There is a very simple answer here.

Tell her parents that while you appreciate their offer to pay for the wedding, that it is your wedding and if they cannot respect your wishes in planning it, you'll have to decline their offer to pay for it.

You can get by on a wedding for 8-10k and it WILL be exactly what the two to you want. I know two friends who had to resort to this conversation because of mothers of the bride. It rarely results in you paying for it. Usually its the ultimatum that wakes up the MIL to the fact she is being a crazy loonbat.

8/15/2011 7:11:10 PM

My wife and I paid for our wedding to avoid any whining from people who offered to pay. Our problem was not religious so it wasn't not nearly as heavy as your situation. But paying ourselves and having the wedding we wanted ended up being awesome. Good luck, wedding planning is so damn stressful

8/15/2011 9:11:44 PM

Bobby,
I know where you are coming from and understand your frustration on the subject. My girlfriend is of Muslim origin, born and raised in the US, but leans more towards the Christian faith as well. We are having issues trying to deal with the whole marriage things as well as her parents are on the same page as yours. I told her about your situation and got her opinion on the matter.

Her advice is that you hold 2 seperate ceremonies. Keep your plans as they are with her family, Christian wedding, only don't invite your extended muslim family members that will cause the problems. Instead have your family host a small and simple "ketib iktab" and dinner. That way the other family members won't know any better, just that another Muslim boy married another Christian girl. No big deal.

8/15/2011 11:24:39 PM

all over this thread except for

^knows what he's actually talking about.

8/16/2011 1:40:56 AM

Alfgard presents a great solution.

8/16/2011 1:51:45 AM

On the one hand:

Quote :

"For whoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father's, and of the holy angels."

On the other hand you really don't want to have to kick people out of your wedding. I recommend telling the extended family beforehand, or putting it on the invitations.

8/16/2011 1:57:41 AM

Quote :

"How stubborn is each family? It may end up just being a case of you telling them "This is my wedding. If you don't like it, don't come, but thanks for being so close minded and thinking about nothing but yourself on my wedding day.""

If both of your families are not happy with you getting married, dont invite them. They will get the point. This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, and there is no way that they will not ruin it for you. Both families are already judging, and while they may come to some mutual agreement on the wedding, no kind of ceremony will change their thoughts. You are already having undue stress about a supposed "celebration." It doesnt sound like you are celebrating your love with your wife, but instead trying to come up with some convoluted dog and pony show to make both families happy. FUCK THAT this is your wife and your day, not your families day.

8/16/2011 7:53:26 AM

Do you think your side of the family would come to the Christian ceremony if you had both happening? The Hindu Christian wedding I went to it seemed like the ceremonies were pretty separate even though information for both events were printed on the invites.

Quote :

" all over this thread except for"

Other than the elopement advice, most people seem level headed. Rare for this site.

8/16/2011 8:06:50 AM

Why don't you try to talk to the pastor that the MIL is insisting on having? You could go pray with him to bond, then chat. They are there for guidance, and he would probably be the only one the MIL will take any from on the matters. If its a large enough church, he has probably dealt with this in the past. He should at least see where you are coming from with the "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" business from both sides of the family where the MIL only considers herself. He also may already have some scripts that would be less offensive to your family.

8/16/2011 8:37:19 AM

Yeah, I think most people have been very level headed in this thread. Thank you for this.

There are some good suggestions...most of which we had previously thought about, but it's nice to get confirmation from folks. Obviously I was hoping there was someone out there who had gone through this themselves, but I'll take what I can get

I was in a bad place mentally yesterday when I started this thread. We'll figure something out. Definitely need to talk to the pastor. I probably wont be replying much more to this thread, but suggestions are always welcome.

8/16/2011 9:05:09 AM

The marriage aside, I think a big part of the problem is that you are trying to hide your own religion from your extended family.

I realize that you want to avoid conflict, and in your culture, Islam IS your identity, but it seems that you are beginning your new life as a Christian with an act of dishonesty...

8/16/2011 9:13:03 AM

Well, I totally hear what you are saying. If it were up to me, I'd tell the whole world. I'm not ashamed of anything.

I'm merely trying not to destroy my parent's "social status" if you will.

8/16/2011 9:34:16 AM

i just think ya gotta have 2 ceremonies

8/16/2011 1:24:00 PM

This is really tough, as a Christian, I understand the reason to have a Christian ceremony. It's not about Christian "traditions" and you cannot just do a "non-denominational" ceremony because as Christians we believe marriage is a covenant not just between two people, but also with God. Thus why it should be officiated by a pastor and have typically the ceremony revolves around the covenant you're making and the why behind it. It's not just as simple as incorporating both "traditions" or by having a non-denominational or non-religious official for the ceremony, it's more involved than that. This is what makes it so difficult.

What I would propose is to have a small Christian wedding (no frills) where you make the spiritual covenant to one another & to God first (possibly the night before?) with your immediate family and close friends. Then do a non-denominational ceremony for the main event and you could just consider it your civil covenant wedding.

8/16/2011 1:42:13 PM

ITT we learn the folly of ritual based on mysticism. Good luck sorting this one out. I'm with the elope crowd.

8/16/2011 2:00:32 PM

Congrats and good luck!

thats all i got

8/16/2011 2:31:28 PM

We had a non-standard wedding, similar but different to your situation. Without getting into too much detail:

We had a small, private ceremony that was the actual wedding. Only a few people attended. The location was pretty far out of town for most of our respective families so we went from their to our honeymoon, then did a reception (with ring ceremony) in a central location to everyone when we got back. We also had to move in together and start up a new semester of school right after that. The wedding, honeymoon, reception, move, and school starting all took place in a span of about 10 days.

I don't think I've ever been as busy since.

[Edited on August 16, 2011 at 3:01 PM. Reason : -]

8/16/2011 2:58:36 PM