Don't help someone own any property, am I right, G?

1/26/2006 10:08:53 PM

The answer's not the same for everyone. I tend to think that you'll know when the time is right.

My boyfriend and I moved in together after roughly a month of dating and are still together with no problems. Obviously that wouldn't work for everyone, just like some people don't take two years to realize that they have a deep commitment to each other.

1/26/2006 10:15:48 PM

dont do it

1/26/2006 10:18:25 PM

those divorce rate studies are pretty retarded. there are so many factors that can affect a relationship that it is stupid to generalize on something that happens quite frequently. it is just one of those facts ppl like to toss into the argument, knowing that it is dumb and hoping that the person they are arguing with is a moron.

1/26/2006 10:23:31 PM

I dated kate for 4 years before we moved in. Its been a year since then and its going fine.

Except when I get loud on teamspeak... then she gets bitchy. I tell her to get over it and thats that.

1/26/2006 10:46:36 PM

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and I haven't seen you since!

1/26/2006 10:52:51 PM

lets see, i met my girl in feb of her freshman year and we got our first place in july. i lived there full time and she lived there when she wasnt in school. still together 4 years later.

1/26/2006 10:53:19 PM

those of us who arent big jackasses dont have problems cohabitating, especially with someone we are supposed to care about (or even just like).

1/26/2006 11:02:16 PM

I could move in with a girl before marriage....but I'd have to be sure I was going to marry...and we were just living together for financial reasons or it was just extremely convenient.

I'm not against it...I think you should know that you can live with the person and all of their everyday habits...but you don't have to live with someone to figure that out either.

No use rushing into it though.

1/26/2006 11:04:54 PM

marriage, imo

1/26/2006 11:59:58 PM

marriage

[Edited on January 27, 2006 at 1:58 AM. Reason : .]

1/27/2006 1:57:48 AM

marriage, seriously

1/27/2006 1:59:38 AM

with all the people I have known, living together before marriage was the better idea... because the ones who could handle it have been happily married for years, and then the others found out disgusting habits or bad habits that they absolutely couldn't live with and got out of it quickly.
I will never get married again unless I live with the guy.
but, when you get to that point where you see them every single day and it is a hassle to drive back and forth... crash at one's house for a week or two... then if that works, move it up and move in

1/27/2006 7:12:10 AM

I lived with someone for 5 years before after 1 year of dating. It worked out for the most part, besides the violence which ended the relationship last year.

Honestly, I would NEVER marry someone without living with them first due to this experience. After 5 years, most people would get married...but luckily from living with this previous guy I found out how psycho he was. I saved myself from divorce.

I'm getting the idea that a year or so is a good time. Of course, no buying property together.

1/27/2006 3:03:15 PM

My parents are old fashioned prudes and I'm not allowed to move in with my boyfriend until we're married anyway. I guess I'm okay with this, but I feel it *might* makes things easier if we just moved in together sometime before the eventual wedding. Getting married, merging incomes, merging houses, merging insurance, merging names all at once after marriage seems like a nightmare!

My brother bought his fiancee a house and they lived there together for a few months before the wedding. Even in this circumstance my mother especially was scandalized and forbid us from telling any relatives for fear of them being scandalized. I let it slip and none of the relatives could care less. Stupid parents.

1/27/2006 3:09:59 PM

Quote :

"My brother bought his fiancee a house and they lived there together for a few months before the wedding."

wouldn't he be buying themselves a house, and not her a house?

1/27/2006 5:02:11 PM

MARRIAGE

1/27/2006 5:27:25 PM

BEFORE MARRIAGE

1/27/2006 5:41:20 PM

when you feel like it.

But far as the marriage thing most I know move in before marriage. However, I do know two people (co-worker and the other a family friend) both live with their SO's and have no plans of ever getting married. Plus their relationships have lasted longer than most marriages.

1/27/2006 6:24:20 PM

^ i dont think that has anything to do with a paper. you should just compare all long-term relationships to each other, despite classifications.

