Quote :

"Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood Retail | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA (A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.) Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.” Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.” Me: “Excuse me?” Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.” Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.” Tourist: “Puerto Rican?” Me: “Not even close.” Tourist: “Cuban?” Me: “No.” Tourist: “What are you, then?” Me: “I’m Native American.” Tourist: “So am I.” (She’s white as notebook paper.) Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.” Tourist: “What do you mean?” Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?” Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.” Me: “Just take your change.”"

6/21/2008 3:00:52 PM

Quote :

"Hopefully, She Got The House Hotel | Rhode Island, USA Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?” Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?” Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.” Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–” Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!” Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.” (There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.) Guest: “What?” (At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.) Me: “Um… ma’am?” Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.” Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–” (At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…) Me: “Thank you for calling, how–” Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!” Me: *click* "

6/21/2008 3:02:18 PM

Ahahah wow. OWNED.

6/21/2008 3:07:18 PM

complete pwnage.

6/21/2008 3:15:16 PM

Quote :

"(Hanging by the coffee dispenser) Campus police officer 1 to campus police officer 2: “I smell bacon, is that you?” "

6/21/2008 3:19:17 PM

Quote :

"Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises) Fast Food | Central Illinois, USA (It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.) Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!” Coworker: “How old are they?!” Customer: “In their 20s.” Coworker, shocked: “But guns kill people!” Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.” Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?” Customer: “No, from Democrats!” (My coworker gets very offended, and a rather loud debate ensues between them as I try helplessly to control my laughter.)"

I'm not sure whose ignorance to laugh at more. Especially with someone in a fast food restaurant bitching about things that kill you.

6/21/2008 3:21:54 PM

OH . . . MY . . . GOD, I can't wait to get old and pull this shit:

Quote :

"(Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.) Me: “Sir?” Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?” Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].” Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.” Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.” Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!” Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.” Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me* (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.) Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!” (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)"

6/21/2008 3:37:51 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


thats awesome!!!!

6/21/2008 3:40:38 PM

Quote :

"(I worked at a shop that did passport photos. There was a fifteen minute wait on the pictures, so people normally just left and came back…) Me: “That’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.” Customer: “I’ll come back. Do you need my name?” Me: “No, I don’t need it.” Customer: “You little snot. It’s ’cause there’s a black man in here!” Me: “Sir, I am not racist. ” Customer: “Oh, sure you’re not, you racist snot.” Me: “Sir, I have your picture. That’s why I do not need your name.”"

6/21/2008 3:51:09 PM

This just happened in the Piggly Wiggly:

Woman #1: Ma'am, is something wrong with your child?
Woman #2 (whose child obviously had her face painted to look like a cat: Uh, no why?
Woman #1: I just saw her face and . . .
Woman #2: Uhhh, thats face paint.
Woman #1: Oh.
Me: [carlface]

6/21/2008 6:22:44 PM

Quote :

"(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular convenience store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.) Customer: “HEY!” Me: “Hello sir, how can I help you?” Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!” (The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’) Customer: “… Lard?” Me: “Um… um!” Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.” (He bends down and picks up a jar of lard from the counter infront of me and walks away, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)"

yes, but you lose at life.

6/21/2008 6:58:00 PM

ok, so apparently I'm the only one keeping this thread alive, but my friend John just reminded me of an incident he had a few years back on St. Patrick's Day. The customer with a generic Irish last O'name had just noticed John's orange tie:

O'Customer: "What are you wearing that for!? Do you have any idea what that means!? You have no idea what that means!"
John: "Yes ma'am I do, that is why I'm wearing it."
O'Customer: "Thats just asinine, I'm complaining to corporate."
John: *shrug*
Next Customer in line: *Nervous laugh* "Its ok, everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's day."
John: "So what, is everyone black on Martin Luther King day?"
Black Cashier: *laughs so hard she cries*
O'Customer: *stares at everyone and then leaves*

6/21/2008 7:45:14 PM

we have people oder stupid shit sometimes, like they want the chili but can we take the beans out? or the club sandwich, except with no cheese, lettuce, tomato, or sauce, and then they're upset that we give them plain meat between bread.

we also get a lot of folks (floridians) who get extremely upset that we charge tax on food in nc, and demand that i go take it off.

