i wish craigslist would let you sell guns

since it's legal and everything

10/26/2009 9:24:10 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/1436796652.html

Quote :

"2 the frat boy i met at jax last night - w4m - 15 (raleigh) Date: 2009-10-25, 10:38AM EDT Reply To This Post hey guys thanks for locking me out of your house this morning cuz i had to call my stepdad to come pick me up from a payphone i was still drunk when i got locked out and my parents are mad if you remember me please let me know what your address is ps i wasnt on bc "

15...

10/26/2009 9:51:09 AM

^that was posted on the last page

10/26/2009 9:53:33 AM

^ OLD ENOUGH TO BLEED, OLD ENOUGH TO BREED

IF THERE'S GRASS ON THE FIELD, PLAY

10/26/2009 9:53:53 AM

Quote :

"Take the Wake Test Math Placement Test! - $200 Date: 2009-10-28, 11:30AM EDT Reply to: sale-jtuhy-1441267476@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I am looking for someone who is relatively young (20-30) who can take a Wake Tech math placement test for me. The test is about 15-25 minutes long and includes easy basic level math including Pre-algerbra and Algerbra. I am currently below college level math and would like a score that would possibly put me on college level. You also need to look a little bit like me because you might have to show my wake tech id to the person working the testing computers. Email me if interested - I will pay good compensation. "

10/28/2009 1:18:41 PM

Quote :

"I dream of an imaginary creature. Tall, neatly contoured, well dressed. Able to sit with pain and not act to change it. Possessing the tools to render men benevolent, but not reliant on them. Aware of her own beautiful insignificance, living in humble awe of the complexity around us. Willing to debate not just her opinions and decisions, but the methods that brought her there. Without paradigm or expectation, ready to take the risks and pay the consequences. Is there such a woman? I won't think you pretentious for responding; I know these words would put you on a pedestal, but it takes good bait to troll for the prize fishies. By the by, I'm in good shape and an extraordinary lover with a very big tool. Lets not pretend that doesn't count for something. We can't break hearts or make babies over email. Every friendship starts with 'hello'. Are you game? Reply with something like 'I eat my own boogers!' to save me the bot-checking. "

10/29/2009 12:31:22 AM

cool.

10/29/2009 1:00:04 AM

Quote :

"Need free bomb fire wood (N Raleigh) Date: 2009-10-29, 7:05AM EDT Reply to: sale-u2mtm-1442504095@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Need free bomb fire wood for a cookout on Saturday Location: N Raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

lol bomb fire.

10/29/2009 7:55:42 AM

Quote :

"Algerbra"

10/29/2009 9:16:29 AM

Quote :

"Lost King Kong Double-Headed Dildo (nwral) Date: 2009-10-29, 8:41PM EDT Reply To This Post I lost this marvelous piece of latex lovin' last night in the parking lot at Legends. I stopped pleasuring myself with it long enough to service five homeless black men behind the dumpster and when I finished I went to retrieve it, but it was gone. Description of the missing dildo: - 18" long & 4" thick with extruded veins throughout the shaft area. It has a Washington State apple-sized head on each end. - It has numerous fecal stains from years of use. - One of the heads has been whittled down a little to allow me to get my mouth around it so I can suck my own doo from it. - Yes. Of course, it's black! - It has been modified by replacing the standard 4 "C" cell batteries with a 9.9 HP Honda outboard boat motor for increased performance and low carbon emissions. - The dildo has a 4' teather strap for convenient retrieval when my grip becomes compromised. If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of this dildo PLEASE contact nwral at imadisgustingfag@nutmunch.org (Tee Hee!). Reward offered for the return of this very impotant latex member. It's been in my family for a few years. I think I stole it from mother's nightstand in 2002, and I've litterally become attached to it. I will slob any knob as reward payment, or I'll suck your nuts if you prefer. Just get it back home, PLEASE!!!!!! Toodles! "

10/30/2009 1:38:21 AM

Quote :

