i'm glad my parents aren't crazy

however - the way the situation turned out i don't agree with completely - parents divorced when i was 2 (younger brother was less than a 1) - my best guess is that my dad paid my mom roughly 30x throughout the years - my mom never once asked for any of it when he didn't pay - they split paying for both mine and my brother's college tuition - they are still very civil/friendly with each other today and i've never heard either one of them ever talk bad about the other

i'm glad it wasn't as bad as some of the other stories in this thread but by no means was it the most ideal situation for my mom in the early years while she was raising my brother and me alone

12/4/2007 5:13:42 PM

Quote :

"the more she makes, the less you have to pay"

sort of--the more she makes (given that your income stays the same), the lower PERCENTAGE of the total amount of support you have to pay. However, the total amount of support will be higher since the combined income of both parents is higher. In practice, I don't think it would significantly impact the actual amount you have to pay her, and in many cases (prob most where the father is middle class or above--not flipping burgers--and not getting paid under the table), she never really has to contribute a dime, because the father's amount is enough to cover all of the child's expenses with enough left over to line mom's pockets.

Quote :

"had to pay my mom child support and always fought it and always told me that she was being unreasonable (usually in much harsher terms) and it was very tough for me. I didn't know who was right or wrong. I know that my mother is a great mother and she has done everything right for me, but did she really need all the money my dad was required to send? I don't know."

If I had to bet, I would feel pretty confident that your mother was taking advantage of your father in a pretty significant way, financially. I'm sure he was furious, and 100% rightfully so. That said, I totally agree that he should've left you out of it.

Quote :

"I think what I can tell you is that no matter what your baby's mama does (within reason of coarse) I think that keeping the child out of the disputes is the most important thing. I think that I have never been able to get as close to my own father because of the way he treated this situation while I was growing up, and I know that you do not want that. "

Concur.

Quote :

"I still feel that a lot of people or missing the point that child support is only needed is a parent is not willing to fulfill his or her financial obligation, within reason, to the child. Why else was the law designed?"

Sure--that's the only time it's needed. I mean, it's pretty logical that if you're supporting your child sufficiently, there's no reason for the courts to, well, make you support your child sufficiently. The problem is that women stand to profit nicely by sueing you, and there is absolutely nothing in place to keep it from happening other than if she happens to have the integrity to do the right thing.

12/4/2007 5:16:03 PM

They could design a trust fund system that allows for all child support payments to go there, and any money that isn't spend on the child has to be left in the trust fund for the child when it turns 18. They can do monthly book keeping by REQUIRING the mother to provide receipts of spend money. But thats too hard for the system.

12/4/2007 5:33:10 PM

and it would be pretty easy to cheat, anyway


although if they pull that one off, i'd like to just have my money back rather than have it go into a trust.

12/4/2007 5:37:45 PM

Cheat?

12/4/2007 5:38:46 PM

buy a crib, provide copy of receipt to prove you spent the money on your child, return crib, profit.

12/4/2007 6:51:28 PM

Quote :

"Your position was admirable until this. This is no different than being a gold digger. Someone cheating doesn't entitle you to their money any more than if they had not cheated."

I think it should. If someone were to say to you, "I want you to voluntarily take this drug. It's not going to hurt you, I promise..." and since you trusted them, you did the medication...and then you were to become ill, you'd be entitled to damages.

Well, by marrying someone, you trust your sexual health to them and if they give you an STD from cheating, you should be entitled to damages.

Also, your emotional welfare is damaged and that can affect your livelihood, among other things. I would "drain ever red cent from them" but I see how NCSUWolfy states she would be entitled to some money.

12/4/2007 8:52:11 PM

But what does money have to do with anything you just said?

12/4/2007 9:23:45 PM

I think if a court of law awards monetary "damages" to people who have been physically harmed by other people's neglect then cheating should be included in a prenup as a "physical and emotional harm" since you are putting that person at medical risk and emotional instability....same way drug companies have to pay when their drug screws up, so should the person who is stupid enough to cheat.

12/4/2007 11:28:40 PM

That's the female "logic" theDuke was talking about

12/4/2007 11:33:25 PM

Go ahead and bash my gender instead of making a valid point. That's the normal male "logic" we females are accustomed to.

If you're dumb enough to sign a prenup that states that, then you deserve it. I agree with NCSUWolfy. It's her life, money, and prenup.

12/4/2007 11:46:50 PM

^ What does money have to do with anything? I mean yeah if you sign a pre-nup then sure, but by no means is this a general protocol.

12/5/2007 8:04:34 AM

Quote :

"Well, by marrying someone, you trust your sexual health to them and if they give you an STD from cheating, you should be entitled to damages."

