3

Quote :

"Bureacracy’s Hidden Benefits Welfare Office | Minnesota, USA Me: “Hi, how can I help you?” Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.” Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?” (The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.) Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.” Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?” Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.” Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?” Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.” Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click* "

9/10/2008 6:59:49 PM

Quote :

"(I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.) Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.” Customer: “I can has cat?” Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.” Customer: “I can has lolcat?” Me: “…” Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!” Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.” Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store* Me, to Velma: “I think I may have just saved your life.”"

9/13/2008 1:02:16 PM

Quote :

" Me: “Hello, may I help you?” Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.” Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.” Customer: “How about roasted chicken?” Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.” Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?” (Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.) Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.” Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves* Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.” Me: *facepalm* "

9/13/2008 5:24:58 PM

lol!!!

9/13/2008 5:50:27 PM

Quote :

"Me: “Animal hospital, how can I help you?” Caller: “Yeah, you got any prostitute dogs?” Me: “… what, sir?” Caller: “Prostitute dogs, do you have them there?” Me: “I am not quite sure I understand what you are asking me.” Caller: “My dog wont stop humping my leg. Do you have any dogs that are prostitutes that he could hump?” Me: “Sir, those don’t exist.” Caller: “How do I get him to stop humping me, then?” Me: “You could get him neutered. That sometimes helps.” Caller: “F*** NO! I ain’t choppin’ his balls off!” Me: “I am sorry, I can’t help you.” Caller: “That’s bull***t. I am going to find me a prostitute dog somewhere else!” *click*"

9/15/2008 10:11:36 AM

Hot damn indeed.

Quote :

"Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!” Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?” (The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.) Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.” Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!” Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…” (The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.) Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.” Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?” Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.” Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!” Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.” Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!” Me: “A thank you card will be enough.” (Skip ahead 9 months…) Female customer: “Is your name ***?” Me: “Yes, can I help you?” Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope* (I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)"

9/20/2008 10:45:35 AM

hahaha

9/20/2008 10:46:59 AM

I feel like most of these are fake.

9/20/2008 5:12:00 PM

I feel like a lot are based on true situations, but the authors add comments that they think of later to make themselves sound witty.

9/20/2008 6:32:47 PM

Haha.

I would totally do this

Quote :

"Me: “It’s a great day at [furniture store]! How can I direct your call?” Caller: “I want to talk to someone about my furniture.” Me: “Okay, is it just damaged, or did you want to set up a delivery?” Caller: “No. I just want to talk to someone about it.” Me: “Um… did you want to talk to your salesperson?” Caller: “No. Just someone in the dining department.” Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our floor isn’t separated into departments.” Caller: “I bought it about 2 years ago. I just want to talk about it.” Me: “Did you want to talk about it with a manager?” Caller: “No.” Me: *stops caring* “Well, I would LOVE to talk about with you! Is it pretty?!” Caller: “What?” Me: “Furniture is good! It’s where people sit!” Caller: *click*"

9/30/2008 10:28:47 AM

Quote :

"Whoaaahh, Am I Moving The Mouse Or Is It Moving Me from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?” Caller: “Well, it’s my son’s computer, it’s… smoking.” Me: “It’s smoking? Is it making a loud beeping sound or is it hot? Anything else that would indicate that it’s on fire?” Caller: “No! It’s not hot or anything. In fact, it seems to work just fine, but after it being on for about two or three minutes it starts to smoke.” Me: “Okay… well, shut the machine down, unplug it, and then hold down the power button for about ten seconds.” Caller: “Ok. Got it. Now what?” Me: “Ok, open the case and take a look inside. Does anything look melted or cracked or–” Caller: “Oh…” Me: “You found the problem?” Caller: *angry* “Oooh yeah. There’s… uh… there’s a little plastic bag taped to the inside of the case… full of dried green stuff.” Me: *trying not to laugh* Caller: “Thanks for your help. I need to go have a talk with my son.” *click*"

Quote :

"Me: “Thank you for calling ******, how can I help you?” Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.” Me: “You… cut the cable?” Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.” Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?” Customer: “Yes” Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.” Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.” Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.” Customer: “Yes it is.” Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.” Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?” Me: “Does your phone have a cable?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?” Customer: *line disconnects after 20 seconds of silence*"

10/10/2008 9:29:14 AM

Quote :

"(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.) Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?” Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?” Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.” Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”"

10/10/2008 11:33:07 AM

Quote :

"Go MacGuyver Go from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin (I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.) Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!” Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.” Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!” Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.” Customer: “No they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!” (Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.) Me: “That’s impossible, sir.” Customer: “No it’s not, it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.” Me: “… You do that.”"

