if she were gone for much longer than a year maybe i'd see why she didnt want to do the long distance thing. You're absolutely correct in feeling this way.... she sounds like she's only looking out for her

1/21/2011 4:06:33 PM

Stay. Everything you said in your original post made it personally a no brainer for ^me. I bent over backwards for women a couple times. And I learned my lesson to never do it again

1/21/2011 4:28:46 PM

After 7 years, if you aren't ready to put a ring on it... Stay!

After 7 years, if she doesn't want to do long distance... she just simply doesn't want to do long distance with you.

1/21/2011 9:06:52 PM

Stay.

I did long distance...legitimate long distance, for 8 months. He worked in Hawaii while I was in Raleigh. We survived. You have a lot of great opportunities going for you and if she can't be considerate enough to be ok with you staying, then, like others have said, that's a red flag.

Besides, Dinger will miss you

1/21/2011 10:08:13 PM

move for a gf? no

move for your wife? yes

7 yrs on and off? may be time to move on anyway

1/21/2011 11:22:18 PM

Quote :

"he is insecure about our relationship and it often rips and tears whatever good we have apart. She has no reason to be insecure, I have never cheated, I dont have any exes,"

Do you really want to marry someone that's THIS irrational? Insecure for no good reason?

On top of the fact that she doesn't think you love her b/c you don't want to move.

1/21/2011 11:47:20 PM

Didn't read the whole thread. That said:

1 year is not very long, especially at 22.

I don't think you're being selfish--maybe more hesitant than I would be--but you have to consider what is best for you. And, really, there are a million other girls who you "could potentially marry." You don't have to drop your life, security and reliable income for the foreseeable future for just one of them, especially if she's going away for such a short amount of time.

1/22/2011 1:02:14 AM

Wow. I read most of this thread and IMO just about everyone is right.
It is absolutely not fair for her to ask you to drop everything at this point in your life.
I don't care what her side of the story is. That fact is you aren't ready to move. It would be different if you were done with school and/or the job she was moving for was permanent and could support the both of you until you could find a job.

She wants you to basically leave your life and potentially not finish school just because she doesn't want to have a long distance relationship? Say that out loud.
That's some serious shit.
In life you do some things you don't want to do. Living far away for 2/90th of your life is a far smaller cost than the potential to screw over the last 66/90th of your life.

1/22/2011 1:45:36 AM

My fiancée moved to the city I was in in HS to be with me after her parents moved 500 miles away. I went to NC State she came along. We went back to AK while I was working in the gold mines, I moved to Boston in June and she moved here in Oct. When she moved here in Oct she left a very good career and all of her family. But, I have a good job, and Boston offers a lot of opportunites in her career field. If the motivation for moving is one sided then don't do it. Long distance is tough but certainly manageable in a relationship you care about.

1/22/2011 9:48:18 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macon_County,_North_Carolina

1/22/2011 10:36:33 AM

Good God. I've read damn near every post in here, and there's lots of good opinions here.

Well, except for this one:

Quote :

"If you love her, move. If you don't, stay. It's really that simple."

That's a fucking crock of hooey right there. Just like I hear all the time back home in JoCo. And that's a bunch of emotionally retarded fuckers right there.

I moved for a girl. Granted, we had been dating for less than a year...but it was one of the dumbest things I had ever done. The positive side is that the move got me back to the Triangle and into the best paying job I've ever had. But from the relationship perspective, it was absolute misery. You never really learn everything about somebody until you live with them...even if you've known them for years.

It's been said before...sometimes some distance for a while is a good thing. Gives you new perspective about your relationship. Brings out the strength of your trust and hers. One thing about distance...it'll show you a lot of the weaknesses in your relationship, and that's a brutal truth that not many want to face. It's also one of the biggest excuses for people to insist on moving in together...so they don't have to deal with that brutal truth.

I'd advocate both of you maturing a bit more before you make this kind of step...I see an assload of red flags as it stands. Have either of you spent any significant time alone, not dating anybody, just doing what YOU want and need to do?

1/22/2011 11:17:03 AM

Find a new girl

1/22/2011 11:42:08 AM

dont put your gf before you. she will never respect you for it and you'll resent her for it down the line.

1/22/2011 11:56:05 AM

I moved 1034 miles from CT to FL to be with chembob after doing the long distance relationship thing for longer than either of us wanted. However, I did NOT just pack up my bags one day and drop out of everything in my life. I waited until I had a job secured down here that would ensure that even if something were to happen in our relationship, I would be financially stable. Now, we are married and in the next couple of months I will be leaving the amazing job that I have here to be with him again and since his orders aren't finalized yet, I have no frakking clue where to even start LOOKING for a job. He is, however, my husband and I would move heaven and earth for him.

Long story short: There is nothing wrong with moving and there is nothing wrong with staying. You need to make the best choice for you (both singular and plural) for the long term. From what I know of the situation, it makes sense for you to stay at NCSU until you graduate and in the meantime look for jobs in Macon so that you can join her upon graduation if you still want to do so. If, in the next 8 months one or both of you decide to move on, no harm, no foul. If in 8 months you are still considering marrying her, by all means join her and live happily ever after.

