Quote :

"1. I tell innocuous lies all the time. I'll say I was at the mall instead of the gym...or at the gym instead of the bar...or grocery shopping instead of working...or sleeping instead of working. It's not to make myself look "good." I just don't like people in my business."

I do this too. I really don't know why I do it either. Sometimes it's because I don't like people being in my business or saying something that will cause them to ask even more questions. But that's definitely not always the case. And it's not like I'm ashamed to say what I was really doing or anything like that. When I was younger I'd sometimes lie to my parents about where I was going. But it would be for no good reason. Sometimes I'd say I was going over to friend X's house, but I'd really go to friend Y. And it's not like my parents didn't want me hanging out with friend Y.

Another thing. One time me and a big group of friends were at the beach for a weekend. One of the friends with us was a vegetarian. We all knew she was, it wasn't a secret or anything. And I offered to cook us breakfast one morning. So I made eggs and bacon. And intentionally cooked the eggs in a little bit of the bacon grease so the vegetarian among us ate it. And, looking back that was a stupid, pointless thing to do and I'm not really proud of it.

4/12/2015 5:18:26 PM

For anonymous reports:

4/12/2015 5:57:41 PM

My buddy is ordering Amazon items 1 at a time with no-rush shipping to get a bunch of those $1 media credits

That's not too bad, imo.

4/24/2015 4:26:25 PM

Quote :

"intentionally cooked the eggs in a little bit of the bacon grease"

4/24/2015 6:04:24 PM

i often tell people on the phone that i was about to walk into a meeting, but really i just don't like long phone conversations

4/24/2015 6:06:26 PM

use the lync app on my phone to change me status from away to available, and back to away

just to make it look like i wasnt "out of the office" for too long

4/24/2015 6:14:37 PM

I didn't want to go clubbing last weekend and told my girl friend I couldn't because I planned a hike the next morning and needed to be up early and didn't want to be hungover. No hike planned.

4/24/2015 6:15:26 PM

Did you say "a hike" specifically because it's an activity this particular person would never want to do?

4/24/2015 6:21:29 PM

Quote :

"use the lync app on my phone to change me status from away to available"

Oooh I might have to play around with this

4/24/2015 7:20:24 PM

^^ haha kinda. She is not very active. But she did ask me if I was going alone, but I said I was carpooling. I didn't think about it til later, that maybe she was waiting for me to ask.

I rationalized the lie for several reasons. For one, we are not really that close although I consider her a friend and I am not about to go out of my way to drive 45 min out to a club.

4/25/2015 4:06:42 PM

Just got a nice book from Amazon meant for a neighbor. *must resist*

5/14/2015 4:16:43 PM

Quote :

"i often tell people on the phone that i was about to walk into a meeting, but really i just don't like long phone conversations"

I do this all the time... say I've got to jump to a conference call or whatever. If I'm talking to my dad, who will talk my ear off, I will call myself with my work phone and say that my boss is on the other line to get off the phone quickly because the conf call excuse doesn't always work.

5/14/2015 5:04:07 PM

I have a few things I'd like to post here, but, I won't be anydneither should any of you. At least for anything you did illegally in the state of NC.

NC is one of the very few states that has no statute of limitations for nearly any crime (definitely none for felonies, and while there is a 2 year limit on misdemeanors, there is also an exclusion for "malice"). The malicious clause for misdemeanors is extremely vague and basically gives prosecutors a loophole to charge you for anything you intended to do illegally (versus crimes of ignorance).

So I'd advise keeping your mouth shut, or using synapse's web form

[Edited on May 14, 2015 at 5:05 PM. Reason : d]

5/14/2015 5:05:02 PM

dishonest things don't have to be illegal things

5/14/2015 5:11:33 PM

Quote :

" I will call myself with my work phone and say that my boss is on the other line to get off the phone quickly because the conf call excuse doesn't always work."

wait...the other person on the phone can't hear that you have another incoming call, can they? so why go to the trouble of actually calling yourself?