The STD thing has nothing to do with the cheating. Since only a fraction of cheaters bring home an STD it isn't fair to lump all cheaters in that category, so let's go ahead and remove that from the equation and talk about cheating.

Quote :

"same way drug companies have to pay when their drug screws up, so should the person who is stupid enough to cheat."

The drug companies have to pay for medical bills and future medical bills. Not so much on the emotional front.

Quote :

"since you are putting that person at medical risk and emotional instability."

Putting a person in risk...I guess I do that every time I speed with my girlfriend in the car. Emotional instability...There are thousands of ways that I can make a woman cry that don't involve cheating. Should we put a monetary value on them all and start forcing people to pay?

Your "logic" (or lack there of) is a slippery slope. You can't really think that you can put any accurate monetary value on emotional damage from cheating and if you do then you have to admit that there there should be a monetary value placed on other types of emotional damage. If a husband constantly berates his wife does she deserve money? If a husband doesn't provide a decent home does his wife deserve some sort of payments?

Now let's flip the issue around. Does a man deserve money if a housewife cheats? If so, does he deserve an equal amount of money? It's terrible to think that the guy is breaking his back to support her and she breaks their vows by cheating on him, but it happens every day all over America. What if she doesn't have any money or any way to produce a real income because she has never worked a day in her life? What then does the guy deserve?

Your statements are not logic. They are female centric emotion. They are an insult to women's equality.

[Edited on December 5, 2007 at 12:53 PM. Reason : l]

12/5/2007 12:52:19 PM

Quote :

"Since only a fraction of cheaters bring home an STD it isn't fair to lump all cheaters in that category, so let's go ahead and remove that from the equation and talk about cheating."

a friend of mines boyfriend cheated on her. she had sex with him before she found out he cheated. 6 months later she had an abnormal pap and tested positive for hpv (courtesy of her boyfriend bringing it home after banging a dirty bitch). she had to get a biopsy done on her cervix and has to get a pap done every 6 months to monitor her reproductive health.

now, her ability to have children can be affected.

she is billing him for all the doctors appointments, treatment, etc. (already approaching $1k)

hpv is a lot more common than people think and i doubt my friends story is a rare occurance

cheaters are the scum of the earth. some people can deal with it and get over it. i'm not one of those people and i never will be. and if the person i was with cheated on me AND gave me an STD, my medical bills would be the least of his worries...

12/6/2007 6:30:20 PM

well she should've gotten the vaccine and if you're so worried about it, you should too

make your husband get it too, just for good measure




Also, with regards to the cheating thing - in terms of relationships and how hurtful cheating is, is it any more hurtful than the wife withholding sex from the guy, or using it as a tool for manipulation? Marriage comes with expectations - one that the other will not cheat and also that you'll have frequent sex from the one you marry.

If you women will agree that the husband who hasn't gotten regular sex should be able to sue for divorce and the same benefits that you would accord a betrayed wife, then at least you're being intellectually honest.

If not, you're just being selfish

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 7:33 PM. Reason : s]

12/6/2007 7:17:52 PM

^ not effective against all strains, it's a tool, but not a cure-all...

12/6/2007 7:28:44 PM

TheDuke in Tech Talk:

Quote :

"let's say i got pissed & bitchslapped my computer: it's been ailing severely--crashing and restarting on its own many times per day--and it did it at an inopportune time yesterday. i slapped the hell out of the tower as it was restarting on its own accord--at which point it restarted again, but failed to boot (did the ol' DISC BOOT FAIL--INSERT SYSTEM DISC AND PRESS ENTER trick). so i bitchslapped it again...with, ummm, significant force."

Sheds a little bit more light on why your baby's mama might've been reluctant to let you at her daughter.

There's always two sides to a story.

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 8:00 PM. Reason : s]

12/6/2007 7:38:04 PM

Is there a difference in child support when the child is born out of wedlock and child support when the parents divorce?

Anyway title of this thread should be changed to "keep it in your pants"

12/6/2007 8:23:03 PM

not really, since child support has a set standard.

the title should be 'get yourself fixed and freeze some swimmers for later'.

then you don't have to worry as much.

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 8:33 PM. Reason : f]

12/6/2007 8:32:24 PM

one of the most expensive accident that can happen...monthly installments for 18 years at least. Hopefully Duke doesnt get some other chick preggers by accident.....especially a nurse.....

seems like she planned the whole thing, she probably figured her time was numbered when the accident happened.....

now she brings up marriage all the time....for the baby.....

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 8:40 PM. Reason : w]

12/6/2007 8:37:13 PM

^ why a nurse?

