quitting smoking everything, curbing excessive drinking, getting in shape so that you don't have a heart attack before your kid turns ten, and being financially sound for your family is all about gfrowing the funk up.

i can't see myself having lifetime rights to someone who can't grow up.

11/30/2007 11:50:59 AM

Quote :

"well isn't that what she's trying to weigh? that risk v. her happiness being with him (notwithstanding this issue)."

you are right. that is a good point. i was not thinking of it in those terms.



[Edited on November 30, 2007 at 11:52 AM. Reason : ...]

11/30/2007 11:51:14 AM

Quote :

"quitting smoking everything, curbing excessive drinking, getting in shape so that you don't have a heart attack before your kid turns ten, and being financially sound for your family is all about gfrowing the funk up. i can't see myself having lifetime rights to someone who can't grow up. "

also a good point.

11/30/2007 11:52:24 AM

you've posted this before...like 6 months ago? has the situation gotten any better? IIRC, you were thinking about breaking up with him, but then said you were going to talk to him about it or something

i'm very anti-drugs, and while my first thought is "if he won't (or can't) give up pot for you, then he's probably not worth being with", i understand that's a pretty parochial view to take...that said, were i in your position, i'd probably move on

11/30/2007 1:54:42 PM

Quote :

"charged with distribution or possession, yes, but isn't ownership of the premises limited to creating an inference that the defendant possessed the drugs or had control over them"

I am not sure I follow you. You can be found guilty, under constructive possession in NC, for drugs that are on any premises(rented, girlfriends, etc.) in which it can be established that you maintained residence regardless of ownership. Exclusive control has been used to show constructive possession when residence can't be proven and has been established through finding clothes around the house, mail addressed to you, etc.

Basically, if she lives in this house and one day, for whatever reason, the police find drugs in her home and he is not there (and even if he is), she can be charged as if she was the one who owned/purchased/used the drugs.



This should clear things up for those with some legal eyes:

Quote :

"“Under the theory of constructive possession, a person may be charged with possession of an item such as narcotics when he has both ‘the power and intent to control its disposition or use,’... even though he does not have actual possession.” State v. Davis, 325 N.C. 693, 697, 386 S.E.2d 187, 190 (1989) (quoting State v. Harvey, 281 N.C. 1, 12, 187 S.E.2d 706, 714 (1972)). This Court has held that the State may produce evidence that a defendant “maintained the premises as a residence, or had some apparent proprietary interest in the premises or the controlled substance[,]” in order to show constructive possession. State v. Hamilton, 145 N.C.App. 152, 156, 549 S.E.2d 233, 235 (2001). When the defendant does not have exclusive possession of the place where the narcotics are found, the State must show other incriminating circumstances before constructive possession may be inferred. Id.; see also State v. Brown, 310 N.C. 563, 569, 313 S.E.2d 585, 589 (1984). The issue is whether the evidence revealed sufficient incriminating circumstances for a jury to find the defendant had constructive possession of the narcotics and the weapon. "

State v. Roberts
644 S.E.2d 270 (Table)
N.C.App.,2007.
May 15, 2007 (Approx. 3 pages)



[Edited on November 30, 2007 at 2:02 PM. Reason : PS - This is all just a layman's opinion and not good for any legal purposes]

11/30/2007 2:00:30 PM

^ i guess i was pointing out the distinction of being charged with possession of a narcotic and being convicted of the crime. and that although any drugs recovered from her house would create the presumption that she had possession, it would be something she could rebut with other evidence. like a confession from her boyfriend or a receipt (wishful thinking). anyways, im not arguing that she wouldn't be liable or could assert the "i didn't know shit" defense.

11/30/2007 2:30:33 PM

Oh my bad. Yeah, she could defend her position in court, certainly if another defendant wanted to step up and take the charges.

But there is ample evidence that you can be convicted in NC on constructive possession.

But really, the whole point would be not that she is worried about being convicted, but probably worried about even being arrested in the first place. It can get incredibly expensive fast, especially if you end up in the COA.

