24!

1/15/2009 2:18:30 PM

24.02

1/15/2009 2:18:49 PM

1/15/2009 2:20:44 PM

Quote :

"Newspaper 1/4/09 (Raleigh/Garner) Reply to: sale-994311796@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-15, 5:48PM EST I am looking for the Coupon inserts from 1/4/09. If you have these and want to get rid of them email me please so I can pick them up from you. Thanks "

Just a little bit behind schedule...

1/15/2009 6:00:01 PM

I just sold two 15" LCD monitors for $50. I've got my doubts as to their life expectancy since they were both '02 builds.

1/15/2009 7:14:28 PM

Quote :

"M1 a1 Tank for ? Reply to: sale-994577077@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-15, 8:03PM EST I would like to trade this for 3 chickens and two pigs "

ahahaha
I flagged it for best of

1/15/2009 9:24:18 PM

http://jalopnik.com/5100561/nissan-ninja-hauler-kicks-ass-and-takes-names-silently

1/15/2009 9:25:25 PM

Quote :

"humboldt craigslist > rants & raves please flag with care: miscategorized prohibited spam/overpost best of craigslist Please report suspected exploitation of minors to the appropriate authorities To the woman who crapped her pants in my car (mckinleyville) Reply to: pers-989335350@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-11, 7:55PM PST We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at 6 rivers sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat... What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché… * Location: mckinleyville * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 989335350"

1/16/2009 9:41:21 AM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/stp/992087773.html

Quote :

"Any girls like kalonopin - m4w - 26 (charlotte) Reply to: pers-992087773@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-13, 10:30PM EST i have alot if your down with them hit me up with a e mail and a pic and be hot * Location: charlotte * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 992087773 "

paging charlotte's krosser / partycrasher

1/17/2009 7:29:22 AM

Quote :

"to the self-absorbed creep w/ the vivid imagination - w4m (you know where) Reply to: pers-996727739@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-17, 2:45PM EST this is funny... even more funny if it is you... i can't tell because you or whoever has pretended to be a couple of people, but did a better job of you. facts: all of your activity is emotionally charged, and i will proceed as planned regardless of who you are (if you're you, i have no reason to believe anything other than what i already do). you don't understand to what extent i keep my left and right hands separate. separate right and left hands is a matter of trust, not secrecy. what they ask lmao... what they know... how they behave. they take the bait... i still think you're creepy. if you're you, i don't know if you realize that you came in on the tail end of a show that was already in progress and intended for someone else, or if you were involved from it's inception. (i'm more inclined to believe the latter. and part of the show ended up being just for you, just in case. ) everyone has endured a measure of this, depending on the likelihood of them being at fault, and how close they were to me. it's so BIG to nosy people, that they can't help but give themselves away at some point. my sympathetic side shot right to "what if it really is him and he honestly fell into this by dumb luck". i started to feel bad for you for a little while. then i remembered that honest people are straightforward, if they act at all. it's the guilty and dishonest who do what you've been doing. depending on the extent of your "ventures" this might leave a lot of unanswered questions. i bet you're pretty confused, especially if you came in late. but you've been doing pretty creepy things anyway, and i'm not sure how much i should care! lol if you say it wasn't by your hand, it was certainly by your mouth! a lot by your mouth... and that's what you get for being nosy without legitimate cause. based on your questions and comments, you either have a lot of curiosities unrelated to the bigger things, or you're extremely bored. "don't curse the dark, light a candle" teeheehee when the dark comes to light, it's always pretty funny. sometimes you just have to smoke them out! look in "spooky" places to learn more... "

What in the hell is this chick talking about?

^^ And that shit is hilarious. No pun intended. Haha.

