Quote :

"1973 Chevy Impala 4door (Donk) - $2500 (Durham) 1973 Chevy Impala Black 4door, with title. Motor runs great 350 GM goodwrench Crate motor with about 60,000 miles on it, The car looks exactly like it does in the pictures expect now it's dirty, needs minor body work, front rotors and brake pads (still stops but i know it's metal on metal now), battery. It has a kenwood detachable face Cd player (was in the process of getting the whole car rewired) 5% tint all over expect for back window, manual windows, power steering, Heat & AC, AC blows out just not cool (needs to be charged) *****************I HAVE RECENTLY MISPLACED THE KEYS AND TOOK THE KEY IGNITION BOX APART, FOR APPERANCE THE STEERING COLUMN WILL NEED TO BE REPLACED, SO I WILL DROP THE PRICE TO 2,000 FIRM FOR YOUR TROUBLES, SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. ALSO DO NOT EMAIL ME OR CALL ME OFFERING ANYTHING LESS I WILL NOT RESPOND. THANKS***************** "

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cto/1380278940.html

Nah, that's not shady.

9/25/2009 3:22:02 PM

aha ohh i think I'll park this where nobody can see it....

9/25/2009 4:07:11 PM

Quote :

"I HAVE RECENTLY MISPLACED THE KEYS AND TOOK THE KEY IGNITION BOX APART"

ahahaha this shit hot son!

9/25/2009 4:09:32 PM

9/25/2009 4:19:04 PM

Quote :

" To the Man who Threw Up on Me in the Grocery Store... - w4m - 24 (Charlottesville) Date: 2009-09-23, 1:22PM EDT Reply To This Post When I first saw you, I fell head over heels for you. You were obviously intoxicated, stumbling around the Rio Hill Kroger around 11pm last night, with a six-pack in hand. You started to approach me, muttering something, but you were too drunk to speak clearly. I ran over to help you up after you tripped and fell over, and while helping you up is where I really started feeling the magic. Well, not quite magic, more like your vomit all over my neck and chest. If you wanna meet up and re-enact that situation again, don't be afraid to drop me an e-mail! "

http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/mis/1388670849.html

9/26/2009 12:01:29 AM

Craigslist, its serious business!

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/web/1393654817.html

Quote :

"RE: Web Blog Designer Needed (Charlotte, NC) Date: 2009-09-26, 2:03PM EDT Reply to: see below Dude you are killing us professionals with your insults. $50 for a blog. That isn't even $9.00 hours for a bare minimum of 6 hours of work. you should just go to the Square in Uptown and just tell people about what you want to do. I mean come on that isn't even a weeks worth of groceries for the amount of time potentially involved. You can't even pay and illegal alien that little amount of money, they even have a standard pricing scale I am sure. Do us all a favor and stop insulting our profession and STAY off of CraigsList. This is a place for serious business. Grow up and Pay up! "

9/27/2009 10:50:11 PM

title cracked me up

9/28/2009 6:00:27 PM

Quote :

