Dear internet

I'm awake, once again, at 2 AM.
This shit needs to come to an end.
Stop having interesting things.

Thanks,
Steven

8/17/2009 2:23:08 AM

Dear Gary Fisher Marlin,

Thank you for giving me the time of my morning this past Saturday. I really enjoyed riding you through the wooded trails. I hope I didn't hurt you when I flipped head first over you. I didn't see that rutt. Anyways, here's to you GF Marlin. I promise to pamper you and enjoy you for years to come. Don't worry, I won't cheat on you with another bicycle. You are the one for me... to ride...

Sincerely,

Stephen

8/17/2009 9:10:00 AM

Dear interstate off-ramps that also serve as interstate on-ramps,

whoever thought you up should be drawn and quartered, especially since they tend to make you in areas where space is limited. This makes merging onto/off of you a real pain in the ass, especially in rush hour traffic. Maybe if they gave a little more room to make the transition onto or off of you more fluid, we wouldn't have a problem.

That is all.

9/1/2009 6:21:40 PM

Dear sleep,

I miss you.

♥ Jimmy James


Dear programming,

Every time I think I've mastered you, there's something new to learn. You're like a woman.

♥ Jimmy James

9/1/2009 6:36:06 PM

dear ankle

please to hurry up and heal already. i'm done walking around in this fucking boot

luna

9/10/2009 10:37:01 PM

dear djeternal,

grow some balls.

-dnl

9/10/2009 10:38:00 PM

Dear Steelers,
Please allow Bironas a couple of field goals, I could use the extra fantasy football points. It doesn't really matter if you win this game or not since every one picked you to win in this week's office pool.
Sincerely
Chop

9/10/2009 10:43:12 PM

Dear Ipod,

I'm sorry that all of your songs are old and that I haven't updated you. Maybe sometime I will so your music doesn't suck so bad.

-G.O.D

[Edited on September 10, 2009 at 11:11 PM. Reason : .]

9/10/2009 11:11:01 PM

Dear Venture Brothers DVDs,

I ordered you a few weeks ago and you said that you were out for delivery yesterday but I haven't received you yet. What gives? I'm feeling kind of mopey today so your wit and bizarre humor are exactly what the doctor ordered.

Go Team USPS,

Misha

YAYAYAY THEY'RE HERE

Now I just have to stop myself from watching them at work

9/16/2009 10:37:23 AM

Dear Apple Installer,

please to hurry up and finish

lunak

9/16/2009 9:36:48 PM

Dear Commute:

I am SO over you

Thoughtfully yours,
LK

9/17/2009 8:29:13 AM

Dear Sake Bottle,

you are too far away. Why can't you levitate to me or come with a small magic carpet. Thanks

Jen

9/29/2009 7:25:08 PM

Dear justin.tv,

Thank you so much for providing me with ESPN HD while I am at work.

Yours Truly,

djeternal

9/29/2009 7:32:56 PM

Dear Marijuana,

I'm trying to bulk.
My joints are sore.
I need to eat like a horse.
I need to sleep like a baby.
Just wanted to say...thanks.

Love ya babe.

9/29/2009 8:39:28 PM

Dear cable tv,

Hello! Welcome! So far I am pleased and slightly overwhelmed by how many channels you offer.

I expect to spent a lot of the hockey season with you, so lets keep this up ok?

XO,
Misha

9/30/2009 6:45:12 PM

Dear Bowl,

Thank you for helping me get high.

Your truely
Dan

9/30/2009 7:24:08 PM

holy shit this thread is still around???

Dear Forks at Japanese Restaurant Down the Street,

Thank you for being there when I needed you today. Thank you for helping me not look like an idiot, having to stab my food with sticks. I realize that some people may think that one should adopt foreign customs when eating at their establishments. Forks, you and I know better than that. Screw their sticks, and the mess that they make me cause.

Best regards,
Me

9/30/2009 7:31:33 PM

Dear my id and $20,

WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!

See you soon (hopefully),
sawahash

9/30/2009 7:33:14 PM

Dear mac and cheese box,

Plz to make that little push tab for my thumb on the side a little easier to push.
You just cave in when I push you and don't actually open.
I don't like having to rip open the top.

Love,
Shells

9/30/2009 7:57:06 PM

Dear Anthropologie:

Please stop sending me e-mails with your new collection of pants/belts/scarves/house trinkets/dresses/blouses/shoes/etc. Also, please stop sending me catalogs. I am now unemployed and it makes me sad that I can't partake in winter shopping with you.

Your Now-broke Favorite Customer,
LK


Dear Booties:

I'm glad I got to buy you b4 I was laid off.

Gratefully Yours,
LK

[Edited on November 3, 2009 at 4:54 PM. Reason : ]

11/3/2009 4:53:33 PM

Dear new tattoo,

Please do something to remind me that you are on the back of my neck other than itch, because I'm not supposed to scratch you and I don't remember you're there until I do scratch you!