[Edited on January 17, 2009 at 3:16 PM. Reason : ^^]

1/17/2009 3:12:08 PM

Bitch is crazy

1/17/2009 3:14:07 PM

Quote :

"A hobby of mine that nobody knows about is I like to be the first customer to take a shit at a new business. I find all the new businesses opening up such as grocery stores, Home Depots, restaurants, etc and I will walk in there first minute they are open for business and go right to the men’s room and take a huge shit. I have been doing this for 6 years now and have been the first customer to shit in over 110 stores throughout the area. I always buy something after so I can really be a customer. The night before I usually eat some bean burritos from Taco Bell and follow it up with a 20oz coffee on my way to the store early the next morning so I get the bubble gut which allows me a better chance of destroying the bathroom. I have been the 1st person to shit in many new businesses throughout Northern VA. I currently have 3 businesses that I’m waiting to open up for the public. I will make sure I’m the 1st to shit in the bathroom as a paying customer. I usually flush but sometimes if it’s a massive one that requires a lot of toilet paper I will just leave it sitting, sort of like my calling card."

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/949686666.html

ummm ok

1/17/2009 8:14:36 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4w/997163011.html

1/18/2009 11:17:53 AM

lawal

1/18/2009 11:30:47 AM

ahahaha
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lvg/944824067.html

Quote :

"I NEED HELP IDENTIFYING AND APREHENDING THIS MAN I HAVE CHASED HIM OFF MY PROPERTY 3 TIMES IN THE LAST WEEK HE WAS TAKING A SHIT IN MY BUSHES ONCE AND ALSO SAW MY WIFE IN HER UNDERPANTS IF YOU HAVE ANY INFO PLEASE CONTACT ME AT ONCE THANKS "

1/18/2009 4:42:43 PM

hahahaha

1/18/2009 4:51:20 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/sha/998411751.html

$475 MALE Looking ROOM IN RALEGH With FEMALE (RALEIGH AREA)
Reply to: hous-998411751@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-18, 11:40PM EST


I Have my own place but at the end of my lease and looking a nice clean room with a women and will not live with a man so please dont call me and ask,just to note why I am moving and not getting my own roomie or getting a new lease is that I only have one bath and my place is old and tired of that and also looking to put away more paper.I do work and go to school pt so I stay on the go.Here is a little about me that you should know clean,drug free,no smoking are drinking and honest as they come and my job require that everyday so no need to worry and my references will cover that and also most of my family live in wake co and born here as well and we tell it like we see it and I respect all people and that mean all.I will always be clean and neat and dont mind doing anything around the home to make life easy on both. My biggest turn off - LAZY. My biggest saying is - DONT WASTE LIFE. My family tree is small.I am looking a good place to live house,apt,etc my age is 45 with no special needs just need a good,fair,honest Female to trust a male roommate and that is it,I do not need a mommy,girlfriend or drama with this room. age dont matter or race,that is just me and yes I was born in 1963 in raleigh nc so it time to move on and I will not spend another second on this matter so please always be honest with me.I love people and have a open mind,THANKS TIM W.

[Edited on January 19, 2009 at 12:34 AM. Reason : ...]

1/19/2009 12:33:56 AM

hahaha

1/19/2009 12:37:34 AM

Quote :

"transaction protection/certification/guarantee. More info aol.comwanted Reply to: sale-998409672@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-18, 11:42PM EST shot gun shell reloader "

w
t
f

1/19/2009 11:46:12 AM

Quote :

" Whoever said pregnant women can't have fun? (Denver) Reply to: gigs-999041687@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-19, 11:38AM MST Hello there, A little about me: I am a 23 years old and 6 months pregnant. Looking for a little extra means of support~ Are there any gentlemen that are interested? I would prefer to find men that are kind, and gentle. Please email me if interested! I look forward to having a little fun! Please do not send me emails asking gross questions, like I said, I am looking for respectable gentlemen, because I am a respectable lady! "

1/19/2009 10:35:29 PM

Posted on Craigslists' Rants n Raves section:

Quote :

"To The Guy Who Mugged Me: "I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex"

Reported here: http://www.savannahnow.com/node/649767

LOL

1/22/2009 1:35:22 PM

Quote :

"to the girls at the celine dion concert who pissed at their car (rbc center) Reply to: pers-1002631526@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-21, 11:52PM EST that was very classy of you...i was in the car next to you and got to watch all the people walk right through your pee. and the answer is yes, i do have pictures "

1/22/2009 4:09:53 PM

hahahahaha the last sentence made me lol

1/22/2009 4:12:52 PM

I thought Celin Dion had like VERY classy fans.