11/30/2007 2:48:17 PM

Well, on the legality issue. I'd be willing to bet that a negative drug test would help if something were to happen on a possession charge stemming from that. Granted the chances are slim to none, but I'd still want to know what the implications are. I suppose the only way an employer would find out if you did have a bogus charge like that would be if you were getting a new job where a criminal check was made or something. I just want to know the risk I'm assuming - financially, and potentially a career for something I don't even do.

And yes, I think I talked about this in Chit Chat in one of BlackDog's pot threads roughly 6 months ago. Things have gotten a lot better - but it's because we aren't talking about the issue all the time. His usage hasn't changed, and I've since found out that there's more to it than I originally knew. At that time I didn't know beans about pot and wanted to learn about it to see what all the fuss was.

I think it's important to know if he WOULD give it up for me, but I don't think that's something I SHOULD really ask him to do. It's his life. Especially when I don't have anything that I should be giving up for him. It's not a fair trade there. I'm the one with the "problems" with it, so I need to decide what to do based on the situation as it is today. If he quits in the future, or cuts back or whatever - great! I'm sure he'll have some vices with me as we go along as well - I'd hope for the same courtesy and respect for how I choose to live my life just the same

[Edited on November 30, 2007 at 2:58 PM. Reason : beans!]

11/30/2007 2:53:45 PM

^^ oh yeah. i mean, is there a difference between actual or construction when it comes down to the end result? and understandably, no one really likes having to pay for an attorney, but they are so necessary in these situations.

^ as far as future employment, i think you're ok with just being arrested because employers are usually limited to asking you questions about convictions. as far as a negative drug test being helpful for the possession charge, i'm not really sure how effective it would be. if anything, your bf owning up to it being his would probably be your best bet. and background checks are also limited to convictions if i'm not mistaken. i think sputter might know better than me on this though.

as far as:

Quote :

"I think it's important to know if he WOULD give it up for me, but I don't think that's something I SHOULD really ask him to do. It's his life. Especially when I don't have anything that I should be giving up for him. It's not a fair trade there. I'm the one with the "problems" with it, so I need to decide what to do based on the situation as it is today. If he quits in the future, or cuts back or whatever - great! I'm sure he'll have some vices with me as we go along as well - I'd hope for the same courtesy and respect for how I choose to live my life just the same "

personally, i see a lot of things wrong here. 1) if he's going to stop or use less, you would probably want him to do it on his own terms and for himself, and not because you're asking him to do so. people tend to get so caught up in equating their self-worth with how much people give up/change for them (e.g. if he doesn't change, he doesn't love me enough). that to me is plain bullshit. love shouldn't demand sacrifices from another. i doubt he'll love you any more or any less if he gives up smoking for you. 2) relationships shouldn't be about i give you X because you gave me Y. it's about i gave you X. that's it. 3) although you're using quotation marks around the word problem, i think you still have the wrong idea. there's no problem with the way you feel. there's no "problem" with the way you feel. you have an opinion and you're entitled to it. a lot of people here have said, "he does drugs, move on." you have at least had an open mind about the situation and have attempted to think through the circumstances rationally. if anything, that's the solution.

what i did see you hit the nail on is "so I need to decide what to do based on the situation as it is today." that's all you can do. you can speculate as to what things might be like in the future, and do take into account how he feels about the future and what he says. but always remember that actions speak louder than words.

11/30/2007 4:33:29 PM

I'm getting ready to get married in September, and one thing I like about my fiance is that we are on the same page with our lifestyles. Neither one of us is into drugs or heavy drinking, we'll just have a couple beers at a bar every week or so. I think this really eliminates a lot of stress, I don't have to worry about how far he'll go with the drinking, or if it will affect his work or social life. If he was a heavy drinker or pot smoker I would be concerned about how it effects him long term.

