This may have already been said, or this may just be really dumb...I really don't know much about this type of stuff but what about this.

If you are both going to put money into a place together then calculate the % of the cost that you put in, and agree that if the relationship ends you sell the place and you get the same % out of it that you put in it.

This could also hold true for any other major purchases.

If one person in the couple wants to keep something, the that person should give the other person the amount that they spent.

I don't know if that's a possible idea, or if it's been said, but it's a thought.

4/10/2008 11:15:44 AM

Quote :

"no you cant. a joint account is just that, JOINT which means either party can remove/contribute funds freely. a seperate accout also, is just that. another person, married or not, cannot withdraw funds from it. you need to learn how shit works before you get fucked over."

My mistake. Maybe I just never hear about this happening is b/c you'll get fucked over once you go to court to divide other assets if you pull some shit like that. If I was in a divorce I would be glad to have my ex wife clear out 10K in my checking account if I got to keep all my others assets.

4/10/2008 11:21:02 AM

It's a terrible idea.

What I did when I was in this situation was that I:

1) Only put my name on the mortgage and deed

2) Charged her half of the mortgage as her rent and told that bitch if she didn't like it she could pay more to rent her own apartment if she felt uncomfortable

3) When the break up happened, and it probably will for you too, I told that bitch to get the fuck up out my house. You got 31 days.


If you can't afford to pay the mortgage on your income alone, then you have no business buying a home. Period.

Don't be a dumb ass.

4/10/2008 11:44:17 AM

Quote :

"My mistake. Maybe I just never hear about this happening is b/c you'll get fucked over once you go to court to divide other assets if you pull some shit like that. If I was in a divorce I would be glad to have my ex wife clear out 10K in my checking account if I got to keep all my others assets. "

thing is, that joint account money she cleaned out doesnt count in the 'dividing' things equally unless she admits to the court what she did and agrees to split it. both are huge 'ifs.' it is considered her money.

and

Quote :

"What I did when I was in this situation was that I: 1) Only put my name on the mortgage and deed 2) Charged her half of the mortgage as her rent and told that bitch if she didn't like it she could pay more to rent her own apartment if she felt uncomfortable 3) When the break up happened, and it probably will for you too, I told that bitch to get the fuck up out my house. You got 31 days. If you can't afford to pay the mortgage on your income alone, then you have no business buying a home. Period. Don't be a dumb ass. "

4/10/2008 11:48:19 AM

Quote :

"If you can't afford to pay the mortgage on your income alone, then you have no business buying a home. Period. Don't be a dumb ass."

pretty much...i'm buying my house because i can do it by myself (though i'm looking at getting a roommate and/or gf will move in)...but you're right - if you're so financially strapped that you can't afford the mortgage on your own, you shouldn't do it (and, more than likely, you won't get a loan for it anyway)

4/10/2008 11:49:19 AM

Quote :

"thats called communication. people in a good relationship can discuss those types of things without it turning into an argument or even a big deal."

whatever, I like to avoid overdraft charges.

As a kid I had to listen to my mom bitch about my father's spending habits. Soured me to the idea. Joint account for utilities and mortgage, sure, but that's it. I'm more of a financial tightass and will admit it. Better to prevent problems than solve them. Actually works out better for the boyfriend because I'll be the one buying most/all of the groceries and personal care products, stuff that's normally a decent part of the budget.

4/10/2008 11:52:10 AM

Quote :

"My mistake. Maybe I just never hear about this happening is b/c you'll get fucked over once you go to court to divide other assets if you pull some shit like that. If I was in a divorce I would be glad to have my ex wife clear out 10K in my checking account if I got to keep all my others assets."

lol, nope. She can wipe out your checking account and still get half of everything else.

Sounds like you are going to set yourself up for a real ass pounding if you ever get divorced.

4/10/2008 11:57:46 AM

Quote :

"that joint account money she cleaned out doesnt count in the 'dividing' things equally unless she admits to the court what she did and agrees to split it"

She doesn't have to admit it. There are ways to prove it.

Quote :

"whatever, I like to avoid overdraft charges."

Just set up another account to overdraft from or don't keep the minimum balance in your checking account.

Quote :

"Sounds like you are going to set yourself up for a real ass pounding if you ever get divorced."

