31

7/27/2009 1:57:31 AM

Quote :

""

I know a friend who answered a clown ad before. He wasn't a real clown, but he learned how to make balloon animals, got dressed up and went out on the town with them all. Guy was a fun guy and ended up getting a strippers number by the end of the night

7/27/2009 2:52:04 AM

Quote :

"PUCCYPopPIE - t4m - 26 (Durham) Date: 2009-07-20, 3:32PM EDT Reply To This Post Lookin for down to earth cool men to hang out with an, that knows how to treat a woman like myself . So if you want to talk to me please Leave a picture an a number NO PIC NO RESPONE LEAVE A PIC AN NUMBER NO PICTURE NO RESPONE NO ONE OVER 42ages if you think you can handle this asset leave a pic an number . Location: Durham it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

7/30/2009 12:05:47 AM

t4m

ohdeargod is that a tranny?

7/30/2009 12:06:51 AM

^^ LMAO

mak sur 2 leav pic an number

[Edited on July 30, 2009 at 12:08 AM. Reason : ...]

7/30/2009 12:07:56 AM

thats a whole lotta asscrack

7/30/2009 12:10:06 AM

Quote :

"hey wats gud i am a white chub very femanine bottom boy looking to suk some latin and black dick tonight you want some head hit me up me an my home gurl got da house t our self she in her room duin her thang and dats wat im trying to do so hit me up ... if you giv head to dats a bigg pluss me white 5'11 diferent exotic hair hazel eyes .. bout 265 hit me up Location: poole rd it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

7/30/2009 12:10:37 AM

God, I have forgotten how much fun craigslist is

7/30/2009 12:10:59 AM

^^^ and a whole lot of woman to handle...

[Edited on July 30, 2009 at 12:12 AM. Reason : ///]

7/30/2009 12:11:58 AM

I dunno about the "woman" part.

7/30/2009 12:16:34 AM

t4m!

7/30/2009 12:16:52 AM

^^ I should rephrase myself... A whole lot of Tranny...

7/30/2009 12:17:55 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/zip/1297340941.html

have three unused douche bags that have been sitting in the closet for two years. I got them for my mother but she passed away. If anyone wants them please contact me. I hate to throw them out. They can also be used as an enema depending on where you stick it.

Thanks,
Ralph

They look just like the one below.


Location: Cary, NC
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

7/30/2009 4:03:31 PM

ahahahahahahha

HEY Y'ALL, BUY MOMS OLD DOUCHE BAGS

7/30/2009 5:13:37 PM

Apparently, the original post has already been flagged off, but it's copied in another post.

Quote :

"update on Ghost in Sanford (Sanford, NC) Date: 2009-07-30, 8:13PM EDT Reply to: sale-2cy32-1297807932@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I contacted someone to bless our home, however I have not heard back from them on coming over. I have got many emails scaring me half to death telling me not to talk to it or try to get rid of it, that it is hear for a reason and someone in my family is going to die. I am at a total loss of what to do. Sample of emails I been getting - If you want help please call me --------- we need to talk about this matter.This is not a joke if you do this the wrong way you can do sonething you may not want to.So please call and let talk this and make a time to do this ok. another email - the ghost ;; you dont need some one to get ride of the ghost, i do think it is time for you to know what the ghost is doing in your life as there is a reason. that reason and it is you that knows this ,then you have what ever it takes to understanding why death is there , ok to see one is some of a reason with a doubt has to do with you....if every one seen this and try to over come that, it's all real to the whole world means a things will happen we not yet to know about for we want understand it.. i say all this for im still alive at this time of my life and i know there is a reason of my life to be here the death of someone is to deal with out life.so is death life or is life death , i would like to know more in what has happen and what dose and no im not a god loving man im just in a part of life some where that this was chosen for me even b 4 me .... just see if what i had of thoughts on your ghost and there is a reason to life and death you have a reason there that is not a part of life we should know about until that part of life each of us must take.dont be scared to sleep what is going to happen is going too we cant not change that nor change the fact that we going to die ..how we leave isn't up to us or how long we stay and if i have a ghost i have to embrace that moment and asked why should i be the one to be a part of life with death with me.because it is living the death .... THESE ARE COPIED AND PASTED, and yes the last one was difficult to understand. "

7/31/2009 10:36:34 AM

souds like they live too close to The Devils Stomping Grounds

7/31/2009 10:38:52 AM

Quote :

"White male looking for a lactating black female to breast feed me - m4w Date: 2009-07-31, 4:13PM EDT Reply To This Post I'm a 45 year old white male seeking a black female, late 30s and older, who is lactating and is interested in breast feeding a white male. "

8/2/2009 1:27:16 PM

^LOL

8/2/2009 1:29:37 PM

^^

8/2/2009 1:38:23 PM

lolwut?!