That actually kind of made me chuckle here at work

10/14/2008 11:06:43 AM

Quote :

"All Signs Point To No Smoothie Shop | Oregon, USA (A customer pulls up and parks in a handicapped spot in front of the store.) Me: “How can I help you?” Customer: “I’ll take a fresh squeezed orange juice.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we just cleaned our juicer and the chemical that we use had to dry or else it’s toxic. We won’t be able to squeeze any juice until tomorrow.” Customer: “What the f***? This is the second time this has happened.” Me: “Well, we clean it a half hour before we close–” Customer: “You should put up a sign!” Me: “Oh, um. Well, I’ll mention that to my manager–” Customer: “PUT UP A SIGN!” Me: “Sir, I don’t have the authority to do that, but I’ll–” Customer: “JUST PUT UP A SIGN!” Me: “Oh, and you’re parked in a handicapped zone.” Customer: “THEY SHOULD–” Me: “Yes, they have a sign up, sir.” "

10/20/2008 8:23:33 AM

Quote :

"Me: “Hello, how may I help you?” (The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.) Client: “Your name is so stupid.” Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ” Client: “Your parents must really hate you.” Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?” Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.” Me: *stifles giggle* Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!”"

11/19/2008 3:46:27 PM

LOL this thread is hilarious!

11/19/2008 8:44:21 PM

Quote :

" (I work at the photo department and am checking out a customer with a “Happy Birthday, Grand Son!” birthday card.) Customer: “Hello… I only have this one birthday card.” Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.15. I just need your signature on the line, please.” (The customer begins to sign her receipt, then pauses. She looks closely at the slip, then looks up at me, angry.) Customer: “Now how does this know who I am?!” Me: “… excuse me?” Customer: “It has my name on it! Right here, below the line! I have never shopped here before. Where did you get my information?” Me: “Ma’am, the information comes from your credit card.” Customer: “Well!” (She signs the slip and gives it to me. I put the slip in the register drawer.) Customer: “And what are you doing with that? It has my information on it. You can’t just keep it!” Me: “Umm, we have to keep it. That’s how you pay for things…” *register prompts for a zip code* “… and may I get your zip code, please?” Customer: “Why do you need my address?!” Me: “Well, American Express needs it. It’s a security measure. And it doesn’t need your whole address, just the zip code.” Customer: “This is identity theft! Give me back my signature!” Me: “Um, I promise you, I am not. And I can’t open the drawer mid-transaction, but I can call a manager to cancel your transaction.” Customer: “You aren’t a cashier! How do I even know you work here?!”" Me: “Well, here’s my name tag. And my picture is on the wall.” Customer: “If you work in the photo department, that could be photoshopped! You do not work here! I want a manager!” Me: “Umm, okay…” *calls manager* Manager: “What can I help you with today?” Customer: “This thief is stealing my personal identity!” Manager: “Excuse me?” Customer: “I want my signature back! She is asking too many questions!” Manager: “Okay, I will take it from here. So what is your zip code?” (My manager takes care of the rest of the transaction. The receipt then prints out…) Manager: “Here you go! Tell your grandson to have a happy birthday!” Customer: “AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY GRAND SON!? YOU PEOPLE STOP AT NOTHING! I AM REPORTING YOU! THIS IS ILLEGAL!” *continues yelling all the way out the door* "

11/19/2008 8:48:46 PM

am i supposed to laugh or what?

11/19/2008 8:51:07 PM

Quote :

"My mom: “Are you going to pay for that other Coke?” Male customer: “What Coke?” My mom: “… The one in your pants?” Male customer: “That’s not a Coke, that’s my penis!” My mom: “If that’s your penis, I am going home with you right now!” Male customer: *slams coke on the counter and walks out*"

11/19/2008 9:11:53 PM

11/19/2008 9:49:45 PM

Quote :

"(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.) Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ” Customer: “Uh… uh… ” (I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.) Me: “What–” Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” *zips up and runs out* Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!” Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”"

LOL

11/19/2008 10:25:28 PM

^That guy is a hero. A fucking super hero.

