Quote :

"cheating's better. discuss. "

[Edited on September 24, 2009 at 12:37 PM. Reason : Page 2 of long distances]

9/24/2009 12:37:02 PM

I spend so much time on 40 going back and forth. Its worth it, though- I've been in ldrs that weren't. We stay in touch really well through any number of means, have the same circle of friends in both cities, and still manage to have more and better sex than I have ever had in past relationships. If anything its helped our communication being far apart. Skype/IM/phone/email/twitter doesn't cut it though, when you are saying goodnight and only have a pillow to hold on to when you fall asleep.

9/24/2009 1:46:40 PM

All you people suck.

I dated my current gf for about 9 months before heading off to college. We started dating my senior year of HS, her junior year. We've been together for three years, and I'll admit, it's been tough at times, but things are as good now as they ever were. I think if two people really "work" as a couple, they'll continue to at a reasonable distance. You just have to talk, text, email, something. I email my gf constantly and it really helps me get through whatever stress I'm dealing with and she does the same. It's definitely a challenge, but if you're in it for more than the pussy, you've got a fighting chance.

Besides, it gives her all week to practice her sammich makin' skills.

9/24/2009 2:19:46 PM

one of my longest relationships was a long distance one, she lived up in DC, but it worked pretty good cause she could fly for free since her dad worked for an airline. that one lasted about 6 years.

9/24/2009 3:41:35 PM

Quote :

"Now if you are not the marrying type, I would not recommend long distance relationships. What is the point of that?"

failm nk

9/24/2009 3:42:01 PM

bttt. what's the longest distance you've ever made work? how long did you go between visits/seeing each other? how did you maintain interest or keep your daily conversations interesting?


i had a LDS in college, but it was only Raleigh to Charlotte. A distance, that now, seems laughable. especially when an entire country could be between you and someone you care about.

12/30/2013 3:46:20 PM

Just broke off a quasi-LDR. She was in Boone for school, but we saw each other most weekends. The part that I didn't care for was that when we were together, she wanted to spend every moment together, while I like to have some time to myself. The distance was inconvenient, but not the deciding factor.

12/30/2013 4:29:11 PM

What are you people, 15 years old?

12/30/2013 4:36:35 PM

Don't talk down to me. I'm 34 years old. I've got grandchildren.

12/30/2013 4:42:41 PM

i know how that is. it would be nice if you could spend that time together and be able to act like a "normal" couple. in terms of how your hours/days are spent together.

12/30/2013 4:47:17 PM

Right, it just became a battle. "Oh, you're watching football all day again?" Bitch, its week 15, you haven't figured that out yet?

12/30/2013 4:51:50 PM

My wife and I met in 2000, my senior high school year, when she came from Spain to study English for 2 weeks in the summer (lived with my family). We started "dating" a year or so later, been married for something like 7 years now... 1.5 hrs isn't a long distance relationship.

It's not for everyone, but it worked well in our case.

12/30/2013 5:41:24 PM

... make all 4 happy

12/30/2013 9:56:01 PM

^^Green Card Jackpot!

12/31/2013 2:26:17 AM

My husband has lived over seas a few times in Greece and Italy for 3 or 4 months at a time, but it wasn't so bad since there was always a definite end in sight. It was harder the first time while we were dating, but now that we're married and have done it before, it's not so bad. I might even get to go along to Germany for a summer down the road in a couple of years if everything works out.

12/31/2013 2:51:54 AM

We did it for the first year of our relationship, followed by another 6 month period after a job relocation. We've been together 5 years. If you think it blows and isn't worth it, then they just aren't the person for you.

12/31/2013 1:13:10 PM

12/31/2013 3:02:20 PM

My boyfriend lived in Belgium for a summer. It really wasn't bad thanks to Skype and AIM. I think it actually brought us closer.

12/31/2013 3:56:38 PM

I've been in a LDR (Cincy - San Francisco) for nearly 2 years. We have been long distance our entire relationship. On average we see each other once a month, generally for about a week at a time. Currently I am out here for what is our longest stint, 2 weeks.

We talk on the phone probably 2-3 times a day, one quick phone call on his way to work, maybe one around either of our lunchtime, and then a longer call at night. We text and email throughout the day too. Before this relationship, neither of us were phone people (me especially - I have to force myself to get on the phone with friends and family (with the exception of my parents and sister).

