Quote :

"Have you offered to speak with the parents?"

Yes, and honestly I'd rather cross that bridge and meet with them now. However, I just don't see that happening and it is her call, so I try not to pressure the issue.

Quote :

"You live your life, and if you end up marrying that person, then it was meant to be."

I agree here, but this is the western style of thinking that clashes with traditional culture.

I am trying to understand the traditional way, and I think that it means that love is not worth taking a risk, you go with the one that is the most suited at the time and then develop a relationship with that person.

3/31/2008 6:16:26 AM

Wow, you fit right in with the Bollywood flicks.

Next thing you know you'll confront her father, he'll be an immoral dick and you'll storm out while the mother chases you crying, and the entire time your ladyfriend will be fair and mild, dancing in the summer rain and singing about the bountiful harvest. Then she'll light a candle or some shit when you leave and keep it lit while constantly crying for three years (exactly). And then you return and everybody realizes how they were wrong, etc etc etc.

3/31/2008 6:26:00 AM

SHES GOING TO TELL US ALL ABOooUuuuT-THE-RAIN

3/31/2008 6:36:14 AM

how many of you retards think that it's

"walk down the isle"

3/31/2008 6:39:35 AM

Hahah, I could use my own isle some day. With rum and cocoanut trees and my litter tearing up the beach.

3/31/2008 6:45:23 AM

Quote :

"Wow, you fit right in with the Bollywood flicks."

that is exactly what i thought!

anyways, if this helps

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24Ryj1ywoqw

3/31/2008 7:31:27 AM

I had this problem when I was in high school.

3/31/2008 7:34:20 AM

Quote :

"If she doesn't feel the relationship has value over her family's bias, don't beat yourself up over it and let it go."

3/31/2008 7:41:49 AM

unless you have a super-cock, they will usually decide with their parents. however, if you are hitting it there is hope! its called ginseng! make her cum hard every time yall bang out and you will win!

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 7:46 AM. Reason : sdfg]

3/31/2008 7:44:04 AM

SKEET SKEET SKEET

3/31/2008 8:13:34 AM

Should this go to the lounge? (mod help plz)

3/31/2008 8:23:07 AM

Quote :

"I am trying to understand the traditional way, and I think that it means that love is not worth taking a risk, you go with the one that is the most suited at the time and then develop a relationship with that person."

That's what I've heard too (I had a friend who was a white guy dating an Indian girl, and there were definitely a few cultural hang-ups). Obviously you don't want to make her decide between you and her family--you've only been together four months? You're going to lose that one hard. It may or may not be troubling that she's being pragmatic/direct about the chance that she may end up marrying someone selected by her parents, but if it bothers you (which it obviously does) then you need to have a more involved discussion about it. Take it out of the context of sex and see if you can get out of her what she truly thinks of traditional/institutionalized marriage versus marriage for love. Don't worry about your net income or your race at first if those truly don't bother her, but get to the bottom of what she believes in her own mind about marraige. Then you can better assess where you stand.

3/31/2008 9:29:06 AM

I gave you all the advice you need

everyone else shut up

3/31/2008 9:36:55 AM

Dude if you end up marrying an Indian chick... your stomach will be happy for the rest of your life.

btw,

Quote :

"walks down the isle with someone else"

What is wrong with her walking on the beach with someone else?

3/31/2008 10:22:56 AM

Quote :

"i've NEVER seen a white guy with an indian "

really, i've dated 2 indian girls and they were both smoking hot dressed up in their saris.

3/31/2008 10:27:00 AM

everyone take a deep breath

Quote :

"how many of you retards think that it's "walk down the isle""

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 10:33 AM. Reason : gg]

3/31/2008 10:33:00 AM

Quote :

"i've NEVER seen a white guy with an indian"

i know a guy who married an indian girl. They finally went to india to go see all her family and stuff after the marriage and came back $10k richer.

i need to look into this.

3/31/2008 10:44:34 AM

what's your degree / grad degree gonna be in?

"wealthy" is relative

3/31/2008 11:00:27 AM

I got a degree in chemistry

My plan is PhD --> post doc --> prof.

But, if I can not get the right type of post doc, then I will consider industry (which will actually offer more than double the money)

Quote :

"on't worry about your net income or your race at first if those truly don't bother her, but get to the bottom of what she believes in her own mind about marraige. Then you can better assess where you stand."

It has only been four months. Is that too early for me to start a talk about marriage?

