Hahaha 10/10 to this parody and most responses.

8/26/2009 4:00:51 PM

Quote :

"it's a pretty tried and true method maybe YOU proved inadequate"

Hey man, I was following the instructions given to me.

8/26/2009 4:02:40 PM

things were getting hot n heavy on the couch, i had my leg propped up on the coffee table, muscle spasm in the calf, kicked over all the glasses and remotes

we stopped

8/26/2009 4:10:08 PM

Quote :

"We were drunk and I stuck it in her pooper by accident on a power thrust. "

hahaha happened to me. twice actually.

first time was with the gf at the time, drunk fucking on my bathroom floor during a party we were throwing. didn't end so badly, she yelped and jerked away before it got too far

second time was more interesting...this "alpha female" chick from high school--that I never really talked to because she was a lesbian-leaning bisexual elitist bitch--happened through Raleigh a couple years ago. Stops by my house to see my roommates (who were friends with her in hs) and, medium-length story short, I act like a total ass to her and she thinks it's hot. we're up in my room drunk as hell and I was nailing her to the wall for what seemed like the better part of an hour when she suddenly got quiet, made a screwed-up face, got up butt naked and walked out of the room.

My roommate later told me he was sleeping when she just out of nowhere crawled into his bed, said her asshole hurt, and passed out.

8/26/2009 4:16:34 PM

Quote :

"She laid back on the bed & I went to pull off her panties & then she farted in my face."

I too have received a fart in my face. She died laughing, so did I, then I went back to nommin'...

8/26/2009 4:16:38 PM

Quote :

" ^^ well, goddamn son. you can't just go from 0 to 60 in a couple seconds"

I haven't lolled that hard in a good while

8/26/2009 4:18:09 PM

bump

8/30/2009 9:25:35 PM

I read this in a magazine once where this dude didn't know how to use anal beads, but his gf was into this sort of thing and she was giving him instructions

So he puts them in slowly, then she told him "NOW PULL IT OUT"

So he yanked on it like he was starting a lawn mower.

Then he complained there was blood and shit all over the place.

They broke up soon after.


[Edited on August 30, 2009 at 9:45 PM. Reason : a]

8/30/2009 9:43:22 PM

^lol

8/30/2009 10:05:43 PM

I did not orgasm. My partner orgasmed 3 times. I was bored.

8/30/2009 10:18:53 PM

That's a pretty fertile bastard.

8/30/2009 10:31:16 PM

I have one...but I probably shouldn't say it.

8/30/2009 10:32:25 PM

you probably should.

8/30/2009 10:33:10 PM

Two stories, same guy:

1) He wanted to have shower sex with me for the first time. We get in the shower and he immediately says,"hold on, I gotta pee," and he pees in the shower.
2) Our first time ever. We're in his bed making out. Things are escalating and he says, "hold on, I'm gonna turn out the lights and get us some good music." He claps twice, and shakira starts playing. He claps three times, and the lights go out. Killed the mood!

8/30/2009 10:39:49 PM

^ I'd like for you to know that I don't listen to Shakira anymore

8/30/2009 10:40:48 PM

i just don't think i could be with a woman who thinks peeing in the shower is gross

8/30/2009 10:40:57 PM

^^^re #2: did he have a rotating bed with cheetah print too?

that's hilarious

8/30/2009 10:41:09 PM

Peeing in the shower helps cure athletes foot.

8/30/2009 10:42:14 PM

i don't believe that

8/30/2009 10:43:15 PM

Madonna said it is!

8/30/2009 10:44:56 PM

madonna wipes with her hand

8/30/2009 10:45:38 PM

Quote :

"Two stories, same guy: 1) He wanted to have shower sex with me for the first time. We get in the shower and he immediately says,"hold on, I gotta pee," and he pees in the shower. 2) Our first time ever. We're in his bed making out. Things are escalating and he says, "hold on, I'm gonna turn out the lights and get us some good music." He claps twice, and shakira starts playing. He claps three times, and the lights go out. Killed the mood!"

[Edited on August 30, 2009 at 10:47 PM. Reason : .]

8/30/2009 10:46:41 PM

I don't want to have sex with someone after watching them take a piss. Therefore, not cool for him to pee in the shower while trying to get freaky.

