doesn't taste as good the 2nd time

10/17/2012 10:06:05 PM

As a serious question, I'm not trying to troll or anything here, but what is the point of starting a thread asking people to ask you about your very personal struggles other than boredom or seeking attention? You mentioned "to give me some accountability, and to 'talk' about it instead of the alternative." What does that mean? And what is the alternative?

Similar threads that do not need to be started would be:
"Ask me about my miscarriage."
"Ask me about my erectile dysfunction."

I'm glad you're getting help because eating disorders are a serious issue that needs addressing by professionals, but I'm failing to see your benefit by starting this thread on thewolfweb.com.

10/18/2012 9:04:47 AM

not trying to answer for her, but

Quote :

"there is already a stigma about mental health in this country. "

It's not taboo for people to talk about their physical health (unless someone's giving you a play-by-play of their colonoscopy or something) but any discussion of mental health tends to feel awkward for a lot of people, or get the person seeking help labeled as crazy or weak. There's no reason it should. But the only way people are going to get more comfortable with discussing mental health is by being exposed to it.

10/18/2012 9:18:55 AM

Quote :

"Didn't read the thread, but what's your secret to concealing your breath?"

I brush my teeth if I can. If not, try to get a hold of a strong smelling drink like coffee. I usually have gum on me, too.

Quote :

"doesn't taste as good the 2nd time"

Ice cream does. (sorry for being gross, but at least I'm honest)

Quote :

"I'm failing to see your benefit by starting this thread on thewolfweb.com."

I figured that talking about this more openly would help me rationalize my behavior more, and therefore not do it as much. Since it's an emotional issue, trying to rationalize it, breaks the cycle. Also, as I stated before, the thread is not entirely for my own personal benefit.

10/18/2012 9:21:53 AM

Along the lines of this thread, why do you bother trying to cover up your bad breath? By having people notice your bad breath IRL, it would give you a chance to rationalize it real time in person and give you some accountability in a real life scenario where you can receive a palpable and measurable benefit from the feedback instead of just the typed encouragement from the internet.

10/18/2012 9:39:03 AM

Nobody wants bad breath. That shit is nasty and one of my top pet peeves.

10/18/2012 9:45:18 AM

I think it's brave of you to come to TWW to post this, and I honestly wish you well, but part of me thinks your illness is worse than you realize. I mean it's TWW- one of the most mean spirited, negative, ridiculing places I know of. Seeking attention on here (and let's be honest, it's mostly gonna be negative) can't possibly be very good for you...

10/18/2012 11:26:41 PM

Do you have a gag reflex?

10/19/2012 12:30:34 AM

Quote :

"I think it's brave of you to come to TWW to post this, and I honestly wish you well, but part of me thinks your illness is worse than you realize. I mean it's TWW- one of the most mean spirited, negative, ridiculing places I know of. Seeking attention on here (and let's be honest, it's mostly gonna be negative) can't possibly be very good for you..."

I have seen much, much worse.

10/19/2012 9:25:04 AM

Quote :

"Along the lines of this thread, why do you bother trying to cover up your bad breath? By having people notice your bad breath IRL, it would give you a chance to rationalize it real time in person and give you some accountability in a real life scenario where you can receive a palpable and measurable benefit from the feedback instead of just the typed encouragement from the internet."

because the internet gives you more control and slightly more anonymity. I understand your curiosity, but I don't think you will get this thread unless you have either watched someone go through this or have been or are going through an eating disorder.

10/20/2012 2:33:49 PM

What happens in your brain when you force yourself not to throw up?

Cause stress?
Cause dizziness?
Cause anxiety?

10/20/2012 3:31:46 PM

Quote :

"What happens in your brain when you force yourself not to throw up?"

It's usually fear. I'm really afraid of my weight ballooning beyond my control. Also the fear of people not liking me as a person because of that. Lately I have really tried to convince myself that I'm doing really good by not purging.

The trick is to just not binge in the first place. That's where all the problems start anyway.

10/20/2012 4:21:03 PM

How do you keep yourself from binging and how do you define a binge? Like what constitutes a meal or enjoying something versus binging?