"hey i am interested in any unwanted toddlar girl cloths my daughter is 3 an i am runnin on a hard time i live with my family her father has been deported an his family want help ! if you are some one you kno has cloths dvds are any unwanted items please call 91-269-6213 an ask for tiffany am also lookin for any unwanted ladies cloths i wear large-XL in shirts an 14-16pant PLEASE HELP!!!!!AN GOD BLESS ONE PERSONS TRASH IS ANOTHERS TREASURE ! YOU GIVE YOU RECIEVE "

11/5/2009 12:26:20 PM

Quote :

"gumby's sexy employee on halloween; at ncsu - m4w - 21 (hillsboro st., ncsu) Date: 2009-10-31, 10:48PM EDT Reply To This Post You were working at Gumby's, in the incredibly hot costume/outfit (red corset). I saw you a couple of times, as I ordered, as you cleaned the tables, and as I left, but I never could work up the courage to say anything to you (I'm a little shy). I just wanted to say you looked amazingly sexy in it, and that your eyes are the most lovely shade of brown. I liked your tattoo on your arm/shoulder; I liked the colors on your skin. I was spock from Star Trek (blue shirt, pointy ears); no idea if you even noticed me. I'm sure you heard from a lot of guys tonight; but I'm sorry I was shy and not able to tell you to your face (I haven't been on a date before, and get nervous around beautiful women like you) - I know I would have messed up saying this, even if I had worked up the courage to talk to you. So I'm telling you here; hoping somehow that you see this, or that someone who knows you and recognizes you from this show you it. "

11/5/2009 4:37:17 PM

From Items wanted:

Quote :

"do you need adult depends new (garner) Date: 2009-11-10, 4:59PM EST Reply to: sale-urjev-1460123796@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Brand is Prevail 18 per pack Mens or womens $8.00 per pack 919-772-3939 919-632-0415 email or call, but phone gets better results thanks Location: garner it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

+ 2 pics of the packaging

11/10/2009 5:54:59 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/crg/1459589893.html

Quote :

"i need a custom tatto0 (sanford nc) Date: 2009-11-10, 11:38AM EST Reply to: gigs-fxn9a-1459589893@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] i need a custom drawing of a grim reaper tatto but not just any grim reaper see my last name is RAPER and i wanted a grim raper tattoo with the name and a grrim reaper holdin his wang out to be the grim raper got any questions willing to buy great ones email for more info if too vague Location: sanford nc it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: depends on how good"

11/11/2009 2:27:42 PM

Quote :

"I was spock from Star Trek (blue shirt, pointy ears);"

that says it all right there

11/11/2009 2:32:46 PM

Quote :

"Dear Minus the Bear ticket holder, My friend and I have been looking forward to this show for a couple months, and because I'm an idiot, I assumed it would not sell out and waited until today to buy tickets. It has been a really, really crappy week and if you sold me two tickets for $50 it would be the best thing since one amino acid met another amino acid and formed the first protein. You would receive a very large hug and eternal gratitude. "

+ the picture of a belly tattoo where the belly button is the cat anus

Quote :

"Pastor Mcphail Date: 2009-11-12, 3:19PM EST Reply to: sale-jbjbs-1463119681@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] looking for any church items that your church want to donate are sale like keyboards,amps,micophones,drums,tables,fans if so call me at 919-828-8062 are email me at preachmcphail@yahoo.com are if your church would love to make a cash or check donation make check out to Pastor Charles A. Mcphail mail to 1139 Thelonious dr. Raleigh, N.C. 27610 THINK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHURCH FAMILY. "

[Edited on November 12, 2009 at 6:27 PM. Reason : lk]

11/12/2009 6:24:21 PM

Quote :

"Reduced-This oneYou'll like-NEW-Lg.DecorAccent Tuscan Rooster-PHOTO $6 - $6 (RDU/BrierCreek/AviationPkwy) Date: 2009-11-15, 10:04PM EST Reply to: sale-krfv7-1467787511@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Brand new condition, NOT country looking. More Tuscan...universal. Great decor accent piece. App 12" x 12" Sage/olive greens. No yellows or browns. Photo distorts No knicks, chips. $6 In kitchen...as table centerpiece...top of cabinets...on shelf....VERSATILE "

If by "VERSATILE", you mean "looks great smashed to bits", then yes, versatile.