5/14/2015 5:52:08 PM

^^I realize this, just trying to be helpful since several things posted so far are both dishonest and illegal

5/14/2015 6:27:48 PM

I travel a lot for work, so when I know I'm going on a business trip, I pack my luggage full of empty items (toilet paper/paper towel rolls, dishwashing liquid, broken lightbulbs, dead batteries) and swap them out with stuff from the hotel room. I haven't had to buy that stuff for years. I also occasionally take a towel or a wooden coathanger since they'll never miss it.

In college, I'd stick Chick Fil A sandwiches in my coat pockets in the Atrium and buy one so as to not arouse suspicion but make off with about 4 or 5.

also, I don't live in NC anymore, so fuck a statute of limitations.

oh, and I'm currently stealing wifi too

5/14/2015 7:34:28 PM

Quote :

"My buddy is ordering Amazon items 1 at a time with no-rush shipping to get a bunch of those $1 media credits That's not too bad, imo."

I do this just so I can get a free movie rental every so often haha

5/15/2015 8:44:29 AM

In college my water got turned off, I did not have any money so I turned it back on my self, a few days later I got a nice little note on the door from the water dept that its a crime to turn your own water back on.

I somehow paid it and then they took their sweet time coming back so I had to turn it on myself again, but they did not say anything about that one since I was in good standing I guess.

5/15/2015 9:32:44 AM

Quote :

"wait...the other person on the phone can't hear that you have another incoming call, can they? so why go to the trouble of actually calling yourself?"

The second line on my work phone will ring out loud.

5/15/2015 9:39:50 AM

Quote :

"testes Stop being so damn nosy. I don't trust you. I submitted passwords through Google Forms. fuck you. I did the sex to synapse's mom xcvsdv "

[Edited on May 15, 2015 at 9:47 AM. Reason : google form results. ]

[Edited on May 15, 2015 at 9:47 AM. Reason : like, do you people think I can track what TWW username submits data to that form?]


[Edited on May 15, 2015 at 9:48 AM. Reason : i ain't no bigman]

5/15/2015 9:46:18 AM

lol

5/18/2015 9:16:56 AM

Water got turned off today. Apparently they don't send you reminders to pay your bill. I paid it off immediately... Am I going to get in trouble for turning it back on myself?

5/19/2015 7:55:49 PM

WTF My water bill doesn't auto draft so I get months behind and I've never had an issue.

5/20/2015 12:24:04 AM

Yeah mine doesnt autodraft either and i forgot one payment because I was busy with wedding stuff and they turned my water off without notice.

5/20/2015 9:28:31 AM

There is a hotel near where I live and the business center is right near the rear entrance (which is unlocked until 8 PM) If I have a lot of printing to do, I just go in and use their printer.

The key is to go in the afternoon, when like 10 people are in there, I don't think the staff realizes that I'm not a guest.

Also, the ice machine is in a room without a door, I will stockpile grocery bags of ice preceding every football season for tailgating.

5/21/2015 8:11:18 AM

Quote :

"back when i was a bartender, i would regularly pocket cash whenever it was busy and someone ordered a bunch of drinks at the bar. so easy to get away with. you ring it up on the computer and tell the customer how much it's going to be, but you don't send the order and delete the transaction after they've handed you've given them their drink and change. obviously doesn't work for credit cards, but people paying cash never want a receipt. sometimes, i could make an extra $200 a shift. an obvious solution would be to install video cameras and audit the system to see when items are entered, but my employer wasn't too bright. "

5/21/2015 1:44:39 PM

That goes on a decent amount at places with retarded managers/owners that have zero-to-little restaurant experience. But that kind of theft can be detected easily with simple inventory and alcohol/liquor costs. Its impossible to do with very strict places that weigh liquors and draft beers...but at places that are less strict, you could easily make an extra $50 or $60 a night at places that sell a lot of draft beer and/or liquor drinks. If they're selling thousands in alcohol a night, they aren't going to care if they're missing a dozen draft beers spread out over 10 taps or a few vodka/bourbon drinks. By the way...I've never done this.