[Edited on January 27, 2006 at 6:35 PM. Reason : so should the ppl saying that it is dumb b4 marriage.]

1/27/2006 6:35:27 PM

from my experience (been living with my gf for like 2 years now) it can be great, but you won't have sex as much, and you have to be SURE to have time apart. don't do eerything together if you're already living together.

it IS a great way to be sure if you want to marry someone. i can't imagine marrying someone BEFORE i know what it's like to live with her. jesus christ

Quote :

"What happened to "for better or for worse" ?"

i'd say it's a holdover from before divorce was allowed. the sheer idea that you shouldn't divorce someone if you dont' like living with them seems pretty insane to me. you think you should continue to be married, even if you don't like the person? yowza

[Edited on January 27, 2006 at 7:48 PM. Reason : .]

1/27/2006 7:45:36 PM

took us 7 months of dating, thing was he went away for the summer and when he came back i spent the night at his place every single night. I had to drive home every other day or so to bring clothes for work and shit. plus my house is twice as far away from work than his. i couldnt bare living out of a suitcase anymore so after quite a few weeks of talks we decided id move a few of my things in. plus my mother was charging me rent even though i wasnt there, but i had a fishtank that needed to be on all the time.

i dont regret it, i have never felt so comfortable with someone and his habits dont bother me a bit. we are learning a lot about eachother and how to work with one another when we reach an issue. its fun shopping with him and cleaning things together almost like we're a family. marriage? i dont know only time will tell. our next step is to get an apartment together with no roommates. and yeah we checked with the roomies to see if itd be alright, they said yes. living with him has been a great experience and with the way my parents marriage went to shit i dont think im going to jump into anything and my father always told me to live with the person before marriage and i think they are wise words.

its up to the people involved really

1/27/2006 7:47:56 PM

Quote :

"i'd say it's a holdover from before divorce was allowed. the sheer idea that you shouldn't divorce someone if you dont' like living with them seems pretty insane to me. you think you should continue to be married, even if you don't like the person? yowza "

I feel like that if you marry them you should be sure enough about them and your relationship that an annoying habit wouldn't break you up.

1/27/2006 10:12:06 PM

I don't mean to sound rude or critical or anything, but I'm curious - how in the world could it take five years of living together in a relationship before determining he was psycho?

1/27/2006 10:31:05 PM

Women tend to convince themselves that they're with the right one.... until they live with someone thinking they'll marry them & be with them forever.... Meanwhile, the man either doesn't know if she's the one, doesn't want to marry her, etc. but stays b/c he's comfortable.... The woman gets frustrated and leaves said man, and find her another "the one." The man acts crushed, when in all actuality, any man wants to get married if he really is happy with the person he's with.
Men are simple creatures. They don't over-think, & they don't ponder what you said 2 weeks ago. Most Women, however, have yet to figure this out.... Feed 'em... Fuck 'em... Don't block the TV.

I can totally see why people live together 5 years and nothing happens, or 5 years til its over.
I'm with the "not til marriage" crew.

1/27/2006 10:44:01 PM

Quote :

"Most Women, however, have yet to figure this out.... Feed 'em... Fuck 'em... Don't block the TV."

^Your "the one". Marry me please.

[Edited on January 27, 2006 at 11:01 PM. Reason : ]

1/27/2006 10:59:52 PM

excellent point

Quote :

"If you support your self, you think you will get married and it will save you money go for it. "

1/27/2006 11:02:35 PM

Quote :

"I feel like that if you marry them you should be sure enough about them and your relationship that an annoying habit wouldn't break you up."

yeah, but i'm not talking about "annoying habits." I'm talking about living with someone. When you live with people - romantic or otherwise - your entire relationship changes. I don't care if it's guys living with guys, girls living with girls, whatever - shit changes. If that shit changes after you're married, and it changes for the worse, you're in trouble.

Test drive it before you buy it.