11/16/2009 12:27:43 AM

Quote :

"carmichael pool shower 7:30ish - m4m - 20 (ncsu) u were blond prolly 5'10 great body showering naked in the pool showers, couldnt stop looking at u think u notice me watching from the lockers.... u had a white towel and necklace and was changing where i was with my buddy if u see this id love to meet up man, i know this a long shot but who knows maybe somethin will happen... tell me what i had just changed into and anything else u may remember "

I've read the best of craigslist where people post shout outs about people they meet in bars and concerts but this is a little creepy.

11/17/2009 8:01:57 PM

^those are pretty common

11/17/2009 10:37:40 PM

Quote :

"Menstrual Cat - $1 (raleigh) Date: 2009-11-19, 10:27PM EST Reply to: sale-jeufu-1474062377@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] In need of menstrual cat. Location: raleigh it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"

11/19/2009 10:40:21 PM

Quote :

"FREE TO A GOOD HOMEHave we got a great deal for you! Have you ever wondered how your life would be with a hateful, cantankerous, rude, hypocrytical, opinionated, obnoxious, obese, angry, hairy, verbally abusive, and co-dependant Grandfather that your not related to? His name is Leland, hes in his 70's, hopefully in poor health. Leland enjoys judging others and enabling one of his many criminal children to plunder various objects from his wives family. If you enjoy suspenders, creepy non-audible chuckling, being referred to as "dickhead", generic old man comb-overs, random accusations of drug abuse, that old people stench that sticks in the back of your throat, rude judgemtal comments about your loved ones, watching your grandmother be maliciously manipulated into hating her own children/grandchildren/anyone, your house being cluttered with useless shit that he pretends he invented, and interacting with someone who is completely devoid of a soul, then we have the Leland for you! Care Instructions: 1)Leland needs plenty of happiness to suck out of the area around him, so make sure that you provide him enough sacrifices. (I.E. children, cats, adult humans....really anyone extra you have laying around). 2) Make sure you have a healthy supply of ridiculous red suspenders readily available. 3)An elderly woman to follow around and order about. 4)Enough tools to invent really crappy things that for some wierd reason really have been invented before. 5)Thousands of dollars in cash or anything tradeable/sellable/pawnable so that his worthless, space wasting peices of shit sons can come and steal it for drugs. 6)Anyone that ever needs a favor excluding anyone in his family, so that he can have the immense joy and satisfaction of telling them no. 7)Cats to kick. 8) Children to kick. 9)Disabled people to kick. 10)Erection pills, he cant get it up alone, but he needs to jerk off to his diabolical genius. Possibly his inability to achieve an erection has caused some of his more "Fun" personality quirks. As hard as it is to let such a wonderful person and human being leave our lives... We all feel the need to share this beautiful creation of god with the rest of the community, if not the world. If you feel up to the task... PLEASE don't dilly dally around.. I imagine everyone will rush to respond to such an earth shattering offer... he may be gone before you can get to him. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/1384332033.html

11/20/2009 12:34:01 PM

mad niggerish

[Edited on November 20, 2009 at 1:11 PM. Reason : up in hur]

11/20/2009 1:10:54 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/1460019565.html

Alas, my boobs aren't big enough

Quote :

"Underwriters Laboratories (UL) will pay you at least $25.00 per session for participating in its ongoing testing of lifejackets. Private testing takes place in an indoor, heated pool at UL's Research Triangle Park facility. Testing is normally conducted Mondays through Thursdays between 1:00 PM and 5:30 PM, but other test times can be arranged. Each testing session takes approximately 30 to 60 minutes. UL has a special need for the following subjects: Adults of weighing more than 250 pounds with chest sizes of 52 inches or more; $30.00 or more per session "

11/20/2009 1:16:20 PM

that has me writtin all over it, i have a 52" chest, and weight 280

11/20/2009 1:20:18 PM

Quote :

"need emergancy food (durham) Date: 2009-11-20, 3:34PM EST Reply to: sale-5kebp-1475049841@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] i am in despret need of food for my family i am on disablity and all my money goesto bills. plz plz hep if you think im ling come to my house and c for yourself. thank you and godbless "

...

