A black hole walked into a barbershop and thought he ran into a mirror.

7/12/2011 11:23:55 PM

Oh, I want to hear a good one about a naked singularity.

7/13/2011 12:53:35 AM

What do black holes and Derek Jeter have in common?

They both used to be stars but now they're just shells of their former selves...

[Edited on July 13, 2011 at 1:15 AM. Reason : ...]

7/13/2011 1:14:13 AM

Did it go out in a champagne supernova?

7/13/2011 1:16:01 AM

Both a black hole and a naked singularity walk into a barbershop.

The black hole says, "I'd like a haircut please." The barber responds, "Sure buddy, the wait is about 20 minutes, will that work for you?" The black hole responds, "No problem, I have all the time in the world."

The naked singularity looks at the barber and says, "I'd like a haircut too please." The barber looks at the naked singularity and gasps. The black hole pulls the naked singularity to the side and says, "dude, you are flashing the whole barbershop with collapsing light AND your infinite density is showing. Put on your event horizon before they call the cops!"

7/13/2011 8:15:46 AM

itt amost everyone misses that black holes have no hair.

(according to no hair theory)

7/13/2011 8:17:54 AM

Actually, for the record, I think the theory that black holes have hair is more widely held by physicists.

I actually heard someone ask this question - by the way of Hawking radiation. They asked if physicists actually thought that black holes have Hawking radiation or not, and more-or-less the answer was "yes". We haven't detected it, and there is good reason why, but the most reasonable assessment is that it's real. It's almost absurd to suggest the alternative, which likely implies that black holes don't have entropy either. But now, this is borderline like quantum gravity stuff, so it's possible that the theories are wrong in some sense, but still right on the fact that black holes have hair, radiate, etc.

7/13/2011 9:51:54 AM

okay, this thread just got too deep for me. I just want to make fun of black holes...and Derek Jeter.

7/13/2011 11:36:36 AM

He obviously works there, vacuums the floors and tidies up the entire space

[Edited on July 13, 2011 at 11:50 AM. Reason : k]

7/13/2011 11:49:18 AM

Black hole says "I can't pay, but I can vacuum."

"Just make sure to pick up valuables first"

7/13/2011 12:46:58 PM

Quote :

"a black hole walks into a barber shop"

remember that guy that walked into that bra...quit telling his joke.

[Edited on July 13, 2011 at 4:44 PM. Reason : ..]

7/13/2011 4:37:52 PM

even if you could give a black hole a haircut nobody could prove it actually happened.

because to the external observer, as you approached the black hole, time would slow down so much you would never actually reach it (to give it a haircut).

furthermore you would be unaware the black hole needed a haircut anyway, since its appearance doesnt change from the moment it collapses on itself and "freezes" its image in the spacetime surrounding it (unless of course the black hole needed a haircut when it collapsed).

7/13/2011 4:41:31 PM

Something about the barber's arms being spaghettified when he tries to give him a haircut.

7/13/2011 4:50:43 PM

I thought this thread said black hoe

7/13/2011 4:58:19 PM

"We're holding a quantum entanglement party!"

"Cool, can I take pictures?"

"No."

7/15/2011 2:36:28 PM

http://www.physics.org/explorelink.asp?id=4551&q=jokes¤tpage=1&age=0&knowledge=0&item=0

Does an excellent student of vulcanology graduate magma cum laude?

--
Here in California, when a bridge falls down, we know it must be San Andreas' Fault!

--
Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"

Every one of them is so terrible!

7/16/2011 9:48:52 PM

I want moar!

8/25/2011 12:34:02 AM

How do I make a good joke about an electron going into a bar and getting a reduced price?

8/25/2011 8:13:31 AM

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-14646532

Quote :

"1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." 2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." 3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works." 4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..." 5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." 6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards." 7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." 8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife." 9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." 10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin.""

8/25/2011 10:46:52 AM

OMG I'M DYING IN THE LOLS!

http://blog.vixra.org/2011/09/19/can-neutrinos-be-superluminal/

9/22/2011 10:10:51 PM

how do you pronounce tachyons?


Tatch-EE-yons?

Tack-yawns?

9/22/2011 10:40:24 PM

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/09/22/140713791/scientists-report-breaking-the-speed-of-light-but-can-it-be-true?sc=tw

9/22/2011 10:45:51 PM

The weak and strong force are at a bar sitting with electromagnetism.

