wearing boxer briefs for some time. But no matter how sore and sensitive I got, I pressed on. Day after day, night after night. If I didn't ejaculate 30 times in any given week, it was an upset. So as a byproduct of all this jerking, I inevitably produced a lot of the white stuff. The love gravy. The creamy goodness. The man chowder. Whatever you want to call it, its messy and can ruin suede blazers. I had to find somewhere to put it! Considered the ol' reliables...tissues, socks, water bottles...but quite frankly they bored me. You see, I like to see the results of my efforts. I like to see the arc of the shot. And any of the aforementioned deprives me of this. I liken it to hitting on a real ball field vs hitting in a batting cage. I want to see where it goes. So in that moment of transcendence, I happen to glance to my right, where I see the furnace for my room. Its a real piece of shit. And I have probably one of the biggest fans you've ever seen, so I rarely even use the thing. But its got something I can use. Its got a nice flat panel about thigh high, right next to my jerk chair. Probably about eighteen inches by two feet. Its got a nice surface, straight enough that the nut won't pool or run off the side. It'll be a nice target. Big Day for me. I'm breaking in my new landing strip. I can't recall exactly what spurred me along that time, but I want to say it definitely had something to do with Kobe Tai. It was one of those really intense boners where it actually points slightly upward like a fucked up rim in Carmichael. When I felt the first signs of impending glory, I stood up and turned ninety degrees so I was directly in front of the furnace. Feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent. I could've been bracing to cum or playing strong safety and you wouldn't have known the difference. Hips bucking wildly as I furiously churn the final few strokes. BOOM. My eyes close and my knees buckle. This was going to be a good one. Not one of those bullshit loads where you get distracted and half ass it just to finish before your mom calls you down for dinner. This was Northian. The thing I remember the most about the first rope was just how fast it was. The velocity was just incredible. Were I fortunate enough to have an actual human partner on that occasion, it would probably have left a mark. It splattered down on the furnace surface with a satisfying kerplunk. I'm not as proud with the rest of the batch. There were a couple decent ones, but most could have been spewed forth by any pubescent 12 year old without a great deal of effort. First one was an obvious A, but the total package grade was only a C+. Bit of a letdown. Nevertheless, my aim was pinpoint, having been nearly perfect save for a stray splatter on the curtains. But fuck those curtains. The important thing was that I had found my new best friend. In three and a half months, I jacked off more than you probably did your whole college career. Literally nonstop. I skipped classed to jack off. I went to classes then went to the bathroom and jacked off. I would do that thing where you don't even stop jacking after the first nut and keep going straight through to the second. If I didn't answer my phone, it was probably because I was jacking off. It consumed me. It was all I did. I had under a 2.0 GPA. I was out of shape. I had no friends and I couldn't get a bitch. All I had was dirty magazines and sticky fingertips. I was a fucking loser. But look at me now."

REALLY???

5/12/2011 12:51:27 AM

Quote :

"I once fucked a guy in the ass. and he cried. "

I suggest more lube next time.

5/12/2011 12:58:25 AM

Quote :

"My current long-term girlfriend plans to move with me to wherever I go for grad school. Thing is, I'm not sure I want her to come with me. And I have no idea how to approach that. "

5/12/2011 6:04:12 AM

Quote :

"Even though I've yet to graduate, I just got an offer to fly in to Chicago to interview for a Staff Editor job with Groupon. The position would have a relocation allowance. Even though it's still just an advanced interview right now and not the promise of a job, and I have nothing to lose by going, I'm considering not going just so that I won't be tempted to relocate and abandon my current goal of a graduate degree, not to mention my long-term girlfriend that likely wouldn't be on-board for Chicago."

I say go for it

5/12/2011 9:37:16 AM

hey man if she isn't on board for supporting you and your choice in a dream job then she obviously doesn't care that much about you. no big loss, really.

5/12/2011 9:44:21 AM

Get the job man. If she ain't on board than its better to end it now.

5/12/2011 10:15:45 AM

^2 Exactly... and you can get a graduate degree in other places!

5/12/2011 10:22:28 AM

I think he should create a thread in the lounge about it and ask all of TWW.

5/12/2011 10:40:58 AM

lol. The girlfriend will NEVER find out.

5/12/2011 10:42:52 AM

that plan is sure to work

5/12/2011 10:46:06 AM

I would say go for the interview and then evaluate the situation. Couple questions to think about:

- Is the job at Groupon in a field you'll want to be in?
- Are there Grad School opportunities similar or better in Chicago?
- Is Chicago an awesome place to live for at least a couple months a year (YES!)
- Would you have better advancement opportunities at Groupon/in Chicago than where you are currently?