12/2/2007 4:38:45 PM

Quote :

" Not to mention that she thinks that if we ever have kids they will be vegetarian too."

that's fucking crazy, vegetarianism is totally unnatural for humans

12/3/2007 12:04:33 PM

^ I know right. I'm not having a bunch of malnourished weak slabs of meat for kids.

Someone PM'd me and said he has the exact same experience and that the things I said were almost word for word with his own conversations and thoughts. lol.

[Edited on December 3, 2007 at 2:01 PM. Reason : s]

12/3/2007 2:01:06 PM

Quote :

" lol."

is not a sentence, you must have subject and a verb

12/3/2007 2:27:05 PM

well, then I guess "Help!" is right fucked

12/3/2007 5:16:48 PM

You should never feel like you have to "settle" on a life long partner. The guy is into some shit that you are not into, and its a pretty serious thing. I say you give the ultimatum. If the guy says he chooses pot over you, do you really want to be with that person? Is he really worth your time and effort.

This isn't like you're telling someone he can't eat chocolate cake because you don't like it. This is a pretty serious thing and can seriously effect the person smoking, those around him, and you also have to think about the family aspect of it and kids.

I dunno, dude sounds like a loser to me. He has some problems and doesn't want to take care of them so he decides to smoke instead? Give me a break.

12/4/2007 3:06:43 PM

^ i don't think anyone should have to "settle" on a life long partner. but what is "settling"? she needs to figure out how important his marijuana usage is and then weigh that everything else in the relationship. if she still feels like it's a big issue and it's something that she just can't live with, but decides to stay with him, that's settling. if she decides that the relationship as a whole, including him smoking, is worth it, than that's not "settling".

imho, smoking marijuana isn't a serious thing per se. yes, it is illegal, but that doesn't automatically classify it as a serious thing. hell, i constantly speed excessively on the highways and the roads when i can. is that a "serious" thing? would i speed excessively if i had my children in the car, probably not. and although i agree with her providing an ultimatum if she feels that strongly against him smoking, i don't see his response equating to him choosing pot over her. more likely than not, it would probably a combination of his desire to preserve his freedom to choose to do as he pleases, whether it's smoking or some other activity (e.g. watching porn, drinking with the buddies on a friday night, etc.) and him believing that she doesn't respect him enough to discuss and attempt to come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

as far as him being a loser because he chooses to smoke instead of taking legal medication for his add, i'm not a qualified medical expert to say that smoking is a viable solution. i will say though that i know many people who have various medical conditions and are completely opposed to taking medication to correct their deficiencies. granted, some might say that smoking marijuana is a medication (see e.g. glaucoma, side-effect from cancer, etc.).

doesn't seem that many people here want to even attempt to view the situation from his perspective at all.

12/5/2007 11:05:18 AM

none of the people i thought would post in this thread have posted

12/5/2007 2:25:28 PM

Quote :

"imho, smoking marijuana isn't a serious thing per se. yes, it is illegal, but that doesn't automatically classify it as a serious thing. hell, i constantly speed excessively on the highways and the roads when i can. is that a "serious" thing?"

speeding isn't a midemeanor. i personally would have a big problem with "habitual" use. i am not saying that if my SO/WIFE were to smoke once a year, that i would have a problem with it, but daily? in my experience, people who use that much are greatly affected by their habit. YMMV.

12/5/2007 5:42:09 PM

N.C.G.S. Section 20-141(j)(1)

A person who drives a vehicle on a highway at a speed that is either more than 15 miles per hour more than the speed limit established by law for the highway where the offense occurred or over 80 miles per hour is guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor.

12/8/2007 3:50:52 PM

Yeah. It doesn't seem like a hard decision. Tell him to stop. Obviously you are concerned about it. If he doesn't quit...show him the door.

12/8/2007 10:16:37 PM

This is one of those instances where advice is not going to help. What you need is the strength to act. Nothing will change until you get the guts to make an ultimatum and stick to it.

12/9/2007 8:07:18 AM

just have him smoke it in a certain room of the house, where it won't be thrown in your face, that or you could try toking a little with him.....