6/21/2008 11:45:25 PM

We have a bunch of idiot customers at my store as well. They want to receive coupons in the mail, but wont give out any information.

"Why do you need my address?"
"You asked to receive coupons in the mail."
"Yes, but why do you need my address to do that?"
"So that we will know where to send the coupons."
.... finally got his information, finish ringing out his transaction.
"Where's my discount?"
"Your discount?"
"Yes you said I would receive coupons."
"Yes, you'll receive them in the mail. That means they will go to your house, not here in the store."
"Well, that's stupid, you should give me a discount for that."

6/21/2008 11:56:58 PM

Quote :

"(I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.) Me: “That will be $25.30.” Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?” Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”"

6/22/2008 2:18:03 PM

Quote :

" (I was in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in, heads right to the front of the line.) Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.” Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–” Customer: “No! Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.” Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?” Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three quarters of the way!” Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.” Employee, to the manager: “She only prepaid $10…” Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?” Customer: “That’s right.” Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….” Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.” Manager: “When was this?” Customer: “That doesn’t matter! My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!” Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–” Customer: “Don’t give me that! It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!” Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…” "

6/25/2008 4:33:08 PM

Talk About Creepy
Hotel | Raleigh, NC, USA
(It’s 3:30 am, and a hotel guest wanders into the back office that is clearly marked for staff only…)

Guest: “My phone isn’t working. I need to call someone… it’s really important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t be back here. Please go back into the lobby and I will reset your phone line.”

Guest: *points at a chair* “Can’t I sit here?”

Me: “No. Go back out into the lobby, right now.”

Guest: *sits down* “I came here with a girl and she left me. Now I need to call for another girl.”

Me: “I’m sorry, really, but you can’t sit here. You can’t be back here. Please, go back into the lobby.”

Guest: *gets up* “Sorry. I’m upset.”

Me: “Give me a minute and I’ll reset your phone line and then call your room to see if it goes through.”

(I reset his phone and call his room. He leaves, only to come back 5 minutes later.)

Guest: “It still isn’t working. I’m really unhappy. Do you know where I can get a prostitute?”

Me: “I’m sure if you walk outside on the street and go to the corner you can find one, but you can’t bring her back here.”

Guest: “That isn’t safe.”

Me: “I’m sorry… I can’t help you, sir.”

Guest: “Are you a prostitute?”

Me: “No!”

Guest: “I’ll pay you $160.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not a prostitute, and I’m going to call security.”

Guest: “No, you won’t. You’re a prostitute. How about $280? How much do men normally pay?”

Me: “Do I look like a prostitute? I’m a receptionist. I do paperwork and check people in. I don’t sleep with them.”

Guest: “All of the girls that I know who are receptionists at night are prostitutes.”

Me: “Well, I’m not. Can you please go back to your room?!”

Guest: “I’m from Miami.”

Me: “Good. Can you please go back to your room?”

Guest: “Fine. Tomorrow I’m going to complain about the service here!”

Me: “… because I won’t sleep with you for money?”

Guest: “Will you just come sleep with me? I just need thirty minutes.”

Me: “No.”

Guest: “I’m talking to the manager tomorrow.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Good luck…”

(He finally leaves, and I make a note of this encounter. I discover the next day that he was refunded $20 due to my poor service. I have no idea what he told the receptionist when he checked out, but she clearly didn’t read my note!)

6/26/2008 1:58:52 PM

(An older lady calls in to see if we will waive the late fee on her credit card. I see several previous refunds and decide not to refund unless it’s a bank error.)

Old lady: “I’m afraid I forgot to send the payment. I just lost my husband, and it’s been such a stressful month for me.”

(I start to feel sorry for her and think maybe I can cut her a break. Then, I read the notes on the account more closely…)

Me: “Ma’am, what was your husband’s name?”

Old lady, sadly: “It was Leonard.”

Me: “Ma’am, I see that you faxed us Leonard’s death certificate two years ago, so you could remove his name from the account.”

Old lady, now indignant: “Well, it doesn’t get any easier!

6/27/2008 1:36:12 PM

Quote :

" (The zoo sells these SpongeBob ice creams with gumball eyes. I overhear this mother telling her young son eating one outside one of the restaurants…) Mom: “Oh look honey, when you licked his balls you got stuff all over your face!” "

Quote :

"Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1 Grocery Store | Oklahoma, USAOklahoma, USA (I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.) Customer: “Excuse me, miss?” Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?” Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?” Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ” Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!” (She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.) "

7/6/2008 8:27:53 PM

Oh my god I love this site sooooooooo much!