Quote :

"Men are simple creatures. They don't over-think, & they don't ponder what you said 2 weeks ago. Most Women, however, have yet to figure this out.... Feed 'em... Fuck 'em... Don't block the TV."

did you pull that from an episode of home improvement or something? shit, if that's what all women think about all men, it's no wonder that some women hate us so much. that's the worst god damn generalization of men there is, and yeah, I've heard it alot, but it always makes me wonder what sort of "men" you women are hanging out with. Have you seen the soapbox? you're willing to say men don't overthink? jesus christ woman

[Edited on January 28, 2006 at 12:06 AM. Reason : .]

1/28/2006 12:05:42 AM

My situation is bound to be unique but...

We dated for 7 months before I moved in for 3, then I moved into my own place and stayed there 2-3 nights a week for the next 7 months, then I picked up and moved back into his place (keeping some stuff in storage at my place, which I was under lease at) for the next 3 months. He then lived with me for 5 weeks, and we were apart for the next 5 months.

I'm moving back in June, and we're getting our own place - sans roommates - at which point we consider the start of us officially living together - even though we shared a room/house/whatever for about 14 months before.

I say it's unique becuase when I moved in with him - I moved to England - and when he lived iwth me for 5 weeks, it was when I was moving back to the US of A (he was visiting/helping/vacationing).

It's completely dependent upon the relationship that you're in - but I know that I personally wouldn't feel comfortable saying "yeah i'll marry you" to ANYONE without living with them first. For some people - it's the complete opposite. Do what makes you both happy, and if you don't feel comfortable before a year - then wait until you do!

1/28/2006 12:07:11 AM

^^ it's just the assholes they normally date.

[Edited on January 28, 2006 at 12:14 AM. Reason : .]

1/28/2006 12:14:04 AM

^^^ letting women think they are better is fair compensation for dominating them in just about everything

1/28/2006 12:18:40 AM

Quote :

"Marriage."

1/28/2006 12:22:44 AM

I say before marriage because you get a chance to see how things will change without being in the permanant status of being married

1/28/2006 3:18:09 AM

Quote :

"i'd say it's a holdover from before divorce was allowed. the sheer idea that you shouldn't divorce someone if you dont' like living with them seems pretty insane to me. you think you should continue to be married, even if you don't like the person? yowza "

I'd have to say that "holdover" is a hell of a lot better than your subscription to the "me-centered living" philosophy.

Family may have no meaning to you, but to the vast majority of the entire fucking planet, religion aside, family is the most important thing in people's lives. When things get rough, you just don't peace the fuck out. That's simply deplorable.

Quote :

"Have you seen the soapbox? you're willing to say men don't overthink?"

You think that's an accurate sampling of the entire male gender? Most of the males in there couldn't spot a vagina if it were glued to their foreheads.

1/28/2006 8:57:55 AM

that's because they don't use mirrors. hygiene is also not one of their strong suits.

1/28/2006 9:09:37 AM

Quote :

"did you pull that from an episode of home improvement or something? shit, if that's what all women think about all men, it's no wonder that some women hate us so much. that's the worst god damn generalization of men there is, and yeah, I've heard it alot, but it always makes me wonder what sort of "men" you women are hanging out with. Have you seen the soapbox? you're willing to say men don't overthink? jesus christ woman "

Actually George, I think she's spot on.

Essentially Claire's strategy works just fine for me

1/28/2006 9:16:42 AM

^^^ to be fair, i dont think he is supporting a cut and run at the first sign of trouble. i would agree that if you really cant live together and work those differences out in a semi-timely manner (maybe even a couple years) it is probably best to just call it quits before you complicate things with children and the like.

[Edited on January 28, 2006 at 9:17 AM. Reason : .]

1/28/2006 9:17:09 AM

Quote :

"also, why is it that if you live together before marriage, there is a higher chance of divorce? "

I'd wondered about this also. I was thinking that the people who are more likely to have the mores to live together before marriage also have the mores to think divorce is more acceptable.

