just sound advice for the lurkers reading

it never hurts to strive to impress

you don't have to bend over backwards or look like a chump to do it

just be cool, don't be a cheap ass, and pay for the majority of shit for the first few dates

5/23/2008 12:13:44 PM

You should never bring a dame to a nice place for the first date. Always something free to $20 spent. If you start out at the top, you are bound to just go down hill. Start low and impress her with you and not your wallet....so when you do spend money on her she knows you are doing it for her and not just trying to front like you're some big deal.

5/23/2008 12:27:04 PM

Quote :

"Start low and impress her with you and not your wallet...."

I already tried explaining that but he just doesn't get it.

5/23/2008 12:29:25 PM

i've been wanting to eat at second empire for a long time

i wouldn't take a girl there on a first date

can't find one to take anyway

5/23/2008 12:37:57 PM

Nothing turns on a girl more than a self loathing man.

5/23/2008 12:38:37 PM

i'm pretty down this week

hopefully this weekend will fix me up

5/23/2008 12:46:00 PM

Quote :

"...and not just trying to front like you're some big deal."

for some of us spending a little bit of money on a first date is not us trying to be a "big deal"

and i laugh at your spending nothing to $20 on a real "first date"

of course, you should get some coffee or something before you take her out for dinner

if you consider that the first date (which it will be for time logging sake), ok... but for the first "take her out and do something nice" date, you got to spend a little cheddar

but... by all means, take your chicks out to arbys or the olive garden or whatever you people do

5/23/2008 1:54:46 PM

Quote :

"with the girl i just broke up with a couple of months ago...she actually took me to a football game for our first date and it was great. she got the tix and the beer for tailgating with her friends."

can I get this girls number?

j/k...I'm getting married soon

Quote :

"Vicks at city market or Lilly's at 5 points are prob. 2 of my favorite lunch date spots; sit outside, get some pizza and people watch. "

both are awesome. Back in sophomore year my g/f and I didn't have a car, we would take the bus downtown to have lunch at Vics. They have great reasonably priced food and a great atmosphere.

Lilly's pizza is on a whole other level. It's amazing. I personally like the enviroment there but I know many who don't

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 2:18 PM. Reason : yo]

5/23/2008 2:14:10 PM

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 2:18 PM. Reason : sorry...double post]

5/23/2008 2:18:00 PM

Lilly's is excellent, but true, the atmosphere isn't for everybody.

Then again I've only been for lunch so I'm not sure what the evening crowd is like, but I can't imagine my expectations are too far off. Been meaning to take the GF there to prove to her that it is, in fact, better pizza than Pepper's on Franklin Street. (She's a UNC grad, what can I say...)

5/23/2008 2:28:49 PM

Quote :

"just sound advice for the lurkers reading it never hurts to strive to impress you don't have to bend over backwards or look like a chump to do it just be cool, don't be a cheap ass, and pay for the majority of shit for the first few dates"

holy shit this is pure wrong.

if you are trying to impress a girl on the first date, then you are trying too hard and are desperate. the first date is for getting to know someone. would you try to impress some random dude you just met at a party, or see if you think hes a cool guy first? same principal. if all you want is pussy from the chick, the i guess that might work.

if you pay for the first date, or really any of the first few dates (until you are "dating", i.e. at least a simple relationship) then you are just asking the gold diggers to come out. if you pay, its a treat you are doing because you like someone, not because you are the guy.

i agree with what gunzz said. lunch or a cheap place is the best.

i took my girl ive had for 2 years to I <3 NY pizza and the Q shack for our first 2 dates and by the end of the 2nd date I was very surprised with how much she was into me. even with fucking some basic dating etiquette up. but that was probably because of ME, not that I took her someplace expensive.

5/23/2008 2:53:27 PM

what is it with you people and "gold diggers"

do you really hang around chicks like this, because I DON'T

for those who care, don't listen to these people

by what they say, it's obvious they care WAY to much about the supposed impression they are leaving instead of just going with the reasonable flow of standard expectations and just manning the fuck up

they somehow are trying to put the spending of money as a substitution for being a reasonable dude who acts right when he's with his girl... that's where they show how they got it all wrong

act cool, be decent, and don't cheap out on the girl

you won't regret it

5/23/2008 3:02:22 PM

i like eating in the tavern below. you can order from both menus and it's a lot less formal.