1/22/2011 5:58:34 PM

hey homeskillet, don't let this is your future:

Quote :

"SANFORD, N.C. — A Cameron woman took a vehicle belonging to her on-again-off-again boyfriend, ran him over and crashed into a store door around midnight Thursday, authorities said. Sheriff Larry Rollins said that Melanie Renee Inman, 23, hit her boyfriend in the parking lot of a Kangaroo gas station, at N.C. Highway 27 and Buffalo Lake Road, and then crashed through two glass doors into the store. Inman left the vehicle and got into a fight with two women in the store, Rollins said. He said that her boyfriend crawled around the counter, and she started beating him with a broom. He suffered a broken arm and was treated at Central Carolina Hospital in Sanford. Inman, of 41 Williamsburg Way in Cameron, was arrested in connection with the incident. Rollins said that the two had dated on and off for several years, and Inman was suspicious that he was seeing other women."

http://www.wral.com/news/news_briefs/story/8986305/

1/23/2011 8:57:04 AM

^ that sounds like something out of a movie

1/23/2011 9:30:05 AM

Jury has a ruling.

Stay. Find better girlfriend.

1/23/2011 2:42:48 PM

message_topic.aspx?topic=580984&page=166

1/23/2011 7:10:36 PM

well i hope this doesn't turn into a bitchfest about the girl... but sounds like the best thing to do is stick around and finish up school

1/23/2011 7:49:51 PM

^^Yeah, thats not really appropriate in this thread. Leave that stuff in Chit Chat.

1/23/2011 8:24:27 PM

This girl sounds like a bitch and at least dumb

1/23/2011 8:35:15 PM

^Look, shit like that is not needed in this thread. Its not about the opinion you formed of her after reading a 100 word PM, its about the situation I am going through.

1/23/2011 8:37:17 PM

I wouldn't move. There's a big different between a 7 year steady relationship vs one that is "off and on again", not to mention the fact this girl sounds like a bitch.

1/23/2011 9:01:23 PM

^

1/23/2011 9:03:25 PM

So. Have you and she talked about this more in-depth this weekend? This is a very important topic for you two. Another important topic to broach is probably where SHE sees herself in the next 2-5 years. Are you two really working as a couple? (Not to be answered here, but something to talk about with her.) Do you have the same goals in life: financial freedom, children, living near to / far from parents, if kids - how to raise them (religion, schooling, discipline), living in a city or small town, etc etc etc.
Moving IS a big decision, b/c if you say you want to marry her, these are all things you and she need to think about. Moving in together in a brand new town --> engagement or break up. Engagement --> marriage/break up/divorce. I'm sure you don't want to end up in Macon county a single guy stuck at a community college ((but I think you'd be smart enough to finish up here in May, and if things go sour, you can move back home)). I'm also sure you don't want to end up divorced. So think about these things with her. Talk about them RATIONALLY and calmly, because things can get dicey pretty quickly when it comes to "omg talking about our future!" You've been *together* for 7 years -- if you haven't already broached these topics - do it.

Aaaand since you did put it on TWW ("at the risk of getting some harsh opinions", which you mentioned in the OP), any update on the situation?

1/24/2011 1:26:33 AM

Yeah an update...

Talked about it this weekend, seems we are going to try long distance for a little while. Not an easy decision, but at least it gives us a chance of working instead of just breaking it off (= no chance of working out). Both of us have allot of stuff working against us and a seemingly different path for the short term, but we also have a connection that has stayed with us for 7 years that we cant put aside...so I'm willing to work on it. Regardless of what the above posters say ( an opinion that was gathered based on one PM) she is not a bitch, never has been.

Problem is resolved....for now.

1/24/2011 10:12:17 AM

^ There was more than one PM...

But anyway, good luck with it.

Actually, I can't help but respond to that. It sounds like you guys are staying together for the wrong reasons and just don't want to go through the process of a break-up. Just because you've had a "connection" for 7 years doesn't mean it has been a healthy one. I would say all signs point to unhealthy if you have been on-and-off for that long, or at least dysfunctional.

If you are both going in different directions then what is the point? I know you said it's for a "short time," but how far apart will those paths take you from each other? Seems like y'all are just brushing your problems under the rug and not trying to truly solve them. Case in point: you said it was resolved for now. What are you going to do when these problems come out again in a few months after she has moved?

[Edited on January 24, 2011 at 10:22 AM. Reason : .;]

1/24/2011 10:13:48 AM

I would date Brandon1 if I were a girl. sounds like a good guy

...just sayin

1/24/2011 10:32:34 AM

the lounge is not chit chat

knock it off people

1/25/2011 9:25:24 AM

Even with the long distance thing that you are "trying" remember the area code rule.

1/25/2011 9:27:06 AM

mother fucker.... deleting my posts

1/25/2011 9:57:48 AM

Quote :

"Problem is resolved"

congrats!
good luck

1/25/2011 10:02:36 AM

With apologies to the OP, I just don't see this ending well.