11/20/2009 4:15:52 PM

Need emergency food? Sell computer for emergency money.

11/20/2009 4:16:38 PM

how is it that craigslist seems even scuzier than 4chan

I mean, I know why. Because 4chans not real

while craigslist most certainly is

11/20/2009 4:19:20 PM

Quote :

"Adoption question (Garner) Date: 2009-11-24, 9:02PM EST Reply to: sale-rwg8y-1481284521@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I am hoping that there is someone that will listen, I am pregnant and considering placing my baby boy for adoption, I have two other kids and we are barely making it. I loves my kids but is it fair to keep another one and get deeper in the hole? Does anyone have any advice on where I turn to place my baby boy who is due in 5 months, I want them to love him as much as I would. Also if you know anywhere I can turn for food and clothes for my other two kids please let me know. Have a blessed day. "

11/24/2009 10:42:52 PM

bump

Quote :

"get deeper in the hole?"

i see what you said there

[Edited on November 28, 2009 at 1:51 PM. Reason : lol]

11/28/2009 1:49:09 PM

the UL thing is real, a guy in my church growing up used to run that so a bunch of the kids in the church would get paid to jump in the lake with various life vests

11/28/2009 1:51:56 PM

http://detroit.craigslist.org/wyn/fuo/1489550128.html

Quote :

"I need to sell my couch ASAP because I need to pay rent this month !! I lost a Parlay bet on the New Orleans/New England football game last night, and if that fucking asshole John Carney didn't miss a 39 yard field goal, I would of hit the over, and I wouldn't be in this situation. My Fiance and I just bought the couch a couple of months ago, and it's beige plus very comfortable. I can help you deliver it because I have a truck. If you see the attached picture, you can see my truck, and where I slept at last night. I hope you can help me out Thanks, TDB "

12/1/2009 2:21:17 PM

holy fucking pathetic transparency

Quote :

"need things for my mother..please read (clayton) Date: 2009-12-03, 2:03PM EST Reply to: sale-m4fzw-1493319215@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Hello All, My mother just came to live with us an is in dire need of things to keep her busy. If any body has these items and is willing to donate or sell me your items cheap, please let me know. cleaning supplies ( Loves to clean) Word puzzle books..(prefer big writing) sewing machine that works( REALLY WANTS ONE) cooking utencils..she loves to cook and bake gameboy..she like tetris and super mario bros....lol crafts kits ( she is great with her hands) christmas decorations...she loves to decorate etc. She is recently seperated, and has always lived for her children. Now, she is just starting over and just have a tough time. I want to be a blessing to her this holiday season. Hopefully you understand... To all that has read this, God Bless!!!!! "

Lame.

12/3/2009 4:41:33 PM

For my new friend BRAVEHEART22,

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/stp/1490745866.html

Quote :

"I am looking to trade massages with other guys. I am not trained in massages, but have learned what to do over the years. I do have a table, and can host. Also open to travel if you have a table also. Email if you have questions. 51, 200# 5'9" bear, bald. "

[Edited on December 3, 2009 at 5:05 PM. Reason : Isn't he sexy?]

12/3/2009 5:04:17 PM

Not sure how effective a massage would be with one hand

12/3/2009 5:06:42 PM

Quote :

"It's final exam week, and if you're frustrated with a professor or class or too much reading, I'm offering my balls to you. You can kick me as hard as you want, as many times as you want, no questions asked. You can pretend I'm the source of your frustration. It's a great way to clear your head between cramming sessions. If you want to see a man writhe on the ground at your feet, drop me a line and we can meet. Kicks, knees, punches, whatever you like. I can take it, and I will take full responsibility for any injuries I receive, but I won't receive any, so don't worry. This is for free. No money charged or paid. I enjoy it as much as you do or think you might. I'm 6 feet, 180 lbs, brown hair, broan eyes, glasses. This is a sincere ad. This is not a joke. No men, that's gross. Otherwise, I don't discriminate. Email me, and I'll give you my address. "

12/3/2009 11:13:28 PM

^ your trying to get more people to come to your house and kick you in the balls arn't ya

12/3/2009 11:18:27 PM

^^^ You just made my day.