2nd empire is definitely one of the finer restaurants in raleigh, it's no Heron's, but it is good for a night out with the in laws or something. they also have nice flat screens down in the tavern and will usually put on a game for you if you ask.

5/23/2008 3:06:20 PM

^^ dude, what are you, 60?

Quote :

"by what they say, it's obvious they care WAY to much about the supposed impression they are leaving"

and

Quote :

"it never hurts to strive to impress"

makes me laugh

Quote :

"instead of just going with the reasonable flow of standard expectations and just manning the fuck up"

do you also expect them to put out and stay in the kitchen as well? reasonable expectations are that you be a good guy, not buy everything for them. are you paying them to hang out, or trying to establish a real relationship with an equal?

Quote :

"they somehow are trying to put the spending of money as a substitution for being a reasonable dude who acts right when he's with his girl"

no, that is what you are doing: using money to impress instead of using your winning personality. I use "your" very liberally there. if you are a reasonable dude, then you dont have to try to impress, you can just be. if the girl expects you to buy on a first date, then she is just looking for a free meal and doesnt give a damn about you.

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 3:09 PM. Reason : ^]

5/23/2008 3:08:52 PM

Quote :

"dude, what are you, 60? Quote : "by what they say, it's obvious they care WAY to much about the supposed impression they are leaving" and Quote : "it never hurts to strive to impress" makes me laugh"

you're missing it... i'm talking about how people care way to much about coming off... i honestly don't know what

I want to strive to impress with the first date... that she has a good time

...

and what's this expect shit?

it's what I do

I like to take out a girl to a nice place for a first date

and, it's not about the money, it's about the class to do it right

there are dudes out there who will take a chick out to "the olive garden" for a first date

I am certainly not one of them

...

Quote :

"I use "your" very liberally there. if you are a reasonable dude, then you dont have to try to impress, you can just be."

what I am, what I "be", is a guy who wants to take out a chick I start to date to a nice restaurant for a first date

that who I am, Slacko

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 3:20 PM. Reason : .]

5/23/2008 3:15:16 PM

actually the olive garden is too expensive for a first date. unless you are going for lunch. i would go someplace quite cheap, like where you would go if you were eating alone or getting take out. and make her pay for her own food. this will send the message that you arent carrying the other person and that you dont spend loads of money every time you go out. hell, cook a girl dinner if you can. that would be perfect. some steaks on sale at HT or where ever would be ideal. but then a girl in your house on the first date might creep her out a bit or put her off. but then, this is just me. and im not a big fancy person. if i have to put on a tie for a restaurant and it isnt a special occasion or celebration, its too fancy to bother with.

^ the grammar was intentional. like to just "be", to just chill. if I was going to just am, that would sound off. anyways, that isnt the point.

to make sure she has a good time, go ice skating, or something fun. also, i think we have opposite mindsets. i dont try to impress the girl any more than any other person. i usually look for someone to impress me with what kind of person they are. and all they have to do to do that is to talk.

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 3:23 PM. Reason : s]

5/23/2008 3:20:45 PM

Quote :

"actually the olive garden is too expensive for a first date."

i'm giving the screen the biggest tight lips condescending look I possibly can

if only I could transmit this over the interweb

Quote :

"this will send the message that you arent carrying the other person and that you dont spend loads of money every time you go out."

don't take this dude's advice

it all just screams a lack of self-confidence

no chick is going to equate an expensive first date with what goes down from then on

he has it all wrong

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 3:25 PM. Reason : .]

5/23/2008 3:23:11 PM

how does going somewhere cheap and just talking scream of lack of self-confidence? if i had a confidence issue, i would spend a bunch of money on them and try real hard to be something that I wasn't. because i wasn't confident with myself. but the point is moot. the old fashioned first date is what nastoute is describing. romantic, chivalrous, etc. or you can just treat the girl like a new acquaintance and be yourself. if she doesnt like you for you, then it wont matter in the end anyways.