Not if you have a lawyer with in IQ over 10. You really think a judge will split all remaining assets 50/50 if one party emptied out all joint accounts right before the divorce?

4/10/2008 12:04:48 PM

i think this thread furthur proves that tww is not the best place to come for advice

4/10/2008 12:06:43 PM

Quote :

"gf"

key bit here.

don't do it unless you get a lawyer to draw up the details about payment responsibilities with the bank as well

more of a pain than you think

4/10/2008 12:11:41 PM

Even though lots of marriages end in divorce, I hate the idea of spending your new life together preparing for a divorce. Ooh, don't put your money together because you might get divorced... Don't be silly. When you become married, you become ONE person (cliche, but whatever), that means ONE bank account. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married and we never even bought anything big together, we kept all our money separate until we got married. We took all of our savings and checking combined it and cancelled the other accounts. Its too difficult to try to figure out how much you even have if its not all on one place, not to mention, you HAVE TO TRUST your spouse. We made a deal that anything over 100 dollars, we have to discuss before buying, and I think thats a good plan. Thats mostly just to avoid impulse buying, not to control eachother. Keeping thing separate is a really bad thing for your marriage IMHO.

4/10/2008 12:17:47 PM

Quote :

"Not if you have a lawyer with in IQ over 10. You really think a judge will split all remaining assets 50/50 if one party emptied out all joint accounts right before the divorce?"

She just has to say you were cheating on her, cry a little, and she's golden.

4/10/2008 12:54:02 PM

So, you won't get a joint account b/c you are afraid your future husband will steal all your money and then lie about it. Gotcha.

4/10/2008 1:06:25 PM

Nope, convenience.

4/10/2008 1:25:31 PM

How it is more convenient?

4/10/2008 1:42:10 PM

we have already gone through this.

You can be old fashioned and force some woman into your ideas of marriage, and I will do what works for me.

4/10/2008 1:49:59 PM

Duh, it must be so WHEN she gets a divorce, she doesn't have to go through the whole make a new individual bank account. Either that or she plans on making more than her husband and doesn't want to share.

4/10/2008 1:55:37 PM

Quote :

"She doesn't have to admit it. There are ways to prove it."

HAHAHAHHAAH

THIS DOES NOT MATTER. IT IS CONSIDERED HER MONEY BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE JOINT ACCOUNT. YOU HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO IT. IF SHE CLEANS IT OUT, IT IS HERS. PERIOD. DONE.

Quote :

"Even though lots of marriages end in divorce, I hate the idea of spending your new life together preparing for a divorce. Ooh, don't put your money together because you might get divorced... Don't be silly. When you become married, you become ONE person (cliche, but whatever), that means ONE bank account. My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married and we never even bought anything big together, we kept all our money separate until we got married. We took all of our savings and checking combined it and cancelled the other accounts. Its too difficult to try to figure out how much you even have if its not all on one place, not to mention, you HAVE TO TRUST your spouse. We made a deal that anything over 100 dollars, we have to discuss before buying, and I think thats a good plan. Thats mostly just to avoid impulse buying, not to control eachother. Keeping thing separate is a really bad thing for your marriage IMHO."

OMFG some of you are going to be SO fucked. this happens all the time to people with your same idealisms. it is what it is and for your sake, I hope you lose some of your naivity.

'those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it'

you are both farting rainbows and shitting sunshine now...wait 10 years.

4/10/2008 2:06:21 PM

obviously no ones sees the value of the joint house and utilities only account, where you can keep a grand or three for when something breaks, and not have to wonder where all the money went when you need it.

Separate accounts are MUCH better for budgeting and keeping track of spending. I've even considered creating a different account just so I can use it to track certain expenses.

4/10/2008 2:08:24 PM

Quote :

"HAHAHAHHAAH THIS DOES NOT MATTER. IT IS CONSIDERED HER MONEY BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE JOINT ACCOUNT. YOU HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO IT. IF SHE CLEANS IT OUT, IT IS HERS. PERIOD. DONE."

Yup, these people just do not get it. She used joint funds to buy stuff that's now joint property. Only if it was fake boobs they will be hers to keep and the next man's to enjoy, sucka! Same with the spa treatments, and no guy is going to try to get half the value of a Prada bag in a divorce settlement. She's basically getting whatever she wants at half price, because if she waited until after the divorce she'd get 5k instead of the full 10k you have in it now.