I do, however, know a guy that worked a very popular tourist spot in Charleston. He had every day shift, M-F, all to himself and they sold a ton of t-shirts to tourists. If they paid in cash, he would just pocket the cash and leave the tab open. Then the next person came by and paid with a credit card, and he would close out the first tab with the credit card. He probably made an extra $75/shift over the course of eight years doing this. The bar he worked at was ridiculously strict with weighing liquors and doing inventory....but for some reason they didn't keep up with their inventory on apparel merchandise. A few months ago a customer bought a t-shirt in cash and saw the guy put it straight into the tip jar (I guess after years of doing it he got too lax or just had a brain fart)...so they called management. Management did some back inventory, found ridiculous discrepancies, and fired the guy.

Personally I think he had a pretty good run. 8 years x 50 weeks/years x 5 days/week x $75/shift = $150,000.

[Edited on May 21, 2015 at 3:25 PM. Reason : .]

5/21/2015 3:24:32 PM

I used to pocket an extra $20 or so a night waiting tables by floating sodas. For those that don't know it's when you split the $2 sodas off to a new tab a table pays for them. If another table comes in and orders sodas, boom.

I also ran a similar version of ^ that scam but at a shitty fake sunglasses kiosk in high school.

5/21/2015 10:11:10 PM

At my old job, I was in charge of ordering office supplies. I would order from Office Max and use either Ebates or ShopAtHome to earn between 3-4% cash back on the total purchase.

I would order on a weekly basis and earn anywhere from $4-$10 every time.

5/21/2015 10:23:53 PM

I don't specifically recall cheating in college, but I assume I did so on some pre-calc tests or quizzes. Certainly I cheated my ass off at math in high school, usually using the ol' graphing calculator.

For a couple of years I wrote papers for other people in exchange for money. It was a pretty good gig. I had a friend who fooled around with a lot of the dumbest Meredith and Peace girls, and he would make the connect. Mostly the easiest money I ever made -- they'd get prompts like "Describe what you admire about Queen Elizabeth's leadership style," and they almost never required sources (or if they did, they accepted shit like wikipedia). I did write a few for some UNC people, and those were harder.

Whenever I got a call from home and mom asked what I was up to, I would say "cleaning up around the dorm/house." I don't know why she believed me -- I am not a tidy person -- but damned if I was going to admit "Playing video games all day" or "masturbating" or "drinking," one of which was almost certainly accurate.

Speaking of drinking, I doubt I ever give an accurate account of my consumption to anybody. To guys I tend to over-report. To women I do the opposite.

I don't outright make shit up in my stories, but I have been known to take liberties with the timeline. It just helps with clarity or brevity sometimes.

5/22/2015 6:56:20 AM

i worked at a home furnishings/antique store one summer during college. We rotated shifts and one night I was in the warehouse handling wrapping and loading for larger items. Someone had bought this huge expensive ceramic/stucco floor lamp that was roughly 6' tall. It was thin but had a wider base and they wanted it padded and wrapped. During it's move from the floor to the warehouse i accidentally tipped it over and cracked the base making it useless. i went ahead and wrapped it up in bubble wrap and paper, loaded it into the customer's car and then when they came back to report it broken played ignorant about the entire thing saying it must have happened during transport.

5/22/2015 9:17:53 AM

Quote :

"I don't outright make shit up in my stories, but I have been known to take liberties with the timeline. It just helps with clarity or brevity sometimes."

Yeah, if a friend of mine tells me an anecdote about HIS friend, usually when I repeat it I'll just eliminate the friend-separation and make it about MY friend. I suspect that most people do this.

5/22/2015 9:22:03 AM

gonna lie about where I work from now on. too much lecture.

5/22/2015 11:11:00 AM

I definitely did my fair share of cheating through high school and college. Most of the time it was unnecessary...but more precautionary (like writing shit on my palms, or having cheat sheets).