5/23/2008 3:26:24 PM

Quote :

"the old fashioned first date is what nastoute is describing. romantic, chivalrous, etc."

DING DING DING DING DING

we have a winnar

and if you don't think 99% of girls dig that, even the cynical ones

then I don't know where this conversation can go

5/23/2008 3:28:23 PM

You're right. My methods have never worked. I never get dates, and when I do they are fat chicks that dig Mcdonalds for their first date....and there is never a second date.

5/23/2008 3:42:00 PM

feed'em fuck'em and leave'em

5/23/2008 3:48:13 PM

there's nothing wrong with your method

I just do things differently, and honestly WOULD suggest that other's try my approach then attempting to go the cheap route

5/23/2008 3:48:33 PM

im just messin. i do find the casual method easier and better suited to find the type of girls that i like.

5/23/2008 4:05:59 PM

I don't believe in making women think they're worth my time or money.

5/23/2008 4:06:48 PM

that's fine

but some of us just aren't into making women feel worthless

5/23/2008 4:10:00 PM

And some of us prefer not to lie to women.

5/23/2008 4:11:07 PM

uhh... sure

5/23/2008 4:11:38 PM

5/23/2008 4:13:54 PM

5/23/2008 4:15:20 PM

you think I have the wrong attitude

but it's really your attitude that's all screwed up

you're being reactionary because of whatever

i'm just going with the flow

...

by giving a shit about pedestals and try to not treat women worth a damn, you're actually giving more attention to the situation that it deserves

I am the one being cool with it, I'm the one who really doesn't give a damn

I just do it right and continue on...

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 4:20 PM. Reason : .]

5/23/2008 4:16:52 PM

5/23/2008 4:17:22 PM

Quote :

"damn, those prices are a lot cheaper than what I was expecting. "

That's what I was thinking. I mean they're not much more expensive than somewhere like Kanki.

5/23/2008 4:17:29 PM

^

exactly... but they're still nice places

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 4:19 PM. Reason : .]

5/23/2008 4:18:53 PM

Quote :

"Quote : "the old fashioned first date is what nastoute is describing. romantic, chivalrous, etc." DING DING DING DING DING we have a winnar and if you don't think 99% of girls dig that, even the cynical ones then I don't know where this conversation can go"

I'm going to have to agree here. Meeting for coffee/drinks/casual lunch is a good opener, but I would say for the first Date (yes date with a capital "D") somewhere nice is the way to go. Our opinion of the appropriate level of "nice" may differ somewhat, but the idea is the same. And if I ask a girl out, I'm paying for the meal, at the very least on the first date or two. I'm just old-fashioned that way.

[Edited on May 23, 2008 at 5:28 PM. Reason : x]

5/23/2008 5:28:25 PM

the rule is

if it's a chain

it's not nice

5/23/2008 5:52:24 PM

As a girl, I'm certainly not a "gold digger," but I'm not gonna be into a guy who takes me out on a first Date and drops more than $100. The point of the first date is to get to know the person and see if you two mesh.
That doesn't require a good deal of money.
Granted, there are some women who want a romantic outing, but again, this doesn't require the guy dropping a Benjamin. Hell, even the Melting Pot can run you <$100, but that's not a first date restaurant, either.
I do agree that a chain should NOT be your first date. It shows no thought or insight into what the girl might like. Definitely try to get a feel for what your potential gf is into, but don't bank on her falling all over you because you whip out the credit card on a $100 meal.
It would just make you if she then thought you were overboard or like rjrgrl's crazy code guy.

But absolutely make the date personal and unique, so she has something cute to tell her friends

5/23/2008 6:20:41 PM

If you must take her to Second Empire for the first date, the Tavern is the way to go. But I'd raise an eyebrow at a guy who took me to the main dining room on the first date unless he was a regular or friends with the owner/maitre d'/etc. But then again, I'm pretty low key but love good food, so that's usually my priority.