12/9/2007 11:56:52 PM

One of my golden rules: you smoke pot, you can find somebody else to be with. You drink excessively, same thing.

I will not date or marry anybody who will not give up a juvenile habit or grow up for the sake of their long-term goals or their family.

I've already been there, done that. Divorced. She fell right back into her old lifestyle, and she wonders why her son has no respect for her and detests the way she lives and thinks.

Fuck all that noise. I've watched two families that lived with those kinds of things go to complete shit...because one or both spouses kept on with their high school/college drug habits. They happen to be my aunts and uncles...one of my aunts committed suicide, the other lives in an assisted-living facility and has permanent liver and brain damage. Both of the first's kids already have drug charges (one of them has a felony narcotics conviction).

12/10/2007 3:08:54 AM

This may have already been covered, but here's my two cents.

If it bothers you, talk to him about it. There should be no problem with that. Don't make ultimatums, just talk to him the same way you are talking to all of us about it.

I've had this talk before with girlfriends about cigarette smoking, drinking and weed before. It's never been anything but constructive to air out my concerns.

12/10/2007 6:08:31 AM

Quote :

"He's ADD and was on Ritalin for years as a kid - so he hates the idea of prescription medication to handle it. Which is his reasoning for smoking - he says it slows his mind down to help him concentrate. I'm not sure I buy that."

his reasoning is ass backwards....

12/11/2007 12:26:23 PM

^i've heard that it helps some people with ADD. but that's it. i've heard about it. logic dictates that it would just exponentially magnify his ADD.

12/12/2007 7:01:41 PM

While I don't get the logic, I have picked up and read a couple of books on people with ADD to understand some of his quirks. The one thing that resonated with me is that there is a lot of detail on substance use (specifically pot), transfer of substances etc. So while I may not agree with it - that's what has made me take a much harder look at the situation rather than walk like I normally would.

I'm always looking to learn more about ADD.

12/13/2007 9:43:50 AM

There's no way in hell i'd even consider a relationship w/ a stoner loser who's best friend is a drug dealer. double negative points if he's over 25 and his life still revolves around that crap.


Its interesting to see how conservative i'm getting in my old age...

12/22/2007 5:00:21 PM

being someone with ADD, pot is not the answer AT ALL. If he's got it bad enough that he feels the need to self medicate, then he NEEDS to go see a psychiatrist or psychologist about it and get some real treatment.

if he tells you that weed helps his ADD, he is straight up lying to you.

12/26/2007 12:09:22 PM

I've never NOT had health insurance, so for those who don't - how could you get that type of help through a physician or psychologist if you're not covered?

12/26/2007 2:21:14 PM

you know that thing that guys have?

most call it a wallet

well you open it up when you want to pay for a service

12/26/2007 4:43:31 PM

old school says no! to pot.

12/26/2007 9:47:15 PM

Quote :

"how could you get that type of help through a physician or psychologist if you're not covered?"

payment plan.

this is off topic:
thought pot might not be the answer to add, i knew quite a few medically diagnosed add people in college who excelled at their collegiate studies and smoked pot. none had pharmaceutical help.

[Edited on December 27, 2007 at 12:47 AM. Reason : b]

12/27/2007 12:46:43 AM

Do you know what they are up to now? I have a hunch that this is just associated with doing well in school. He never did well in school until he started, stopped when he took a year off from college, and started back up when he started back. It seemed almost like a trigger to him where he felt he couldn't handle school without it. But I'm curious.

(Yes, I know that's not the answer. Yes, I can accept him even if my hunch doesn't work out. )

12/27/2007 1:08:36 AM

Quote :

", i think you're ok with just being arrested because employers are usually limited to asking you questions about convictions."

This isn't true, it will show up on your arrest record and you can be sure they will ask you about it.

12/27/2007 10:40:14 AM

Quote :

"old school says no! to pot."

293589 of you will disagree with me but....
It just always struck me as so juvenile.