"For extreme woman only - m4w - 53 (WPB) Date: 2009-09-22, 1:17PM EDT Reply To This Post If you are offended by bathroom play and sexual activities that are extreme or even deviate plese exit now, this is for the 1 in a million that wants to step way outsied the bounderies Plese put deviate in you response or it will be deleted Weekdays mon to thur only Warning: extreme content Hello my toilet whore i thought i would write a fantasy for you about the first time we meet.we will take a long weekend and get a rental house fro the weekend so we have lots of room. We arrange to meet early one morning about 830 am, i will pick you upat a predetermined location, you will be dressed smart slutty leaving no doubt what you want, i will be wearing shorts and a tee shirt. You get into my car and immediatly I grab you by the hair and pull you to me, we kiss for a few minutes all the while i ma pinching your tits, you attempt to grab my cock and i yank your head back and tell you that you have not earned it yet, i tell you to open your mouth and i spit in it, now swallow my slut, now we start to drive, you sitting next to me i tell you to raise your skirt and show your master what he will own, I grab your panites and pull hard drawing them tight into your ass crack, you have 30 seconds to get them off slut or i will rip them off, you raise up and i tell you to show that trucker beside us what your doing, you hesitate and i smack you, you then stip and show the driver your as, now sit beside me and spread your legs i tell you to finger your cunt and let me taste it, then i finger your pussy raise up slut i want to feel you asshole too. Now we have been driving about 30 minutes and we stop at a gas station to get a drink and bathroom break ( you know waht coming LOL), I tell you to leave the top 3 buttons on your shirt open just barely covering your bare nipples,and you dont nee your panties, also pull your skirt up to just below your ass slut, we go into the convenience store and as we walk by the male teller i drop my keys, now pick them up slut, dont bend your knees at all and face away from the clerk, as you are picking them up i raise your skirt and say llok at my stuff, now go ask the man fro the restroom key tell him its for your master, he gives you the key and we go to the bathroom, just before entering while he is still watching i tell you to get on your knees and crawl, i open the door and you crawl in, now bitch here is the way it will be, you will piss first and dip your hand in the stream, now let me see, now lick it off, after you finish i tell you no paper only your hand to mouth, all dont my turn, on your knees slut from this point on you belong to me, failure to do everything i say will cause you great harm, you will take all your masters fluids and waste without complaint or i take you back to your car and you will never know how good it could have been, now take my cock out, put it in your mouth and suck, I begin to piss as you look in my eyes with concern, you spill one drop slut you will lick it from this disgusting floor, my flow is heavy and steady you swallow repeatedly and manage to keep up, after i finish i tell you to clean it good and also my sweaty big balls, you lick and suck as i drop my pants allowing you to get to everything then i turn around and spread my cheeks and say everything my slut and you lick my dirty asshole, then we head to our destination. As we arrive i tell you that as long as you are with me you are to wear this collar, it has a tag that say toilet whore and a matching leash, and that is all your to wear inside this house, you will stip before entering, i grab your blouse and rip it from you and now the skirt which you slowly drop, now you are naked and people paaing on the road see it all, I pull you to me and tell you that thus far you have been an adequate slave but you still need training. After enetering i tell you to start the shower and i will get the bags, you will wait for me to enter, i return and enter the bathroom and tell you to take masters clothes off, after removal we enter the shower and you wash every inch of my body you spend extra time on my cock and balls and I smack your as really hard, i told you to wash not fondle slut, now i will wash you, i will not use a cloth as i want to feel every crevice of your body, from your head to your toes, i start whit your face and tell you to open your mouth, i stick 3 fingers in as deep as i can and you start to gag, we need to work on that slave, next i wash your tits and down to your ass and stick my soapy finger in your ass, i pull it out and look, a brown smudge on my finger now lick it off slut, then i finger you pussy and just before you cum i stop, you will never cum unless i approve and you will beg master to cum. Now on to the bedrrom where you see i have a little bed beside the main bed that is where you will sleep bound and gagged, with clamps on your tits and labia, a large vibrating dildo in your pussy with me holding the remote control, and a butt plug in your ass, but thats later right now we need to clamp your tits, i have some screw clamps with a chain attached one on each tit and conected in the middle to a single chain, i will clamp them down untill i see a tear, you will never tell master no for anything, when i see real tears i will ease up, "

9/29/2009 1:29:19 AM

Quote :