1/22/2009 4:28:02 PM

Quote :

"Not into scene? Hard to meet chill guys? - m4m (CALI) Reply to: pers-1002632334@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-21, 8:53PM PST This is a Brand New internet group for gay/bi guys in the LA/OC/SoCal/NorCal areas that are NOT into the gay scene and just wanna meet some chill, laid back folks with the same interests in mind. Not everyone is "in the closet" but not everyone wants to throw it around either. And some folks don't think it's anyones business. This group is for those kats. Chill, laid back guys that just wanna meet some cool folks with the same interests. Guys that arent really into the scene but don't have any other outlets. Guys that just like to chill out, grab some beers, play some pool, or just hang out and network, meet new cool, down to earth people with the same ideals. We understand It's hard to meet genuine folks with these same interests especially when its your choice to not be out to the world. "

http://orangecounty.craigslist.org/stp/1002632334.html

I've always wanted to look for a group of gay guys who wanted to pretend they weren't in a group for gay people.

1/22/2009 6:23:26 PM

Quote :

"Henchmen/Henchwoman Needed 6 Month Contract (GTA) Reply to: job-1001746799@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-21, 12:49PM EST I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front and $350 after six months for you services as an arch enemy. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the Go train and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis. British accent preferred. * Location: GTA * Compensation: $700.00 * This is a contract job. * Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. * Please, no phone calls about this job! * Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. "

A Toronto listing.

1/23/2009 9:46:56 AM

Quote :

"Breadmen's on Friday around one - w4m - 22 (Chapel Hill) Reply to: pers-1004658203@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-23, 2:30PM EST You were in a black Honda accord with a girl, I was walking out with my boyfriend. I'm looking for something on the side, possibly with both of you. Let me know what color the truck was. "

I hope her boyfriend sees this. Haha.

1/23/2009 7:25:31 PM

how many colors could the truck be? lets all reply with 1 color each

1/23/2009 7:44:08 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/grd/1004505920.html
wont crap in the fedder!

1/23/2009 10:12:41 PM

Quote :

"SEO Consultant (With Larceny In His Heart) (Global) from craigslist | web/HTML/info design jobs in charlotte We are in a link war. We have two competitors who build backlinks to their sites, and we build more backlinks to ours. They then build more to theirs, so we build more to ours. And so on and so on. You get the idea. We need an SEO consultant with a few fresh ideas. Maybe even a few sneaky, creative ideas that will either help us leapfrog our competitors or push our competitors back so they are playing catch-up. We need a think outside the box kinda guy who is willing to bend or stretch the rules. But NOT break the law. We are highly competitive, but ethical. Will pay on hourly or per-project basis."

1/23/2009 11:04:35 PM

^^you have to copy and paste the post because it will get deleted

Quote :

"CHICKEN FEEDER - $50 (DURHAM) Reply to: sale-1004505920@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-23, 12:49PM EST Ihave a 5 foot chicken feeder with the spinner on top so the birds cant crap in the fedder in great shape. no holes or rust made of the steal that wont rust just dont need anymore!! thanks,"

hahaha, the steal that wont rust. i'm pretty sure it's galvanized, which is only rust resistant.

1/25/2009 12:18:11 AM

^^ That's not sketchy at all.