^^^ i think it's the same

Quote :

"Sheds a little bit more light on why your baby's mama might've been reluctant to let you at her daughter. "

nothing to do with anything. i guarantee you. i'm the one who's generally much more even tempered between the two of us, anyway.

12/6/2007 8:53:28 PM

Quote :

"Sheds a little bit more light on why your baby's mama might've been reluctant to let you at her daughter."

so you are comparing getting frustrated with a computer to abusing a child?

by that rationale i guess anyone who has slammed a door or played any kind of contact sport should not be around children..even their own?

12/6/2007 9:38:16 PM

uhh.... did you seriously just compare a contact sport to losing your temper and violently smashing the computer that holds all your child's photos?

did I mention he was asking how to get the photos back? shows he regrets what he did in anger.

violence isn't cool, and that he would lash out like that at an inanimate object is pretty fucking weird, IMHO

12/6/2007 9:40:24 PM

who hasnt gotten mad and 'lashed out' at an inanimate object?

whats the difference between that and bashing someone's head in on the football field? they are all in completely different contexts and not related to how you deal with children. if it were a dog he was kicking around, i would agree.

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 9:53 PM. Reason : .]

12/6/2007 9:51:47 PM

if you bash in a persons head out of anger in the football field you are

1) playing for the wrong reasons
2) a bad sport
3) a dangerously violent person

12/6/2007 9:55:15 PM

Quote :

"well she should've gotten the vaccine and if you're so worried about it, you should too"

thanks for the tip. i'm already vaccinated and if you were educated on this issue at all you would have included the comment below yours about it only protecting against a handful of strains.

as for my friend, we work for the same company and unfortunately our health insurance doesn't cover the vaccine. i chose to pay out of pocket $1k for the vaccine. my friend was involved in a serious car accident last year and has had medical bills approaching $60k, i don't think she is in a position to pay $1k out of pocket for a disease she wasn't worried about contracting due to her monogamous relationship (which didn't turn out that way, by no fault of her own)

please don't address me as if you know anything about me

12/6/2007 11:26:36 PM

i'll address you however i damn well please - and my statement that you should get the vaccine if you were so worried was obviously on to something, seeing as you already had it

look, cheating sucks - no one will deny that, but don't pretend as though its the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. there are plenty of other things that are just as bad. domestic violence, for instance

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 11:34 PM. Reason : s]

12/6/2007 11:31:49 PM

Quote :

"make your husband get it too, just for good measure"

the vaccine isn't fda approved for men

you really are an idiot. keep trying to offend me or rile me up, your stupidity makes it impossible. maybe if you came to the table with some facts i'd start an internet fight with you.

12/6/2007 11:34:21 PM

i will also address you however i damn well please.

12/6/2007 11:36:19 PM

yes, DIER

12/6/2007 11:37:30 PM

Quote :

"Doctors say that vaccinating boys and men (as is done in Europe and Australia) is an important next step. Not only can it protect them from disease, but as carriers of HPV, vaccination may also indirectly protect girls and women."

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1652527,00.html?xid=feed-cnn-topics

Don't even front like you didn't know this

12/6/2007 11:37:37 PM

your reading comprehension needs improvement. maybe you should get off the interweb and practice on some of the basic skills that make a person a useful member of society.

12/6/2007 11:39:28 PM

Quote :

"if you were educated on this issue at all you would have included the comment below yours about it only protecting against a handful of strains."

and why exactly would I have said anything about its limited usefulness? My point was that if you were so damn worried, you should get the vaccine (which, it turns out, you did) - who cares if its 100% effective? any additional protection should be viewed as a positive development for someone who lives in fear of their partner cheating on them

12/6/2007 11:49:48 PM

Quote :

"If you women will agree that the husband who hasn't gotten regular sex should be able to sue for divorce and the same benefits that you would accord a betrayed wife, then at least you're being intellectually honest."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this is gold. i would love to see a guy win a case like this in court. gg.

12/7/2007 8:24:08 AM

Quote :

"if you bash in a persons head out of anger in the football field you are 1) playing for the wrong reasons 2) a bad sport 3) a dangerously violent person"

'bashing someones head in' was not to be taken literally. you know, if youve ever played football, that you got to play hard and you try and bring as much impact and pain to the other player as possible every play. would this make you a child abuser?

12/7/2007 10:25:05 AM

^^ I'm not saying what would win in court, just tryin to be fair

12/7/2007 10:27:21 AM

i think holding out on something that is expected in a marriage is grounds for a law suit lolz

12/7/2007 11:38:46 AM

haha, I don't have the energy to discuss the point any further. If a person signs a prenup that states they will pay if they cheat, and they cheat, they should pay. Physical or emotional damages. Courts award pain and suffering, don't they?

oh, and if only a fraction of cheaters bring home an STD, then I guess that 80% of people who have HPV are not cheating very often.