" After you are clamped properly i start to explore all that is mine, you will be strapped spread eagle on the bed, large pillows under your bell to raise your ass, and now my pet we will test your limits of disipline, i start with a wooden paddle like in a kids toy, wide and flat and sure to bring redness to your body, I start with blows to your ass then your calves then your thighs, thenwe do the riding crop, i first stick the handle in your mouth and get it wet, then insert it into your tight ass hole and leave it there, time for pics I guess, that crop sticking out of your ass and your entire backside red, what a slave slut you are, now i put a ball gag in your mouth and cinch it tight dont want you screaming, After gagging you I start to whip you all over with the riding crop, each swat leaves a nice red whelp, your ass is red and whelps are apearing all over then to your thighs and on to your ass and pussy, i let it swind hard between your legs and contact your pussy lips and clit repeatedly, real pain is now coursing through you, you are squirming to cum but the pain just overwhelms your pleasure, finally I move on to a cat of 9 tails, its like 9 switches that are designed if used properly to make very tiny cuts to the skin, not enough for blood but enough to last for a while, over and over i beat you, you will know you belong to me. Now finished with you back side i turn you over and strap your hands and feet to the headboard, legs all the way back to your chest but spread wide, now i start to test the limits of your pussy, with first small toys and then larger and larger, you are so excited i dont have to use lube each toys goes in effortlessly, now to punish your tits, i have a small switch that will leave nice red whelps, i beat your tits un the under side and on the nipples, i dont want my marks visible to others yet and then just when you could take no more i want to mark my pussy, right above your clit i plan on chewing, biting and sucking untill you have a huge mark from your master, Now my slut master wants you to please him, still strapped down i climb over your face, lowering my ass to your mouth eat it slut, stick your tongue in my ass and taste, now suck my balls slut, iwant slobber completely coating them next i driv my cock down your throat and face fuck you hard, I start to chew and lick you clit dont you dare cum whore, you get closer and closer, finally i move down to your pussy and plunge my cock in, fucking you hard i look you in the eyes and tell you I love you, we fuck and fuck but dont cum yet, now i withdraw from your pussy and slide my very wet cock into your asshole, i dont take it easy i just push steady and you recieve me, i start to pound your ass hard and now my slut cum for your master, i start rubbing your clit with my thumb and you start to spray, intense wet cum, your body is shaking and trembling, it is the most intense oragasm you have ever had, you pass out briefly, and when you cum to i am sitting on your chest, my shit covered cock in your face now take my cum slut and i shoot a huge load in your mout and face, squirt after squirt, untill i finally go limp, clean it slut, eat it all and sccop the shit and cum from your face and eat it, Now that we have both cum lets get you to the batroom to clean and soothe your achy body,as we enter the batroom i tell you to prepare yourself to recieve masters shit, you lay a towell on the front of the toilet, kneel in front, then lay your head back like in a hairdresser wash sink, i lower my ass and you start to lick my balls first then my asshole theni tell you to open and recieve, i strain briefly a little gas and then i start to shit, it is fairly firm and you guide it into your mouth with your tongue, you have to bite and chew so you raise your hand to support hte remainder, that is when i turn around and watch you, telling you that you truely are my toilet slave, you chew and swallow then take anothe bite, wallow it in your mouth and tatst it thenchew and swallow, over and over agin untill you have consumed it all, you lick your fingers clean and your lips, then you ask if you may clean your master, i lower my ass agin to your mouth and you clean my ass, now i help you up and help you to the shower, i kiss you deeply sharing my taste, we lovingly wash each other, i soothe your tired achy sore body, then i take you and lay you tenderly on my bed, I start to eat your pussy, this is for you pet for being a good slave, i suck and lick you through 4 orgasams and then climb in behind you and spoon you while you sleep, this is your reward my love Ok this is the first day from say 830 till dinner time WANT MORE, WANT IT HARDER OR SOFTER, TOMORROW WE TAKE YOU TO A STRIP CLUB, AND I OFFER YOU FOR ABUSE MASTER Location: WPB it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

9/29/2009 1:30:04 AM

^ theDuke exposed!?!?!?!!?

9/29/2009 1:31:44 AM

^^

9/29/2009 1:43:51 AM

hello my toilet whore

9/29/2009 2:01:47 AM

Quote :

