I've always found it funny that full tilt and other online sites give away poker books to the winners of tournaments when it's the players who are eliminated first who need the book the most.

2/8/2008 9:17:38 PM

when you are watching a sports game and the announcers start talking about totally unrelated topics, you know you can pretty much switch off the game.

2/8/2008 10:04:40 PM

Come on guys, get your own threads.

2/9/2008 12:42:33 AM

2/12/08

I had a thought while looking at a bottle of Fantastik cleaning spray. I could create a similar cleaner that smelled like lavender and also contained glitter and market it as Fabulous.

2/12/2008 2:12:09 PM

what the fuck happened to my huge ass pic I posted here

I swear to god I posted one

did some faggot cry to a mod?

2/12/2008 7:17:04 PM

2/14/08

If I ever own an Irish pub I'm going to make it clear to my staff that whenever someone gets their check they will get a fortune cookie with it. Confusion will ensue.

2/14/2008 1:32:24 PM

2/15/08

I've got this big bottle of April Fresh Downy fabric softener that smells absolutely beautiful. It doesn't have any "danger if consumed" warnings anywhere on the bottle so I assume that it's non-toxic. I'm just curious as to how awesome a cocktail you could make with it.

2/15/2008 2:12:14 PM

2/18/08

It pisses me off when a girl says something along the lines of "So I heard you were at the pub last night", then when I ask where the heard that they respond "Oh, I have my sources" like they're in a goddamn Tom Clancy book. It's pretty obvious that one of your friends saw me and told you. There is no need to act vague and mysterious like you run a spy ring and are protecting your intelligence assets.

2/18/2008 6:37:17 PM

2/24/08

Putting Taco Bell and KFC in the same building was a brilliant idea. However, they need to renumber their combos so that when I order a #4 and expect fried chicken I don't come home and find a mexican pizza in my bag.

2/24/2008 12:51:22 AM

2/28/08

I'm german-irish. As such, I feel that my task in life is to hold my liquor and look down on the French. I think that I do both exceedingly well.

2/28/2008 3:49:12 PM

this topic is related to my interests...

i would like to subscribe to your newsletter

2/28/2008 4:02:53 PM

bttt?

3/12/2008 9:21:43 PM

3/15/08

The other day I walked past a car with an obnoxious personalized license plate and thought "Man, that is the gayest license plate you could possible have."

Then I realized that I was wrong because you can make anything a lot gayer by putting glitter on it.

3/15/2008 1:28:45 PM

3/29/08

I realized today that I do an awesome Henry Kissinger impression. Sadly, I doubt that this will ever pay off.

3/28/2008 11:24:13 PM

Quote :

"Then I realized that I was wrong because you can make anything a lot gayer by putting glitter on it."

i remember lauging the first time i read that and ill be damned that was still amusing the second time round, nice!

3/28/2008 11:28:47 PM

4/5/08

After seeing back to back commercial for The Perfect Pushup and The Perfect Pullup I realized that if I were ever a Navy SEAL I would come up with off the wall products to invent and endorse.

The Only Feminine Napkin Created by a Navy SEAL
The Only Fabric Softener Created by a Navy SEAL; Leave No Wrinkle Behind

4/5/2008 9:51:56 PM

5/8/08

When I'm driving through a neighborhood and I see a dog taking a crap, I hate the fact that I can't roll down the window and yell "HEY!" at the dog and surprise them. I've tried it; instead of jumping in the air, jerking their head and making a WTF look, they just keep pooping. If I were crapping outdoors I would certainly be vulnerable to that kind of thing.

5/8/2008 3:58:32 PM

6/10/08

I'm glad that no bars sell TaB cola. That would have the potential to be confusing.

6/10/2008 3:57:58 AM

ISWYDT

6/10/2008 11:54:06 AM

7/15/08

Today I was excited to see what I thought was a guy on a bus stop bench absolutely rocking out on an invisible guitar. When I got closer I was disappointed to see that he was just holding a McDonald's apple pie in his left hand and brushing the crumbs off of his stomach with his right.

7/15/2008 3:54:04 PM

oh that does sound disappointing

7/15/2008 3:54:50 PM

8/18/08

While paying for my lunch at Cici's Pizza the cashier looked at my credit card and then asked to see my ID. I handed it to him and watched as he carefully looked it over before swiping my card. I feel fairly certain that if I were paying for meals with a stolen card I would go someplace nicer than Cici's Pizza.

8/18/2008 7:24:03 PM

10/10/08

I have no problem with Barack Obama, it's just that I've always pictured our first black president as being a lot more like Apollo Creed.

10/10/2008 11:55:50 AM

I know the general rule is to wait/look for an "Ask Mr. Joshua anything" thread but breaking convention, I will ask you a question here, kind sir.

