3 pages of worst sexual experiences

8/31/2009 9:39:15 AM

my worst was pretty damn good...either i really know how to pick 'em or i haven't been around the block enough to have horror stories

i'm okay with either

8/31/2009 9:41:39 AM

the lack of drinking/drugs probably has something to do with it as well

8/31/2009 9:42:44 AM

sex is like pizza blah blah blah

8/31/2009 9:44:38 AM

^^

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 9:47 AM. Reason : well, i DO drink...just not in a way that leads to "worst sexual experiences" ]

8/31/2009 9:46:46 AM

This frat groupie came back to my room after a party in my apartment one night, and we start hooking up. after fooling around for a while she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex, but she'll give me a BJ. Ok, no complaints here.

So yeah, i'd had the occasional head where you get an accidental tooth scrape, and it hurts like hell for a second, but you move one.

This bitch was chewing on my dick. not in a, "i'm going to bite your fucking dick off you asshole" way but in a "guys love it when i do this" kind of way.

i try to coach her a little bit, but this bitch is pretty much dead behind the eyes. I actually lost wood, not from whiskey dick or anything else, but from the fact that she seemed to believe that my dick was a snickers bar.

I actually left my own bedroom. I walked out on a BJ. at least the party was still going.

8/31/2009 10:01:26 AM

^ WOW.

8/31/2009 10:03:17 AM

i kinda wish she was fat because that snickers bar metaphor would have segued into a fantastic joke about fat people.

8/31/2009 10:05:19 AM

this actually happened last night

my dog hopped up on the edge of the bed and licked my bf's balls

*I* thought it was hilarious... he did not

8/31/2009 10:19:03 AM

LMAO. So glad I signed on to this.. thanks sam

8/31/2009 10:20:54 AM

My dog licks my balls all the time. Ain't no thing.

8/31/2009 10:20:56 AM

^2 haha no problem... his leg jerked all of a sudden and he just started up at the ceiling and was like "...................... Gambit just licked my balls." he felt violated HAH

8/31/2009 10:25:22 AM

ive been licked by dogs whilst having sex as well as stared at by cats (which is kind of creepy)

also had one girls dog pee on my floor while we were going at it

8/31/2009 10:34:19 AM

My worst experience is probably the guy who bragged about his oral skills for weeks. When we finally got down to business I realized why he bragged so much - his erect penis was the size of my pointer finger. And I have very small hands. Worst night ever.

8/31/2009 10:34:26 AM

Quote :

"That's a pretty fertile bastard."

Spontaneous, you do realize I'm a dude right? My partner was a woman... Good for her... just okay for me. haha.

8/31/2009 10:38:49 AM

small penises, FTL




speaking of which, all you guys who talk about accidentally poking a girl in the ass cause "you're going too fast and hard"... it's not cause you're going "too fast and hard" it's cause your dick is too short.

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 11:29 AM. Reason : k]

8/31/2009 11:24:08 AM

I do not have this issue. Thank goodness.

8/31/2009 11:33:05 AM

hung like a hamster.

8/31/2009 11:43:11 AM

This one time I was having sex with 5 women and the least attractive one whispered "save it for me."

8/31/2009 11:52:38 AM

8/31/2009 11:54:02 AM

this one time, at Boy Scout Camp..........

8/31/2009 12:08:43 PM

this one time.. at band camp..

8/31/2009 12:11:08 PM

Even though the guy will go through the same tears, shame and denial, no ones going to charge that girl with rape.

8/31/2009 12:15:08 PM

Quote :

" speaking of which, all you guys who talk about accidentally poking a girl in the ass cause "you're going too fast and hard"... it's not cause you're going "too fast and hard" it's cause your dick is too short."

Sloppy drunk sex can account for this just as easily, especially when doing it from behind as the girl tends to never sit fucking still as you're both drunk-- and especially if the sheets are goddamn silk, I hate that shit. It doesn't matter if you're swinging 3 inches or 9 inches, there comes the point where you're pulling back and she pulls forward... you pull out, and while it's certainly not easy, it is possible to enter the exit door. That's why it has thankfully only happened once.

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 12:51 PM. Reason : [i]]

8/31/2009 12:49:47 PM

Quote :

"also had one girls dog pee on my floor while we were going at it"

I took an old fb home last year and we were going at it the next morning when my dog decided to walk over to her pile of clothes in the corner and piss on them. She attempted to dry them out with paper towels, then put them back on and asked me to drop her off at Mellow Mushroom to meet her friends for brunch.