" Hi Im a 25 year old single female with a baby on the way. have a seven year old girl, and a boy who is turning 4 years old..... i used to do some modeling or the mall adds and fasion shows. I am an artist. I used to be a vegan and I am in to wholistic aproach to medicine. I ware makeup and hair extensions so if that bugs you ...please dont move in if your going to be teling me i look better wihtout makeup every day and saying I ware to much.. maybe you look drop dead ugly cus you nead some makeup,at least ware mascara and cover your zits . Im looking for non crazy roomates with no criminal backround. And high moral standards. But still have a normal sense of whats in fasion etc. I have a new expensive house that I purchased after the refinancing laws changed last April or May in 2008, .. I subtracted the insurance and taxes and extra stuff included in the house payment ,and devided the actual cost per square ft of each room and that is how I come up with the rent price, so it is actualy FREE utilities for you.... Please pay a cleaning deposit of 100.00 ,everyone leaves a mess for me to clean up no matter how clean they say they are. And I always have to rent a shampooer to shampoo the carpets. (((((per single person not couple))))) Vaulted ceilings Stainless steel appliances Mahogany wood floors downstairs Additional backyard porch Professional Lawn maintenance ----------------------------No pets --------------------no exceptions --- ------NO DRUGS AT ALL NO WEED I dont even use advil or tylonal or drink coffe cus caffiene is bad for you. ---------NO smoking INSIDE OR OUTSIDE NOT EVEN ONE stop killing yourself and others and your clothes smell bad ...serioulsley ------------ NO alcohol please. We listen to worship music so if that bugs you dont apply. I expect respectful roommates that... dont cuss ...... or have lewd conversations ....... yelling on there cell phones or what not, ...........dont watch horror movies or porn because we can hear the tv when its on normal volume or loud, etc. this is realy dumb that I have to say it in my adds but seriously poeple......get a life. PS....I ablolutley HATE animals .......... therye so dirty and there dead skin cells make dust and they get hair everywhare they have paraites and are so unsanitary...so dont even ask if its ok . poeple still ask even when I already say no on my add.....pleaase just use the feature that says pets are ok...and dont keep beging me when I say no NO PETS. ajust little dog is still a pet retards. Please DONT ask for the address until we meet first ,at a cafe or something. "

I want to go meet her. where do these people come from?

9/29/2009 3:15:33 PM

9/29/2009 11:56:14 PM

a mariachi band to follow me around all day. (raleigh.)
Date: 2009-09-30, 4:29AM EDT
Reply to: gigs-5rzqr-1399288378@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

this is serious.

i really want a mariachi band to follow me around all day through mundane tasks.

i'd like to go the grocery store, shoe shopping, the dmv or some other government agency and i'd like to see if i can convince my dentist to let them play during a routine cleaning.

i want a 100% real authentic mariachi band.

* Location: raleigh.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: negotiable.



PostingID: 1399288378

9/30/2009 11:40:57 AM

^7/8

I'm afraid

9/30/2009 11:43:46 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mcy/1405648601.html


2006 Kymco scooter sell or trade - $400 (durham)

Scooter has been sitting for two years and wont start. Ran good when parked. 50cc
336-583-6550
Trade for 20/22 rims
car audio
atv
good smoke

10/5/2009 12:07:31 PM

Quote :

"Baby "KJ" registry items needed (RALEIGH, NC) Date: 2009-10-06, 12:13PM EDT Reply to: sale-fgx7d-1408939535@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Check out BABY KJ on facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Raleigh-NC/BABY-KJ/141939985993?v=wall&ref=share Location: RALEIGH, NC it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

and then there was an ultrasound picture at the bottom

10/6/2009 12:29:45 PM

Quote :

"Take advantage of my new lowered standards! Date: 2009-08-03, 5:54PM EDT Are you tired of all those other men who expect an emotional connection? Are you fed up with wasting all your precious time building a rapport before he gives in and sleeps with you? Well, listen up, because I have got a deal for you! For the next 60 minutes, I'll be offering a complete package?that's my full attention, conversation, and uninterrupted alcohol-facilitated sexual contact followed by a late-night cab ride to my place at no cost to you?in exchange for only two drinks and an inquiry into how my night is going. This is the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have your lazy eye and bad breath ignored that you can't afford to miss! Act now to take full advantage of this poor lighting and a temporary lapse in judgment! I've slashed my hopes for finding Ms. Right and adjusted my height, weight, and personal-hygiene requirements to their most pathetically flexible yet. This is the drop in self- respect you've been waiting for, so why not pull up a bar stool and tell me about your latest shopping excursion? For a limited time, I will even pretend I find this subject matter positively riveting! It takes absolutely no sincerity to get started, and if you are not completely satisfied with how sexually promiscuous I seem in the first 15 minutes, I'll throw in a misleading and clearly desperate suggestion of bisexuality?absolutely free! But wait, there's more! You'll also receive a lifetime's supply of low self-esteem compensated for with disproportionate displays of affection just for trying! How on earth can I offer my still-attractive 28-year-old frame and college education at these low, low standards, you ask? I'll tell you how: by cutting out the unnecessary criteria standing between you and that feeling- me-up-next-to-the-jukebox opportunity you've been hoping for all night. I'm standing by to take your leering glances, and I've reduced my needs to levels unheard-of for anyone under the age of 50! Now there's nothing keeping you from enjoying what literally hundreds of women could also enjoy if they try a moment before you do. I've got a surplus of romantic disappointments, so all remaining shreds of dignity must go! Now, I know some men might try to get you to buy into pointless, time-consuming schemes like discussing the music playing in the bar or your respective STD statuses, but not me a half hour before closing time at Jack of the Wood! I recently found out my ex-girlfriend is getting married, and I'm transferring that hopelessness directly on to you?the good people who haven't left with someone else yet. Hairy thighs?? One-bedroom apartment with dad? No hablas ingl?s? If you've got a minute to speak to me and a pulse, let's make a deal and get me inside you immediately. I'm practically giving myself away! How much would you give for this unique opportunity to have such awkward, emotionally deficient, anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening? Fifteen minutes of your time? Twenty minutes? Twenty-five minutes? Whatever's better for you. I just want to get this over with. "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ash/1304135466.html