5/12/2011 10:47:08 AM

Quote :

"It's not just businesses that are kind of fed up with the whole Groupon setup. A while back, we asked for stories from anyone who'd worked for Groupon, after hearing complaints from some writers about Groupon's demands for employment. We didn't receive anything we'd call an absolute horror story, some of the inside perspective was interesting. It mostly seems like an existential hell for aspiring writers and journalists: After the ["Groupon Academy"] session, I was asked to write another sample, and then another - but I remained unfazed. My masters degree from the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism prepared me well for those three paragraph descriptions of bikini waxes and bowling alleys. Another former employee called it "a sweatshop for writers," where most of the "editorial" employees make under $30K per year. And you have to act like you like it!: It's very much "Groupon is the best thing ever," very insular kind of place. Everyone there basically drinks the company Kool-Aid and it's pretty clear when someone is not on that page. In my time there I have heard some management-types plainly say that devoting the majority of one's time to Groupon is the best way to be - not only working a lot, but striving to spend lots of non-work time with coworkers. Coworkers dating coworkers is encouraged - it will somehow increase productivity. There's a lot of talk about a work-life balance, but it seemed to me that it was more like work is life and life is work, that working for Groupon is more of a lifestyle than just a job. Most people who work there seem content with that. Plus a lot of them know each other - the whole hiring from the Chicago theater and improv scene means there are all kinds of friend groups working there. Sounds terrible. Like 98% of all writing jobs are! Writers are always complaining. As are businesses, when they're not making money! In any case, we're still reserving judgment on Groupon. If you have any interesting stories to share, email me."

la la la

http://gawker.com/5785317/the-groupon-backlash-is-on
http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2010/12/forget-journalism-school-and-enroll-in-groupon-academy/68257/
http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/groupon-noncompete-clause-prospective-writers/Content?oid=3184622

5/12/2011 10:49:34 AM

Quote :

"My girlfriend and I have not had sex for two months and I don't know what to do. We have been together for a while and I would feel horrible breaking up with her just because she doesn't "put out" but damn isn't that supposed to be part of it? "

poor guy

5/12/2011 11:19:03 AM

OMG CONFESS TO ME OK

5/12/2011 11:20:45 AM

She wants a ring. Propose and the sex will pick back up.

5/12/2011 11:21:27 AM

^ that is awful advice. Don't ever propose just to get your dick wet.

5/12/2011 11:25:05 AM

lol bmel...let's joke around about relationships for once

5/12/2011 11:26:58 AM

thats the only reason cody and i got engaged

he wanted pootang and i wanted a wedding.


2 birds, one stone.

(that pun works out well haha)

5/12/2011 11:30:07 AM

completely true for all women

that's why i didn't sleep with the last two guys i've "dated"

5/12/2011 11:31:30 AM

Joie speaking the truth ITT

5/12/2011 11:31:37 AM

wait, so if I stop having sex with ThePeter he will propose?!?

HOT DAMN!

5/12/2011 11:33:42 AM

FACT

5/12/2011 11:34:02 AM

but then I would have to find someone else to have sex with while I'm waiting for him to propose.

5/12/2011 11:35:20 AM

buy a substitute

5/12/2011 11:36:09 AM

http://www.craigslist.org

5/12/2011 11:36:44 AM

Quote :

"She wants a ring. Propose and the sex will pick back up."

for a year anyway.

5/12/2011 2:37:58 PM

Quote :

"I'm proposing. omfg i didn't I'd ever say those words. I've got to go ring shopping, and of course get her parents blessing... but the hardest part - figuring out how I'm going to propose - is done. It will be memorable and over-the-top, but not a public spectacle. The planning stages are underway - but it will be another 6-8 months before the question is popped. If all goes as planned, we'll be man and wife by end of 2012. It feels good. Especially because she's already told me she'll say yes. "

♥

5/12/2011 2:55:04 PM

Not me btw

5/12/2011 2:56:15 PM

i don't believe i've ever got a confession


i mean don't start now, i was just sayin'

5/12/2011 2:57:21 PM

^^^ Don't invite her to go ring shopping, you better know what to get her without having to ask if you're going to propose.

5/12/2011 2:58:03 PM

^^^ Of course not, you wouldn't sound so gay and I haven't agreed to say yes.