If I didn't think he is probably "the one", there is no way I'd be doing it. But I will say - the whole long distance thing hasn't gotten awful yet. I initially predicted I'd have already moved out there by now out of frustration with the whole thing. But it's working for us, for now. We talk so much throughout the day and are very involved in each other's lives, it rarely feels like we're that far apart (except at night, or when we have an event to go to, or missing holidays or whatever). We have our little rituals - like getting involved in a series on Netflix or HBOgo that we watch together (simultaneously) and open the same bottle of wine.

I dunno, it's certainly not for everyone, but for the right people, you do what you gotta do. The alternative for me is NOT being with him, and that sounds pretty awful.

1/2/2014 3:18:26 AM

^how do you handle the time difference? i guess it's only 2 hours for you in Chicago, right? 3 hours to the west coast is tough...it always seems like my night is ending when their's is just beginning.

are you or him able to work from San Francisco/Chicago when you visit or are you using up PTO/Vacation? It would certainly make things easier to be able to continue normal life activities while still visiting with them.

1/2/2014 10:02:27 AM

January 11th will be the last day of the LDR I'm in now. Can. Not. Wait. It's been like 6 or 7 months. Most of it was me in PA and him in NC (with a part of him being in Texas, which sucked)

My advice: Sext. Lots and lots of sexts. I took pictures everywhere. in the car, at work, in the bathrooms of restaurants.

And have an end goal- a timeline of how long you're going to do this distance thing and a plan to end it with both of you together.

1/2/2014 10:19:42 AM

so who is moving? you or him?

1/2/2014 10:20:43 AM

I'm making the largest move. He's moving across town and staying in Raleigh. We were both looking for jobs. The job he accepted was located in Raleigh (he interviewed/had job offers at two places near me in PA, and one place in FL, we chose the Raleigh one because of the pay and the experience) I interviewed at one place in Raleigh and could have kept my job in PA.

The job I accepted in Raleigh is really awesome for me. It's a higher position in the same industry, better paying, and a huge chance for me to gain more experience in what I want to do and move forward in my career compared to where I was, stuck unhappy at a job with no movement.

The plan was to come together at the end of the year and to work really hard towards that, without either of us sacrificing our career chances, and it worked out.

1/2/2014 10:34:32 AM

very cool.

1/2/2014 10:46:20 AM

Wow, my post was timely. Found out my bf has been at the very least attempting to cheat on me. I am currently in a $150 cab on the way to the airport to catch my $1050 flight to get the FUCK out of here.

gonna be a long night. my heart actually feels like it's imploding.

1/2/2014 8:04:45 PM

That's pretty shitty.

Are you sure it's not a misunderstanding?

1/2/2014 8:06:41 PM

Yup. Saw multiple emails of him trying to set something up with other girls. One while he was AT MY HOUSE

1/2/2014 8:13:28 PM

Lol this is why Im afraid of long term relationships.

1/2/2014 8:17:41 PM

Yikes. Sorry to hear that

1/2/2014 8:26:17 PM

you should unleash the wrath of TWW on him

1/2/2014 8:35:21 PM

yo slappy

I got a ninja sword you can borrow

1/2/2014 9:02:34 PM

god damn, sorry slappy

1/2/2014 9:06:26 PM

feed him to tww

[Edited on January 2, 2014 at 9:14 PM. Reason : e]

1/2/2014 9:10:42 PM

That sucks big time. So you've already called him out on it?

I'm going to be an asshole for a minute or two and say a few things...

First...don't date a wine maker long distance. I would say "never date a wine maker"...but I'm sure there are a couple good dudes making vino out there. Bottom line is that those dudes get top notch ass. They're banging the hottest wine reps, beverage directors, restaurant owners...even the hot waitstaff at whatever place their wine is at. Even troll looking wine makers are bagging 7 and 8s on the reg. It sucks, but you gotta look at those guys like rock stars in the food and bev industry.

Second thing...does it make you feel different about the situation with his wife/ex-wife??

1/2/2014 10:29:24 PM

Are we talking about like a real wine maker or some dude burying jars of grapes in the back yard?

1/2/2014 10:31:46 PM

Shot in the dark, but I'd say he's low volume, high quality wine maker.