4/10/2008 2:17:07 PM

So what happens if the wife has a kid and stops working?

4/10/2008 2:21:02 PM

our plan is that we are both going to keep our own personal spending accounts like we have now, and combine our savings into a separate savings account and open also open a joint 'bills' checking account. The amount of money that we are going to put into the bill paying checking account each month is going to be a percentage of the bills weighted by our salaries. As it looks right now it would be total bills x60% for me and total bills x40% for her. (when i say bills i mean 'set' things each month like rent/mortage, insurance, cable, internet, power, phone etc.)

gas and food (non groceries) other regular expenses each of us encounter daily and spending money is just going to be out of our own separate checking accounts.

once you get the automatic transfers set up it should be pretty easy that way and outside of bills, your spending money is yours to do what you want. i know several people that do this and say its extremely easy.

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 2:28 PM. Reason : ]

4/10/2008 2:26:32 PM

Damn that's sexist. Assuming the purpose of marriage is so that a woman can spawn and stay home with them.

That's only a small percentage of the population.

At that point you'd have to talk about it, duh. I know I would NOT want to give a preggo woman free access to my money. The hormones make them crazy, and they'd spend it all on designer clothes that the kid will outgrow in a month or less.

4/10/2008 2:40:40 PM

Quote :

"our plan is that we are both going to keep our own personal spending accounts like we have now, and combine our savings into a separate savings account and open also open a joint 'bills' checking account. The amount of money that we are going to put into the bill paying checking account each month is going to be a percentage of the bills weighted by our salaries. As it looks right now it would be total bills x60% for me and total bills x40% for her. (when i say bills i mean 'set' things each month like rent/mortage, insurance, cable, internet, power, phone etc.) gas and food (non groceries) other regular expenses each of us encounter daily and spending money is just going to be out of our own separate checking accounts. once you get the automatic transfers set up it should be pretty easy that way and outside of bills, your spending money is yours to do what you want. i know several people that do this and say its extremely easy."

About what will probably happen for me.

I've talked to people that have used this setup for over 13 years, and are still happily married. No small part of that is due to the lack of fighting about finances.

4/10/2008 2:44:36 PM

Quote :

"Damn that's sexist. "

Wowee. Don't put words in my mouth you crazy ultra feminist.

Quote :

"So what happens if the wife has a kid and stops working?"

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 2:46 PM. Reason : ]

4/10/2008 2:45:26 PM

if she is on the joint account, nothing happens. she can still clean it out even if she has never worked a day in her life because she owns it jointly with you. she has as much right to it as you do.

this is not complicated.

4/10/2008 2:56:02 PM

Quote :

"At that point you'd have to talk about it, duh. I know I would NOT want to give a preggo woman free access to my money. The hormones make them crazy, and they'd spend it all on designer clothes that the kid will outgrow in a month or less."

heh "preggo women" having access to money worries you? - what world are you living in...so when you get married you are going to have your husband take away your debit/credit cards and checkbook so you don't do something absurd?

4/10/2008 2:56:35 PM

Sounds pretty "old fashioned" if you ask me.

4/10/2008 2:59:06 PM

Why not get married first?

If you can't do that then forget owning property as big as house together.

4/10/2008 3:02:28 PM

What if they had been dating a year, would everyone still be telling the OP to get married? I don't see why the question about investing in real estate is met with suggestions to get married.

4/10/2008 3:05:36 PM

Quote :

"OMFG some of you are going to be SO fucked. this happens all the time to people with your same idealisms. it is what it is and for your sake, I hope you lose some of your naivity. 'those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it' you are both farting rainbows and shitting sunshine now...wait 10 years."

and some of you (specifically you) have got to have utterly miserable relationships when the BEST you can hope for is that your separate accounts will protect you WHEN you divorce...if these horrible "she wipes him out" scenarios actually happen to you dumbasses, then i think it's pretty much your own fault for marrying someone untrustworthy (or someone who secretly hates your guts)

Quote :

"I've talked to people that have used this setup for over 13 years, and are still happily married. No small part of that is due to the lack of fighting about finances."

