"I smell what you're steppin in." = I get what you're saying

"Mr. Lipscomb, we're going to have to talk about your long-term employment with the school..." = anytime I suggest something she disagrees with, jokingly implying that she's going to fire me

"Let a white girl preach," said in her best ghetto voice whenever she wants to explain something

[Edited on November 18, 2010 at 9:07 AM. Reason : deuces]

11/18/2010 9:06:55 AM

"We have to bid these jobs tighter than Dick's hat band"

11/18/2010 9:20:14 AM

Quote :

"ok my imagination is wild, wtf is a watermelon fart? "

While we were all sitting in our cubes one lady said

"What is that smell?"

I jokingly replied

"Sorry!"

She then said

"Did you fart?"

I said

"No, that was a joke."

She said

"Oh, well it smells like watermelons"

Then I said

"Well in that case I did fart and my farts smell like watermelons"

Now everyone, including my boss calls me watermelon girl.

But now I'm starting to get Sarah Lee.

I said yesterday that I don't think anyone in the office is ever going to know my real name with all the damn nick names I'm getting.

11/18/2010 9:24:49 AM

Quote :

"those fuckers put a label on the back of my hard hat that says CHICKENMAN"

I lol'd

11/18/2010 9:36:42 AM

Here is the first e-mail I opened today:

Quote :

"Hey Big Guy, We only have 2 days left of selling for the week. We need to push hard these next couple days.. You only need 7 more to hit weekly quota... Let's get that today. Thanks, Ron"

11/18/2010 10:12:42 AM

My boss tried to talk me into letting a client of hers move into my apartment because she was too lazy to arrange a short-term lease for him

11/18/2010 10:16:40 AM

And we have a manager's conference call at 11. I should turn it into a drinking game. Take a shot every time he calls me "Big Guy"

11/18/2010 10:18:07 AM

You'll never sell 7 more today after that meeting

11/18/2010 10:49:01 AM

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT YOU SENT ME?? YOU KNOW DAMNED WELL THAT'S NOT GONNA CUT IT JOHN---"

"I'm not John, I'm Scott."

"Oh, ok, good job on the bristol account yesterday, please tell john to come to my office."

11/18/2010 10:51:43 AM

my bosses favorite phrase:

"you're working my nerves."

11/18/2010 10:57:48 AM

Quote :

"Motherfucker always calls me "Big Guy", which is really starting to get on my nerves."

he must have seen yo dick

11/18/2010 11:20:28 AM

Sat on the conference call with the other managers for 30 minutes. "Big Guy" never showed up.

He can eat me

11/18/2010 11:30:15 AM

change your email signature to reflect this title.

"Thanks,

DJ 'Big Guy' Eternal"

[Edited on November 18, 2010 at 11:58 AM. Reason : .]

11/18/2010 11:58:15 AM

I, too, am called "Big Guy".

11/18/2010 3:15:14 PM

One of the other managers calls me "Big Dog" all the time, but that's different to me for some reason. Mainly because I kick his ass in sales every month so it is almost like a compliment, like he knows I am superior to him.

11/18/2010 3:20:08 PM

By golly you're awesome, let's get you a raise!

11/19/2010 12:38:27 AM

My old lead supervisor called most of the guys "shoog" and the one girl supervisor we have "Ms. Pooby"

The assistant manager at my shitty side job says "please" constantly, very often when it doesn't make any sense. It's as if he thinks by saying please all the time he is being respectful. Thing is, it is clearly bullshit. That guy is fucking insane.

[Edited on November 19, 2010 at 12:47 AM. Reason : more]

11/19/2010 12:44:37 AM

Quote :

"How is everything otherwise?"

In his Somalian accent.....it is sorta funny when he says that ^....

Quote :

"Oh my god!"

Quote :

"This is crap!"

Quote :

"What is going on here?"

Quote :

"Something is not right here"

Quote :

"quick question"

Quote :

"This makes absolutely no sence"

Quote :

"I think we have a problem here"

[Edited on November 19, 2010 at 1:08 AM. Reason : w]

[Edited on November 19, 2010 at 1:09 AM. Reason : w]

11/19/2010 1:02:47 AM

"Oh my god... You wouldn't believe what John this weekend... He posted it all over his facebook..."


wtf... seriously? GTFO of my cubicle with that shit.

11/19/2010 1:19:13 AM

Quote :

"well, it is what it is"

11/19/2010 7:52:29 AM

Conference call got rescheduled to today at 11. Although I had it out with him last night after I had a few beers in me, so he might lay off of the "Big Guy" for a while.