11/19/2008 10:26:59 PM

LOL i haven't heard a darkwing duck quote in ages. GG that person for identifying it

11/19/2008 10:27:05 PM

this person can't be serious:

Quote :

" Caller: ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!” Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–” Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!” Me: “What would you like me to do?” Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!” Me: “… Excuse me?” Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!” Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.” Caller: “WHY NOT?!” "

11/19/2008 10:54:55 PM

Quote :

" (A customer is looking in our pet store’s front window at our display of hamsters, rats and mice.) Customer: “I want to make a complaint.” Me: “Sure, would you like me to get the store manager?” Customer: “Yes, right this minute.” (I get the manager.) Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Customer: “I can’t believe you would actually have sick rats on display in the front window! I am going to call the humane society and have this store shut down! I am sickened that would actually have poor rats that have CANCER in the storefront window!” Manager: “… cancer?” Customer: ” YES! Just look at the size of those TUMORS on the poor backsides of all those rats in that cage!” Manager: “Um, ma’am… those are their testicles. They are full grown male rats.” Customer: *blushes* “… oh. Sorry.” "

11/19/2008 10:57:30 PM

Quote :

" Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you?” Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!” Me: “Pardon me?” Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!” Me: “Why is that, sir?” Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?” Me: “Umm…” Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.” Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs* Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!” Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.” Customer: “Yes you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!” Me: *click* "

11/19/2008 11:04:30 PM

Quote :

"The Orlando Hillbillies Hotel | Orlando, FL, USA (I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We had gotten a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.) Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?” Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [theme park[ and somebody broke in here and took all of our used towels and soaps and stuff! Looks like they went through everythin’!” Me: “Sir? They took your used towels?” Customer: “We had a buncha towels in the bathroom and a buncha shampoo and soaps are gone too! See?! These ain’t my towels, I know because we had used ours last night and draped `em over the shower curtain to dry! What kind of establishment are y’all runnin’ here?” (I look around the bathroom–it looked tidy and neat. Clean towels were hanging on the towel rack, new bottles of courtesy soaps and shampoos were put on the bathroom counter.) Me: “Sir, were these your towels from home? Was anything else taken?” Customer: “No! We gotta buncha towels with our room and now they’re gone! Ah know because they were wet! Somebody done been in here snoopin’ through our room!” Me: “Sir… I believe that was housekeeping. They come in, clean up the room, see if you need any fresh towels and give you new–” (The man begins shouting.) Customer: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! SOMEBODY HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM!” Me: “Its called ‘Housekeeping.’ They come in and replace any toiletries you use during–” Customer: “Well I ain’t need no toilet treats! They coulda stole all my stuff!” Me: “… sir, it was our maids. They come in and clean for you. There is a complimentary safe in your closet. You can lock up anything you don’t want out when our staff–” Customer: “TELL THEM I DON’T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM AND GOIN’ THROUGH ALL MY STUFF! If they do it again, I’m calling the police and having all y’all arrested!” Me: “Alright, sir…” (The customer and his family stayed a whole week in the hotel. Evidently he used the same 4 towels the whole time and split a 1 oz bottle of shampoo for 4 people over 6 days.) "

12/3/2008 8:30:56 PM

Quote :

" Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.” Me: “…Ma’am? Spartans?” Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have spartans.” Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.” Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.” Me: “You’re right ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.” Customer: “300?! Is that bad?” Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.” Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.” Me: “Ok, ma’am, I think that would be best.” "

12/9/2008 8:53:23 AM

Quote :

"The Produce Section Is Too Deep To Ford from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin (I was a customer observing this exchange.) Customer: *picks up an apple and takes a large bite out of it* Employee: “Sir, what are you doing?” Customer: “I’m sampling an apple to make sure it’s not mealy. The last apples I got here were all mealy.” Employee: “Er…it’s generally not a very good idea to do that…those aren’t washed.” Customer: *sets the apple back down* “YOU DON’T WASH THEM?! Don’t you know you can spread dysentery?!” Employee: “They’re washed before they come in here, but we can’t wash them on the shelf. And sir, you have to pay for that.” Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying for something that’ll give me dysentery!” Employee: “We can’t sell an apple that has a HUGE BITE taken out of it!” Customer: *stomps off* Customer #2: *observing nearby “Someone should tell him, ‘You have died of dysentery.’”"