10/6/2009 7:50:12 PM

I really hope that guy got laid

10/6/2009 7:58:11 PM

wow

10/6/2009 8:00:36 PM

He should hook up with this chick:

Quote :

"Confessions of a...... Date: 2009-08-10, 11:34PM EDT To the average observer I am an optimistic 32 year old woman who was raised by two wonderful parents, who holds a job, enjoys a drink from time to time, laughs out loud, is independent, has a strong desire to achieve in her life, works hard, appreciates her friends and family, has strong convictions, is compassionate, and honestly is a great person. People enjoy my optimistic, happy go lucky attitude. My sense of humor, all be it unique, has offered many laughs, sore bellies, and tired cheeks; life tends to be a perpetual comedy show from my perspective. In my career I have grown quickly within organizations, my natural leadership qualities pulling me to the top as if floatation devices in the sea of corporate bliss are attached to my work product. I live a healthy lifestyle ? I eat right, skip the desserts most of the time, indulge on occasion, run approximately 25 miles a week, kayak, love to camp, love to cook, and I?m not afraid of a little dirt under my nails. Throughout my years I have changed my own flat tire, babysat children, fixed the kitchen sink plumbing, hugged my mother and father, renovated a house, cleaned toilets, supported my brother and sister, tended to a garden, bantered with the neighbors, dressed up for a night at the theatre, and spent time at professional networking events. People have told me I?m quite the ?catch? yet I am modest by nature. I?ve been in relationships and I have never strayed - never even considered it, as I?m quite the believer in love. To the average observer, I am normal ? for lack of a better word. Only I know the truth. I?m a craigslist slut. I can?t help it and I have had quite a bit of fun along the way. I have responded to personal ads, and even posted a few of my own ? all casual encounters, mind you. Some of the men lack the intelligence to keep my mind engaged in simple email banter, so I politely tell them ?thank you but no thank you.? Some men I simply email with; some men I have met. I?ve fucked younger guys (who are fun in their own innocent way, even though they think they are badass lovers ? it?s cute and endearing) and older guys (there?s some fucking sensual, talented men out there) and guys around my own age (got to love the pussy hungry 30/40-somethings). Some of the men I?ve met are good looking, some super effing hot. Some of them are not even close to what their pictures represent. Some of them are weirdos, complete effing weirdos and some of them are your average American males. Some of them can fuck; some of them could not fuck. One guy shaved his entire body, entirely. One guy probably never trimmed his pubs once in his life. One man I met had a huge cock, but could not keep it up and hard when it came to actually inserting it into my pussy. He preferred to jerk off and have me watch. Amusingly I watched, and let him cum on my face. I found this weird, but he got off, so I let him think I was having as much fun as he was. He could lick pussy, so I wasn?t complaining, either. Another man I met for drinks and he went down on me in the parking lot. We met another time at his place and fucked for hours. He could also lick pussy. One guy wanted me to fuck him with a strap on ? so I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it ? now I know why you fellas like doggie style so much ? what a view. One man photographed and sketched me. Another man I met had the excitement of a child on Christmas Eve. He could barely contain himself ? I went to the bathroom and he was shouting ?Yes! Yes! Oh my god, this is really going to happen!? to himself, not knowing I could clearly hear every single word. We made out like we were lovers in love; his touch was electrifying. He is now a Top 5 Pussy Licker in my book of lovers. Met one guy for drinks, he took me back to his place and never laid a hand on me. As I was getting up to go he attempted to make out; I told him not to wait until I was leaving next time. We?ll see if he calls. One guy was so fucking hot (tall, built, full of muscles, biggest cock I?ve ever had the pleasure to suck and fuck); we had wild uninhibited sex all night. He smelled so good I went to work the next day without showering so I could get a whiff of his man scent throughout the day. His pheromones were so strong I can still get wet thinking about how fantastic he smelled. I would have made him my n.s.a. lover ? but strangely he never returned my callback even though he texted me the next morning and mentioned how he was still throbbing ? why men do the things they do simply isn?t worth the effort to figure out. One guy met with me, and his girlfriend was (unknowingly to me) across the bar; it was a set up to see if I?d be into a threesome ? I could see through their scam, but I liked their creativity so I played the dumb blonde card and let both of them lick my pussy and pinch my nipples. One guy loved nylons, so I wore a short skirt with thigh highs and let him finger me under the table at a busy restaurant; no one suspected a thing, except the waiter who winked at me on my way out the door. One guy just wanted to give me a massage; so I let him. It was so good I sucked the cum right out of his cock as a thank you. I?ve sucked huge cocks and not so huge cocks. I?ve had many, many orgasms. Burned many a calorie. I?ve experienced different kinds of lovers, fetishes, and sexual likes/dislikes. It has been an educational experience to say the least. I believe each situation was a win-win for the involved parties. I?m a self admitted Craigslist slut. Call me what you will, send me what you will ? but know that honestly, I don?t give a shit what you think of me. I?m confident enough in myself that words will never hurt me. Judgments ? never needed them in my life, so a judgment from a stranger means nothing to me. I?m an empowered single woman with a high sex drive; I?m simply doing the best I can to quench my sexual urges and having tons of fun along the way. I always practice safe sex. If I wanted a relationship, I could have one ? but I?m enjoying my first single summer in many, many years. I?m enjoying the shit out of being a CL slut. I love my life. Let me close with a big ol?THANK YOU Craigslist! You have made this one hot steamy summer. I appreciate what you have done for me?? "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/1316839187.html