My boyfriend has really upset me lately because I was telling him about this thread and he said that he thinks I binge. but instead of purging I will exercise for hours and hours. He think it's funny and calls it bingercising, but it has really upset me and is starting to stress me out thinking about it

11/9/2012 2:47:42 PM

Quote :

"but instead of purging I will exercise for hours and hours"

Bulimia is not just a disorder where a person purges, often people will do like what you said and exercise themsevles way too much to "purge." See link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exercise_bulimia

Sometimes there's no difference between a binge and a large meal. Sometimes there is. There will be times that I go out and eat and afterwards realize that I ate too much. I will start kind of panicking, and then make the decision to go binge.

Other times I will get the feeling of wanting to binge, and I will kind of plan it. As in, I may even go by food to binge on.

Quote :

"How do you keep yourself from binging"

This is a very timely question. Yesterday I wanted to binge so, so badly. The day started off ok, but my coworkers and I went to Neomonde for lunch and I felt like I over-ate. For the rest of the day I started "planning" my binge, and then trying to talk myself out of it. I stayed at work a late just to avoid going home and therefore binging. I finally gave in and left the office, and talked myself into going to Harris Teeter for "oatmeal", but I knew that I was really going to look at cookies and ice cream.

So I get to the store and attempted to stick to my plan, but I wound up going down the ice cream isle just to look anyway. I almost had a panic attack in the store debating on what to do. I ended up with the following items: bananas, apples, oatmeal, a grapefruit, & yogurt. And as a treat to myself for not buying binge food, I bought a package of pre-sliced mangoes ($7).

Sometimes talking yourself into doing something else, or thinking about something else for a short-term will get you out of the mood. I think that going to the grocery store, even though my intentions were initially bad, was helpful, because I kinda snapped out of it. That was probably the most I have ever wanted to binge without giving in. AND I bought healthy food instead.

[Edited on November 9, 2012 at 3:50 PM. Reason : ]

11/9/2012 3:49:38 PM

Quote :

""doesn't taste as good the 2nd time" Ice cream does. (sorry for being gross, but at least I'm honest)"

I hope you know, that post was to start the 2nd page.

11/9/2012 4:43:02 PM

I think I know where you're coming from about binging. I have dealt with that same kind of thought process myself. The difference is that I never throw it up, I would just get fat, at least in the past. You decide that you're going to tear into some food, and then you start thinking about what kind of food it's going to be, and you kind of lose control. When I get in that mindset, I'm on a warpath. I have learned to recognize this destructive thought process and exercise willpower to reverse it. There's no easy way out of this "mental loop", I just have to tell myself "no".

People talk shit about counting calories and weighing every day, but it works for me. It's the only way for me to track what I'm eating and if I'm on target. Yes, your weight is going to fluctuate, but over the course of a week you can take an average. It's either trending up, trending down, or staying about the same.

Intermittent fasting is also a godsend, at least for me. I eat high calorie foods several times a week, but I also have days where I restrict my diet. I don't eat anything most days until 6 PM or after, and then they're pretty big meals. Starting out, I would just not eat until 1 or 2 PM, but I've pushed that back over time to make room for bigger meals. For some reason, breaking my days up into "feeding" and "fasting" windows has been of tremendous help for preventing unrestrained cheating.

The key to this is that you're deliberately going without food for a period, and then planning out nutritious meals. It's absolutely critical that you have meal plans or at least "go to foods" that aren't high in both carbs and fat. For me, that's stuff like hard boiled eggs, jerky, chicken salads, and weird protein powder based concoctions that I've figured out how to make, but I'm gross like that. You don't just go without food until you're super hungry and then load up on cookies and ice cream. Planning is vital. It's fine to get full, but you have to make sure you're filling up on the right things.

I think I suffer from "former fat kid syndrome" and I'm probably fucked up psychologically, at least in relation to food. As a former (and, if you saw my meals on lifting days, you might say current) binger, though, this is what has worked well for me.

11/9/2012 5:28:35 PM

Quote :

" People talk shit about counting calories and weighing every day, but it works for me. It's the only way for me to track what I'm eating and if I'm on target. Yes, your weight is going to fluctuate, but over the course of a week you can take an average. It's either trending up, trending down, or staying about the same. "

I've done this for years. I joined Weight Watchers in 2009 and lost a significant amount of weight. But at the same time I started to get neurotic on food choices and what I allowed myself to eat. I'm sure a lot of my friends could tell you about how they would ask me to grab something to eat with them, only to have them watch me hem and haw over a nutrition menu only to finally decide to not go after all. I'm trying to find a happy balance of eating healthy and counting calories, yet still have a social life. Most people don't seem to have a problem with this. Fortunately the anxiety meds help me out A LOT.