LOL

12/18/2008 5:39:58 PM

lol, oregon trail ftw.

12/18/2008 5:53:45 PM

Quote :

"Me: “Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****” Customer: “Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!” Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.” Customer: “Oh, okay.. It says: ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do i do?!” Me: “Er…is there a button that says ‘OK’?” Customer: “Yes.” Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?” Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!!” *hangs up* Me: “…you’re welcome?” Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.”"

That IS scary

12/18/2008 5:54:33 PM

A lot of these are because the employees just didn't explain things properly or ask for clarification, or made assumptions they shouldn't have made.

12/18/2008 8:22:42 PM

Quote :

"Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?” Me: “Yes, we have the movie ‘Forrest Gump’; would you like me to tell you where it is?” Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.” Me: “Uhh…do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?” Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!” Me: “…”"

Sounds about right

12/23/2008 8:37:41 AM

coming from someone who worked jobs like that before.. its always so nice when some other customer's stick up for you when some other customer is being a dickbag.

12/23/2008 9:40:32 AM

Quote :

"Customer: “Hey there! Do you guys have any bamboo wood flooring?” Customer’s Wife: “Not fake bamboo. Real bamboo.” Me: “Not in stock, but we can easily special order some for you. Might I ask why you specifically need bamboo?” Customer: “Well, you see, we had our basement finished a few years ago with oak floors, but since then it has flooded several times. We keep having to tear up the floor and put down new stuff.” Customer’s Wife: “It’s very annoying.” Customer: “Very. So we figured that if we had bamboo floors it would be able to soak up the water easily, or be reusable or something like that.” Me: “Uh…” Customer: “Do you know if bamboo can do that?” Me: “Um…I’ve never thought much about it, but I think the bigger concern here is whatever’s causing your basement to consistently flood.” Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something with the window wells. I just figured this would be a quick fix.” Me: “Sir, you’re in the completely wrong department.”"

Quote :

"(An angry, overweight female customer approaches me with a Nintendo Wii Fit and hands me her receipt.) Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?” Customer: “I’d like to return this.” Me: “What seems to be the problem with it?” Customer: “I think it’s broken.” Me: “All right, what’s going on?” Customer: “Whenever it weighs me and calculates my BMI, it labels me as obese.” Me: “And…” Customer: “Well, that can’t be right!” Me: “From what I’ve heard, the measurements on Wii Fits are fairly accurate. Are you sure you want to return this? They’re pretty hard to find.” Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!” Me: “No, I’m just saying that…” Customer: “You just called me fat! Me: “No, I was just saying…” Customer: “Whatever. I still want to return it. It’s obviously not working right. And, I think someone should talk to the designer; make them use a different word. It hurt my feelings.” Me: *soothingly* “Maybe you could contact Nintendo; write a letter or something.” Customer: “You know what, I will! I’ll let them know that their stupid game called me obese and made me cry for three hours straight. I haven’t eaten solid food for two days because of it. I’m so hungry! I almost fainted last night. Do you think I can sue?” Me: “Well, you can sure try. Have a nice day.”"

12/30/2008 9:23:58 AM

12/30/2008 9:30:08 AM

Quote :

"(When special order books come in we call the customers, but we don’t normally say the book’s title over the phone. A man came in one day to pick up his special order - some book about 9/11.) Customer: “I have a complaint about my order.” Me: “Yes, sir?” Customer: “When the woman called me, she said the title of my book in the message.” Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is that a problem?” Customer: “Well, you see, the government’s tapping my phone. I don’t want them to know that I know what they’re up to.” Me: “Um…Ok, sir. I’m sorry about that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Customer: “Thanks.” Me: “…would you like a bag, sir?” Customer: *starts laughing* “No thanks. I’m not that paranoid!”"

1/12/2009 2:48:50 PM

Quote :

"Oh, I’m sorry sir, we just cleaned our juicer and the chemical that we use had to dry or else it’s toxic. We won’t be able to squeeze any juice until tomorrow."

I call b.s. on the "toxic chemicals" that disappear overnight. They were just being lazy and I wonder if the store owner knows they are turning away customers so that they can get out of there almost exactly as the store closes.

1/12/2009 3:23:15 PM

oh yeah, that's not a photoshop at all

1/12/2009 4:58:16 PM

Today's are good.