Do you miss Salisburyboy?

10/10/2008 12:05:52 PM

I don't like to talk about those things.

10/10/2008 12:11:22 PM

He was your Little Buddy.

10/10/2008 12:16:17 PM

hahahaha this thread is awesome.... More random thoughts please

11/9/2008 11:49:30 PM

love this thread

11/13/2008 1:58:39 PM

12/2/08

As a young lad in 1992, I was fairly certain that the Annie Lennox song "Walking on Broken Glass" was written about Die Hard.

12/2/2008 1:30:34 PM

What about Walking on Sunshine?

12/2/2008 1:31:49 PM

12/8/08

It pisses me off that Chevrolet never made an El Camino with T-tops. The would break every record for white trashy awesomeness.

And people wonder why GM is struggling.

12/8/2008 11:19:29 AM

1/31/09

What are the two biggest indicators that a girl sitting at a bar is a slut?
1) Lower back tattoo
2) Whale Tail

I want to meet a girl with a lower back tattoo of a thong strap sticking out of her pants.

1/31/2009 8:43:34 PM

bttt

5/18/2009 4:44:54 PM

5/18/09

The phonetic alphabet should be taught in public schools. I'm tired of people over the phone saying "B as in boy, A as in apple, L as in Larry".

5/18/2009 5:06:28 PM

i only know up to golf and then a couple random ones after that. only know alpha-golf because that's as high as any pulverizers went at any of the plants i worked at last summer.

i need to work on that

5/18/2009 5:13:09 PM

5/25/09

I enjoy the writings of Albert Camus but avoid conversation about it because I'm sure that I'll mispronounce his name.

5/25/2009 5:52:29 PM

6/16/09

I always mix up polenta, pancetta, and placenta. I shouldn't work in a restaurant ever again.

6/16/2009 3:52:29 PM

Quote :

""So I heard you were at the pub last night", then when I ask where the heard that they respond "Oh, I have my sources" like they're in a goddamn Tom Clancy book."

still just as funny as the first time

6/16/2009 4:05:29 PM

Quote :

"i still support this thread "

6/16/2009 8:17:30 PM

8/26/09

I had a dream last night that I was invited to some function at the White House and showed up wearing just a polo and some jeans. After hanging out with Tom Brokaw for a bit I ran into my old roommate who asked me why I wasn't wearing a suit like everyone else. I said that no one had told me to. He offered to let me borrow the extra that he had in his car.

At that moment Michelle Obama walked up and she said that it didn't matter. I told her that it was their house so I would do whatever she said. Then she told me that she wanted me to kill Colin Powell by dumping dry ice on him then hitting him with a baseball to shatter him just like the T-1000.

After I woke up I realized that she probably meant liquid nitrogen.

8/26/2009 3:31:00 PM

Joshua: Freeze, you evil war pig! (*dump bucket of dry ice*)

Powell: Ow! What the fuck??

Joshua: Now I'm going to shatter you with this bat! (*grabs a Louisville Slugger*)

Powell: Um, shouldn't you have used liquid nitrogen?

Joshua: Shut up! You're frozen and can't talk! (*swings bat*)

Bat: Thud!

Powell: You son of a bitch! Now you've done it! Guards!

Joshua: ....

Michelle Obama: oops. wait a sec.

8/26/2009 3:46:31 PM

Is it racism or sexism that makes Michelle Obama suck at science in my dreams?

8/28/2009 4:41:29 PM

you said ... "Michelle Obama" ... "suck" ... "dream" ... in the same sentence, and i got distracted.

i'm probably done for the day.

8/28/2009 4:43:41 PM

9/15/09

Isn't the term "buttless chaps" a bit reduntant? I always assume that chaps don't have butts because otherwise they would just be pants.

9/15/2009 10:58:40 AM

^ YES! YOU ARE CORRECT SIR!

9/15/2009 12:15:22 PM

perhaps they should be called assless pants...

9/15/2009 12:23:52 PM

9/16/09

That Coldplay song "Clocks" is really played out, even the one off version that some people use so that they don't have to pay royalties because they changed one note.

9/16/2009 8:32:28 AM

haha... I <3 this thread

9/16/2009 8:34:16 AM

Yes. Mr. Joshua rocks.

9/16/2009 8:42:59 AM

10/25/09

When I'm at the dog park and I see Butler dropping a deuce across the yard I'll go over to pick it up with a plastic bag. Well, sometimes I'll grab it and through the bag I'll feel that it's cold, thus obviously not the fresh crap that I'm supposed to be picking up. I always say "ewww" to myself, though I shouldn't get grossed out because both outcomes have me handling dog shit.

10/25/2009 11:22:16 PM