5/23/2008 6:26:41 PM

Quote :

"I do think Second Empire is a bit much for a first date, unless you're just trying to show how baller you are"

Me too

Also, if you play your cards right, she should be the one clamoring to buy you dinner

5/23/2008 6:29:17 PM

It would weird me out if a guy wanted to bring me to Second Empire for a first date. I'm a casual first date sort of person.

That said, I've always been curious about Second Empire. One of these days I'll try it

5/26/2008 8:05:00 AM

This food is the most overpriced and average food I have ever eaten. It's a complete rip, I can cook 10x better for 1/10 the price.

5/26/2008 8:31:15 AM

I haven't really thought about it until now, but I think I've always been the type to have a casual first date (assuming I'd just met her and it wasn't someone I somewhat already knew), and if things went well, drop a dime or few on the next. If I already know the girl and I'm attempting that step beyond friendship, I'll go all-out.

I'll even wear a shirt that doesn't have a band logo on it.

But for me a real DATE date, for better or worse, is somewhat rare for a girl I just met. I usually meet girls doing things I like so we end up doing that and exploring other common interests (or unfamiliar ones the other brings to the table) for a while; by that time I know her well enough to know if taking her to a nice place for our first real "traditional" date is a good idea.

The reason is this:

It's so easy to be distracted by what you're doing in those initial hangout and social "dates" that when you take her out to a true, intimate, one-on-one restaurant date, you might learn that you really don't connect and have nothing to say to each other without the the stimulation of life around you. That can get awkward when it's an expensive place

5/26/2008 8:31:33 AM

me and TheBullDoza's first date was a monster truck show

I'd feel weird if a guy took me somewhere expensive for the first date. too much pressure. and I'd kinda feel bad for him spending so much when I don't know him well or if the relationship is even gonna work.

5/26/2008 10:37:04 AM

Quote :

"i would go someplace quite cheap, like where you would go if you were eating alone or getting take out. and make her pay for her own food. this will send the message that you arent carrying the other person and that you dont spend loads of money every time you go out. hell, cook a girl dinner if you can. that would be perfect."

This is GREAT advice.

Meeting a girl for the first few dates is about building attraction, and this technique is sure to help you accomplish that.

5/26/2008 11:47:54 AM

Quote :

"so was the $110 bill (not including tip)"

not exactly expensive for a two-person meal. did this even include drinks?

5/26/2008 11:51:13 AM

Quote :

"As a girl, I'm certainly not a "gold digger," but I'm not gonna be into a guy who takes me out on a first Date and drops more than $100. The point of the first date is to get to know the person and see if you two mesh. That doesn't require a good deal of money."

Me too.

If you drop this much on the first date, how are you going to up the ante for her birthday, V-day, etc.?

I think this kind of date is excellent every once in a while for a special event (birthday, valentines day, maybe christmas) if you are in a committed relationship and have already exchanged L-words.

If you do this on the first date, she's gonna think you're a wuss.

5/26/2008 11:54:48 AM

I didn't read this shit because i am pretty sure it is dudes arguing about how to pick up chicks.

I just wanted to say that the most expensive dinner i have ever had was $1750 for seven of us (so $250 a person). I have never tasted dishes as good as the 10 courses I had that night.

[Edited on May 26, 2008 at 11:57 AM. Reason : ...]

5/26/2008 11:57:09 AM

^ same here, kinda turned into a thread I didn't expect.

But ten courses? Damn. I'd be rollin outta there

5/26/2008 12:23:42 PM

well when it is ten courses, they are small courses... i was pleasently full though.

But this was at a Michelin star restaurant in Paris.

5/27/2008 12:18:45 AM

I love 10 course meals. I have to attend them about three times a year at my current job. Luckily though they usually only run about $100. I guess they have some sort of group special when it's 50+ of us rolling in there.

5/27/2008 8:50:36 AM

i love the mixture between

OMG, that's too expensive

and

OMG, that's not expensive at all

you people are silly

5/27/2008 8:54:37 AM