The one time that I really cheated hard-core was on my final Spanish 201 exam. I did well in the class, but my teacher was way behind the other teachers and it was the same test for all the classes...so we had only gone through about half the material. It was in one of the bigger rooms in Harrelson and I basically copied about 80% of the test of the person in front of me. They say cheaters only cheat themselves...but I never would have been fluent in Spanish...so fuck it.

5/22/2015 11:59:22 AM

^my Spanish 201 class and professor was one of the reasons i dropped my attempt to minor in it. She was awful and really ruined it for me.

5/22/2015 1:08:25 PM

the TI-80's calculators

I made a program that would make it appear that I wiped the memory, but it didn't

I had all the formulas and shit you were supposed to memorize

I mean, if you didn't know they material, you wouldn't know how to use this info

but I suppose it was still cheating

5/22/2015 2:26:31 PM

Hah. Def pulled that stunt before.

5/24/2015 1:19:12 AM

I eat lunch at my desk regularly. So I keep a box of disposable plastic utensils at my desk. But sometimes when I purchase food from the on-site cafeteria, I'll take more plastic utensils than I need and add them to my box, so I can go longer without buying new ones at the grocery store.

I don't know if that's as sad as taking home paper towels and sugar packets, but it's probably on the same plane of "why bother".

5/24/2015 5:35:29 PM

there are snacks in our breakroom that we purchase for .50/piece by putting money in the "honesty box". This is a good deal when you consider that you can get a soda or bag of popcorn or granola.

but when it comes to the fun size m&m bags, I take 2, because seriously who pays .50 for the tiny fun size bag of m&ms?

I really just need to bring in my own m&ms

5/26/2015 2:41:15 PM

^lol, that read funny in my head.

5/26/2015 4:16:00 PM

I chipped one of our big serving bowls while washing it this morning (barely tapped our granite counter top). I dried it real quick and put it back up. My wife didn't see and I'm hoping to avoid blame if she discovers it a weeks/months later. We'll see!!

5/26/2015 5:23:22 PM

jbrick is a dead man walking

[Edited on May 28, 2015 at 10:43 AM. Reason : we got a dead man walking here]

5/28/2015 10:42:17 AM

She discovered it yesterday and was irate....but just irate in general...not at me. First time we used the serving bowl and it as an expensive one from Pottery Barn. Luckily it was a wedding gift, so we didn't pay for it. She's a big Marshall's/TJ Maxx shopper...so she should be able to find an affordable replacement.

I definitely avoided that one!

5/28/2015 11:00:38 AM

So did you tell her you chipped it or just play dumb?

5/28/2015 11:19:20 AM

of course i played dumb. I avoid my wife's wrath whenever possible.

5/28/2015 12:08:35 PM

Oh, let's see..

1) I used to pocket the extra cash tips I made as a server and under-reported my total for the night. The management could get us on credit card tips, but fuck if I was going to pay more taxes than I needed on cash. It didn't hurt that the management thought I sucked as a server, and never questioned my self-reported income.

2) I worked in a grocery store with my older sister back in high school, and she worked in prepared foods and I was front end. We would frequently give each other huge discounts on various items. Somehow the whole grocery store also did this and management never caught on.

3) I worked in a cafe, and we would bag up food for ourselves for the dumpster by night's end. I remember being shocked at how much good bread cost when I finally bought it after leaving that job.

4) Not really dishonest, but I've kept my entire horse and goat farm flush with medical supplies from my various nursing gigs. My managers don't hesitate to give me expired antibiotics, IV fluids, tubing, syringes, gloves, etc. I laughed when the vet wanted me to buy some expensive fungal treatment from her for my horse's rainrot. Bitch please.

5/30/2015 6:15:44 PM

^I love how they're all work-related. You've definitely got an MO.

5/30/2015 6:36:06 PM

I have some picture frames which hold multiple pictures...and I change the displayed pictures based on who is visiting my house that day.

5/31/2015 4:07:53 PM

that is really weird/OCD ^

6/5/2015 3:15:54 PM