8/31/2009 12:54:04 PM

Quote :

"speaking of which, all you guys who talk about accidentally poking a girl in the ass cause "you're going too fast and hard"... it's not cause you're going "too fast and hard" it's cause your dick is too short."

while I see where you're coming from, that's definitely not always the case. as Trip said, there's no end to what mishaps wild, drunken romps may produce. Speaking personally anyway.

8/31/2009 1:06:01 PM

My ex-girlfriend repeatedly raped me. I mean, the sex was awesome and everything, but I was drunk and therefore I was violated according to North Carolina.

8/31/2009 1:24:35 PM

Quote :

""speaking of which, all you guys who talk about accidentally poking a girl in the ass cause "you're going too fast and hard"... it's not cause you're going "too fast and hard" it's cause your dick is too short.""

Apply some spatial reasoning here, the limit of how far it can go in is how deep the hole is. While a short dick could be the culprit, having to do shorter strokes than your used to could be too. Now I've never "accidentally" jammed it up a girls ass, but I'm just saying, it's not an indicator of a mini dick.

8/31/2009 1:29:45 PM

when i was about 19, i first discovered the joys of fat girls and anal....

i picked up some random fat chick after a night out of heavy drinking, went home with her for a while, fucked her in the ass, eventually left and went home to pass out.

the next morning, when i woke up, there were shit stains all over the inside front of my white briefs.




[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 1:35 PM. Reason : ]

8/31/2009 1:34:22 PM

to the above

8/31/2009 1:36:30 PM

^^ ew. coulda done without that one

9/5/2009 6:31:54 PM

i refuse to put anything serious in this thread

9/5/2009 6:34:27 PM

i refuse to put anything serious in any of these threads

9/5/2009 6:36:52 PM

Well, I'll be serious for a second...

my worst sexual experience was when I was at NCSU. I was comfortably watching a football game in my room... eating a bag of chips. All the sudden, grimx came into my room holding a bottle of lube in his hands. He just stood there for a second looking at me with that menacing... dirty... look of his:

ಠ_ಠ ....

9/5/2009 6:39:01 PM

aha

9/5/2009 6:40:02 PM

ಠ_ಠ

9/5/2009 6:44:17 PM

ಠ_ಠ

9/5/2009 6:44:58 PM

Quote :

"He claps twice, and shakira starts playing."

Shakira works EVERY TIME bahaha

9/5/2009 8:41:44 PM

any of the times I didn't cum for whatever reason.

9/5/2009 8:46:47 PM

^^ hell yeah, why do you think I had this belt buckle that plays Shakira (with video) made?

9/5/2009 8:54:34 PM

this one time, at band camp...

9/5/2009 11:13:08 PM

Brought chick home from bar, both shitty drunk- Rode cock for about 5 minutes, said "uh oh", pissed all over me.... I threw her out, burned my sheets, and bathed in gasoline-

[Edited on September 5, 2009 at 11:29 PM. Reason : ;]

9/5/2009 11:29:06 PM

If true, I wonder if that was a real accident or if she was into pissing on guys and that was an accident like when you accidentally cum in a girls mouth.

9/5/2009 11:32:38 PM

YOU GOT A SQUIRTER

9/5/2009 11:33:27 PM

^^ I suppose it is a possibility... She straight up started crying and ran to my bathroom like she was gonna take a shower to clean up (note that she is tracking piss all over my carpet now too)-

I lost it- You would think by the time you turned seventeen 22 that you would be able to tell when you have to piss... There was no showering allowed, I bet she was a sticky bitch by the time she hiked it back to south campus.

9/5/2009 11:37:21 PM

Aww. That is so mean.

9/5/2009 11:39:48 PM

was it piss or lady cum? sometimes when a woman is getting ready to ejaculate, they get the sensation that they have to pee really bad. it's usually clear, sometimes has an odor. if she was a squirter, you should be proud of yourself, if not, you had yourself a dirty girl my friend.

9/5/2009 11:45:47 PM

^^she was lucky she left with her clothes- I contemplated letting her stay to fall asleep, shitting on her pillow and pissing in her face... my better judgement got the best of me though.


^it was in fact urine (no questions asked)

[Edited on September 5, 2009 at 11:48 PM. Reason : .]

9/5/2009 11:46:46 PM

it's not like she's the first person who has ever pissed his/herself while drunk nor is she the first girl to pee on a dude.

9/5/2009 11:48:58 PM

to make that statement would be like if she cut off my dick, burnt down my house, or stole my car- Certainly she wouldn't be the first person to do one of those... Does that make it any less shitty?

9/5/2009 11:57:16 PM