Quote :

"Oh...and I love our $3k couch. Its comfortable as fuck and looks great in our living room. I just think we could have found something similar for around $500... "

I don't know the brand or anything, but to be honest, if the sofa was $3000, there is a 90% chance you're not going to find a sofa with similar build quality for <$1000. Looks/style? Sure.

Not that that helps you feel any better And I completely understand NOT wanting to spend $3000 on a sofa.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 12:03:44 PM

Quote :

"I'd still want to know what's going through her account because if she runs out of money, I'm still on the hook. Not like you can say "sorry you can't eat today, you're out of cash""

Actually, you can.

She's your wife, not your child.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM. Reason : .]

7/30/2013 12:03:59 PM

it's just not a necessity that requires such a huge investment when you don't make 120K a year


if she needed a computer and he was all like, I won't help you pay for that, and she said but I don't have enough $$ right now and I need it for work and you make more than me can you say that this is a bday present maybe?

and then he was all like no bitch it's my money, then I would call him a douche

7/30/2013 12:04:08 PM

One joint checking/money market/credit card shared between us. No need to split that up. We just talk to each other if we want to purchase something big. Neither of us are spendy at all, but we also realize that if one or the other is asking for something, its usually because we need it.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 12:04:59 PM

Who knew this would turn into a talk about sofas

Some great advice ya'll, I appreciate it.

7/30/2013 5:01:02 PM

if you are worried about the SO spending everything then you shouldn't get married. Separate accounts are just to minimize the stress over differences of opinion on spending habits, but neither of us would ever come close to running out of cash.

7/30/2013 5:19:57 PM

i had separate accounts with my ex wife and we never fought about money. she raised hell when i bought an 1100 motorcycle but it was because she thought i would kill myself. not sure why that would bother her since she didnt like me anyways

7/30/2013 5:29:01 PM

y'all can call it "separate" all you want, but when it comes divorce time, nothing is separate. your spouse's finances are also extremely important to you when you go apply for a mortgage. you hsould care what happens to your spouse's paycheck.

7/30/2013 5:48:20 PM

Quote :

"if you are worried about the SO spending everything then you shouldn't get married. Separate accounts are just to minimize the stress over differences of opinion on spending habits"

Right, well I minimize my stress by getting comfortable with what our money is being spent on. At the end of the day, all of it is our money, especially once we have kids to support.

Quote :

"She's your wife, not your child."

You're supposed to take care of the woman you marry.


[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 5:51 PM. Reason : .]

7/30/2013 5:49:55 PM

I thought married people were supposed to take care of each other

I have no clue what your wife's spending habits are, but if they include draining your checking account until you eventually replenish without really saying anything, that's typically a problem that gets worse over time, not better.

7/30/2013 6:03:22 PM

We do take care of each other, and no she doesn't drain our account.

Why are you picking a fight with me again?

7/30/2013 6:08:39 PM

I would never want to share a discretionary account with my partner. It's just not secure.

You should be able to look at a statement for a "spending" account and be able to identify everything on it. One account, one person. If not, then you don't know if you should recognize a transaction or not. If you're going to share the same bank and have joint names on all the accounts, then sure. But sharing an expense account is doing nothing more than fucking up accounting.

Plus there's over draft. Couples always be over-drafting their shit because no one knows what the other is doing.

That rant done, if you're going to split income between the 2 people's accounts, then MS Excel that shit. You should be putting some into savings too. If you're so ungodly happy with each other that you want to combine your savings too, then sure.

7/30/2013 6:19:32 PM

We share all accounts and budgets and it's not hard for us to keep track of it; in fact it simplifies accounting to me. We're never anywhere near CC limits though - and if a purchase was going to create that issue, it would be big enough that we've discussed beforehand - hardwood floors, new AC, etc.

When you're used to living with someone for years as well as sharing accounts for years, it is super, super easy to know if I should recognize a transaction or not and 90% of the time or more, I'm already aware of the transaction or was present for it anyway. We both have quick access to and utilize our Mint account which probably helps.

I definitely do not think there is anything wrong with people that want to do it separately because the most important thing is having a system that each people buys into and some people just like having complete control over their "own" money of some sort. For us it's just so easy to deposit into and pay out of one shared account and share all our budgets.

[Edited on July 30, 2013 at 7:26 PM. Reason : ]

7/30/2013 7:13:38 PM

Joint account for everything except:

I keep an entirely separate account for my son, who inherited a considerable amount of money and another for farm related income/expenses because they are so large and irregular in nature that they don't factor into our household budget.

We each have separate credit cards that are paid off. That allows for discretionary spending. We might know how much our spouse spends in a month, but don't track specifics because we don't look at one another's statement. That way we're not scrutinizing every expenditure as long as it doesn't blow the budget.

7/30/2013 8:55:33 PM

We used to have separate accounts, but both had access too them. We did have a joint savings account.

A little over a year ago we went to a joint checking account. Now we have 2 savings accounts. One is for big ticket stuff that might surprise us and the other is for immediate things.

We both have retirement accounts. I've got two and she has one.