Love ya, mean it!

Sarah

11/3/2009 4:55:10 PM

haha the first note on here is funny:

Quote :

"dear walmart socks, why do you come in a resealable bag? i just want to wear you, not eat you bye"

11/3/2009 4:55:27 PM

dear tummy,


what the fuck? seriously, what...the..fuck? i'm beginning to hate you.

love (for now),

elise

11/3/2009 5:07:53 PM

Dear little squirrel,

I'm very sorry I hit you with my car on the way to momma's place. If the car could talk, it would tell you this really was the first time. I'm pretty good at avoiding your kind, but you came out of nowhere and I didn't have time to react. I hope your friends don't play in the street anymore. RIP.

11/27/2009 12:15:00 AM

OIC, this is the inanimate objects thread, so a squirrel that - and he can't - but you - he's smooshed. Yeah that works.

RIP little squirrel

11/27/2009 12:20:14 AM

dear katherine. please do well on your final exam. please get enough points to get a 61 (if a 61 is passing)

11/27/2009 12:21:28 AM

Is katherine inanimate?

11/27/2009 12:23:02 AM

^shes a user on here(dropdeadkate)

11/27/2009 12:24:05 AM

I'd say ddk is quite animated

11/27/2009 12:24:36 AM

Dear Breweries and bottlers, please put alarms in your beers that go off if they are taken out of the fridge and abandoned for more than 1 minute.

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message

11/27/2009 12:25:58 AM

Dear Running Shoe,

You pissed me off when you were rubbing the back of my ankle during my cardio workout yesterday. This is your warning, next time you will be replaced.

11/27/2009 12:27:55 AM

Dear Money,

Please come to me, I could really use you.

Love,
Sarah.

11/27/2009 12:28:37 AM

dear stomach,

please to stop bothering me

luna

12/2/2009 11:05:05 AM

Dear Orgasm,

It's been a long time coming.

shmorri2

12/2/2009 11:07:51 AM

dear down blanket,

you mean the world to me but you are some warm and comfortable I just can't seem to leave you today. Stop keeping my feet so warm so i can be productive

Thanks

12/2/2009 11:09:23 AM

dear heartburn,

please to go away

luna

12/2/2009 6:41:04 PM

dear my thread,

why do you suck? you make me look like an internet loser

sawahash

12/2/2009 6:46:10 PM

dear cough,

please to go away - you hurt me

luna

12/6/2009 7:49:41 PM

Dear leftover pizza,
You are round but your box is square...which makes it harder to fit in the fridge. Why are you so disagreeable? I thought you were warm and delicious and good for leftovers butttt nooooo, you're a guady pig who likes to take over the fridge. I'll show you! *NOMNOMNOM*

12/8/2009 11:50:32 AM

dear fec.gov,

why in the fuck do you suck so bad???

luna

12/9/2009 12:21:45 PM

O’ masterpiece from Pottery Barn
A match for you I shall not find
No other stands out as you do
That bulbous brilliance within
Veiled by the shade of our love
I turn you on, I turn you off
Our careful pattern does make a waltz
Alternating, direct, alternating, direct
I sate your hunger that has no end
And bask in that blissful radiance
That light you shed on my pale skin
Marvelous! A feeling no other knows
A lamp by any other name would
Clash with my delicate pastel color scheme
And ruin the atmosphere!
I exaggerate you not!
And as my beacon you shall stand
Upright upon my end-table, next to my heart
To guide me in dark times to the door
And possibly out into the hallway if
Deemed necessary to reach the bathroom
Yet now is time for rest—
Out, out, cheap lamp!
Til your light once again nails my eyes at dawn.

RIP - Bedside Lamp Model 2B 1999-2009

12/9/2009 12:27:12 PM

dear photo i'm trying to import

why do you show up in my photos on my computer, but when i try to upload you on here, you disappear? why are you hiding from tww?

please to find yourself.

luna

12/11/2009 3:07:32 PM

dear disappointing chicken from harris teeter,


how dare you darken my love for the ht. seriously.

i am feeding your ass to the cats.



love,
mcfluffle

12/11/2009 3:25:33 PM

dear photo,

please to make yourself seen to me. i would really like to find you.


luna

12/13/2009 8:17:33 PM

dear tww,

please to not be entertaining today. i have WAY too much work to do

12/16/2009 9:52:56 AM

dear 7eleven taquitos

you're fucking gross. but you make hangovers dissapear.

thnxu,

ps

12/16/2009 9:57:54 AM

Dear lungs,

Please work.

kthx

12/16/2009 10:48:53 AM

Dear apartment,

please to warm up faster. i look like this ---->

12/21/2009 10:10:33 PM

Dear penis,

Grow a pair.

♥ Spontaneous ♥

12/21/2009 10:11:49 PM

Dear apartment,

Please clean yourself! I have company coming over and I am feeling very lazy.

Love,

Misha

12/21/2009 10:16:09 PM