However, my binge episodes are more than a lack of will power. The desire is much less about eating, and more about purging, as odd as that sounds. I've binged on bananas before, it really doesn't matter what the food is (although I will shop for binge foods based on what I know works best for purging).

[Edited on November 12, 2012 at 10:49 AM. Reason : ]

11/12/2012 10:42:00 AM

lol @ ice cream comment

I'm krallum and I approved this message.

11/12/2012 11:06:56 AM

^^When I go out with friends, I get a salad with dressing on the side unless it's one of a handful of restaurants that I love.

And restaurants where I would have a tendency to overeat/feel guilty are places where, in actuality, the food isn't that good. And they're overpriced, considering it's usually just some fairly average food smothered in cheese/butter. When they do offer a "healthier" option, a lot of times they still don't get the flavors/spices right.

But if it's a restaurant that I love, then I "save up" calories in order to go there and get whatever I want. But, even with this strategy, it could still lead to feelings of guilt or a binge or whatever. It's really hard to keep things balanced. And even when you're trying to achieve a balance, you can become totally neurotic/unbalanced about trying to get the fucking balance. So frustrating!

11/13/2012 1:47:21 PM

Quote :

"although I will shop for binge foods based on what I know works best for purging"

What does this mean? Things that you really really enjoy but wouldn't eat without purging?

When you purge, how does that affect what you eat afterwards? (don't you throw up the stomach acids and whatnot? Does the body then just store everything as fat?)

Do you usually throw up everything you've eaten? I saw a documentary once where the girl said she would try to keep a little in her stomach so she wouldn't be tempted to start all over.

11/14/2012 1:18:31 AM

Quote :

"When I go out with friends, I get a salad with dressing on the side unless it's one of a handful of restaurants that I love."

I hate salads. I love my veggies, but salads have never done it for me. Even without dressing, I've found that most places will have a sandwich or another item that is few calories less than their salads, so I usually opt for that. My go-to at restaurants when I'm really on top of things is a baked potato with salsa. I usually try to go to places where I know I can get decent food, like sushi restaurants and Mediterranean.

Quote :

"What does this mean? Things that you really really enjoy but wouldn't eat without purging?"

Pretty much. I NEVER buy full fat ice cream unless I want to purge. On a day-to-day basis I try to keep away from foods I prefer to binge on. Currently there is no peanut butter, nutella, ice cream, cookies, etc. at my apartment. Even if I buy these things with good intentions they end up being extremely tempting on bad days.

I usually throw up everything, try to get rid of it all. I know that I can't though. Which should, in a way, discourage the whole process. I'm working on that.

Quote :

"Does the body then just store everything as fat?)"

I have no idea. My body is so F'ed up already. I would say it has slowed down my metabolism, which it really may have. But my slow metabolism is more likely caused by my thyroid issue... who knows.

[Edited on November 15, 2012 at 4:24 PM. Reason : ]

11/15/2012 4:22:20 PM

I don't like salads either, but I'd rather eat a salad than have to tell my friends I can't go out with them cause of the menu.

11/15/2012 8:25:59 PM

^That sounds way bitchier than it should. My bad, guys.

11/15/2012 9:33:34 PM

Quote :

"I don't like salads either, but I'd rather eat a salad than have to tell my friends I can't go out with them cause of the menu."

This is kind of my point. It sounds very rational to just order a salad. But on bad days, or when I was being neurotic about my food, then eating a salad was not part of my planned day, and if I eat that then the whole day's worth of points will just fly out the window. And if I do that, then why am I even on this diet? Why do I even bother when I'm just going to be a fat ass the rest of my life... you can see how this escalated.

I guess what I keep trying to get across is that an eating disorder is a real issue. It's not a lack of will power, being a picky eater, or being just plain lazy. It's a combination of anxiety, food issues, and self esteem problems that combine to form a nasty disease. The more I read people's [rational] tips for me, the more I believe that. I'm glad that I'm doing much better now, because people probably used to think i was crazy.

11/16/2012 9:06:25 AM