Funny thing was a month after we joined our accounts up someone stole our info and tried to send a $10000 money order through western union. Wasn't quite funny at the time when I got the alert here at work about 11:30pm.

7/30/2013 10:33:22 PM

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/02/02/does-your-relationship-suffer-from-financial-infidelity/

7/30/2013 10:42:17 PM

Joint accounts. We consider it Our money regardless of who make the most. We have veto power over each others purchases. We both try to spend money within reason. Usually any purchases over $50 we let each other know. I pay the bills and pay more attention to finances so I am sort of the control person, discouraging bigger purchases if we can't afford it.

7/30/2013 11:08:22 PM

Lived with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have everything separate. Not sure if we'd get a joint account after marriage. I think it would be a lot simpler, but we both like our own banks. Also, we rarely spend money on ourselves and usually buy things for each other. He usually gets my approval of purchases over $100ish, but we haven't set any rules. I usually just buy it without consulting with him because he'll get upset that I'm spending my money on him. I'm in school and he doesn't like for me to pay for stuff. I guess we would rather spoil each other than ourselves. This thread has made me feel a little guilty about buying him a new laptop without asking. However, his was shocking him and would probably burn the house down, so maybe it's for the best in some situations. Also, I love surprising him.

7/30/2013 11:56:08 PM

I took the quiz from the article that was posted itt. Posting here for future reference.

Quote :

"Your Primary Money Personality is Security Seeker You like to have a plan You like predictability Your future is determined You're willing to sacrifice You are prepared Your Secondary Money Personality is Saver You get a genuine rush from saving money Rarely spend impulsively Willing to research in order to find the lowest price Enjoy getting a "good deal" Celebrates when others get a "good deal""

7/31/2013 12:21:38 AM

Quote :

"Relationships are all about give and take...and you don't appear to be very giving (to a SO at least). "

I'm not very taking, either.

I'm not anti-marriage; I think having a wife or serious girlfriend would be cool...but I'm not going to give up much autonomy.

...but yeah, no doubt, I will either end up with a pretty unique woman, or die alone. Either is preferable to the alternative.

Quote :

"Marrying someone means they're a lot more than a roommate you have sex with. It's a partnership, and that includes involving them big decisions, monetary and otherwise."

For sure, I'm not saying that I want a bang-maid. I want a partner that I respect as an equal...but I also have no interest in involving her in things that are strictly my business.

Quote :

"Also, Duke, if you're staying in the military, you'd have to consider that your theoretical wifey would have to move around with you, which is probably going to hinder her career development a bit. "

That is totally valid, generally speaking, but in my specific case, I'm getting out of the Marines next year and staying right where I'm at in FL.

Quote :

"No offense, but "if you want a $3k couch you have to pay for all of it because I'd never spend that on a couch" seems like a hugely douchey thing to do. Either talk to her and convince her that the two of you can't afford the couch, or suck it up and pitch in. You're using the couch, too, after all. "

Would anyone have a problem with pitching in on a couch? That's a shared expense like a mortgage, dinners out, vacations together, etc. I think everyone's cool with sharing those expenses.

Now, depending on how much the two of you make, $3000 for a couch is likely kind of unreasonable--when it's a shared expense, you should probably both compromise and find something mutually acceptable. I mean, if you both want it, then no problem...but if one of you wants a $1000 couch, and the other wants a $3000 couch, maybe the answer is to share the cost of a $1500 or maybe 2000 one...or agree (if you can afford it) to splurge on some other shared expense that the non-couchophile partner is more on-fire about.

Quote :

"idk it's $3k on a friggin couch, and you can't stop her from buying it herself, but you don't have to contribute. I think he made that clear that he felt like it was an irresponsible purchase and she did it anyway.... "

You can prevent it with separate accounts.

I mean, he prevented it anyway, sort of, by talking with her--good on her for not just going and doing it anyway on the shared account. Bad on her for doing something so financially dumb, but at least it's not [as much] his problem now.

Quote :

"Second...I don't think I've ever spent more than $300 for a piece of furniture."

In fairness, you aren't gonna get shit for $300.

Quote :

"I think it's less of the "I want to have separate accounts" and more of the..."I will buy whatever the fuck I want and no one is going to tell me different mentality"...which is basically what he's saying. I want to try and keep the separate account thing going...but I still think every big purchase should at least be discussed."

That's exactly what I'm saying, and why should it be discussed if you have separate accounts? I wouldn't even give the slightest fuck how much money a girl pissed away on shoes or handbags. You enjoy them? Doesn't affect me in any way? Knock yourself out. Similarly, I would never tolerate anyone balking at me coming home with a new rifle, guitar, motorcycle, sports car, etc. Well, at least not from a financial perspective—I could see it being an issue (more for a car or maybe motorcycle) in terms of it taking up space.

Quote :

"Separate accounts wouldn't work for me. I'd still want to know what's going through her account because if she runs out of money, I'm still on the hook. "

I would never marry anyone whom I even had the slightest worry of her mismanaging her finances that severely. I wouldn't want to marry anyone that irresponsible.

and if she was irresponsible enough to do that and "put me on the hook", then I sure as shit wouldn't want to combine my finances with her. Talk about being "on the hook" for her!