1/2/2014 10:35:43 PM

lol how do you know this about wine makers

1/2/2014 10:37:48 PM

Wine makers also appear to be spectacular assholes

1/2/2014 10:41:30 PM

Quote :

"lol how do you know this about wine makers"

9 years in the food and bev industry. Two years managing a wine bar and making the wine list...dealing with reps and being on the "tour" whenever a winemaker comes into town. Consulted on several other restaurants' bar programs and dated a couple reps.

1/2/2014 10:52:43 PM

1. My flight home apparently has been cancelled. Standing in like to most likely be given a $13 hotel voucher

2. Jb: Despite the recent revelations, he is one of the best men I know. He is infinitely kind and caring (except where it counts, I guess). I know the people you're referring to and I guarantee you there isn't one person that knows him professionally or otherwise that would say he is like that.

3. Jb: He is [very] high volume but some labels of really high quality. His recent job offers would also speak to that. I wish I could say more, you might just be impressed

4. I just got off the phone with him. I don't know what to think right now, mainly because I think I'm still in shock. He says he never actually cheated and I am inclined to believe him. Regardless, I trusted him with every fiber of my being and I basically begged him when we first fell in love not to ever pull the rug out from under me. He promised he wouldn't.

5. Uugh. I was hoping to never have to go through a breakup again. I don't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.

1/2/2014 11:14:08 PM

Re: your question about his ex: no. He never cheated on her. And I know more about their situation (past and present) than any girlfriend probably should. She is just a crazy, vindictive bitch.

1/2/2014 11:15:58 PM

You're in the situation, so you obviously know more than anyone here. With that being said...I always like iceberg analogy. Whatever it is you "discovered" is more than likely just the tip. There's probably a ton of other shit he did a much better job at hiding...especially with the buffer of a long distance relationship. Hopefully that's not the case...I'd just be extra wary at this point.

1/2/2014 11:22:03 PM

Quote :

"I know the people you're referring to and I guarantee you there isn't one person that knows him professionally or otherwise that would say he is like that."

Yeah, apparently he's not like that at all. Instead, he sets up dates with the ladies on-line.

1/2/2014 11:23:05 PM

Bridget, shut the fuck up

1/2/2014 11:25:51 PM

Quote :

"Re: your question about his ex: no. He never cheated on her. And I know more about their situation (past and present) than any girlfriend probably should. She is just a crazy, vindictive bitch."

No offense...but what guy would tell his new girlfriend that he ever cheated on his wife?

1/2/2014 11:35:52 PM

Like I said, I know and see more than any girlfriend should. I've seen her texts and emails, I've seen their communications with their co-parenting counselor, I've seen every bit of minutiae in their divorce proceedings. If their was infidelity in their marriage, I would know by now.

That's another reason this is so shocking to me. We talk all day, every day. We know every aspect of each other's lives - I know what he had for breakfast, what kind of haircut he got.

He kind of explained why he did it, and I could tell he was just then fleshing it out for the first time. It *kind of* makes sense, but in no way justifies or excuses it.

1/2/2014 11:45:26 PM

Quote :

"We talk all day, every day. We know every aspect of each other's lives - I know what he had for breakfast, what kind of haircut he got. "

That strikes me as just a tad unusual. Seems like someone in that pair is high maintenance, maybe.

1/3/2014 12:01:47 AM

I'm so sorry. I really wish I could give you a hug and a beer. you deserve better than that

1/3/2014 12:03:08 AM

Or he's just that great of a liar. The silly details could establish a precedent, so that she will never, ever question him on anything. Building that trust.

1/3/2014 12:05:42 AM

Nobody is high maintenance. I don't know how to explain our relationship to you guys - we just really, really loved each other and craved each other (which happens more in a LDR than a "normal" relationship, I'm guessing. For instance - we both Crossfit. After my WOD, I call him (usually about the time he's leaving work) and he asks me what it was, how it was. After his WOD (usually around 9pm) he calls me and we talk about it. Because we are both genuinely curious and interested. Not because we're checking up on the other, but because that's the next best thing to actually being there and doing it together.

I have been dicked over, duped, and the worst - therefore I had my head on a swivel going into this relationship. He knows what he's done and I know he's devastated.

I'm sorry that some of you would like to put the blame on me because I'm here to argue about it. Hopefully my plane has wi-fi, but it's now US so I doubt it.

1/3/2014 12:38:53 AM