I wonder how many people fapped to this post

10/6/2009 8:17:23 PM

^I think i know that chick!

10/6/2009 8:34:54 PM

Quote :

"Single Pay-Take a Chemistry Test (Raleigh) Date: 2009-10-07, 12:41PM EDT Reply to: job-bmkcp-1410610036@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Organic chemistry I exam test taker needed. Will compensate accordingly. Please have a thorough knowledge of organic chemistry to take this exam. $150-$200 one time pay. * Location: Raleigh * Compensation: $150-$200 one time pay * Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. * Please, no phone calls about this job! * Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 1410610036 "

10/7/2009 6:34:57 PM

lol

10/7/2009 7:59:59 PM

yeah, that won't blow up in their face or anything

10/7/2009 8:01:48 PM

OMG RACISTS

Quote :

"Nude Male Bartenders Needed (Raleigh) Date: 2009-09-26, 5:28PM EDT Reply to: gigs-nrs8z-1393975365@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Looking for experienced bartenders (white males) for a swingers Halloween party in the RDU area. Prefer mature, fit, white males. Hourly Rate Plus GREAT tips. Average or better looking but fit guys . Location: Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: Hourly Rate Plus Tips"

From Adult Gigs:

Quote :

"Temp-to-hire Office Job (Raleigh) Date: 2009-10-08, 8:33AM EDT Reply to: gigs-zn62j-1411800742@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Temporary contract position available which could lead to a permanent position. The boss seeks a pretty girl who can "liven-up" working hours while still being able to do a very good job. Please remember what section this ad is placed in when you reply. Send photos and resume or a detailed background including what industries you have worked in and a summary of your skills (both in and out of the office). You should be a fast learner and able to work with minimal supervision once trained. You should be very proficient in MS Office. Location: Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: to be determined"

