What the fuck @ this entire thread

2/1/2016 7:53:36 AM

JADN TELL US YOUR ENLIGHTENING SHIT STRATEGIES

2/1/2016 9:16:21 AM

Quote :

"I would never, ever do such a thing, and I'm a pretty disgusting human being. I find it hard to believe that this anything like a standard practice. oh wait, this must be a joke."

it's what you have to do if yu use them, they are not safe to flush even though they say flushable

2/1/2016 9:27:19 AM

some people in this thread like

2/1/2016 10:03:28 AM

Yeah, those flushable wipes constantly cause blockages in sewer systems, causing 100s (if not 1000s) of gallons of sewage to pour out of maholes and into our creeks. They're bad.

2/1/2016 10:25:06 AM

this thread gives me deja vu. I swear we had this debate at length in the last 12 months.

2/1/2016 11:20:56 AM

If they cause such damage, why can't they (the cities) get some lawmakers together and ban the manufacturers from saying "flushable" on them?

2/1/2016 1:07:04 PM

Do you stand to use the wifi?

2/1/2016 1:09:15 PM

2/1/2016 1:36:11 PM

2/1/2016 2:05:52 PM

http://www.google.com/#q=laws+against+flushable+wipes

2/1/2016 2:33:15 PM

2/1/2016 3:37:55 PM

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/do-some-of-you-people-really-stand-up-when-you-wipe-you-1768473590

4/1/2016 4:33:41 PM

tl;dr

4/1/2016 4:43:55 PM

So for like 25 years I was a stand-up wiper, and I made the transition to (mostly) being a sit-down wiper in large part due to the wolfweb. There was a thread about this some years back, and someone -- I actually think it might have been 0EPII1 -- was really going on about how disgusting he thought it was to stand, on the grounds that the cheeks coming together must smear the shit all around and make a bigger mess. Prior to that thread, I'd never really even heard of the other option, let alone realized that it had fanatical partisans.

Hygiene was only part of the reason for the transition. I have always been strangely sensitive on the subject of how to wipe my ass. I am unembarrassed by shitting and will talk about shit in detail, but the wiping...the mere idea of someone criticizing or mocking my method makes me feel faint. Even commenting on how long I spend in the bathroom is a good way to make me extremely defensive and uncomfortable, even to this day.

And the problem was 100x worse in public restrooms. I'm tall enough that my head clears any stall wall, so there's my big dumb face up there for all the world to see its expressions as I drag paper across my asshole.

So it wasn't as much for the hygiene reasons as to avoid that awkwardness and potential attacks from what I now realized were rabid opponents of my system that I began to transition to sitting down.

---

Now that we've gone into far more detail on that than the discussion really merits, I'd like to pivot to this question: How is it that we as a society have gone to the goddamn moon, but we're still barely past the stone age when it comes to ass-wiping technology? How is it that we consider it perfectly normal that the height of our butt-cleansing prowess consists of covering our hands in a couple of thin sheets of paper and then rubbing our assholes with them?

I gotta be honest, in my travels I've grown very fond of the "bum gun," followed by a cursory double-check. Hell of a lot more comfortable and effective than the US system, but still far from perfect.

Come on, engineers. Come up with a more elegant solution to this problem.

4/1/2016 11:51:08 PM

Wiping your ass with toilet paper isn't really broken, so it doesn't really need fixing. Do we need NASA to come up with an alternative to napkins and paper towels and printer paper because paper products in general are too antiquated? I can't wipe this food crumb off my mouth with a napkin like people did in the late 1800s, I need a fucking virtual reality laser to help me remove food from my mouth area.

[Edited on April 1, 2016 at 11:56 PM. Reason : though I commend the effort into a topic that I'm also nearly as open about]

4/1/2016 11:56:38 PM

^^ Bidets. If you had crap all over your face, you wouldn't just wipe it with some toilet paper, you'd use some water and clean it off.

[Edited on April 1, 2016 at 11:58 PM. Reason : .]

4/1/2016 11:58:13 PM

^I believe the "bum gun" he's referring to is slang for a bidet

4/2/2016 12:01:47 AM

change your diet to largely peanut butter-based, then get a dog you're not fond of

4/2/2016 12:11:04 AM

Quote :

"^I believe the "bum gun" he's referring to is slang for a bidet"

I don't think so, but maybe I'm wrong. As I understand it, the bidet has a fixed stream built into the bowl that cannot be redirected. The "bum gun," as I experienced it in Benin, India, and Vietnam, is sort of like that thing you find on kitchen sinks -- it looks like the spray attachment on a garden hose and is in fact connected to a flexible hose so that you can aim it at will. Usually the gun part sat on a hook next to the toilet.

4/2/2016 1:04:51 AM

What about remnants tho?

[Edited on April 2, 2016 at 1:09 AM. Reason : On the gun...]

4/2/2016 1:08:25 AM

Unless the water was pre-warmed, the idea of blasting cold water into my butt doesn't seem appealing... Maybe I need to watch a YouTube video, but I don't get what people mean by "sitting down"? Do you just mean like a standing squat? Most toilets don't have enough room to do anything sitting down...


edit:
Okay, after skimming the thread, i think the problem is there are fat people here, and when you stand you can't not have your butt cheeks touch. As a skinny person, i can easily make sure this doesn't happen...