honestly, nothing about you screams "keeper" to me...if you're terrified that the one thing that will bring about divorce is arguing about finances, you're kidding yourself...no way in HELL finances alone will ruin a marriage...if the marriage is strong, the people are strong/trustworthy/faithful/communicative, rough finances won't tear them apart...it's when one starts sneaking around the other's back and spending money that's their's together on things they shouldn't be spending money on (at least not without discussing it) that the problems start to happen, and that all goes back to trust

also, y'all must come from shitty families...am i the only one whose parents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and close personal friends (and their families) are well-adjusted people? no wonder you people are so bitter and hopeless

4/10/2008 3:21:22 PM

Quote :

"heh "preggo women" having access to money worries you? - what world are you living in...so when you get married you are going to have your husband take away your debit/credit cards and checkbook so you don't do something absurd?"

They can have access to money, just not mine.

No kids for me, so it's not an issue.

My boyfriend and I agree on living below our means, aggressively saving for an early retirement, etc. However with my medical expenses it's only fair to have separate accounts so he doesn't have to pay for them.

4/10/2008 3:44:02 PM

So if one person gets sick it has to come from an individual account? That's weak.

4/10/2008 3:46:52 PM

ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE

4/10/2008 3:50:41 PM

Quote :

"I'm sorry, honey, but you don't have any money left in your account - I think you're just going to have to do without the antibiotics. Look on the bright side, though - if you DIE, we still won't have any financial arguments! I'm going to go drinking with the guys and buy a boat."

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 3:51 PM. Reason : /]

4/10/2008 3:50:51 PM

lol, I want to make sure I'm not spending the boyfriend's toy money on pills and you call it weak?


I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but it's not something I want to do.

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 3:53 PM. Reason : ]

4/10/2008 3:51:23 PM

^ you still haven't caught on that most people are distinguishing between gf/bf situation and marriage, have you? although, to you, i guess there's no real difference

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 3:52 PM. Reason : .]

4/10/2008 3:52:04 PM

Yeah, she said she'd do the same once married.

4/10/2008 3:53:08 PM

Quote :

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind, but it's not something I want to do."

So he'd do it for you, but you wouldn't do it for him?

4/10/2008 3:53:49 PM

Quote :

"no wonder you people are so bitter and hopeless"

nothing to do with it. its called being practical. its "the way things are" vs "the way things should be" argument.

I trust my girl with my life. she can have anything of mine she wants at any time. the good thing is, we are like minded and both independant. she agrees with my viewpoint and I would not marry a hopeless idealist who cant see the facts of life and has no ambition to remain at least partly independant, even after marriage.

the fact is most people manage money differently. you are underestimating the long-term stresses of joining finances. aside from divorce rates, it is practical to keep the majority of your income as your own and keep a small joint account. the other fact of life is 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. some are mutual and respectful. most are vicious and spiteful. most all begin "farting rainbows and shitting sunshine." its kind of arrogant to just assume that you wont have the same problems that half the people in the country have.

4/10/2008 3:55:52 PM

You know another good way to protect your spouse from stealing your assets? Not getting married.

4/10/2008 4:00:04 PM

Quote :

"nothing to do with it. its called being practical. its "the way things are" vs "the way things should be" argument. I trust my girl with my life. she can have anything of mine she wants at any time. the good thing is, we are like minded and both independant. she agrees with my viewpoint and I would not marry a hopeless idealist who cant see the facts of life and has no ambition to remain at least partly independant, even after marriage."

here's where we disagree...only an idiot is applying the argument of "the way things are" to an individual situation...do you know me? do you know my girlfriend of 6 years? do you know either of our financial background? see, you don't actually KNOW anything, so "the way things are" could be that we're both so damn wealthy that it makes no difference, or we're so dirt poor that pooling our funds will finally give us double digits

did i say that ALL funds should be thrown into one account? of course not, that would be silly...but you just go ahead and assume that...i'll put it right up there with your other silly assumptions about people you don't know

Quote :

"its kind of arrogant to just assume that you wont have the same problems that half the people in the country have."

i suspect that i'm not nearly as pathetic as half of this country, whether they're divorced or not...i'm more educated than half the country, i make more than the median income, and i have better than average health...tell me why i shouldn't assume that i'll fall into one category over another, just based on the fact that i'm already ahead of the curve?

i guess i'd just rather base my future on something happy than something depressing and pathetic...if that's a mistake, well, then, i guess we'll see, won't we?