11/19/2010 10:13:53 AM

Her: I told the client it would cost $1200, but the total price is $1300. Why is the price different?
Me: It looks like you didn't include tax.
Her: Oh really? Well call the company and tell them to not charge the $100.
Me: Pretty sure the government is still going to want that $100.
Her: Yeah but I told the client $1200, so they should just subtract that $100.
Me:

12/22/2010 10:26:31 AM

"Essen mein scheisse."

12/22/2010 10:38:54 AM

"Hey, can I ask a favor of you?"

"When you have a moment, would you...?"

"This is such a cluster."

"History repeats itself."

"I'll talk to him."

"Thank god it's Friday."

12/22/2010 10:56:09 AM

We switched buildings this week (the new one is in the parking lot of the old one) and we weren't allowed on site while the old one was being torn down. The senior administrator announced over a month ago that we would have a meeting at his house on Tuesday causing everyone to have to change their travel schedules since we thought we had the week off.

Then last week he says to everyone "I hope you enjoy all the time off next week!"...having completely forgotten that he had called a meeting and messed with everyone's travel plans.

I enjoy having unexpected time off, but I still lost two days of being in NC because I had booked a flight assuming I couldn't leave until after this meeting.

12/22/2010 11:55:40 AM

"Well, the next time that you shoot your wad onto the column, make sure that it is filtered first."

12/22/2010 12:12:53 PM

direct boss is pretty normal. head of our group says "circle the wagons" a lot - he's a Texan. the old head of our group was a former NFL lineman - he'd tower over everyone and say "right?" multiple times after his statement, until people nodded in agreement.

12/22/2010 12:32:19 PM

these are phrases used at work CONSTANTLY that drive me nuts. i don't think it's possible to have a meeting or make a decision without using them

"30,000 foot view"
"deep dive"
"level set"

12/22/2010 12:35:07 PM

"Oh yeah, baby, that's the money shot."
"Ew. You can see her cellulite."
"Could we find a woman with a smaller ass?"

12/22/2010 12:43:01 PM

"starting in the new year, we are not going to implement a sick leave or vacation policy"..."if you can get your job done in 20 hours a week, all the power to you"

12/22/2010 12:46:39 PM

Quote :

"the old head of our group was a former NFL lineman"

[image][/image]

[Edited on December 22, 2010 at 1:05 PM. Reason : -]

12/22/2010 1:04:56 PM

^ learn how to wolfweb, n00b

12/22/2010 2:01:34 PM

One of my bosses is a Ron and he also calls me 'big guy'...

12/22/2010 2:08:59 PM

Quote :

""Oh yeah, baby, that's the money shot." "Ew. You can see her cellulite." "Could we find a woman with a smaller ass?"

Is this guy gay? Because I can't figure out how he gets away with that.

12/22/2010 2:51:00 PM

There's a guy here who calls brainstorming meetings "group gropes."

Same guy does this: when asking someone to check if a document is suitable for a certain audience, he asks to make sure it passes their "giggle test."

I mean...

12/22/2010 2:58:54 PM

i am the boss so i tell my guys....

get to work you lazy mexicans
do it white and right
call the taco cart girl i am hungry
drive like you have a lisc and insurance and not like you dont
shit, can you guys quit braking my damn tools all the time

12/22/2010 2:59:40 PM

12/22/2010 3:12:35 PM

Quote :

"Is this guy gay? Because I can't figure out how he gets away with that."

He gets away with it because we're "creative types"

This is the same guy who told me I looked sexy today. Just last week he was telling us (in an off-site meeting) about going to a private party with the Black Eye Peas ... and he was standing beside Fergie and he was so drunk that he "tried to grab her tit."

12/22/2010 3:18:02 PM

my manager came up to me yesterday and said something about he hopes he's the only squirrel I chase. I told him only if I was his only nut. I think he tries to say random shit to throw me off, but it hasn't worked yet.

12/22/2010 3:31:39 PM

paging ThePeter

12/22/2010 3:34:31 PM

nah, it's cool, he is gay or so I've been told

12/22/2010 3:36:46 PM

he just wants to bury his nuts is more like it

12/22/2010 3:41:14 PM

I'm just saying man, just saying.

Gay men tend to get away with that stuff b/c it is hilarious to watch them flirt with girls knowing that nothing would ever happen.

12/22/2010 3:44:39 PM

Quote :

"my manager came up to me yesterday and said something about he hopes he's the only squirrel I chase. I told him only if I was his only nut. "

12/22/2010 10:00:15 PM

^^^^the peter's gay?? weak pronoun usage bmel, weak

[Edited on December 22, 2010 at 10:06 PM. Reason : ^]

12/22/2010 10:06:14 PM