12/4/2009 1:13:42 AM

12/4/2009 8:35:59 AM

Quote :

"free orgy pics Date: 2009-12-11, 4:28PM EST Reply to: sale-phvxe-1505830917@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] I'm selling a bunch of orgy pics that I bought on Ebay. And I can't get any more pleasure from them, so I'm giving them away. Their are over 100 pictures of different orgy's, all various themes. Just ask if you can have them, Call me at: 919-749-6765 "

12/11/2009 4:38:42 PM

Quote :

"Needing Free Small Dog (Wendell) Date: 2009-12-19, 12:58PM EST Reply to: sale-cmuxp-1517299509@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] My mom is looking to get my 17 year old brother a dog for Christmas. She doesn't have a job so money is a big issue as far as being able to actually afford to buy one. If anybody is trying to get rid of their dog, please e-mail me. She's looking for something that isn't going to get too big. Thank you. "

Next post from these people: ATTN HUNTERS PLZ GIVE US YOUR SCRAP MEAT WE CANT AFFORD TO FEED OUR DOG ZOMGOSH

12/19/2009 3:46:04 PM

Quote :

" Vietnams girl at Wake Tech 12/09 - m4w - 24 (Wake Tech) Date: 2009-12-10, 7:52PM EST Reply To This Post I sat near you in the computer area of the library on the WT main campus. I wish I could have had a chance to talk to you. "

12/19/2009 9:16:25 PM

12/20/2009 2:59:16 PM

^ ..............

i really don't know what to say

12/20/2009 3:05:42 PM

i would say 'ouch' i mean that just doesnt seem pleasant

12/20/2009 3:13:48 PM

http://neworleans.craigslist.org/wan/1518403382.html

Before it gets torpedoed:

Quote :

"I am having a holiday dilemma. Normally my family celebrates Christmas, but this year several of my boyfriend's black friends will be coming over. I want to show them that I am comfortable with them so I have decided to surprise them with a Kwanzaa party :-). What are some traditional black-people gifts that I can get them that are around the $15-$20 range? If you are black or have close black friends, please help me!!!!!!!! There will be 4 of them and I would like to get each of them a different gift. Also, is it offensive to have pictures of Jesus around the house? It is really important to me to not offend these people. Please nothing Barack Obama related. Thank you all, and merry Kwanzaa (or whatever they say for Kwanzaa LOL)!!!!!! -Cindy"

12/21/2009 6:00:21 PM

Email her "Check out whitechicksblackdicks.com for ideas."

12/21/2009 7:03:38 PM

Quote :

"96 Ford Explorer,4 door, grey leather seats, V8, runs great - $1000 (Raleigh @ 6 Forks Rd.) Date: 2009-12-22, 4:28PM EST Reply to: sale-hxdzd-1521620646@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] *211,000 miles but it does NOT smoke or make any noises at all ! Its a strong running motor (FAST) and it does NOT use ANY oil or leak AT ALL !!! Oil stays clean looking through out the 3,000 mile section between oil changes. *The roof started leaking water a little from the luggage rack screws on the roof just this month, it needs to be resealed. Alittle silocone. *The heat and air conditioning (hot/cold)have to be turned on by placing your hand through the air box where the glove compartment is located. The fan blower switch works.You only have to switch it twice a year, summer and winter. *Cant park on hills because it will roll slowly over night ( maybe a foot/ 12 inches) *All wheel drive is disconected (driveshaft is off) so its only 2 wheel drive at the moment, I think the problem is the transfer case? Been like that since I bought it. *front bumper is dented causing it to bent down a few inches as shown in the picture, its not bad but it needs a needs a new front bumper to fit perfectly. * The drivers door has a bullet hole in it ( ha ha) it was like that when I bought it. Its been patched with a white sticker and its at the bottom of the door. Dont worry no one will think your the original owner, the truck is from Kansas. Well, unless you go to Kansas :-) LOL * Transmission is o.k * Tires o.k * I have the title * Dont let this one get away, its a good truck. * Ph # 919 795 4150 "