8/2/2009 1:39:57 PM

Quote :

"ree rent! Chinese roommate wanted! Date: 2009-07-20, 2:16PM EDT Reply to: hous-yav7n-1279610024@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Hi, i'm looking for a Chinese roommate! who can cook Chinese food, and sew Chinese clothes for me! email me back, "

8/2/2009 7:28:30 PM

I love that skit where the chinese people hide in the 'supplies' closet and all jump out screaming,"SUPPLIES."

8/4/2009 5:20:24 PM

But isn't the shibboleth that asians often pronounce Ls as Rs?

8/4/2009 6:20:27 PM

don't let facts get in the way of a good joke

8/4/2009 6:21:09 PM

8/4/2009 6:22:27 PM

I'm still feeling guilty about having no money when I went out with a girl and she had to pay for everything so I'm looking to take someone out and pay the bill since I finally got a job.

I'm not looking for this to be a date or anything, but if we like each other that would be cool

Anyone can send me a message but I guess I do have a few preferences... 4'11-5'4'' in height, fit in weight, feminine, HWP, clean drug free, no stds..yuck, I like brown skin girls, and I love brown skinned latina girls, or latinas with dark tans. I like long hair.. curly or straight, I like accents...I don't really like glasses.

none of that really matters though since I'm just looking to have a nice conversation and go home.

oh yea, and if u find this ad after the date posted then I will still go out, it's not for any specific date.

8/4/2009 10:01:31 PM

Personal Assistant needed (Raleigh, NC)
Date: 2009-08-05, 8:38PM EDT


Looking for a assistant to help in texting duties -

replies
deleting texts
alerting of new texts
reading texts
filtering text

I get 40 - 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.

* Location: Raleigh, NC
* Compensation: Full Time - 15.00 hr plus snacks
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.[/b]

8/5/2009 10:57:48 PM

well damn, the snacks seal the deal

8/5/2009 11:21:01 PM

i would require that my snacks consist of only fiery nacho doritos with dr pepper

8/5/2009 11:33:50 PM

Big nippled/big boobed guys needed (nc)
Date: 2009-08-07, 1:45PM EDT
Reply to: job-rj4mb-1310948837@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Need guys with really large nipples and/or really large boobs for video project.

* Location: nc
* Compensation: depends on length of project
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

8/7/2009 2:34:37 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/muc/1310393193.html

Quote :

"Church needs drummer who doesn't suck (Apex) "

haha great title, too bad its by the guy who currently plays drums

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

8/7/2009 5:09:39 PM

from missed connections:

Quote :

"A: could you give back the OxyContin you stole? - w4w (The Kitchen) Date: 2009-08-07, 2:53PM EDT Reply To This Post Your girlfriend knows what we suspect but she's defending you. We did the math and there are 25 pills missing. That's 9 days worth of meds, and since doctors cannot and our insurance will not replace that highly controlled narcotic, that's 9 days A RECOVERING CANCER PATIENT will be in pain. We're not interested in going to the police- hell we don't even know your last name. Just give back the meds please. He has cut his dose so that he will not go through withdrawel and is now not taking enough so he's in constant pain. You've been in our house, we welcomed you with open arms. We're not even angry as much as sad and disappointed with the way this all went. Please give back the meds- we won't even tell S so she can keep believing you did nothing wrong. This sucks. Not just because of what's happened but because now he's going to be in pain on reduced meds for the next two weeks- and can't enjoy the last 2 days before his surgery, he's just stuck in the house. Please think about that, and the fact that he's not able to care for/ play with our daughter when he's in pain like this. He can't even pick her up because it hurts too much. Please just give it back. You know where we live. You can just stick them in an envelope under the doormat and walk away, no confrontation required."

[Edited on August 7, 2009 at 8:31 PM. Reason : as]

8/7/2009 8:31:27 PM

^

8/7/2009 8:51:58 PM

I can't believe someone would pay some one else $120 a day to handle "texting responsibilities" haha.