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 11:16 AM. Reason : t]

3/31/2008 11:07:56 AM

Great... not

South Asians in general don't look favourably upon teachers. According to them, all teachers are failures in life who failed to become a doctor or an engineer. 98% of young South Asian men want to become doctors or engineers. And naturally, they want their daughters only marrying doctors and engineers. Preferably rich ones.

I have a great personal tale to tell which is almost indentical to yours... except that in my case, the worst did happen, and she ended up marrying a guy from her country and religion.

I am going for dinner now. I will post when I am back.

3/31/2008 11:17:20 AM

yes it is, and Indian family only cares about MD. That's what you should have gone for.

3/31/2008 11:17:40 AM

They support her being a prof

3/31/2008 11:22:36 AM

of course they do. she's not supposed to be the bread winner.

3/31/2008 11:53:30 AM

a college professor and a teacher are different things

3/31/2008 12:01:46 PM

Quote :

"It has only been four months. Is that too early for me to start a talk about marriage?"

Yes.



I think your best hope is to be invited over for dinner by her family, where you'll make a series of comical white-boy mistakes, earning you the enmity of her parents until you spontaneously break into a choreographed dance number, first with her grandmother and younger sister, and then with her entire family. Through the magical power of dance, they will realize that racial and caste boundaries can be overcome in the pursuit of true happiness.

3/31/2008 12:10:22 PM

As an Indian I will say this:

If you marry her, you're marrying her family too. Presumably, they're Hindu, and that means If you're not a Hindu of the same caste, AND have a lot of money, they will always hate you, and do anything that they can in order to sabotage your relationship.

Cut your losses while you can.

3/31/2008 12:14:58 PM

^ that's quite an indictment

3/31/2008 12:18:51 PM

Quote :

"But it is not that I am hating on their culture. I just feel that if their daughter is American and lives in America, then why not let her date like an American?"

so much of the solution to this thread can be derived from reading your insight right there

what does that even mean anyway?

you do realize that just because people live in america they dont automatically adopt everything MTV tells them to right? most people still keep a sense of cultural or national identity

ITS THAT WHOLE TOSSED SALAD/MELTING POT THING GOING ON

3/31/2008 12:19:25 PM

I don't know if it's because I'm American or individualistic or both, but IMO Indians have a shitty shitty culture and I wouldn't put up with a girl that adheres to it. I want a girl who is capable of independent thought and isn't preoccupied with doing what her family wants. I also don't like the idea of having to spend the first 15-20 years of my sexually-capable life working to get a doctorate/amass a fortune in order to be deemed worthy to marry or sleep with someone.

I know you like her, but you need to figure something out soon because she'll have to make a choice eventually. You don't want to end up like 0EPII1, spending 2+ years of your life loving a girl who holds out, physically and emotionally, for a marriage that won't include you. (I don't care how many times she got you off, that's just wrong. Sorry for your loss though.)

3/31/2008 1:07:30 PM

Quote :

"Indians have a shitty shitty culture"

sorry the culture could not meet your standards.

As far BanjaMan's question goes

Quote :

"My girlfriend is American born but of a culture that is completely different from mine. Her folks want her to marry someone that is of the same culture as theirs and from a wealthy family"

I feel this happens in every culture.

3/31/2008 1:30:09 PM

Only way to fix this:

get her preggers.

3/31/2008 1:39:24 PM

Patel
Property-wala (own's property)
Professional

Those are the rules. When you marry them they're dad will buy you a beamer.

3/31/2008 2:17:54 PM

Quote :

"I feel this happens in every culture."

No, it does not, at least not in my or relatives/friends family.


I think that the main issue is my family, and not that i am not Hindu or Indian.

maybe i should just be supportive and not press anything?

3/31/2008 2:44:59 PM

Quote :

"When you marry them they're dad will buy you a beamer."

nearly as bad as "isle"

3/31/2008 3:05:47 PM

Isle by they're beamer

3/31/2008 3:06:46 PM

Quote :

" I think your best hope is to be invited over for dinner by her family, where you'll make a series of comical white-boy mistakes, earning you the enmity of her parents until you spontaneously break into a choreographed dance number, first with her grandmother and younger sister, and then with her entire family. Through the magical power of dance, they will realize that racial and caste boundaries can be overcome in the pursuit of true happiness."

I like this idea

3/31/2008 3:07:23 PM

Sounds to me like her and her family aren't going to give you a chance in hell. Cut your losses.