1/25/2009 12:37:54 AM

Some of the latest best ofs

Quote :

"girl who dumped me over the phone at 1:30am - m4w Date: 2009-01-18, 1:57AM PST You called me at 1:30 AM to tell me over and over that you don't want to be with me any more. The problem is, I don't know who you are, and I tried to explain that. In retrospect, it would have been more fun to play along, but I was a bit too groggy to think fast. Oh well, next time a wrong number breaks up with me, I'll be ready. Give me a call if you want to practice dumping guys, I guess my number's probably in your phone now. Try to call before 10 though. "

I wish somebody would call me like this. I'd just tell her that I'd been fucking her bestfriend for the past year. Hahaha.

Quote :

"Screw shoveling and you can all kiss my butt, too. Date: 2009-01-13, 4:39PM CST Dear Neighbor - I'm not gonna shovel out the walk, so you might as well call me in now. I work 12-14 hour days. My wife left almost a year ago to go relive her college days (she's fucking the third or fourth in a line of grad students at the U of M, from what I hear) and saddled me with the mortgage and car payment. The dog now hates me because he's cooped up in one room all day long when he used to be home with the wife (too busy doing yoga to stay limber for the college studs to get a job when we were together) and could go outside or at least have run of the house all day. Thanks for the dirty look when I saw you out walking YOUR unleashed shit-machine-on-four-legs this morning. Must be a bitch to be shins deep in the snow while your dog clamors into my yard to leave a steamer in the drift. Noticed you didn't have a bag with you and kind of caught the way you just kept on walking without picking up Rover's turds as I rolled up the hill towards another hourlong commute. Hey, asshole. Guess what? I'm not an independent consultant or whatever the fuck it is you told me your job is when I was checking out your wife's ass at the neighborhood picnic this Summer. I'm a sales manager. I get up early, go to the office, slug it out listening to salespeople tell me that our customers won't buy our services in this economy (or as I call it, 'whining about shit that's really not my problem') until well after you've had your supper, and typically make it home about the time you're settling in to watch Real Housewives of Orange County or whatever closet cocksucker show you watch after you put little Peyton and Jacinda to bed. I'm beat when I get home. I eat a sandwich, pet the dog a little, sort the mail, and wish my wife wasn't a cum guzzling whore for a Carlson School of Management's Spring '09 MBA candidates, each of whom is gonna finish fucking my wife, defend a dissertation, get offered a job without having to make a meaningful search, and earn six times more money at age 22 with no experience than I am at age 40 with a BS in marketing and 18 years never once having missed quota for base-plus-ten-percent. The LAST thing on my mind in these moments of lamentation is putting on the Carhartts and shoveling out the sidewalk when it's -15º. I gotta get up in six hours and get back to the office. I work for a living, and to tell you the truth, when you called the City to complain earlier this year about snow on the sidewalk and I got the $30 WSB invoice from the City for them to come by with their brush-blower, I happily paid it. It was worth the $30 to not have to go out and stand in the wind for 30 minutes. So this is your fair warning, oh neighbor of mine...might as well call me in now, because it ain't getting any warmer the rest of this week, my job ain't getting any less demanding, and as far as I know, my wife has every intention of continuing to let the next generation of useless MBAs keep screwing her spit-lubricated ass. Which means I have the perfect combination of prohibitive temperatures, discretionary income, and anger at humanity in general to keep paying the city to clear the sidewalk in from of my house well into Spring. More snow on the way! "

The references to his wife are the best, albeit a little sad.

Quote :

"Wanted: time machine DESPARATE!!! Date: 2009-01-12, 5:53PM MST Desperately need a time machine to take me back 6 weeks in time, plus or minus a day. If you have a time machine and are willing to let me borrow it, or know of someone with an impending trip back in time, please let me know ASAP! I will pay big bucks to have myself warned to NOT sleep with that tramp at the One and Only Bar on the Boulevard. Tell me that she is very, VERY fertile that night in question, and has a whopping 3 STDs that I will get if I copulate with her. VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!! I WILL WRITE YOU A BLANK CHECK IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES! Key things that will let the me in the past know you are for real: *Tell me that you know about the rubber ducky incident *Tell me that you know that I pissed in my friends pool last week, when he was in it. *Tell me that no matter how hard I try, the lesbian at Barnes and Noble will NEVER go for it, no matter how many sex books I ask her opinions on. If I still doubt you- use this one----- *Mention that you know I made out with my cousin when we were drunk at a kegger last summer- NO ONE KNOWS THIS BUT US TWO!! VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!! "