Quote :

"Personally, I Prefer Pokey ‘Pods Electronics Store | Sacramento, CA, USA (Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…) Customer:“Y’all got dem thirty two jiggabit touchee pods?” "

7/12/2008 9:56:00 AM

Quote :

"Tech Support | Columbus, OH, USA Me: “Can I help you?” Caller: “My car won’t start.” Me: “Excuse me?” Caller: “My car won’t start. It ran fine earlier but since I’ve visited your site it won’t turn over.” Me: “Uh… is your computer attached to your car? Draining the battery?” Caller: “No, the computer is in the house.” Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how visiting a web site, let alone ours, could affect the operation of your car.” Caller: “I thought this was tech support?” Me: “That’s correct. We are not car mechanics, however.” Caller: “Look, I hear about web sites hacking into people’s lives all the time. I see no reason why they couldn’t hack cars or anything else they wanted.” Me: “Are you kidding?” Caller: “No! My car worked fine earlier! I went to your site and now it won’t start. Why are you hacking me?!” Me: “We aren’t. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” Caller: ”F*** YOU! GET OUT OF MY CAR, YOU–” Me: *click*"

7/15/2008 1:52:27 PM

Quote :

"(I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.) Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.” Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast* Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!” Elderly patient: “But I like it…” Me: *laughs"

[Edited on July 27, 2008 at 6:55 PM. Reason : .]

7/27/2008 6:55:04 PM

Quote :

"Me: “Welcome to [movie theater]. Can I help you?” Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].” Me: “Can I see your ID, please?” Customer: ”I don’t have any.” Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.” Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!” Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.” Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!” (At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.) Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?” Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!” Me: ”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”"

Haha, from Raleigh. Sweet

7/27/2008 7:00:52 PM

Quote :

"Me: “If I can just get your signature there…” Elderly customer: *scribbles his name, then starts drawing on the counter* Me: “Uh… sir?” Elderly customer: *starts drawing up the side of the cash register* Me: “Sir? You just… sign your name.” Elderly customer: *doodles in the air, up and up… and then jabs me in the forehead with the pen and draws lines on my face* Me: “What the h***?” Elderly customer: “Reactions like that would have gotten you killed in the war!”"

7/29/2008 1:31:48 PM

Quote :

"Old man: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.” Me: “Oh yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.” Old man: “So, you have it?” Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.” (We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.) Me: “This is it.” Old man: “How much?” Me: “$12.99.” Old man: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”"

LOL

8/4/2008 1:55:06 PM

Quote :

"Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!” Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.” Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!” Mom: “You can’t have it!” Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!” (At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.) Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!” Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!” Me: *speechless*"

8/6/2008 2:06:07 AM

god I hate working in retail

8/6/2008 3:24:55 AM

today i was tearing tickets at the theater I work at and a guy comes up and says "my name's james bond" and shakes my hand. He says "I can see any movie here for free. I have a license to kill."

weird. then his family came up with his ticket, i think he was seeing the mummy or hancock.

8/6/2008 3:32:23 AM

I can't stop reading these things.

8/7/2008 9:11:23 AM

Quote :

"Me: “Good evening, thanks for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?” Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. I’m with the *** wedding party.” (I take down his information for dates he’ll be staying and size of beds. Then, we get to the type of room…) Me: “… And would you like a standard room, or would you prefer poolside, or could I interest you in a suite or other luxury room?” Customer: “I want a standard room. It needs to be near an elevator, because my wife has back problems.” Me: “We also have rooms on the ground floor with parking directly outside, which would be much less walking.” Customer: “No. I want it near an elevator.” Me: “Sir–” Customer: “It’s about the horizontal distance.” Me: “Sir, there is no parking near the elevators, and it would be farther for her to walk to the elevator.” Customer: “She can take elevators, it’s about the horizontal distance.” Me: “Yes, sir. I understand, but we have rooms on the ground floor with parking directly outside. It would be much closer than if you had to park and then take the elevator.” Customer: “I want to be near the elevator!” (I put him in one of the standard ground floor rooms anyway with adjacent parking, for the sake of his wife.)"