4/10/2008 4:01:48 PM

Quote :

"^ you still haven't caught on that most people are distinguishing between gf/bf situation and marriage, have you? although, to you, i guess there's no real difference"

Yup, no difference to me! Just a scrap of paper and a reason to try to get the relatives to buy you nice shit for the house you just got together.

Right now I CAN'T get married, because it would screw up my health insurance. So it really is the same for me. I don't want a ring either. My bf has all these sappy romantic ideas of love and marriage, but he's gotta plan the thing if he really wants it and absolutely no ceremony, elope then a party (aka reception)

So to me bf/gf is about the same as husband/wife to you. Just makes no difference. Only difference is that it's more expensive to break up once you are married.

4/10/2008 4:03:54 PM

I think the fact that you're looking at this seriously because it seems cheaper in the short term is a red flag.

Do what you want, and the same goes for other people posting here. However, always consider the scope of risk you're taking on in the worst case, which statistically speaking, will occur.

4/10/2008 4:06:27 PM

Quote :

"So he'd do it for you, but you wouldn't do it for him?"

He'd do it for me, I'd do it for him.

However, I do not WANT to have a negative impact on his lifestyle. I want to make sure that I cover my medical bills by altering my lifestyle, and mine alone. This is easiest to ensure with separate accounts. Not that hard of a concept to understand. Would you be happy knowing you had a negative impact on your SOs lifestyle? I hope not.

4/10/2008 4:15:55 PM

quagmire02 no need to take the internetz personally. I am not attacking you.

philosophically I know that I know very little about anything, especially individual users on here. isnt that the point of a message board? what I do know is that most marriages dont last and the prudent person has to consider that when making decisions such as these. I dont care if you have been together 2-6-10 years.

I am speaking in general to the question.

Quote :

"i guess i'd just rather base my future on something happy than something depressing and pathetic...if that's a mistake, well, then, i guess we'll see, won't we?"

here is the crux of our differences in philosophy. I too, hope to be happy. part of my happiness is having peace of mind that if the bomb drops (she cheats on me, runs away, becomes a crack head, etc...) and God knows I dont think it will, I will be prepared.

4/10/2008 4:18:46 PM

Quote :

"I do not WANT to have a negative impact on his lifestyle. I want to make sure that I cover my medical bills by altering my lifestyle, and mine alone. This is easiest to ensure with separate accounts. Not that hard of a concept to understand. Would you be happy knowing you had a negative impact on your SOs lifestyle? I hope not."

Won't altering your lifestyle affect his? What if you can't afford to go on vacation b/c of your medical bills. What happens if you can't afford to go out to eat b/c of your medical bills? Or do you plan on making those separate as well?

4/10/2008 4:24:35 PM

Don't do it. I think it will be one giant legal mess when you break up. At least if you are married there is more legal stuff protecting you. At the very least go to a good attorney to set up some sort of contract or lease agreement. Keep records of any agreements made just in case it goes bad.

Also make sure you have plenty in savings before you try to get a mortgage. Banks and other lenders are getting to the point (because of the whole mortgage crisis) that they want a decent down payment. The days when income only was enough to qualify are history. It may seem cheaper to buy a place, but do your homework. And never buy a home if it depends on someone else's salary.

[Edited on April 10, 2008 at 4:34 PM. Reason : /]

4/10/2008 4:28:16 PM

Quote :

"quagmire02 no need to take the internetz personally. I am not attacking you."

well, you DID call me arrogant, and while it may be true in a lot of things (this one included), it's still has a negative connotation, which implies an attack of some kind...or do you disagree?

all things being equal, i think the ONLY mistake not making a joint account of any kind...i guess the size is really up to the couple (well, it's all up to the couple), and i can understand why some people would want to keep it small...but to completely say that having a joint account is a bad idea only proves that you shouldn't be with that other person - because if you don't trust them and you're not a fan of communication, you probably have a shitty marriage anyway

4/10/2008 4:28:54 PM

arrogant was implied as a general term and not a personal one. sorry if you took it that way. I dont think you are arrogant by your posting.

do you not see my point about preparing for the worst to have peace of mind? does that not make sense? it has nothing to do with the current status of my relationship. I could be dating a diety and would do the same thing.

4/10/2008 4:57:44 PM