Bahahahahaha


[Edited on January 25, 2009 at 11:00 PM. Reason : adsf]

1/25/2009 10:54:21 PM

Especially when you get to the part where he's 40 and she's 22

1/25/2009 10:57:53 PM

^reading comprehension fail

1/25/2009 11:06:23 PM

Quote :

"My confession 26M -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2008-12-08, 11:24AM EST A hobby of mine that nobody knows about is I like to be the first customer to take a shit at a new business. I find all the new businesses opening up such as grocery stores, Home Depots, restaurants, etc and I will walk in there first minute they are open for business and go right to the men’s room and take a huge shit. I have been doing this for 6 years now and have been the first customer to shit in over 110 stores throughout the area. I always buy something after so I can really be a customer. The night before I usually eat some bean burritos from Taco Bell and follow it up with a 20oz coffee on my way to the store early the next morning so I get the bubble gut which allows me a better chance of destroying the bathroom. I have been the 1st person to shit in many new businesses throughout Northern VA. I currently have 3 businesses that I’m waiting to open up for the public. I will make sure I’m the 1st to shit in the bathroom as a paying customer. I usually flush but sometimes if it’s a massive one that requires a lot of toilet paper I will just leave it sitting, sort of like my calling card. "

1/25/2009 11:53:37 PM

Yeah cause god knows the builders didnt have to ever take a shit

1/25/2009 11:58:07 PM

Come on Will. Builder /= customer...

1/26/2009 12:11:01 AM

Quote :

"Want to meet a lactating male - w4m - 35 (Chapel Hill) Reply to: pers-1007782204@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-25, 11:03PM EST What's it like to be a man that lactates? Let's meet for coffee and chat. I'm curious about this phenomenon and want to know how that works for you. No sex, just coffee and lactating mammary glands. * Location: Chapel Hill "

1/26/2009 12:30:59 AM

Quote :

"I am a single mother of 5 children in need of all house furniture. I am willing to pay something but not too much. I will except "free". I am willing to travel to pick up stuff at least 1hour away from my location"

Maybe I'll post the following in R&R:

CL makes me hate people.
- keep your damn legs shut
- you'd rather pay for furniture than to take free? No? Oh...you're stupid. Gotcha
- You're a single mom. Congratulations. You're not hte only one. Including that tidbit tells everyone that you think you should get special treatment or consideration simply because you're a single mom. Much like those who close their wanted ads with "Thanks in advance, and god bless", this makes me want to not respond to your ad, even if I have what you're looking for, and need the money/to be rid of the item.


And this still irks me, from a couple months back. I sold a butcher block on CL. Dimensions of the item were in the ad. The lady who bought it emailed me REPEATEDLY, wanting to know if it'd fit in the trunk of her car. It went something like this:
Her: Hey. Do want. Will it fit?
Me: I dunno. The dimensions are in the ad.
Her: It's a [make, model]
Me: Ok...you have the dimensions. It's your car, not mine
Her: Well, do you think it'll fit?
Me: Lady, I don't know. Are you coming to pick it up, or no? You're not the only one interested.
Her: I Don't know if it'll fit, but since you're close, I'll come by. If it fits, awesome. If not, I'll see if I can't get someone to come pick it up for me.

[Edited on January 26, 2009 at 1:45 AM. Reason : lkdjf]

1/26/2009 1:44:59 AM

^ Man, what do you expect her to do? Pull out some measuring tape?!