Quote :

"(I overhead my coworker have this exchange while helping a patron.) Coworker: “What can I help you find?” Patron: “I need pictures from when they used to tie small cameras to birds to take aerial photos.” Coworker: “Well, I don’t think that we would have any books for that - let me look online.” Patron: “I kinda need this right away; my class starts in ten minutes.” Coworker: “I’m looking as fast as I can.” Patron: “Well, f***ing look faster! I am going to fail this class now, and it’s all because of you!” Coworker: “I found your photos. I’ll send them to the printer right now; it will be 50 cents for the print.” Patron: “What the f***? You expect me to PAY for the prints?” Coworker: “Yes, yes I do.” (The patron hands over the money while swearing under his breath.) Coworker: “Enjoy.” (She hands him the papers and he runs out, but not thirty seconds later he runs back in.) Patron: “I need pictures of the f***ing birds, not the pictures that they took!” Coworker: *as she turns off her computer* “Well, it looks like our system is down. You’ll have to come back at a later time.” Patron: *storms out*"

Quote :

"(A family group was checking in - one lady in the group started telling me about her husband’s recent death from cancer.) Customer: “…and he was all eaten up with colon cancer, and he just died.” Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that is really not any of my business. It seems like a very private matter….” Customer: “What?!” Me: “I’m not comfortable hearing–” Customer: “Are you a Christian?” Me: “No, ma’am.” Customer: “I knew it! You are evil, and will burn in hell. I’ll speak to your manager in the morning!” Me: “Ok. That’s fine.” Customer: “I hope you liked your former job.” Me: “…” (The group went to their rooms. A few minutes later, one of the adult daughters came to the desk.) Me: “Yes, Ma’am?” Customer’s Daughter: “I just came down because I wanted to see what pure evil looks like.” Me: “…”"

Never mind that if the employee had just let the woman babble, there wouldn't have been the exchange.

Quote :

"Occam’s Razor Phone from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin Me: “Thank you for calling **** Mobile Customer Service, how can I help you?” Customer: “Hi, there’s something wrong with my phone. It won’t take pictures.” Me: “Is it a camera phone?” Customer: “No.”"

I can't decide if the first or last is my favorite today

1/13/2009 9:05:51 AM

Deserves to die:

Quote :

"Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?” Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen - ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ - how do I fix this?” Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?” Customer: “It’s raining and windy.” Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?” Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”"

1/14/2009 10:37:44 AM

Quote :

"(A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.) Me: “How can I help you?” Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup* Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.” Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!” Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.” Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!” (I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.) Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….”"

1/15/2009 4:11:06 PM

Quote :

"Off To A Great Start from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes by admin Customer: “Hi, can I talk to a manager?” Me: “I’m the manager on duty. What can I help you with?” Customer: “YOU’RE the manager on duty?! You look like you’re about 16! *laughs with disbelief & scorn* Me: “Well, I’m 24, and I am a manager here. How can I help you?” Customer: “Can I have a job application?” Me: “Um…sure.”"

self pwnt

1/19/2009 10:26:30 AM

Quote :

"I was flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzzed the flight attendant.) Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?” Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.” Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.” Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.” Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?”"

2/3/2009 3:08:16 PM

Quote :

"Me: “Thank you for calling *** Communications, how can I help you?” Caller: “Yeah, my cable box in my bed room is not working.” Me: “Okay, I can talk a look at that for you. How is it not working?” Caller: “Look, I just want to watch Eragon in my room…” (I finally figure out that the box will not take the signal we are sending.) Me: “It looks like we will need to get a tech out there to replace the box.” Caller: “Why”? (I try to explain that the box is refusing the signal and that we need to switch the box. This goes on for five minutes before I give up and try an alternative answer…) Me: “Um… the box has gone rogue and is no longer taking instructions from us. We need to bring it back in for training.” Caller: “Oh, that makes sense! Why didn’t you just say that?” Me: “…"

2/25/2009 2:37:07 AM

lol, nice

2/25/2009 2:43:31 AM

there are a million sites like this

2/25/2009 9:14:33 AM

i love every thread like this. savin it for later

2/25/2009 9:16:01 AM

for later?

2/25/2009 9:16:58 AM

set em up

2/25/2009 10:37:54 AM