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10/5/2004 3:31:22 PM

"This one time, Brasky burned a CD with nothing but the sounds of his bowel movements and the screams of his man-servants. It went triple platinum within the month."

10/5/2004 3:31:54 PM

If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple it plays the Beach Boys' pet sounds.

10/5/2004 3:31:55 PM

The movie "Deliverance" was based on Brasky's experiences as a kindergarden teacher.

10/5/2004 3:32:43 PM

His poop is used as currency in Argentina.

10/5/2004 3:33:02 PM

Brasky still believe in Santa Claus and he wants to put him in porno films.

10/5/2004 3:33:04 PM

Did you hear about the time Brasky challenged Dom Deluise to an eating contest? Dom gave Brasky a run for his money but in the end Brasky won by eating Dom’s entire family. Brasky said ‘No hard feelings! They were delicious!’ And I’ll be damned if Dom didn’t try a piece himself.

10/5/2004 3:33:33 PM

Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.

10/5/2004 3:33:48 PM

He has dandruff the size of mice!"

10/5/2004 3:34:18 PM

I KNOW BILL BRASKY

10/5/2004 3:34:56 PM

All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos.

10/5/2004 3:34:59 PM

went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

10/5/2004 3:35:26 PM

Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human.

10/5/2004 3:35:32 PM

He framed Roger Rabbit.

10/5/2004 3:35:52 PM

Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese

10/5/2004 3:36:24 PM

Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra beverly. And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.

10/5/2004 3:36:47 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office? Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled.


[Edited on October 5, 2004 at 3:40 PM. Reason : GFD]

10/5/2004 3:36:48 PM

He has a toenail on the end of his penis.

10/5/2004 3:36:53 PM

I'M BILL BRASKY AND I JUST CORNERED THE MARKET ON BOOZE. WHO WANTS A DRINK?

10/5/2004 3:38:49 PM

One time I asked Brasky to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children; you know Jacob and Christina? Well Brasky shows up as Santa reaches into his bag and says: I've got goodies for you kids. He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says: There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.


[Edited on October 5, 2004 at 3:45 PM. Reason : hgfds]

10/5/2004 3:41:37 PM

He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant

10/5/2004 3:56:52 PM

He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

10/5/2004 3:57:09 PM

You know it was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane

10/5/2004 3:58:01 PM

He once ate the bible while water skiing.

10/5/2004 3:59:44 PM

His favorite TV movie is The Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta

10/5/2004 4:00:09 PM

Brasky once bit the nose off a priest for stuttering!



[Edited on October 5, 2004 at 4:02 PM. Reason : kjhgfd]

10/5/2004 4:01:20 PM

You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle

10/5/2004 4:01:35 PM

He once did the electric slide on pile of infant baby skulls!

10/5/2004 4:03:30 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE.
So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human.

[Edited on October 5, 2004 at 4:05 PM. Reason : dsfsdf]

10/5/2004 4:03:51 PM

Brasky once swallowed a nickel. Two days later he crapped out 73 cents.

10/5/2004 4:04:36 PM

Oh, you know he sheds his skin once a year

10/5/2004 4:06:28 PM

Brasky invented the tampon for use as a fishing lure for yellow-fin tuna.

10/5/2004 4:07:03 PM

Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!

10/5/2004 4:07:56 PM

Did I ever tell you about Brasky’s lifelong goal to reunite the cast of Police Academy? Well Brasky scours the country looking for all the actors. When I told him that George Gaines and David Graf were dead he said ‘Not for long!’ Well Brasky dug those two up, pulled their rotting skins off and stretched them over the two kids from Good Burger. Then he yelled ‘Action’ and I’ll be damned if he didn’t single handedly shoot the greatest movie in film history.

10/5/2004 4:09:09 PM

Bill Brasky IS the cure for AIDS. After I had unprotected sex with a prostitute, I had unprotected sex with Brasky, and I'll be DAMNED if I didn't walk out of that brothel AIDS-free and with a new haircut!

10/5/2004 4:10:38 PM

All my Children was originally titled “Brasky’s Bastards”

10/5/2004 4:10:59 PM

The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky.. except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!

10/5/2004 4:12:12 PM

He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.

10/5/2004 4:13:31 PM

Brasky's personalized license plate is a picture of him beating up Burt Reynolds.

10/5/2004 4:14:23 PM

Did I ever tell you about the time he pulled his penis out and it blinded 3 children. Their moms called the police so he built a car right there in the park and drove away. That sonofabitch! then ran out of gas and extended his penis to the tank and refuled it.

10/5/2004 4:14:56 PM

Brasky discovered milk by squeezing farm animals and drinking whatever came out!

10/5/2004 4:15:55 PM

Brasky left his wife to fulfill his dream of joining a Foghat cover band.

10/5/2004 4:17:30 PM

To teach his kids about the birds and the bees he raped Ru Paul in front of there 4th grade class! I'll be damned if they didn't make Bill Brasky the educator of the year!

10/5/2004 4:17:33 PM

Like an Ananconda, Brasky's penis constricts and kills women before swallowing them whole.

10/5/2004 4:18:22 PM

Bill Brasky takes his coffee 2 cream, 2 sugar, and 3 gunpowder.

10/5/2004 4:19:45 PM

I took a picture of Bill Brasky once. After I got it developed I hung it on my refridgerator. Long story short, photo-brasky raids my ice-box and then eats my pets in the middle of the night... and I'll be goddamned if he didn't crap out Muffin three days later, healthy as a horse.

10/5/2004 4:20:03 PM

Bill Brasky holds the world record for longjump, pole-vaulting, the javelin, and women's lacross.

10/5/2004 4:20:40 PM

On a random business trip to Los Angeles Brasky was involved in a high speed police chase. It reached speeds of over 140 miles per hour! 500 hundred squad cars and 20 helicopters pursued him across 36 different counties until Brasky loses them somewhere around LAX, he was on foot!

10/5/2004 4:20:57 PM

He literally smacked the black off of michael jackson's ass!

10/5/2004 4:22:35 PM

He canoed the entire length of the Mississippi river in about an hour and a half.

His resting heart rate is four beats per minute.

He once accidentally injested Bob Costas.

He is responsible for rigging several Olympic events and a few World Series.

He has an 1100 mile per hour slapshot.

10/5/2004 4:22:44 PM