[Edited on April 2, 2016 at 1:14 AM. Reason : ]

4/2/2016 1:12:02 AM

squatting ftw

4/2/2016 1:46:20 AM

Quote :

"What about remnants tho?"

In my experience it is a simple matter to angle the gun such that it is safe from splashback or gravity-directed fecal remnants.

Quote :

"Wiping your ass with toilet paper isn't really broken, so it doesn't really need fixing."

Well this is kind of a weak standard. We didn't need to invent the airplane; trains and boats weren't broken. We didn't need to develop cell phones or the internet. The telephone network wasn't broken. Sure, calling the operator and asking her to put you through was an annoying extra step, but it was no more an insurmountable hurdle than getting a little bit of shit on your hand is.

Most people, I think, find proximity to feces distasteful. Most people are disgusted by the risk inherent with paper-based wiping methodologies, the risk that you will get said feces on your hands. And the fecal-oral transmission route for disease is real. I'd wager that most people on this board have gotten sick from inadertantly eating little bits of somebody's dookie. I think these are good and compelling reasons to try to move past the current system.

4/2/2016 8:16:40 AM

Quote :

"Most people are disgusted by the risk inherent with paper-based wiping methodologies"

I don't agree that most people are hypochondriacs.

4/2/2016 9:45:46 AM

Huh?

You don't have to be a hypochondriac or germaphobe to think that touching shit is gross.

Obviously the disgust is not such that it paralyzes people, rendering them unable to wipe, but all things being equal I think most folks would prefer not to have shit on them. Thus there is room for improvement in the current system.

It's not a national fucking emergency or anything, I'm just surprised that with America's worship of hygiene, health, and technology, everyone is still content with the paper method.

4/2/2016 11:17:22 AM

that's why there are sinks next to toilets, brah.

[Edited on April 2, 2016 at 11:34 AM. Reason : not to wash your hands, to squat over and wash your butthole.]

4/2/2016 11:33:41 AM

^^

Seems like the danger of getting water on your clothes is high. And for a bidet, what stops it from having poop of a previous user on it? Even with great cleaning practice, the inside of a toilet rim is still pretty grimy, seems harder to keep a bidet clean than to just learn to fold your toilet paper over.

And with a sprayer, you don't know what the person that used it did with it.

Toilet paper seems the safer way to minimize contact with potentially contaminated things to me.

4/2/2016 12:05:36 PM

Quote :

"In my experience it is a simple matter to angle the gun such that it is safe from splashback or gravity-directed fecal remnants. "

It's not my remnants i'd be worried about

4/2/2016 5:10:01 PM

^exactly. That was my first thought when reading that

4/5/2016 4:27:12 PM

I lay day to wipe. Ensures the maximum exposure of surfass area

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cHUYy5eu7U

4/5/2016 4:39:51 PM

once again, krallum posts something in a thread that he already posted in the thread

[Edited on April 5, 2016 at 5:42 PM. Reason : alzheimer's]

4/5/2016 5:42:31 PM

I don't believe in time

[Edited on April 5, 2016 at 5:43 PM. Reason : ^yeah i'm getting almost as old as TWW]

4/5/2016 5:42:54 PM

Don't make fun of him, dementia is a serious thing.

4/5/2016 5:58:31 PM

In associated news: http://thecuck.gawker.com/the-politics-of-sitting-down-to-pee-1784985486

8/10/2016 5:34:50 PM

How many sheets of TP are y'all using now?

3/30/2020 3:25:51 PM

one square max.

3/30/2020 3:34:58 PM

I use about a roll per week

3/30/2020 3:47:39 PM

1 roll per dump

3/30/2020 3:52:03 PM

1 square per entire dump, max

3/30/2020 4:02:43 PM

I let my underwear do the work.

3/31/2020 4:26:34 AM

Quote :

"How is it that we as a society have gone to the goddamn moon, but we're still barely past the stone age when it comes to ass-wiping technology? How is it that we consider it perfectly normal that the height of our butt-cleansing prowess consists of covering our hands in a couple of thin sheets of paper and then rubbing our assholes with them? I gotta be honest, in my travels I've grown very fond of the "bum gun," followed by a cursory double-check. Hell of a lot more comfortable and effective than the US system, but still far from perfect."

Two thumbs up, GrumpyGOP

On that topic watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91wNzDXh6d0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdje95TVC2M

OK ignore the fact that she is a batshit crazy militant fruitivore/vegan... but she is right about the 'bum gun'.

If you want to get one (or a portable/installable bidet which installs in your toilet seat) there are a ton of DIY videos.

3/31/2020 6:51:09 AM

I’m holding out for the 3 shells

3/31/2020 7:57:38 AM

f you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

3/31/2020 8:04:53 AM

Ive been a pretty strong proponent of the shit then shower method in these desperate times.

3/31/2020 3:02:48 PM

Ive been a pretty strong proponent of the shit in the shower method in these desperate times.

3/31/2020 3:35:38 PM

^And you're saving water. Brilliant!

3/31/2020 3:49:15 PM

Bttt how's everybody's wiping game these days?

7/17/2020 12:27:47 PM

Stand to wipe. Implement flushable wipes 50-75% of the time. Throw them in the trash to protect pipes.

7/17/2020 1:18:13 PM

how you stand and wipe? your but clinches up whenyou stand. you people nasty

7/17/2020 3:44:47 PM