To me marijuana will forever be relegated to mom's basement and always strikes me as something people do to regress back to high school. It gives you an excuse to be okay with your lack of position or ambition in life. Its an excuse to be goofy and childlike. I guess that can be fine every now and again - but to me, making a habit of it indicates something is just not right.

At least alcohol can have the facade of sophistication, beside being not only socially acceptable but often socially expected. Try to go to a business dinner and pass up on the fine wine or the single malt your boss or client buys. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go over well to pass. However, being able to discuss the merits of said fine wine or single malt can go a long long way to sealing that client deal or padding your bonus.

12/27/2007 2:33:31 PM

Quote :

"thought pot might not be the answer to add, i knew quite a few medically diagnosed add people in college who excelled at their collegiate studies and smoked pot. none had pharmaceutical help."

I'd argue that has more to do with the fact that kids with ADD tend to be, on average, more intelligent than those without.

What pot does is to slow your thought process, and in that way it does help you focus. However it also negatively affects your short term memory, and your ability to move information into long-term memory. But I also knew a lot of very very intelligent kids who smoked pot in college, some with and some without ADD. In none of the cases did it help them excel, they excelled in spite of the effects of the drugs and its use.

Quote :

"I've never NOT had health insurance, so for those who don't - how could you get that type of help through a physician or psychologist if you're not covered? "

Going to a general MD or a psychiatrist is not expensive. It will run you a few hundred dollars generally (which, as Seotaji correctly points out, almost all of them can put you on payment plans). Then you just have to pay for your prescriptions.

If your boy is in school, he can get VERY affordable insurance through the school that will generally pay for both the sessions and cover at least part of the prescription costs.

12/27/2007 3:12:18 PM

Quote :

"This isn't true, it will show up on your arrest record and you can be sure they will ask you about it."

They cannot legally ask you about your arrest record. They can only ask if you've been convicted of a certain crime.

12/28/2007 4:38:00 AM

Been addressed already, but:

Quote :

"He's ADD and was on Ritalin for years as a kid - so he hates the idea of prescription medication to handle it. Which is his reasoning for smoking - he says it slows his mind down to help him concentrate. I'm not sure I buy that."

It makes absolutely no sense to use an expensive, illegal drug as opposed to a prescription medication designed specifically for his condition. If he likes using pot, fine, but using ADD to justify it is a cop-out. I understand he's had bad experiences with ADD meds in the past. The solution however is to do your homework, consult a physician, and ultimately test a few differents meds out until you find the right one. I know, b/c that's precisely what I'm doing currently.

Also, I know what it's like to struggle in school b/c of ADD, so I really need to respond to this too:

Quote :

"I'm not sure if it affects his goals and accomplishments. He's never been a real go-getter. Think Dupree here. But - he's incredibly bright, and is back in school for his Bachelors (finally) with a year to go. He's been doing really well. I like to think he'll stop when he's out of school and has a "real" job, but I'm not sure I should make that assumption."

I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until this past year. Throughout college I never felt I reached my academic potential. It's a frustrating feeling, one I'm guessing your bf is familiar with. I'll also wager that his lack of focus contributed to him dropping out of school (before coming back this year). In my case, I was bright too, and was lucky enough to have a few key friends to help me when I needed it. Sure wasn't pretty though.

The key to success for me "post-college" was making some very necessary changes in my life. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. For me the changes involved some professional help, trying meds, and making schedules (still a work-in-progress of course :beatup. I have a great book (Driven to Distraction) that provided a lot of insight on ADD and how to cope with it. Has your significant other made any changes from the last time he was in school? Getting a good job after graduating is not going to be the solution to the problem. If anything, the job will bring the problems associated with pot use to light, and by then the stakes will be much higher if you two are married and have kids.

Secondly, ADD can be a source of frustration, stress, and sometimes even depression. It's not all that uncommon for people to turn to drugs as a way of coping with it. I can't say this is the case without knowing your bf directly, but it's a possibility worth investigating. Smoking pot to get high and kick back every now and then is one thing. Smoking to get away from your life's problems is another.