...

8/10/2008 8:50:26 AM

http://raleighgasprices.com/Forum_Topics.aspx?category=1056

holy christ

8/10/2008 12:13:11 PM

Quote :

"Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin (A male customer comes up to the counter with a box of tampons.) Me: “You should meet my husband. We’ve been married seven years and he’s never bought these.” Customer: “You should meet my girlfriend.” Me: “Persuasive?” Customer: “Scary.”"

LOL

8/11/2008 3:23:51 PM

Quote :

"ey G.W., Crazy Lady On Line 1 from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin (I used to work in a building on 17th and Pennsylvania Ave, which is a block away from the White House.) Me: “Good morning, *** & ***.” Lady: “Uh, hi… is this office in DC?” Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is the DC office. How may I direct your call?” Lady: “Is your building by the White House?” Me: “Yes, it is…?” Lady: “Can you run over there and tell them to pick up the phone? I’ve been calling all day but I can’t get ahold of the President!” Me: *click*"

L

O

L

8/12/2008 1:53:58 PM

Quote :

"Friend: “Hello, this is–” Caller: *twelve year old sounding voice* “Your mom!” Friend: “What?” Caller: “What your mom said.” Friend: “A prank caller are we?” Caller: *mocking tone* “A prank caller are we?” Friend: “Do your parents know what your doing? Because I have caller ID and I can call them back later.” Caller: “My parents are out of town… duuuhhh!” Friend: “You must have absolutely no idea what kind of store you just called, then.” Caller: “A GAY store?” (My friend puts the phone down and opens the locker behind the counter and retrieves a shotgun. He holds it next to the phone and pumps the action.) Friend: “Can you guess now?” Caller: “…” Friend: “You know, your caller ID gave me a first and last name. All I need to do is open a phone book and I can find your address.” Caller: *click*"

LOL

8/12/2008 2:00:15 PM

HAHAHA I had something like this happen to a friend from Peace

Quote :

"Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman With Fake Stones Jeweler | Denver, CO, USA (A woman comes up to the counter with a tennis bracelet.) Customer: “I’d like to have this professionally cleaned, please.” Me: “We’d be happy to do that for you. Can you give me the value so that we can put that on the form for insurance?” Customer: “Of course. It’s worth $15,000.” Me: “Ma’am, for such a high value, I’ll need to verify that these are actually diamonds.” Customer: “Of course they’re real diamonds! My husband gave that to me for our anniversary, and said it was diamonds!” (I go and get our diamond tester from the back. If the stones are diamonds, the machine will beep. I test the bracelet in front of her. It doesn’t beep.) Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these are more than likely cubic zirconia, and the highest value I could insure this bracelet for is $2,000.” Customer: “I don’t believe you! Your machine must be broken!” (I reach into the display case, and pull out a diamond ring. I silently test multiple stones, and the machine beeps as it should.) Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s functioning properly. We’ll be happy to send your bracelet out for cleaning, but will only be able to insure it for $2,000.” (The woman’s face at this point is so contorted with rage she looks like she’s going to pop. She snatches the bracelet up and runs out of the store.) Manager: “I’d like to be a fly on the wall, when he gets home!” "

8/12/2008 2:17:26 PM

This is now the first feed I read on google reader

Quote :

"Grab Bag: Alaskan Cruise from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin (I worked briefly in one of the regional offices for a cruise line. One of my jobs was to read all customer comment cards from the end of their tours and cruises and enter the comments into our database.) 1. “Please cut down some of the trees in Denali National Park. It is difficult to see the forest because these trees are in the way.” 2. “There are a lot of old cars scattered all over the place. Can you please remove them? They look ugly.” 3. “I wanted to see Mt. McKinley but it was raining and too cloudy. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.” 4. “I couldn’t swim in the outside pool on the cruise ship because it was raining the entire trip. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.” 5. “I didn’t like the reindeer sausage you served on the train. I want my money back and/or a free cruise.” 6. “I wanted to see the wildlife tour, but 5:00 am is way too early for me to wake up while I’m on vacation. Can you please schedule the wildlife to be available later in the afternoon, so that I can see them?” 7. “I was supposed to ride the train through Denali National Park, but there was a fire. Why did you schedule the fire while I was there?” 8. “Why are there so many Alaskan natives in Alaska? Can you ask them to leave?” 9. “There are way too many trees and animals on the wildlife tour. Can you please put in some malls and tennis courts?”"