8/7/2009 8:55:44 PM

Quote :

"Satanic Sexual Ritual Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDT Looking for a woman with evil appetites. We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan) Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord's Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens. Must be into anal. For that is Satan's Alley. Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer's Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat) Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock) Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes. Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul) Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the "Power of Beezlebub" coursing thru my lower intestines. The perfect encounter will be this: Meeting you at one of our local eatery's. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my "Sacrifice Altar" (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it's hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings) Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord's Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself! After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms. If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing "love" together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!! Hails to the Evil One!! "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sba/1228602341.html

8/9/2009 3:32:49 PM

haahahahahahaha I love it

8/9/2009 3:34:10 PM

Quote :

"Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens."

LOL

8/9/2009 3:35:36 PM

Quote :

"RE: NANNY NEEDED (FOUR OAKS) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2009-08-12, 12:39PM EDT Reply to: carteejoey@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am replying to ur add needing a nanny im a mother of 3 boys they r 8 5 and 8 mths old im 25 and love children where r u located i didnt c a city if ur interested in me give me a email back thanks amanda Location: FOUR OAKS Compensation: 10 an hour This is a part-time job. Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 1319303598 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "

u r hiGherED

8/12/2009 1:25:30 PM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/bik/1320055261.html

<sub>Trek Bike - $1010
Date: 2009-08-12, 6:13PM EDT
Reply to: sale-ryx9b-1320055261@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Num num num

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</sub>

8/12/2009 10:23:17 PM

Quote :

"Big ass Dog Crate - $125 (NC state) Date: 2009-08-08, 10:34AM EDT Reply to: sale-xyqv7-1312303473@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] 48x38 if I remember correctly, I have no use for it anymore. I bought it at petsmart a year ago, now only asking for $125. "

8/14/2009 4:46:17 PM

Quote :

"I am replying to ur add needing a nanny im a mother of 3 boys they r 8 5 and 8 mths old im 25 and love children where r u located i didnt c a city if ur interested in me give me a email back thanks amanda"

She's 25 and has three (3) kids ages 8, 5, and 8 mo.

She had a kid at 17.
Another at 20.
And another at 24/25.


YOU'RE HIRED!

8/14/2009 4:48:18 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/1324348878.html

Quote :

"Professional Wingman Wanted (Raleigh, NC) Date: 2009-08-15, 8:55AM EDT Reply to: job-bxn8n-1324348878@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] New to area and need wingman (or wingwoman) to show attractive, professional, straight, middle aged man around town. Prefer nicer upscale restaurnats, bars, and night clubs. Will pay $ 25 per hour for this service. I am serious, and only serious need apply. "

8/15/2009 11:57:57 AM

^^That's what women are supposed to do, and the safest biological time to do it.

8/15/2009 3:01:22 PM

^^ just when you think you can't be surprised.... hiring a "wingman"? i've never heard of such a thing.

8/15/2009 3:10:09 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/stp/1324010543.html
Wanted: Friends

We are looking for friends. Fair warning our awesomeness rivals the intensity of the sun many people can not handle it. Sunglasses are strongly recommended when hanging with us. You must be available for regular game nights, photo shoots, going to the pool, spying on neighbors, and smoking salmon.

We will be conducting interviews in the coming weeks here is what catches our eyes on resumes:

Likes:
Discovery channel
History channel
Cats
Oversized rodents
Consuming copious amounts of food
Tanning
Shopping
Tequilla
Tailgating (go wolf pack)
College basketball (we are fiercely divided one a tarheel fan the other a state fan choose carefully)

Competitive beer pong players as well as gay guys with a flare for shopping will be placed higher on the interview list.

Please include a picture of one of your finest moments of debauchery and or ridiculousness. This is a picture of a human pyramid we constructed... your eyes do not deceive you... there is pasta salad and rain boots involved.

Applicants shouldn't be ashamed to ride in our hot rod: The Whale Mobile (Its what gives us our 'edge')

***If you are a Duke fan, a slut (you know who you are) or drive a BMW please do not reply.***

Thank you and good luck!

Sasha and Holly

* Location: NCSU
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

8/16/2009 5:17:11 PM

i thought sluts and tequila went together like spaghetti and marinara

8/16/2009 6:00:18 PM

if you like tequila does that automatically make you a slut?

8/16/2009 6:08:00 PM

tequila + tanning =? slut

[Edited on August 16, 2009 at 6:19 PM. Reason : or maybe that's 2*slut]

8/16/2009 6:18:17 PM

yes.

8/16/2009 6:18:24 PM

hey alkatrazz look up 3 posts

8/16/2009 7:39:33 PM