Just..wtf lol

12/24/2009 10:23:30 PM

not that strange for CL

12/24/2009 10:30:53 PM

Quote :

"I'll admit it...you got to me... Date: 2009-10-22, 3:18PM MDT Dear anonymous craigslist poster looking for love: Your title was catchy. I was intrigued. I would like to respond to your post, and give you a little insight as to my own personal reaction to your personal ad. I thought your preamble was nice, before you launched into a laundry list of what you would like in a woman: 1. Will always be on time or will call when she's be late - Okay. That's reasonable. Sounds good. 2. Will fall asleep in my arms as I read stories to her - Sounds kinda romantic. Can I choose the story? 3. Will let me spoon and rock her to sleep - Spooning sounds alright, but I think the last time I was rocked to sleep I was in diapers... 4. Will spend an entire day perusing book stores looking for anything - Sure! 5. Will trust my judgment - Is this a pre-requisite? 'Cause I gotta get to know you a little before I trust your judgement. I know very few people who's judgement I trust entirely. 6. Will trust me to tell her the truth when she asks how does this look? - Oh dear. I get the feeling you don't like to play that little bullshit game...most men don't. Do you expect me to change my outfit if you don't approve of it? Would you change yours, if you trusted me to give an honest opinion? I have a feeling you would pull out that little "accept me as I am" card. 7. Will let me make her soup when she is sick - You betcha. Why is this a problem? It's only common courtesy, and I would do the same for you. 8. Will let me give her my jacket when she is cold - Aww. Sweet. I trust you will tell me the truth when I ask you how it looks on me. 9. Will let me brush and pull her hair - mmmmkay...so far, I'm getting read stories, being rocked to sleep, being told what looks good on me or not....and now you are brushing my hair....will my hair be getting pulled because you are trying to put pigtails on me? I think you secretly want a daughter.... 10. Will ask my opinion on makeup and clothes- Yup, I'll ask, but I'm beginning to not trust your judgement..( oops. just screwed up request # 5...) why you gotta be so choosy as to how I present myself? Are you sure you don't want a daughter? Hey, look, whatever man, lots of guys of craigslist are into that...they are just prepared to spend money on it. 11. Will entertain my friends- Fer sure! Its a win-win situation! Your friends are gonna LOVE me, since you have personally molded me into your version of dream girl fembot. Is there a pole that I dance on? Or do I just wear a boyfriend-approved apron and serve nachos and beer while y'all are playing video games? Hey, can my friends come over? 12. Will have a life away from me- I guess that answers my question from #11. 13. Will let me be proud of her- I, for the life of me, don't understand how this can be an issue. Did you manage to damage some girls self-esteem so much that she hated herself? 14. Will flirt with others but leave with me- That way, you can rub it into every other guys face that this dreamgirl fembot is YOUR bitch. 15. Will appreciate my off kilter sense of humor- Does this mean you will find a funny way to tell me I look fat in my jeans? Laughter heals all. 16. Will let me kiss her just the way I want to- Yeah, I agree there's give-and take in any physical relationship. What if the way you kiss doesn't turn me on? 17. Will be strong enough to stand on her own yet let me help take of her- I'm strong enough to stand on my own. Good career, financially stable, a supportive network of family and friends. I think what you really meant to say was " Will be strong enough to stand on her own, but let me tell her what to do..." Good luck with that. 18. Will teach me something I don't know- Easy. Did you know Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an Alligator? Whew. I passed! 19. Will let me make her dinner- Yup. I think we should share that chore, actually. Oh, you mean you wanted to do it occasionally? I guess I'm making it most of the time.... 20. Will enjoy quiet time in the evenings with me- Of course. As long as I'm wearing boyfriend approved clothes and makeup, and not too exhausted from making dinner, standing on my own, and entertaining your friends. 21. Will think of me when she touches herself- Now you want to control how I masturbate? Jesus. I can only promise you that I'll think of you most of the time, because I've had this one fantasy I've been furiously rubbing the pink to for about five years...damn. Okay, I'll give it all up, as long as you promise to censor your random sexy thoughts as well... 22. Will speak highly of me when I am not around- Insecure much? 23 Will slow dance with me to Classic Motown songs- I can do that! Yay me! 24 Will accept my compliments with grace- Why the hell wouldn't I? They sound like they are going to be few and far between... 