Gravity walks in.

Sits by himself.

[Edited on September 23, 2011 at 12:30 AM. Reason : ]

9/23/2011 12:30:06 AM

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have an H2O."

Another man overhears him and says, "I'll have an H2O, too."

That man died.

9/23/2011 12:33:09 AM

much better with the cat in the picture

9/23/2011 12:38:14 AM

^^delivery was a bit off

but still funny

9/23/2011 12:55:20 AM

Quote :

"A higgs-boson particle walks up to a Catholic church. The priest stops him at the door and says “I’m sorry, you can’t participate in our service today.” The higgs-boson particle says “What?! You can’t have mass without me!”"

http://www.bspcn.com/2011/09/15/the-top-20-clean-jokes/

10/3/2011 3:38:32 PM

994 neutrons show up to a bar and say to the bartender "we have reservations here"

Bartender looks at them and says, "ok, but the reservation is for 1000, where are the other 6?"

A helpful neutron replies "oh, they got delayed"

[Edited on October 19, 2011 at 11:53 PM. Reason : ]

10/19/2011 11:49:19 PM

Quote :

": A higgs-boson particle walks up to a Catholic church. The priest stops him at the door and says “I’m sorry, you can’t participate in our service today.” The higgs-boson particle says “What?! You can’t have mass without me!"

Okay, I laughed

10/20/2011 12:07:32 AM

http://www.physlink.com/fun/jokes.cfm

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

10/20/2011 12:12:43 AM

10/20/2011 12:21:17 AM

A steam generator walks into a bar

Bartender says "pressure's getting kind of low in here"

Steam generator says "well that's just swell!"

10/20/2011 10:39:33 AM

A kid was presenting at the local science fair, after he did the double-slit experiment.

He says to the judges, "the interference pattern just didn't show up, I don't know what I did wrong".

Judge says "sorry, I would love to help you, but your experimental procedure is incoherent".

11/9/2011 4:40:02 PM

11/12/2011 5:15:30 PM

What did the laptop say to the dentist?

My bluetooth hurts!

11/18/2011 11:21:04 AM

What did the neutrino say to the chicken?

Not much.

12/6/2011 8:53:55 AM

What did Hydrogen say to the fission neutron?

Not so fast.

12/6/2011 10:38:37 AM

improved

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Bartender gives him a beer, neutron asks "how much'll it be?"

Bartender says "for you, no charge"

...

An electron walks up to the bar, sits down and asks "hey bartender, can you hook me up with a beer on the house?"

Bartender says "sorry, can't do that.. you're not a neutron"

Electron says "aww, come on!"

Bartender says "tell you what I can do, since you're here, all prices are reduced"

12/6/2011 3:49:16 PM

from a thread a while back
http://blog.chron.com/sciguy/2008/07/is-black-hole-a-racially-insensitive-term/

Quote :

"A special meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets turned tense and bizarre this afternoon. County commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used to process traffic ticket payments and handle other paperwork normally done by the JP Courts. Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections “has become a black hole” because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office. Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, interrupted him with a loud “Excuse me!” He then corrected his colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.” That prompted Judge Thomas Jones, who is black, to demand an apology from Mayfield for his racially insensitive analogy. Mayfield shot back that it was a figure of speech and a science term. "

12/6/2011 11:29:03 PM

12/6/2011 11:31:43 PM

question, non physics:

Quote :

"What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish"

Is this a pun... or is it... not a pun? I can't tell.

12/8/2011 11:38:07 PM

I don't get this one:

How was the quantum pirate punished for violating Hooke's Law
They made him walk the Planck.


Wait, wait. Just now as I typed that I got it.

12/9/2011 12:15:26 PM

how did the recursive computer program cross the road?

It just took one step and that lead to another!

1/6/2012 11:37:43 PM

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2011/07/26/funny-pictures-chemistry-cat-science-puns/

3/25/2012 10:51:58 PM

Why it got to be a *black* hole, why can't it be a pink hole?

3/25/2012 10:58:42 PM

Because the hole is black not pink.

3/25/2012 11:01:24 PM

3/25/2012 11:01:34 PM

Quote :

"Because the hole is black not pink."

Whatever it is, it's racially insensitive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc1zGRUPztc

3/25/2012 11:05:17 PM

3/25/2012 11:10:02 PM

Quote :

"Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel: "

http://jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/chemistryjokes.html

3/25/2012 11:11:36 PM