[Edited on October 8, 2009 at 1:59 PM. Reason : s]

10/8/2009 1:57:00 PM

Quote :

"Ninja Hauler-2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Waukesha) OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly. It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop. This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is). No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once. It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man. My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore. There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash. To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants. Rock on. And for the record, real men include meaningless tags to get more people interested in their stuff. Honda, Toyota, Dodge, Chevy, Jeep, Chrysler, Hyundai, Saab, Porsche, Maserati, GMC, Mercedes, Lexus, Ford, Nissan * Location: Waukesha * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/cto/1410105270.html


I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

10/9/2009 11:43:48 AM

^so old that they should include a statement about how well it hauled stones for the pyramids

10/9/2009 5:58:11 PM

Quote :

"Dear Care givers for the specially impaired (Apex, Holly Springs,Cary) Date: 2009-10-12, 5:25PM EDT Reply to: see below Their are a few people here on Craigslist that are Flagging and doing so without any proof or reason for doing so. Many people are hurting to survive and need their ad's, and flagging is becoming a problem. The only people who would go through the trouble to sit all day and have nothing else to do but make aweful comments and get together to do these things, would be someone who was in an institution for the mentally impaired. PLEASE CHECK TO SEE WHAT THEY ARE DOING WHEN THEY GET A COMPUTER IN FRONT OF THEM. THERE KILLING CRAIGSLIST!!!!!!! Location: Apex, Holly Springs,Cary"

WAT?

10/13/2009 12:10:07 AM

Quote :

"Free Sperm (Durham, NC) Date: 2009-10-16, 11:44AM EDT Reply to: sale-2t9te-1424040646@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I have sperm I'd like to give away. I figure it's time I stopped being selfish and let others take what they need. The sperm is pumped fresh hourly. If interested please contact Bob Rooney. Location: Durham, NC it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

10/16/2009 11:52:41 AM

hahaha omg that cracked me up^

10/16/2009 11:54:41 AM

Quote :

"Lingerie (Raleigh) Date: 2009-10-17, 4:33PM EDT Reply to: sale-fg5rj-1425941982@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Looking for gently used lingerie Location: Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

10/17/2009 5:01:02 PM

Quote :

"In need of an upright freezer Date: 2009-10-18, 11:21PM EDT Reply to: sale-ezkar-1427584331@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] We are a family of 6 and need a rather big upright freezer. We have a small chest freezer and a small ancient upright freezer, but all the food in the upright keeps getting freezer burnt and we have to throw it away. Our family has really low income, my husband only makes $10.00 an hour and I'm currently in school with no income so we really can't afford to keep throwing away food. If your interested in the chest freezer it works great (just to small for my family) I will trade and pay the difference. I can send pictures if interested. Reply to toobad.4you@yahoo.com "

... or ?

10/18/2009 11:37:39 PM

yeah, like getting a different freezer is gonna prevent freezer burn

what a damn ignoramus

10/19/2009 11:07:27 AM

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/roo/1421675324.html

Quote :

"free art commune living space for 2 girls (bushwick) Date: 2009-10-14, 5:55PM EDT Reply to: hous-wuuum-1421675324@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] We are artists living in a loft in Bushwick at the moment we have 4 guys & 2 girls. we have pitched tents in the loft .We have a lease & there is heat in our space & bathrooms in the hall. It is a cool building full of working artists. There are no showers, we use the city gym on Bedford ave which cost only $70 for the year. We are planning on making a documentary of our indoor tent city. We have space for 2 more females, to balance out the vibe. you must be clean,creative & drama free. we also have 2 cats. there will be no charge we are commiting to one month at a time"

10/19/2009 11:15:25 AM

Quote :

"We are artists living in a loft in Bushwick at the moment we have 4 guys & 2 girls. we have pitched tents in the loft .We have a lease & there is heat in our space & bathrooms in the hall. It is a cool building full of working artists. There are no showers, we use the city gym on Bedford ave which cost only $70 for the year. We are planning on making a documentary of our indoor tent city. We have space for 2 more females, to balance out the vibe. you must be clean,creative & drama free. we also have 2 cats. there will be no charge we are commiting to one month at a time"

hmm

10/19/2009 11:20:41 AM

From misc romance:

Quote :

"Looking For Sybel Santiago Cortes to ask - m4w - 29 (New Jersey) Date: 2009-10-17, 7:32PM EDT Reply To This Post I had asked you this once before and you said that you needed to think about it and I said fine and now I ask you this again. Now for the whole entire world to know. Sybel Santiago Cortes will you do me the honor of being my wife? To love and to hold in sickness and in health till death do us part. I love you more than anything in this world, and you know that you love me to. If I can't be with you than I shall not be with anyone else because you have my heart and my loyalty. I will never stop loving you and I will proceed with my life and bettering myself but I would really like it if you were a part of my life as my wife not just my friend. I plan on enjoying everything this world has to offer and I would like it if you where right there by my side and enjoying it with me Location: New Jersey it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

attached are three pictures of a couple, and a ring.

10/19/2009 11:46:55 AM

i like when people put "i'm not a weirdo" in the housing listings.

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

10/19/2009 11:48:32 AM

Quote :

"need 100 state fair ride tickets (nc) Date: 2009-10-19, 5:47PM EDT Reply to: see below need at least 100 tickets willing to pay 10 cents each ticket please post contact info "

Tickets cost $0.55 advance; $1/ea now.

10/19/2009 9:19:34 PM

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/hsh/1425529424.html

Quote :

"Best cash offer or Barter Some items I would be interested in include: Tools, fishing rod, reel, lures, gift cards, stainless cookware, DVD movies, future haircuts. Let me know what you have and maybe we can work a deal."

made me chortle.

10/20/2009 5:10:28 PM

^ you said chortle

10/20/2009 5:42:05 PM

I chuckled and snorted. chortle.

10/20/2009 5:45:38 PM

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2a3_1245007811

10/20/2009 11:45:30 PM

I'd think the freezer person would just start buying canned/freeze dried food after a while. Canned food is pretty damn cheap and it will last for 50 years without a freezer.

10/21/2009 12:24:51 PM

Quote :

"LOOKING FOR STOLEN CAR!!! (CARY) Date: 2009-10-23, 11:32AM EDT Reply to: sale-qcwkc-1434182160@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Hope you can help. My brother-in-law was out last night doing God-knows-what when he suddenly woke up to find himself in an unknown location in Cary, having no idea where his car is. It's a Dark Blue HONDA CR-V, license plate # FYI-ACAB. There's a bumper sticker on the back that says "THINK. It's not illegal yet" Hopefully, it still has his JUST-TURNED 2-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY PRESENTS in the trunk, and his TWO CAR SEATS in the back seat. If you should happen to know the scumbag who stole this car, please let him know that my two baby nieces are stuck at home now because the jerk decided to steal their daddy's car, even knowing that the owner obviously has two babies and greatly depends on it! How can you steal from a little baby?! COWARD!!! Anyway, should you see this car, please shoot me an email or call our number-- 467-0517. Thanks. "

That doesn't quite sound stolen.

And I'm LOLing @ the bumper sticker, given the circumstances

10/23/2009 11:42:58 AM

let's all call and lead them on a state-wide goose chase

10/23/2009 2:25:29 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1436796652.html

Quote :

"2 the frat boy i met at jax last night - w4m - 15 (raleigh) Date: 2009-10-25, 10:38AM EDT Reply To This Post hey guys thanks for locking me out of your house this morning cuz i had to call my stepdad to come pick me up from a payphone i was still drunk when i got locked out and my parents are mad if you remember me please let me know what your address is ps i wasnt on bc "

10/25/2009 2:51:49 PM

Quote :

"Wedding dress - $20 (Raleigh/Cary) Date: 2009-10-25, 9:44PM EDT Reply to: sale-s8egj-1437621181@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I'm searching for a wedding dress that someone is literally looking to give away......... I wear a size 4/6 and am willing to give $20 for it but just cant afford any more than that. Thanks so much~~~ Location: Raleigh/Cary it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

uh...

10/26/2009 9:03:25 AM

THEY'RE IN LOVE OK

10/26/2009 9:17:50 AM