25 Will do what she chooses not what other people say she should- Everyone except you, of course. Because I trust your judgement, see? 26. Will have a between being selfless and selfish- I think I know what you are saying here. I believe that's called normal. I'm down with that. Ditto. 27. Will let me hold her hand when walking- Yes. That's sweet. Wait a minute...does it have to be ALL THE TIME? 28. Will let me make love to her- Check. 29. Will let me have sex with her- Double check. 30. Will let me fuck her- I see we have found some common ground. I simply adore fucking. 31. Will let me show her the face of God- Okay, what? Yer buddies with GOD? Dammit all, why don't you ask him to make you a woman, then? Just kidding. I know the whole "face of God' thing is just a figure of speech. Does this have anything to do with all the lovemaking/sex/fucking talk? Sounds a wee bit narcissistic....the only thing I can offer you is to take a journey of self-exploration together.....I guess that just doesn't cut it. 32. Will understand a true artist- Oh shit. That means I'll be supporting us. Glad I'm a woman that can stand on my own, and piggy-back the guy who wants to help take care of me. 33. Will let me be me- Hmm. Does that mean I should accept the fact your crusty socks and paint soaked clothes are going to be tossed all over the house? Can I be me? Some have taken a rather dim view of my acrid wit over the years...but you will love me for me, right? 34. Will have little to no expectations of me- Okay, here's the kicker. This is really what got me going on this. So far, I count 34 expectations you have of me, and we haven't finished going through all of your requests. This doesn't seem very fair. Is this your off-kilter humor shining through? 35. Will appreciate that I love the little things in life- As do I dammit, but some things cost money. Just because your an artist, and can apparently show me the face of God does not mean I'm going to foot the bill ALL the time. 36. Will never drive drunk- No shit. That's pretty serious, and I am sorry for you if you have ever lost anybody due to someone else's stupidity. 37. Will look me in the eye when she says I love you- You have been lied to by someone. Again, I feel sorry for you. 38. Will compliment other women that look good- Yes, I appreciate beauty. However, that does not mean I want a threesome. Nor does it mean I will tolerate you constantly checking out other women in front of me. You only think of me when you jerk off, right? Hypocrite. 39. Will enjoy a night at the theatre or a ho down equally- I think that's whats considered a Freudian slip, right there. Refer to #38. 40. Will encourage me to accomplish the impossible- Oh, for fucks sakes. First, you want to be my daddy, and now I'm supposed to mother you. Hey, I'm all for pursuing dreams, but if you are screwing up my financial security while chasing down your dreams, I will seriously have to kick your ass. Who the hell are you? Richard Heene? 41. Will let me adore her- If you ever find a woman like this, I will be the first in line to adore her. 42. Will share her dreams with me- Okay, so lets refer to #40 here. Will you encourage me to accomplish the impossible, or am I simple allowed to share my dreams, and be the anchor while you pursue yours? 43. Will be proud of me- I think its natural to be proud of the person you love. I also think its natural to love someone unconditionally. It seems like your asking for a lot and not really giving a lot in return. 44. Will know I will do all these things and more for her- Pardon me for being nit-picky here, but out of the above list of 42 items, I see only five or six where you will be willing to do anything. Seriously, how hard is it to "let you be proud of me?" The rest of this list is not-so-clever demands. That's false advertising, my friend. 45. Will appreciate that I took the time to write this- Look at that. You are already looking for applause...because you wrote a personal ad, outlining all the things you want in a woman. People do that every damn day. I have a feeling that if I were ever in a long term relationship with you, I'd constantly be reminded of how you made me soup back in 2009 when I was down with H1N1. Best of luck in your search for love and happiness. "

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/clg/1433291658.html

12/28/2009 2:22:36 PM

^ thats funny, but she must have been bored.

12/28/2009 2:30:50 PM