8/14/2008 3:23:58 PM

Quote :

"Customer: “Hi, I wanted to return this set of knives and your cashier wouldn’t let me.” Me: “When was the original date of purchase, ma’am?” (She hands me a receipt.) Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Since you bought these over 60 days ago, we won’t be able to refund your money.” Customer: “But I don’t want them anymore. Just take them back and give me my money.” Me: “I’m not able to do that, ma’am.” Customer: “But I don’t want the g**d*** knives! Take them!” Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my power to do a return for you.” Customer: “Well, then get someone who can, g**d*** it!” Me: “Ma’am, you don’t understand. After 60 days, the system locks out the transaction. It is in nobody’s power to refund you.” Customer: “You g**d*** incompetent pieces of s***! I don’t want these f***ing knives, and I want you to take them back now!” Me: “There is nothing I can do to help you, ma’am.” Customer: “It’s because of f***ing fascists like you that we’re at war in Iraq! Do you realize that? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”"

8/22/2008 9:12:41 AM

Quote :

"(On the Saturday night of a weekend-long fan-based media convention, we hold a dance for the attendees. A mother comes up to the security office and voices a complaint.) Mother: “The music is too loud and it’s running too late. I want it shut down.” Me: “Ma’am, our dance is scheduled until 5:00AM, and we are not disturbing any other events.” Mother: “Well, there are kids are in there and if this thing is for kids, then there should not be a dance!” Me: “Yes, this convention is an all-ages event, but the dance is one of our most popular events and we have no intention of shutting it down.” Mother: “Well, I’m the customer and I’m always right! You should do what I say and shut the dance down! Where is your supervisor? I’ll get him over to shut the dance down.” Chairman: “Ma’am, what is the problem?” Mother: “I want you to shut the dance down! There are kids here and they should not be in a dance at this time of night! And this man is not helping. Make him shut the dance down!” Chairman: “The dance is one of our biggest events. Closing it down would disappoint thousands of our attendees who look forward to it each year.” Mother: “THIS IS NOT FAIR! I WANT THE D*** DANCE SHUT DOWN AND I WANT IT SHUT DOWN NOW!” Me: “Ma’am, raising your voice will not help your case. Please calm down.” (I figure that there is something else going on, and offer her a seat and a glass of water. She sits down calms down a bit.) Me: “Is there something else going on?” Mother: “My daughter sneaked out of our hotel room and I know she’s in the dance. I went in there and I couldn’t find her.” Me: “Is that all? So you wanted us to shut the entire dance down, just to get your daughter out?” Mother: *timidly* “Yes…” Me: “Did you actually think that we would do it?” Mother: “Yes…” Me: “Why?” Mother: “Because I always get my way!”"

8/23/2008 12:54:10 PM

Quote :

"Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail Shoe Store | Ottawa, ON, Canada Customer: “Do you have this shoe in a size 6? My son needs a size six.” Me: “Ahh… no, I’m sorry. It seems we’re all out of that size.” Customer: “But, there’s a size six right there.” (She points to a shoe that is a completely different style.) Me: “Yes, but that’s a different style shoe. We stock them alphabetically on the riser, but on the shelves we show them by price.” Customer: “Just give me that six, then!” Me: “Sure thing.” *hands her the box* Customer: “This isn’t the shoe I wanted.” Me: “I know. Even though I just told you that we are out of size six in the style you wanted, you still asked to see this one.” Customer: “I don’t want this one. Put it back.” Me: “Okay…” Customer: “What about this style shoe?” Me: “Unfortunately, there aren’t any size sixes left in that style either.” Customer: “But there’s a six RIGHT THERE.” (Note that she is pointing to the box I JUST put back.) Me: “That is a different shoe style, and you already looked at that EXACT box.” Customer: “JUST GET ME THAT SIX!” Me: “Okay.” *hands her the box* Customer: “This isn’t the style that I wanted!” Me: “…” "

Quote :

"Not Bad For A 164-Year Old Dead Guy Copy Shop | Dallas, TX, USA (A customer comes in wanting to copy a full musical score, which is against copyright laws.) Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t copy that for you.” Customer: “Why not?” Me: “It’s against copyright laws.” Customer: “What?! I wrote this!” Me: “You’re… Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov?” Customer: “Yes. Yes, that’s me!” [Korsakov died in 1908.]"