[Edited on May 12, 2011 at 2:58 PM. Reason : ^]

5/12/2011 2:58:32 PM

That's my girl

5/12/2011 2:58:57 PM

o snap

5/12/2011 3:00:15 PM

I'll take some confessions today.

5/12/2011 3:02:39 PM

I can't tell who is being serious and who is being sarcastic in here.

5/12/2011 3:03:06 PM

Quote :

"I know how to make a pipe for smoking ice out a glass antifreeze tester with just a torch and a pc. of metal rod."

5/12/2011 4:06:07 PM

Quote :

"I am 28 now and I find that life is boring. Maybe not boring but it has definitely lost its freshness. Friends stay in on Friday and Saturday nights even though they don't have kids. Everyone wants to go to the bar by 9 and leave by 12, if you can pull them away from their homes at all. I don't think that the world revolves around going out and I realize that there are definitely deeper and new fulfilling changes that can be found as you get older but I fear everyone has lost a thirst for life and it really bothers me. There must be something in the air with the cheating thing because recently I met this new girl and she knocks my current girlfriend out of the water. She has a thirst for life that my girlfriend and my friends lack. Unlike the other guys I am actually going to break up with my girlfriend of five years for the girl I met even though I am not sure where things will go. We are a much better match and at this age it is definitely worth the risk. "

5/13/2011 7:22:32 AM

A single girl who enjoys going out to bars? And a girlfriend of 5 years who doesn't feel the need to go out and waste money at a bar? No fucking way.

5/13/2011 7:25:47 AM

Coming from the chemisty guy...

I love going out to bars and I'm 29 years old. I don't see it as a waste. To each his own.

5/13/2011 7:41:34 AM

Fair enough

I'm not trying to say that old people don't need to go to bars . I'm just saying it doesn't seem that outlandish that a single girl, no matter what age, will be more out going than a girl in an allegedly committed 5 year relationship...unless said girlfriend just turned 21 or something.

Definitely agree 'to each their own' for going out...I'm not in a situation where I want to out, between not having any good friends here and being in a tiny very country town with one bar. If I was back in raleigh with my homies then I would definitely be up for it...although we'd likely just buy a case or two and chill at someone's apartment.

[Edited on May 13, 2011 at 8:11 AM. Reason : vhj]

5/13/2011 8:01:24 AM

I'll post your dirty secrets, PM me!

5/13/2011 8:55:02 AM

Quote :

"Let's see where should I start... I guess I'll start with my closest relation. First I'll just say that my sister is a lazy, bratty girl-child. She has an adorable 7 year who she currently has full custody of. This summer she is giving up custody so that she can move into an apartment with her boyfriend (she currently lives with my parents, she's 27) her boyfriend doesn't like the kid and doesn't want the kid, so she's just fine giving up the kid and sending her to live with her father who lives like 500 miles away. I don't even know why she's with this boyfriend either. He was busted last winter by the police for stealing cough syrup from the grocery store because he said he wasn't sleeping well... I was the one who had to go pick him up from the station because my sister was a straight up basket-case and couldn't focus enough to drive... I should have left him there. She has also caught him stealing her daughter's Ritalin but she stays with him because she says it's twu luv!! My Uncle... I have a lot of drunks and alcoholics on the family tree but usually they've been harmless. But my one uncle can really go off the rails! Somehow he has connections with the mafia out in Las Vegas (i'm serious here, I know it sounds made-up) A few years ago he and some of his "friends" had to go on a mission to rough up some guy out in CA. Apparently a few things got out of hand (I'm sure my uncle was wasted and on a bender and was just along for the ride) and they ended up having to take the guy they were sent to mess with back to Las Vegas. Never transport someone who does want to go with you across state lines... once they were out of CA and back in Nevada, the guy got away and went to the police. My uncle was put in prison to await trial and the trial itself was a giant fuckup. His lawyer was paid for by the mafia, and they were strongly encouraging him to take the fall. My mom ended up having to pay for a new lawyer that got the charges dismissed and now he's hiding out somewhere out east. My cousin... this is the other side of the family and he's actually a 2nd cousin. This guy inherited one of the most profitable Christmas tree farms in North America. Christmas Tree farms take some work but it's not year round, it's big profits and it's not too bad. This guy has blown it all away. All the money? Gone. All the land? Gone. He lives in despicable conditions because he drank the farm away, spending money on booze, and not working. He sold off the land, then spent all that money. And now he's some born again christian, who preaches to others (btw I'm going to hell because I have a cat, cats apparently are the devils spawn lol) and he lives in a trailer."

5/13/2011 2:13:52 PM