1/28/2006 10:19:04 AM

Quote :

"to be fair, i dont think he is supporting a cut and run at the first sign of trouble."

absolutely not, and I think he probably knows that. I'm supporting if the relationship JUST DOESN'T WORK, and you learn that while living together, you can just leave. if it just doesn't work,a nd you're married, you have to deal with getting out of mortgages, money stuff, divorce, alimony, maybe child support...

and I understand soap box isn't an accurate representation, but my point was that she didn't say "most men," she was implying that was the case for all men, which it obviously isn't. I know plenty of guys who overthink, and that's typically their primary problem in relationships

^ and that may be the case, but I'd say it's more likely that they've just been together longer before the divorce happens. Think about it - if you live together for two years then get married, then get divorced after another two years, you've been together and all but married for a total of 4 years. If you get married after NOT living together, then get divorced after 4 years, it looks like your relationship lasted longer statistically

[Edited on January 28, 2006 at 11:25 AM. Reason : .]

1/28/2006 11:24:26 AM

You don't need to live with the person before marriage to know if your marriage will last. There are way too many long marriages that started without that to be supporting only this method. My parents are one of them. At a certain point you just know. They got married after 6 months of knowing each other and are still going strong.

1/28/2006 11:44:01 AM

of COURSE you dont' NEED TO. it just really helps.

1/28/2006 12:21:24 PM

Marriage. Spend some nights and days together sometimes, just to make sure that if you do get serious, that you CAN live together without hating, killing, or breaking up with each other.

1/28/2006 12:42:05 PM

see, but what I'm saying is "a few days or nights together" is NOTHING like living together. Splitting bills, groceries, how often you eat out, how you do laundry, how often each does the dishes, who does which chores... none of that gets settled if you just play house for a few days. Yeah, it's still a good idea, but come on

1/28/2006 1:56:34 PM

Amen. My fiance and I were spending night after night with one another, but everything changes when you live together.

I rememeber the first fight we had after moving in together and I was like "Get out! I need to be alone." Well, uhm. . .he was home, where was he going to go?

1/28/2006 2:31:07 PM

as soon as you start having sex

youre already living in sin, whore

1/28/2006 2:36:59 PM

at least George mentioned 'but you won't have sex as much'

from my stepsister = "don't ever move in with someone, it kills your sex life"

plus now they've been together 5 years, living together 3 1/2 of that, and I get the sense she's wondering why the heck they're not engaged...and he's got no incentive to change the situation if she's already with him.

I would wait til marriage. If things don't work out and the situation gets ugly, I want legal backing to know I'm taken care of. Cohabiting doesn't offer a woman the same protections as marriage.

1/29/2006 10:46:28 AM

George... Didn't mean to hit a sensitive key with you... I was rather implying that most men aren't pondering why their women are still upset over something that happened 2 weeks ago, while the woman is dwelling on it.

I just have more friends who live together where the woman has to question why her man hasnt proposed, when there is no reason for the man to do it. The ones who didn't live together are married and happier than the ones I know who live together and aren't. Just a general observation from a small number of people I personally know.

1/29/2006 11:30:38 AM

Quote :

"I get the sense she's wondering why the heck they're not engaged...and he's got no incentive to change the situation if she's already with him. I would wait til marriage. If things don't work out and the situation gets ugly, I want legal backing to know I'm taken care of. Cohabiting doesn't offer a woman the same protections as marriage."

thats just fucking creepy and i feel sorry for whatever man ends up with you... wow

1/29/2006 11:33:31 AM

seriously, if your only goal is to wrangle the bull you really shouldnt be with that person. jesus fucking christ does it pain me to think about that statement. if you need a legal document to ensure your relationship you have some serious fucking problems.

1/29/2006 11:43:47 AM

I MEAN DID YOU EVEN SEE INTOLERABLE CRUELTY

1/29/2006 11:45:31 AM