8/24/2008 10:32:54 AM

Quote :

"Customer: “I don’t want a lid.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.” Customer: “This is stupid.” Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–” Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.” Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.”"

Quote :

"Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.” Me: “What’s the problem?” Customer: “It won’t go.” Me: “Okay, how exactly?” Customer: “IT WON’T GO.” Me: “Can I see your iPod?” (The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.) Me: “It seems to be working fine.” (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.) Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.” Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?” Customer: “iPod Touch.” Me: “Yeah… so try TOUCHING one of the icons on the screen.” (She does.) Customer: “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!” Me: “Yeah, well.”"

8/26/2008 12:19:19 PM

Quote :

"(I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.) Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!” Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!”"

Oh god

8/27/2008 9:37:04 AM

wow. ^ but still not surprised.

8/27/2008 11:33:28 AM

Quote :

" Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4 Retail | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.) Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?” Me: “What?” Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?” Me: “The fountain in the park?” Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?” Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.” Customer: “But what does it DO?” Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?” Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?” Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.” Customer: “But what does it DO?” Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.” Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?” Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.” Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.” (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.) Me: “Did that just happen?” Coworker: “We have to remember that one.” (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.) "

Quote :

" A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’ Retail | Philadelphia, PA, USA Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?” Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!” (He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.) Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.” Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!” (The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.) Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.” (My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.) Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.” Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.” Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.” Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?” Customer: “You don’t accept them.” Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?” Me: “No, its okay. ” Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out* "

Wish I had a manager like that.

[Edited on August 27, 2008 at 11:39 PM. Reason : /]

8/27/2008 11:37:39 PM

Not from that site, but still fitting

Quote :

"I had a moment of searing pain yesterday when I heard this conversation between two young women who were walking out of the mall with large bags from expensive department stores. They were young, pretty, deeply tanned with artificially straightened hair and smudgy, dark eyeliner. They both looked alarmingly similar and this is what they talked about. Girl 1: I can't believe I got a fucking ticket. It was ridiculous. Girl 2: How fast were you going? Girl 1: The speed limit and the cop was all like "Do you know how fast your were going young lady" and I was all like "Well ye-es. Umm I was going the speed limit SIR" and he goes "You were going 95 miles per hour miss" and I was like "Uh YE-AH. I said I was going the speed limit" and he was all "95 is not the speed limit" and I said "Oh yes it is, last time I checked I was driving on 95 so that is the speed limit" and he tried to say it was 65. Girl 2: I think it is 65. Girl 1: No it isn't. Why is the road called 95 then? The road is named after the speed limit and it's not called I-65, it's called I-95 so you can go 95 right? Like on I-75 I drive slower and go 75 and on 575 I go 75 and 595 I go 95 and on 195 in South Beach I can go 95. Girl 2: That's not how it works. Girl 1: Yes it does. Girl 2: No it doesn't. The roads aren't named after the speed limit. Girl 1: Well what are they named after then? Girl 2: I don't know, but not the speed limit. There are speed limit signs on the roads anyway. Girl 1: I know, duh, and they say I-95 so I shouldn't have got that ticket. I'm getting a lawyer. This sucks. Girl 2: Yeah good luck with that. My question is, what does she do on State Road 7?"

8/30/2008 11:08:28 AM

aha

Quote :

