India is in the Middle East, ITT.

Suggestion to buy girl from parents made, ITT.

Fake conversion to another religion suggested, ITT.

10/9/2013 12:11:55 PM

People defending South Asian "family honor" and "female honor" ITT

10/9/2013 12:20:44 PM

I could have phrased it better but I was just thinking that if her folks are old fashion/old world then maybe bringing bride price to the table might be a way of somehow appeasing them and keeping her family in the picture if that's what she wants.


If it was me, I wouldn't have anything to do with them but who knows, maybe just paying the bigots and showing financial security might help create a bridge. Maybe that's what they expect.

10/9/2013 12:27:15 PM

No that's not what they expect. As I said earlier, most people's comments make it clear they are not aware of how certain religions and cultures feel about their daughters marrying men outside their religion.

Muslims and Hindus never let their daughters marry outside the religion. Thats not a stereotype or a generalization. It applies to perhaps 99% of them. Basically 100% for Muslims because the religion itself does not allow a woman to marry a non-Muslim. For Hindus, not explicitly prohibited by Hinduism AFAIK, but culturally it s a no-no. A man of another culture or ethnicity is technically ok as long as he is of the same religion as the girl, but still, culturally and societally it is a taboo and shameful act. For most Muslim and Hindu families, their daughter marrying or wanting to marry a man of another religion would bring shame on the family, and many end up killing their daughters. Heck, in India, they even kill their daughters if the daughter elopes to marry a Hindu of another caste. So, for Hindus, if marrying a co-religionist of another caste brings so much dishonor to the family that they hunt the couple down and lynch them in broad daylight with the help of relatives and with the tacit approval of onlookers on the streets, what to talk of marrying someone from another religion, especially a Muslim!

Hope it is more clear now.

Here is a thread I made about an Indian young couple who were hanged by their own families because they eloped but were from different castes. Watch as neighbors interviewed about it by a reporter say they support what the families did, even saying "We are very much educated people" but they still support the murder.

message_topic.aspx?topic=597421

Watch the YouTube clip in the OP.


[Edited on October 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM. Reason : ]

10/9/2013 1:14:45 PM

sounds like the only solution is to beat them to the punch and murder the parents then.


oh wait, i'm pretty sure they know such actions may be punishable by death here. And if the OP is really sincere, she should realize that her parents can't make her do anything here, except leave their house. unless they try to murder her in her sleep. So you should probably just go ahead and move out and not lose your mind for the next six months trying to live two lives for some people you're ultimately going to dump anyway.

10/9/2013 3:01:32 PM

Quote :

"Basically 100% for Muslims because the religion itself does not allow a woman to marry a non-Muslim"

But it does allow a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman.

<-former Muslim.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago when I decided that Islam wasnt for me. My parents disowned me, blah blah blah. Scared about what "others" would say about our family...I "ruined their life", etc, etc.

That was the hardest, most fucked up discussion/period of my life I've ever had. Not something I would wish on anyone.

We are "good" now, just avoid religious discussion like the plague. I dont go broadcasting to our family that I choose not to be Muslim, and all is good. I basically came to the conclusion that if anyone would choose to think ill of me or my family because of me trying to get right with God, then they are not someone I need to have in my life.


[Edited on October 9, 2013 at 4:09 PM. Reason : .]

10/9/2013 3:59:03 PM

complete threadjack, but good for you!

10/9/2013 5:00:54 PM

So, this is sort of a Chit Chat answer, but it really is how I live my life.

The person who proposes the ultimatum is the person to lose.

In your case, would your boyfriend ever ask you to chose between your family and him? If the answer to that is "No," then it proves that your boyfriend is better for your life than your family. If the answer is "Yes," then dump them both.

10/9/2013 6:11:23 PM

Sorry wasn't trying to jack the thread. Just wanted to basically say to do what makes you happy. Period. You only live once.

10/10/2013 8:46:29 AM

@Stryver, you're absolutely right about living for myself before living for him or my parents. And that's what I intend to do. I honestly just want to be free of any types of restrictions or burdens more than anything else. In addition to that though, I feel like if I lose this specific battle about my Arab boyfriend with my parents, I'll spend the rest of my life fighting with them about everything else-- once you concede once, it gets harder to not concede again and again.

Also, I'm not sure who said it but India is not in the Middle East. India is considered to be South Asia, and is mostly referred to as the Indian subcontinent.

@Bobby Light, I commend you for actually sticking up for yourself and making sure your parents knew exactly what you wanted. I understand in more ways than one how hard that must be (my mother still fights with me about the fact that I have no belief in a higher power), and I hope that someday I can get to the point where I won't care what my parents or anyone else in my family thinks of me. I think that time is coming soon, honestly.

10/10/2013 11:39:50 AM

And no, my boyfriend never provided an ultimatum to me. At the time that he learned of my parents ultimatum, he actually sat down with me and when we talked about it he said he understood if I chose to go with my parents, because family is important. We were both grief stricken and heartbroken about it, especially because I did choose my family at first. But then I came back to him when I realized that that was not how I wanted to live my life.

10/10/2013 11:41:30 AM