Lastly, it takes a very dedicated, responsible person to handle a marriage, kids, mortgages, credit cards, etc. Smoking weed not only takes time away from doing these things, it also puts it all in jeopardy from a legal standpoint. The there's the "shady characters" you get to hang out with to get the weed in the first place. To me personally, it's not worth it, and it never has been.

I don't mean to paint a bad picture. I'd like to hope this guy would curb his habit back and straighten himself up in time to graduate and get a job. However, I think it's very reasonable to sit down and discuss the issue in more depth. I can tell you (DZ) love this guy very much, and that does count for quite a bit. These are issues though that need to be resolved right now. Better to do it now than to let it go and hope things work themselves out later.

If your bf isn't willing to make a few changes in order to take the relationship to the next level, he may just not be the right guy.

[Edited on December 30, 2007 at 5:44 AM. Reason : sef]

12/30/2007 5:36:24 AM

Wow Erios - Thank you so much. I'd be interested in talking with you more about your experiences and how you've dealt with them more in depth if you're interested

Driven to Distraction is one of the key books I've read in order to try and understand him better. More and more with him, I see that he truly does want to change and be able to function towards a certain lifestyle in the future. I think it's a combination of being scared, feeling like he has no clue how to get there, and laziness that comes with being overwhelmed by it all that he just holds onto the status quo that holds him back.

Things like trying different medications - I've mentioned this to him a few times, he's not directly as averse to that as he points out that he has no health insurance and can't afford doctor visits let alone prescriptions etc. Noen made a good point about the school insurance though - I'm going to sit down and look at that with him.

Has he made any changes from the last time he was in school? I didn't know him then, but it seems like no. He actually didn't smoke pot for the first year I met him, because he had quit after he got through his associates. However, I think he associated success in school with smoking, because when he went back to school, that's when he started smoking again. He did drop out of high school though, and that's when he got into drugs and that crowd.

I think there are bigger issues here, he's said many times that he's unhappy in this world and feels like he doesn't fit in, etc., but I'm just not sure how to tackle that or if I even can.

12/30/2007 9:51:43 AM

^

sorry, you can't fix him. if he feels that way and doesn't want to see a therapist, then you gotta go.
you can't be his mom.

Quote :

"Do you know what they are up to now? "

bond trader, currency specialist, running family businesses, district manager of something, biochem engineer, anthropologist (PhD), telecom lawyer, and so on.

most are successful, some are not. i tend to hang out with the more motivated individuals.

[Edited on January 1, 2008 at 12:48 PM. Reason : g]

1/1/2008 12:48:21 PM

Quote :

"There's no way in hell i'd even consider a relationship w/ a stoner loser who's best friend is a drug dealer. double negative points if he's over 25 and his life still revolves around that crap. Its interesting to see how conservative i'm getting in my old age... "

Whoooooa Dan you are grown up now!

1/5/2008 12:21:49 AM

There's a very important point on the legal issue that I don't think has been brought up, and it relates to several other things:

If the police are at your house and find pot, it was because someone was doing something else stupid. It's not like the five-oh rolls up and randomly checks for the stuff, nor do they track you down and search your house for buying quantities that are obviously on the level of "personal use" -- there's just bigger fish to fry. Them finding the stuff might put you in more trouble, but if they're looking around your place hard enough to find the stuff, you were in trouble to begin with.

Roughly the same applies to:

Quote :

"I will not date or marry anybody who will not give up a juvenile habit or grow up for the sake of their long-term goals or their family."

This makes perfect sense to me, if the juvenile habit is actually posing a risk to their long-term goals, job, or family life. I know -- in all likelihood, we all know -- people who smoke pot and are successful in life, with a good job, a spouse, and children.

In and of itself, the use of these substances doesn't matter. There's no real judgment to be made, moral or otherwise, about something going into your body. Booze, pot, coke, penis, whatever. What matters, what should be judged, is the actions a person does that actually affect others.