Quote :

"it's just not a necessity that requires such a huge investment when you don't make 120K a year"

HAHA, shit, I wouldn't want to buy a $3k couch if I made $120k/year. Maybe if a wife and I each made $120k/year, and we both REALLY liked the couch.

Quote :

"I thought married people were supposed to take care of each other"

Dude, if a girl needs to be taken care of like that, I'm not interested. I want someone independent and capable. I'd be interested in a marriage of mutual benefit, but not in picking up a liability or albatross, financial or otherwise. Of course, you could have the mutual benefit and still combine finances--I'm just talking about "taking care" of someone.

It's mostly about me hating to be unnecessarily beholden to anyone or any entity.

7/31/2013 12:23:32 AM

were you directing that last part at me?

because I clearly don't want to be somebody's meal ticket, nor would I ever feel comfortable being on the receiving end either. people should be financially stable BY THEMSELVES before they ever decide to get married. what I meant by that last quote was that I think that line of "a man is supposed to take care of his wife" sounds like something you'd hear in a country music lyric- the 1950s have long since passed.

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 12:34 AM. Reason : .]

7/31/2013 12:32:45 AM

^^^

Quote :

"Your Primary Money Personality is Risk Taker You get excited by possibility You love finding your next adventure You make decisions quickly You live in the moment You aren't worried about details Your Secondary Money Personality is Spender You live in the moment Get a genuine rush from spending money Love to buy gifts for others. Get a thrill from the large or small purchase Willing to pay for convenience"

and from: http://www.moneyharmony.com/MHQuiz.html

Quote :

" [quote]Money Personality Type Responses: Hoarder: 4 Spender: 3 Money Monk: 1 Avoider: 0 Amasser: 12 You tend to have the following money personality: Amasser Here is an excerpt from Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts In Your Life and Relationships about the Amasser money personality type: "If you tend to be a money amasser, you are happiest when you have large amounts of money at your disposal to spend, to save, and/or to invest. If you are not actually spending, saving, or investing, you may feel empty or not fully alive. You tend to equate money with self-worth and power, so a lack of money may lead to feelings of failure and even depression. If you hire an investment advisor or financial planner, your major concern will be finding investments with high rates of return, since you hope to make as much money as you can, as quickly as possible. You probably enjoy making your own financial decisions, so it may be quite difficult for you to give up much control to money professionals. If, on the other hand, you tend to be a worrier, too, and if you are tired of being overly obsessed with your money, you may actually welcome the opportunity to assign some of the details of your money life to a trustworthy financial advisor. ""

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 12:43 AM. Reason : ^ Yeah I think I didn't read you carefully. We're saying approx the same thing, I think.]

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 12:44 AM. Reason : I'd say I'm kinda equal parts spender/saver. "Amasser" is prob a good description.]

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 12:47 AM. Reason : I'm pretty risk tolerant with money and most other things, though]

7/31/2013 12:42:00 AM

if people WANT to take care of someone by paying all of their bills and giving them spending money, good for them.

just don't ever EXPECT me, and probably a lot of other men out there, to do it

and i don't want kids, so that argument doesn't apply to me

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 12:52 AM. Reason : .]

7/31/2013 12:48:34 AM

Quote :

"Oh...and I love our $3k couch. Its comfortable as fuck and looks great in our living room. I just think we could have found something similar for around $500.."

haha, you sound like me talking man.

my wife fell in love with a $4k restoration hardware couch and had to have it. It's great and all, but like you, I felt we could have had something nearly as nice for much much less. Of course, she makes double what I do, so it's hard for me to push back. She also has nearly $200k of med school loans to pay back...

7/31/2013 1:00:09 AM

Restoration Hardware is a favorite of mine.

I'd probably cave and buy it if I made 50% more and was splitting the cost with a wife who made good money of her own.

I don't know, maybe I'd even do it if I was just splitting the cost at my current salary...but damn, their prices are a little ludicrous sometimes.

(Hey, we tore down this old-ass barn and nailed the wood together into this rough table. Pretty kickass for a bunch of scrap, huh?

Yeah, $4000. Ante up.)

7/31/2013 1:05:26 AM

Quote :

"Now, depending on how much the two of you make, $3000 for a couch is likely kind of unreasonable"

Show's that you've never cohabitated with a woman...

BobbyD gets me!

7/31/2013 10:27:48 AM

jbrick83, my husband would say the same thing. He might alter it a bit to say well we budgeted X amount for the couch so anything more than that you can pay for yourself.

7/31/2013 10:32:09 AM

Quote :

" I think that line of "a man is supposed to take care of his wife" sounds like something you'd hear in a country music lyric- the 1950s have long since passed."

it does

Quote :

"if people WANT to take care of someone by paying all of their bills and giving them spending money, good for them. just don't ever EXPECT me, and probably a lot of other men people out there, to do it"

but I'll try my hardest to take care of my spouse and I'm sure he'll do the same for me

[Edited on July 31, 2013 at 3:35 PM. Reason : .]

7/31/2013 3:31:45 PM