1/25/2011 10:05:25 AM

Quote :

"Problem is resolved....for now."

My red flag, let me show it to you...

1/25/2011 12:47:45 PM

Congrats on sorting it out for now.

Just out of curiosity, did you ever discuss/she ever consider staying here in Raleigh? I mean I'm sure she applied for jobs here and didn't get anything or she wouldn't have taken the Macon Co one. But, if it's only a year and she's "going to vet school next year" (quotes bc who knows when she'll actually get in) then her ag background won't matter too much/at all for vet school apps and subsequent jobs.

Sooooo she could just get a job around here, even if it's retail/waiting tables/whatever and hang out with you. If you're considering marriage anyway then why not move in together now? Either with your parents (sucks, but I moved in with my ex's parents and her for ~6 months when I was saving money a few years back and you'll def survive) or get a cheap place on your own and split it.

Lots of people go through crap situations to make sure they stay together with the person they want to be with. You just have to ask yourselves if it's more important for her to have the job on her resume or increase your chances of staying together by being closer.

1/25/2011 12:59:54 PM

Just so everyone knows- I am the oh-so-selfish girlfriend that asked him to move. We have been dating for 7 years. We were supposed to move in together this summer anyways. I never asked him to move before he finished his degree...In fact, I proposed he start looking for a job up there sometime in May/June so that he could hopefully have something secured by the time his degree was completed in August. Many things have been postponed for the completion of this degree, which has been postponed itself many times. As far as the business he has established, I was under the impression that he would sell the business when he obtained his degree and went on to pursue a full-time job with benefits. I use the argument "I would move for you" because I would. It doesn't matter where it was, I'd go. And also- I've got family in the area and have only lived in/around Raleigh my whole life as well. But I could do anything for a year. And the fact of the matter is, to me, when its someone you'd spend the rest of your life with, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you are with them. I was literally told "I would follow you anywhere." When I mentioned it, I learned it applies only to places too far away for long distance. If you're wondering why I didn't want to do long distance...he calculated it and it will cost him $147 round trip to drive to see me. So I doubt that will end up happening very often. Not to mention, I felt like after 7 years, we should be serious enough to make a decision together. Our relationship has been on and off. We started dating when we were 16, so as you can imagine, there have been many changes since then. However, do not assume that the story you are hearing is the complete one. I will not go into details on the nature of our issues because, in my opinion, those are our private business. I will, however, assure you, that as in any relationship, the fault cannot be placed solely on one party.

What everyone needs to remember is that I formed my opinion based on 7 years of history that none of you know about. I formed my opinion based conversations none of you have ever heard. You also don't know about the multiple times I've stepped outside of my comfort zone or made sacrifices for this relationship, and why I might expect that favor to be returned. I am probably one of the least selfish and mostly logically thinking people you'd ever meet. But if my sister's friend hadn't stumbled upon this post, I would have never had a chance to interject my opinion, among the hundreds of others, on a subject that should only involve myself and the person who originally posted this. I, unfortunately, didn't have a choice in the matter.

[Edited on January 26, 2011 at 11:47 AM. Reason : ]

1/26/2011 11:40:48 AM

Heh.

Quote :

"There is pretty much no chance she will see this"

1/26/2011 11:41:49 AM

dumb ass.

1/26/2011 11:45:21 AM

1/26/2011 11:49:05 AM

Neither one of you are married, so stop trying to act like you are.

7 yrs or 7 days, you're not.

live your own lives and things will work out.

1/26/2011 11:50:57 AM

$147 is no obstacle for a slice of vag. I'm sure he'll be up there often enough. Until then, keep your legs and mouth shut.

1/26/2011 11:51:07 AM

Oh Lawd.

1/26/2011 11:51:07 AM

you're 21, you don't know shit

1/26/2011 11:51:50 AM

Quote :

"But if my sister's friend hadn't stumbled upon this post"

your sister's friend needs to mind her own damn business and keep her mouth shut.


this about to turn into a troll thread

1/26/2011 11:53:21 AM

Quote :

"this about to turn into a troll thread"

no abouts to it, its there

she stalkin your man, waiting on splitsville to step in

1/26/2011 11:54:22 AM

thread derailed

1/26/2011 11:54:27 AM

Quote :

"Its about to get nasty... Poke Rinds"

1/26/2011 11:54:29 AM

^^^^^^^Dont talk to her like that, you have a problem with it you take it up with me. I assure you, I can meet face to face for a resolution to your opinion.

Until then, yes I was wrong, she has seen it. Big deal, things are still being worked on either way.

You people need to move on and get over this post. It has turned from a simple question about me being selfish or not, to a bitchfest about her. I dont recall anywhere in the OP where I asked your opinion on her or whether or not I should keep dating her.

[Edited on January 26, 2011 at 11:56 AM. Reason : .]

[Edited on January 26, 2011 at 11:57 AM. Reason : One more ^ needed.]

1/26/2011 11:56:21 AM

POPCORN

1/26/2011 11:57:36 AM

can we get a move to chit chat before it gets deleted mr mods?

1/26/2011 11:57:40 AM