In short, it really doesn't matter if he smokes five times a day, as long as:

1) He's not doing anything stupider/more irresponsible/more dangerous than he would otherwise
2) His consumption is not putting anyone's health at risk
3) His consumption is not putting anyone's livelihood at risk

---

Now, all that said, everyone has their personal preference. If you just plain don't like pot, that's fine, but I think trying to justify it by saying it is mutually exclusive to a successful and productive life, you're just being uninformed or dishonest. Also, from what you've said his consumption does seem to cause direct behavioral problems -- the drug-dealing best friend, for instance.

Quote :

"If the guy says he chooses pot over you, do you really want to be with that person?"

Yeah, well, at the same time, you're telling her to choose the absence of pot over him.

Again, if it's having a meaningful affect on the way he comports himself, there's a fair point to be made. I'm not entirely clear from the contents of this thread that marijuana is having that effect on the guy.

Point is, if the guy "chooses pot over you," he could just as soon be choosing freedom over you. It's not that he necessarily loves pot so damn much. It's that he loves not having someone emotionally blackmail him into changing his life.

---

I know it's how I'm coming off, but I really don't mean to be implying that you shouldn't express your concerns. You should, if only because you obviously have them and they're not likely to go away, diminish, or do anything other than grow over time. My whole point is that people should have free choice to do things that don't destroy the lives of those around them -- and that includes you having freedom of choice to just not want to be around marijuana.

It just seemed like some of the issues at play here weren't really getting their fair shake.

[Edited on January 13, 2008 at 5:51 AM. Reason : ]

1/13/2008 5:49:14 AM

while i've only skimmed bits of the thread, I agree with ^.

That said, stoners are nearly without exception people i'd never consider being in a relationship with. While smoking dope habitually has its negative effects that I don't intend to discount, it's more that it's pretty symptomatic and indicative of other problems and flaws I don't feel like dealing with.

1/13/2008 6:22:51 AM

all I'm gonna say is



fuck everyone else

be happy then worry about other peoples habits

1/13/2008 6:53:52 AM

^^That's kind of the flipside of what I was saying. If someone's using a lot of controlled substances, there's a reason for it. Sometimes that reason is good; most of the time, probably, it's not so good, at least in terms of what you look for in a long-term partner. So maybe there's an underlying character trait that is at the root of the problem. Or, like I said earlier, maybe there's some problem that stems from the use of the substance that's a problem. Pretty much the one thing that can't be the problem is the substance. A person can be a fuck-up. A chemical compound cannot.

[Edited on January 13, 2008 at 7:01 AM. Reason : ]

1/13/2008 6:59:40 AM

i mean, from the sounds of it, this guy is the typical loser pothead who will never get anywhere in life, not a normal guy who smokes a little bud once in a while.

1/13/2008 8:35:45 AM

half joke/half serious:

I started drinking after I met my gf (we've been dating a long time). I was 20 and she was a couple years younger and had a real problem with me drinking. She told me she didnt want to, but I said that it was a personal choice and that I was going to do it because I didnt see a problem with it. As she got older, she became more comfortable with it and started drinking herself.

Point is, youll start smoking. Or at least, if the persons not willing to quit, and you do find yourself in a situation where you DO have a problem (like kids for example, as mentioned above), one of you is going to have to budge. You have to ask yourself, is this person going to be willing to quit for me, or will I have to "deal with it" when the situation arises. If you see a situation where you're not willing to budge and they wont be willing to budge, then it should probably be addressed now. I dont know.

The drinking thing really created a huge problem for us that we barely made it through.

1/13/2008 3:10:27 PM

I met my gf 4 years ago this valentine's day, and i have smoked the entire time - she has never smoked, nor shown an interest in doing so. same thing with drinking. we have, however, become monumental potheads!

1/13/2008 3:29:47 PM

Quote :

"The drinking thing really created a huge problem for us that we barely made it through."

was it from her lack of maturity?

1/13/2008 8:39:56 PM