3/31/2008 3:08:55 PM

There are some stupid girls out there who think they are being "nice" by giving you some other baloney excuse for why they don't want your relationship to advance, e.g. parents. You probably can't get her to give you a straight answer if she thinks she's doing you a favor by lying to your face about it, but you can cut your losses and put yourself back on the market before everyone goes home for the summer.

If she has valid reservations about becoming more intimate with you I'd still be wary about proceeding. She's probably dependent on her parents for many things and that's not about to change, and bringing up marrying some other person is just plain classless.

It sounds like you both have different needs at this point in your relationship and you're really too young to be settling for this crap. Find yourself someone who doesn't feel the need to fabricate or hurt you if she needs to communicate her feelings.

3/31/2008 6:14:26 PM

where da indian wimmenz at?

3/31/2008 6:32:20 PM

I think you're jumping to conclusions a little fast. Has she even discussed this with her parents? They haven't met you and more than likely don't know a thing about you. People who come from rich families tend to be better off as an adult and that's part of the reason why parents are so concerned with this. Her parents could very likely be accepting of you or at least willing to give you a shot, especially if they care about their daughter. All you can do is be yourself, keep going for your degree, and hope for the best. 4 months is not too early to be thinking about marriage, it's long enough that you have devoted to a person to start thinking about your future. Ultimately, it's her decision, not yours, not her parents', so just be as supportive as you can.

3/31/2008 7:09:26 PM

As an Indian, I can suggest that once you pass the initial obstacles, you will be fine. It takes a little extra work, but if you think that the girl is worth it, do it and you won't regret. Indian men also go through the same obstacles when they are marrying outside their culture, but once you get married, you will not see any problems.

Bottom line is if the girl you are dating is really worth that little bit of extra trouble...then go for it....

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 7:27 PM. Reason : a]

3/31/2008 7:26:19 PM

there's is an indian female at my work and i know her b/f is white; guess her parents don't mind. she's was raised in the US though.

wasn't there a movie about this very topic that came out last year?? the guy though was the indian and his parents didn't like his white girlfriend.

[Edited on March 31, 2008 at 8:47 PM. Reason : l]

3/31/2008 8:46:13 PM

^
this one?

3/31/2008 9:15:44 PM

Quote :

"if she doesn't disagree with the culture of her parents, then you have no hope."

plus she probably doesn't want to work a day in her life, so getting cut off financially would be devastating for her / her social circle.

3/31/2008 9:38:13 PM

this thread is still a big WTF to me. I understand you hit it off with her real well, but for

Quote :

"walk down the isle with someone else"

to suddenly come up in the middle of that... it's kind of like something doesn't add up. I mean really, I don't see this happening, and you don't seem to quite exhibit the 'shock' that I would hearing that. One of y'all is just completely out there in never land. Who it is, I can't say.

3/31/2008 9:51:48 PM

Quote :

" They met her last bf (the dude was loaded with cash b/c of a rich family), and he was controlling and manipulative."

makes perfect sense. She comes from a rich controlling and manipulative family...of course they would want her to marry into the same thing.

3/31/2008 10:24:28 PM

Question...would you have a traditional American Christian type wedding or a traditional Indian/Hindu wedding or some jacked up combination between the two?

[Edited on April 1, 2008 at 12:04 AM. Reason : .]

4/1/2008 12:04:29 AM

She's going to have to either give up her family, or the idea of having a relationship with someone she picks. Sounds like you are being used while she's trying to make up her mind.

I say go find a nice American female that'll put out and her family doesn't care how much money you make, as long as you aren't an unemployed pothead.

4/1/2008 12:43:45 AM

Quote :

"I don't know if it's because I'm American or individualistic or both, but IMO Indians have a shitty shitty culture and I wouldn't put up with a girl that adheres to it"

You just broadly labelled both Americans and Indians.

Some families are douches and some are normal, and some are in between. This goes for any culture. Attraction in relationships is pretty universal, just the societal constructs surrounding them are a bit different. But the core feelings are the same.

I recommend This American Life #350 which relates slightly to this issue. http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1232

4/1/2008 1:33:12 AM

Quote :

"South Asians in general don't look favourably upon teachers. According to them, all teachers are failures in life who failed to become a doctor or an engineer. 98% of young South Asian men want to become doctors or engineers. And naturally, they want their daughters only marrying doctors and engineers. Preferably rich ones."

i'll give them credit that a lot of these people have ambition. A lot better then some groups within our culture that instead 80% of the young men count on being a basketball player, rapper, or drug dealer.

4/1/2008 11:20:05 AM