Quote :

"Looking for poker players - m4m - 26 (Morrisville) Reply to: pers-1007876105@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-26, 1:24AM EST Me and a couple friends are trying to get a cool group of guys to play poker every wednesday night. Weve played the last couple weeks and its been fun, but we could use a few more players. We get started around 7ish, byob/l( everybody drinks), byo-chronic(everyone must be 420 friendly as there will be green smoked while we play). Absolutely no queers!! All of us are novice poker players. Typically we do a twenty dollar buyin, with winner take all format. We are looking to play regularly as long as we are having a good time. let me know if your interested(we are playing this wednesday). "

[Edited on January 26, 2009 at 2:03 AM. Reason : ,]

1/26/2009 2:00:24 AM

Quote :

"Drip Drip Drip, Under the Chair! - w4m - 25 (Raleigh) Reply to: pers-1009207623@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-26, 11:05PM EST You totally dissed three of my friends, and I don't know why--they were totally hot! Well, there was that one fatty who didn't deserve to be on the bus anyway, god, what did she eat for dinner anyway, hotdogs??? Anyway, thanks for keeping me around through dinner, I totally had a great time. Your story about your buddy getting drunk and teabagging your bandmate was hilarious! I'm glad you had so many frat stories to tell; I was too shy and too busy concentrating on your huge biceps to talk much, but I doubt you would have listened. Who wants to listen to my stories about college and my boring family, right?? When I started peeing in my chair, you got really grossed out, but I hope you know I only lost control because I couldn't bring myself to leave you. You're way too good looking, and so funny!! I can't believe you dissed me after that--I was sure my incontinence was the final "sign" of a great relationship to come. Plus, I'd had way too much to drink, obviously, so you totally could have taken me back to your room and had your way with me. If you'd like to try again, maybe I could wear a pad or something. I hope you read this! Hit me up! XOXOXO "

[Edited on January 27, 2009 at 12:14 AM. Reason : asdf]

1/27/2009 12:13:41 AM

hahahahahahha

1/27/2009 7:26:06 AM

Quote :

"hospital girl - m4w - 22 (cameron, nc) Reply to: pers-1007886093@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-26, 1:37AM EST i've seen you several times in the hospital. at first i thought you were a patient in the burn ward. but then i realized u were black. so hot,i want u so bad. i'd like to cover u in tobasco and hit you with breadsticks. you're so cool. you look cool, you act cool, you're like the coolest person ever. im the cracker that was wearing a weezer shirt. please read this and email me back... i'll be waiting. "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1007886093.html

1/27/2009 8:57:08 AM

to his credit, there is nothing like spanking a tabasco-coated woman with a nice long breadstick

1/27/2009 9:36:38 AM

Quote :

"Guy who mugged me Sunday night - m4m - 26 (Jones and West St) Reply to: pers-1012830446@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-29, 3:09PM EST I really thought your thuggish look was hot. Even though you took my wallet, which sorry bro it had no money in it, I thought about how hot it would be to play this scene again in my place, and you make me suck you off. Tell me the name on my driver license so I know it's you! "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1012830446.html

1/29/2009 4:17:18 PM

Quote :

"You are blond, tall and gorgeous. You work at the Planet Fitness off of Glenwood behind Car Max. I have also seen you working out there a few times and you have a killer body. I have no idea if you are gay/str8/bi but would love to get together and blow you or whatever you want. I'm 20, white, good shape, dark hair, good looking and masculine. Here's a pic so look for me and please say hi."

AHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHA...i know the guy he's talking about. I want to go back to PF just to show the guy.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1012908922.html

[Edited on January 29, 2009 at 4:56 PM. Reason : http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1012908922.html]

1/29/2009 4:56:06 PM

Quote :

"Antique furniture from former CEO's office- $1.22 M Date: 2009-01-23, 12:25PM EST It has come to our attention that there is a great deal of value in the furniture that is no longer needed from the office of a former CEO. We have decided to put it up for sale. There are quite a few items and we would be willing to sell as a set or separately. Price is not negotiable. The buyer must be willing to come in the middle of the night for haul away as we do not want any additional people to see it than necessary. If needed a driver can be provided for an extra charge. The buyer must also sign a non-disclosure agreement saying they will not sell pictures to the press or speak to anyone about where the furniture was acquired or how much was paid. The items are as follows: Antique area rug, has some spots that are worn down from pacing but easily covered with other furniture $87 K Sofa, has been slept in a few times but is very comfortable $15 K Velvet curtains, very similar to the curtains from Gone With the Wind $28 K George IV Desk, rarely used $18 K Chandelier, still sparkles despite the current economic environment $37 K Mirror with silver frame, has a few kiss marks we are trying to get off $5 K Mahogany pedestal table, might have been stood upon but still in great shape $25 K Off-white parchment waste can, perfect for shredded documents $1,400 There are other items as well. Please contact for more information. "

(context)

And oh my god this one is SO CUTE!

Quote :

"Jewish girl who passed out in my bed - m4w Date: 2009-01-21, 12:25PM EST You: Jewish, attractive and drunk Me: Not Jewish (Gentile), dashing, gazelle on the dance floor and drunk In case you were as blacked out as I think you were, I feel as though I should reintroduce myself. You were dancing around and enjoying the festive cake and brownies at the JCC inaugural bar mitzvah…I mean inaugural ball, before cabbing to Chinatown and passing out in my bed. Nothing makes me swoon for interfaith relationships like a girl who passes out in my lap in the back of a cab. You might be asking yourself “why did that sweet boy not call me?” or “did I really wake up in a random guy’s bed in Chinatown?” and other important questions to gauge whether or not last night was a dream, drunken haze or bittersweet reality. Allow me to answer those questions. While I have not called you, I did text you to make sure you succeeded in getting a cab at 7am and making it to work on time. However, in the heat of the moment last night, you either you gave me the wrong number, or we were both so F’ed up that the number went into my phone incorrectly. My equally blacked out friend (who you met in the bathroom and introduced us on the dance floor) pawned you off on me – the responsible, mitzvah-seeking guy who had been hitting on you most of the night – when it became clear that you could not effectively locate any of your belongings or coherently tell us where you lived. Upon stumbling into my apt, you decided the party must go on, albeit you couldn’t stand or keep your eyes open. Again, quality traits I look for when asking myself, “could I see myself converting for this woman?” Once you changed into my clothes and passed out immediately in my bed, I wasn’t sure whether to sleep on the floor or in my bed. However, the cute way you drunkenly mumbled to yourself “I should stop drinking on Tuesdays” as you woke up, confirmed my decision to sleep in bed and make sure you didn’t suffocate in the sea of pillows before you. I must say, the morning wasn’t as awkward as I thought it’d be. I figured you’d freak out, not knowing where you were or whose bed you were in. You took relative comfort in how I left a big glass of water and Excedrin (not rufies) on the table. After offering you more clothing to keep you warm outside and walking you out to get a cab, I went back to bed saying to myself, “I think that classy woman might be the one.” If you’re reading this, my offer to take you out to dinner still stands. I'm a mensch at heart and will bring the Manischewitz. "

[Edited on January 30, 2009 at 2:44 AM. Reason : df]

1/30/2009 2:43:37 AM

Quote :

"WANTED: Free Baby Grand Piano (Wake Forest) Reply to: sale-1015074065@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-31, 10:24AM EST If you have an old (or new) Baby Grand Piano that you want to give away, please contact me via email through CraigsList BEFORE you post on here! THANKS! "

lolwut

1/31/2009 10:30:05 AM

Quote :

"Vose & Sons' Baby Grand Piano (Wake Forest) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: sale-1014319253@craigslist.org [?] Date: 2009-01-30, 4:54PM EST Free for the taking: (Bring your own strapping young movers). Dark brown; includes bench. Exterior is in fair shape; needs work. "

1/31/2009 10:43:36 AM