I'm surprised he didn't have a rotating bed. It wouldn't surprise me if he eventually got one.

8/30/2009 10:46:43 PM

So do Arabs....don't they?

8/30/2009 10:46:44 PM

and your point is?

8/30/2009 10:47:34 PM

I knew a chick who was into Pokemon innuendo.

8/30/2009 10:48:03 PM

I was with a guy after I had my surgery and it really sucked being all bandaged up.

8/30/2009 10:50:48 PM

Quote :

"I knew a chick who was into Pokemon innuendo."

That sounds like a recipe for success, if anything.

8/30/2009 10:52:10 PM

bitch was screamin like crazy. as soon as I finish, i leave. then she called the cops on me. wtf

8/30/2009 10:53:22 PM

i fell asleep in the middle... and wasn't drunk or overly tired

8/30/2009 10:53:30 PM

^^are you an authority type figure? Such as a teacher, police officer, etc...

[Edited on August 30, 2009 at 10:54 PM. Reason : a]

8/30/2009 10:54:16 PM

Mine is pretty basic, she was on top, she was getting going really fast, went a little too high, missed the hole and jammed my dick. I don't think it really requires much explanation.

8/30/2009 10:54:42 PM

^um no, why?

[Edited on August 30, 2009 at 10:56 PM. Reason : nm]

8/30/2009 10:55:03 PM

School teacher. is that bad?

8/30/2009 10:55:21 PM

She may have had some sort of abuse as younger child from an authority figure.

While she is attracted to you, she feels incredibly guilty for enjoying the "re-enactment" of an earlier traumatic episode.

You're probably not the first she's done this on, she may need to seek counseling though.

8/30/2009 10:57:15 PM

i was on a variety of substances... semi hard, she's riding me, i pass out for like 5 seconds, wake up, she looks down, gets off, starts talking...i pass out.


every other time I am a fucking rockstar

8/30/2009 10:57:29 PM

Quote :

"Mine is pretty basic, she was on top, she was getting going really fast, went a little too high, missed the hole and jammed my dick. I don't think it really requires much explanation."

Been there.

8/30/2009 10:58:44 PM

^yep

8/30/2009 10:59:49 PM

I hate the ones that start out really intense, and then something small grosses you out.

I was on top and we were enjoying each other. I grab on to her hips and she's a little loud.

Then just when a "REALLY INTENSE MOMENT" was about to happen, she gets quiet and sneezes across my back.

Had to take a break for a minute there...

8/30/2009 11:02:10 PM

the worst is beating off and thinking of things you got going on in the day

8/30/2009 11:07:01 PM

getting a charlie horse while beating off in the shower.

8/31/2009 1:59:31 AM

my last gf had knee surgery so i had to do all the work...wasnt the worst since it is sex...but in terms of all my sexual experiences it ranks as the worst....

8/31/2009 2:00:33 AM

sex after the vajay jay was still stiched up from surgury
pain.

8/31/2009 2:13:18 AM

Watch the movie Teeth.

That was what happened to me.

8/31/2009 2:16:42 AM

^I'm so sorry

8/31/2009 2:17:35 AM

^^^ lol G.O.D is a chick!



[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 2:19 AM. Reason : ]

8/31/2009 2:18:14 AM

you are at least a year behind good sir

8/31/2009 2:20:11 AM

Doggy style, get a major leg cramp, have to fall out of her and roll off the bed, screaming in pain. Or the one where Im pounding away for like an hour or so, and a migraine or whatever it was hit me. Once again lying on floor, feeling like I'm going to hurl, and she's laughing the whole time. I dozed it off for a while, woke up, and hit it again, passing out after the explosion with a flare-up.

8/31/2009 2:20:15 AM

had to fart during blow job

8/31/2009 9:21:48 AM

Quote :

"1) He wanted to have shower sex with me for the first time. We get in the shower and he immediately says,"hold on, I gotta pee," and he pees in the shower. 2) Our first time ever. We're in his bed making out. Things are escalating and he says, "hold on, I'm gonna turn out the lights and get us some good music." He claps twice, and shakira starts playing. He claps three times, and the lights go out. Killed the mood!""

lol

8/31/2009 9:33:03 AM