And Skack, if a woman cheats and has signed a prenup to agree to not cheat or risk having to pay, then yes, she should pay.

My argument is not a slippery slope. Slippery slope arguments are simply a chain of events that have an undesirable end. I stated if someone wanted to put a clause in their prenup about cheating and paying damages, in my eyes, that is acceptable, and if they cheat, yeah, they should pay, not matter the gender.

My opinion. The end.

12/8/2007 10:48:30 PM

Quote :

"haha, I don't have the energy to discuss the point any further. words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words words"

[Edited on December 9, 2007 at 11:17 AM. Reason : s]

12/9/2007 11:16:58 AM

God I hate this dumb bitch. I mean, I tried to like her. But, I just keep coming to the same conclusion : that shes a dumb bitch who keeps trying to fuck over one of my friends, and fuck with the relationship their daughter has with her father. And I just don't like either one of those conclusions.

Can I kick her the next time I see her? Pleaseeeeeeeee?

12/10/2007 8:43:17 PM

rjr is back... interesting

[Edited on December 11, 2007 at 10:33 AM. Reason : oh shit when did i get old school posting rights ]

12/11/2007 10:33:08 AM

http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=5873934>1=10715

A good (but scary) story about sudden divorces and how they screw over some men.

12/21/2007 9:53:26 AM

Quote :

"Long before his wife came along, a frame-store owner named Jordan Appel, 55, had built a fine house for himself atop West Newton Hill in one of the fancier Boston suburbs. He loved bringing in a wife and then adding two children. "It felt so wonderful to say 'my wife' and 'my children' and feel part of a community." He volunteered for the preschool's yard sale; his wife took up with a lover. Sometimes she slept with him in Appel's own house; in time, she decided to divorce Appel. As these things go, he was obliged to leave the house, and, as it happened, the community too. Money was so tight that he ended up sleeping in a storage room above his frame shop two towns away. His ex-wife works part-time on the strength of Appel's child custody and alimony payments, and spends time with her boyfriend in Appel's former house. She lives rather well, and he has to make $100,000 a year to support her and the children, which amounts to 70-hour workweeks. One day, he went back to his house and discovered many of his belongings out on the sidewalk with the trash. "My body feels like it's dissolving in anger," he says. "I'm in an absolute rage every single day.""

And people wonder why 30 is the new 20. What used to be a beautiful thing has turned into a major risk that a lot of people just aren't as comfortable taking anymore. I have seen men that I really look up to go through similar situations and it's just terrible. I hope if I ever settle down that I don't end up worse off for having done so.

12/21/2007 11:32:04 AM

that article put me in a horrible mood

thanks a lot, i was very happy about the upcoming christmas holiday

12/21/2007 12:02:09 PM

the mistake this guy made was allowing his wife to be a homemaker, and thus she was fully dependant on him. don't be this guy, make her ass work!

12/21/2007 1:34:16 PM

You have a bright future ahead of you, Duke.

12/21/2007 2:10:06 PM

shoulda had a prenup

its insurance. hopefully it'll become less taboo and people will realize that it's smart, not negative.

12/21/2007 7:59:42 PM

rjrgrl, I don't know any of the parties to this, and I still want to slap the chick senseless. Though it seems like that wouldn't take much.

Guys, not all women are like this, but you're smart to protect yourselves.

[Edited on December 21, 2007 at 9:02 PM. Reason : f-in grammar]

12/21/2007 9:02:03 PM

my cousin who is 20 came to the family gathering with her bf and less than 2 month old girl...you can tell she is a new mommy.....baby daddy actually seemed ok. It is kinda ironic...the father is a preacher, 1 kid had a baby out o wedlock and the other kid had a "fantasy" wedding and her hubby just left her before there 2 year wedding aniversary. He was a minister and he left the church and everything. You always hear about pastors/ministers daughters being wild.

12/23/2007 12:15:35 AM

Quote :

"a friend of mines boyfriend cheated on her. she had sex with him before she found out he cheated. 6 months later she had an abnormal pap and tested positive for hpv (courtesy of her boyfriend bringing it home after banging a dirty bitch). she had to get a biopsy done on her cervix and has to get a pap done every 6 months to monitor her reproductive health."

Unless she was a virgin, she could have gotten it from someone else and it had not shown up, or he could have had before. They don't normally test for it since so many people have it, they just wait till the abnormal pap comes up.

12/23/2007 9:23:50 PM