"(A new employee informs me that she spotted a little boy sneaking some candy in his pants. I confront the boy and an older woman about it.) Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Hey, kiddo, what’s in your pocket?” Boy: “Nothing!” Granny: “Oh, h***, again?! Boy, if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.” (The boy, crying, hands me 2 candy bars and a handful of suckers. I thank the lady, and get back to work. A few minutes later, the boy’s mother comes up to me.) Mama: “Is that the b****?” Me: “Excuse me?” Mama: “Aint’ talking to you.” Boy: “Yes, mama.” Mama: “Girl, you being rude to my son?” Me: “No, ma’am.” Mama: “So why you take away his candy?” Me: “Because it wasn’t paid for.” Mama: “Says who? I got him that candy!” Me: “Ma’am, it’s at least 100 degrees outside, and your boy had unmelted chocolate in his pocket. He didn’t bring that in with him. Besides, he was seen taking the candy off the shelf.” Mama: “What? Who said that?” *turns to the other cashiers* “Which one of you a**holes told on my boy?” Me: “Excuse me, but that’s not important.” Mama: “What’s your point, then?!” Me: “The point is, your boy was caught stealing.” Mama: “Forget about the d***ed candy, you nosy b****! Ain’t none of your business!” Me: “Ma’am, your son was spotted shoplifting, which is a crime. You’re lucky I don’t report him.” Mama: “You stupid b****! I don’t give a flying f*** about the candy!” (She raises her hands as if to hit me.) Me, to a coworker: “Call the manager, he should be in by now.” (Just then, Granny appears out of nowhere and smacks her daughter with her handbag.) Granny: “WHAT THE H*** YOU DOING, GIRL?” *continues to smack and berate her daughter* “Upsetting people like that! No common sense! S***! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!” Mama: “But, Ma–” Granny: “SHUT YOUR MOUTH GIRL! GET IN THE D***ED CAR!” *turns to me* “I’m so sorry about that. She crazy, I swear to God. She’ll never come back in here, I promise.” Me: “…” Granny, to daughter: “CAN’T TAKE YOUR CRAZY A** NOWHERE! S***!” (She walks out like nothing happened, and true to her word, I’ve not seen that lady since.)"

9/3/2008 8:57:46 AM

like a dog chasing its own tail

- should have stated we do not have that style in size 6, some folks never really 'get' abstract thinking in any way.

9/3/2008 9:43:45 AM

Quote :

"(I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.) Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?” Me: “Anything.” Customer: “And this will just find it for me?” Me: “Yup.” (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.) Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?” Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.” Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?” Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.” (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.) Customer: “You just saved my marriage.” (Enjoy your porn, Gary.)"

9/8/2008 8:03:52 AM

Quote :

"Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart Pet Store | Jensen Beach, FL, USA (It’s Halloween, and I’m dressed up as a vampire and wearing a pentacle necklace. The crew is planning on going out after work for a party.) Me: “Did you find everything you needed tonight?” Customer: “Yes, thank you. Can I just say that I think it was very nice of them to let you all dress up for tonight? I really like what you have on.” Me: “Thank you, ma’am.” Customer: “But don’t you think you took it a little too far?” Me: “Uh… took what too far?” Customer: “Well I understand that you’re supposed to be some type of vampire, but don’t you think that necklace is taking it too far?” Me: “Oh, that. That’s not part of my costume, I always wear that.” Customer: *loudly* “Well if you want to risk burning in H*** for wearing that devil worshiping symbol, that’s just fine with me… but they shouldn’t be letting you wear that here in a public place!” Me: *sarcastically* “Well, why shouldn’t they let me wear it? After all, we all practice together and I’m the high priestess. In fact as soon as you leave, we’re gonna close up the store, start a bonfire in the parking lot, and then dance naked around it until dawn.” Customer, to one of my managers: “Aren’t you going to do anything about what she said to me?” Manager #1: “Yes, ma’am. As soon as you leave, we’re going to close the store.” Customer: “THAT’S IT?!” Manager #2: “Of course not, ma’am. You heard the rest of our… plans.” (And with the kind of timing that only happens once in a lifetime, a stock boy unwittingly walks out of the back room while taking his uniform shirt off at the same time. The customer practically runs out of the store.) "

9/10/2008 6:43:24 PM

Quote :

" (My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.) Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride sweetie?” Kid: *points at me* Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!” Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than welcome to play in the other areas.” Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!” Me: “No, sorry. I measure every child and he made the minimum height.” Mom: “That’s ridiculous. Can’t my son go just once? He’s waited all day to play over here.” Me: “No, sorry…” Mom: “You’re just a prude.” Me: “I probably get more than you do.” Mom: *jaw drops* "

9/10/2008 6:56:22 PM

SET

EM

UP

[Edited on September 10, 2008 at 6:58 PM. Reason : AND HAHAHAHAH^]

9/10/2008 6:58:05 PM