Quote :

"recently widowed but I have a great big dog"

She's obviously fucking the dog

[Edited on August 9, 2010 at 1:20 PM. Reason : .]

8/9/2010 1:19:11 PM

http://deadspin.com/5609234/craigslist-satisfies-your-minnesota-twins-jockstrap-fetish-needs

8/10/2010 12:46:30 PM

post all the info.

8/10/2010 1:16:28 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/spo/1899417399.html

Quote :

" Experience "Science in Motion". One pair of BRAND NEW, in the box, with literature, men's size 13D (normal width). These are Newton Sir Isaac neutral guidance trainers. They retail in fine specialty running shops for $95.00, yours for only $100!! Save yourself $54 on these incredible shoes!!! See the following link for more information: http://www.newtonrunning.com/newton-products/the-shoes/mens-shoes/men-guidance-trainer/neutral-guidance-trainer I will ship these for an additional charge. "

Love the math...

8/14/2010 11:19:53 PM

Quote :

"Need front desk gurl in a mmd (Denver cherry creek ) Date: 2010-08-14, 1:46PM MDT Reply to: job-xkaeq-1898871454@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Looking for someone to start part time and in a couple weeks move to full time. Hours are from 10-7 with a hour lunch. This is for a medical dispensary so no felons please and having a medical card is a plus. We will require you to have one at somepoint. Replay back to this with your name in the memo field so i know it's a real person. Thanks * Location: Denver cherry creek * Compensation: 8-10 * Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. * Please, no phone calls about this job! * Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests."

8/15/2010 4:25:41 PM

Quote :

"Be the Edward to my Bella (Dallas) Date: 2010-08-11, 4:10PM CDT Reply to: gigs-6wpak-1893560318@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] My aunt just died and left me some cash with instructions to blow it however I want. Not into drugs. Fucking LOVE Twilight. Also, a lesbian. It's relevant, I swear. I'm sure this ad will get me some creepers, but it might be worth it. I will pay you $50 an hour to act like Edward for me. My schedule is flexible, and it would only be a few hours a week. I do NOT want any sex or kissing, but some platonic cuddling would be nice. You need to physically resemble Edward to some degree. You need to put on some sort of sparkly stuff on your face before hand. I'll ask you to hold ice for a while (not a dangerous while) so that when you touch me your hands are cold. I'm going to be clumsy, and you're going to stare at me and tell me how awesome I am and treat me amazingly. If you can quote the book/act out small scenes with me I'll even pay you more. I know this is stupid, but this book is the first time I've understood being attracted to any guy, and I want to play with it. Reminder: this is NOT SEXUAL. It's an emotional itch that I can now afford to scratch. Please send me a picture to confirm that you somewhat resemble Edward (hair length/color, skin color, build of body are most important). If you wear glasses you'll need to be able to function without them. I'm willing to buy you the right outfits so don't worry about clothes. Serious replies only. "

http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/tlg/1893560318.html

8/15/2010 9:55:52 PM

it's truely creepy the extent to which people are obsessed with the shittiest vampire fiction ever created

8/15/2010 10:27:46 PM

^ Agreed

Is this Raleigh listing even in English?
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/apa/1898940082.html

8/15/2010 11:38:02 PM

^it's a scam

8/15/2010 11:45:38 PM

Yeah I figured as much since it wasn't listing the apartments that are actually on that road

8/15/2010 11:52:40 PM

Quote :

"To all the cuties at the Walk in Center today - m4w (NCSU walk in center) Date: 2010-08-16, 8:33PM EDT Reply To This Post Hello ladies, Look at your man, Now remember the technician who helped you. Is your man that technician? no but he could be. Majority of the techs at the walk in center today are single and looking and maybe just maybe one of us had a missed connection. Have you been searching for yourself in other people's eyes? did you find yourself today? Perhaps it was in the way one of us removed that malicious virus and said to you "this will only take 5 to 10 minutes" and that was the point you fell in love. Or was it when one of us said "Did you synchronize your password?" that swooned you. Or perhaps it was one of you cuties who came in with the broken printer while our boss removed your ink cartridge. Yes, I remember you 2, you 2 little cuties. Maybe it was even when we said "you're shits all retarded we're gonna have to take it in" that just got you all weak in the knees. I for one know I touched a lot of keyboards today and I would rest easy knowing at least one of you will never wash that keyboard again to let my stank linger. By my stank I mean the copious amount of chicken nuggets I had been eating and my deodorant barely holding up under such harsh conditions. So let one of us buy you a drink and take you out to a nice seafood dinner. Whether it be a beer or a Fresca we don't care we just want to be loved. So just put the name or description of the tech who helped you or you made eye contact for 2 seconds and prayed "god I hope he helps me" but instead some douche helped you in your email header and I promise it will get to them. "

8/16/2010 10:37:20 PM

Quote :

"fayetteville craigslist > community > rideshare please flag with care: miscategorized prohibited spam/overpost best of craigslist willing to pay $300 for ride to raleigh (fay) Date: 2010-08-12, 5:24AM EDT Reply to: comm-qhpha-1894321106@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] i desperatly need a ride to raleigh this weekend and can pay more than gas and expenses. i do have sort of a problem though. i am quite large, as in over 350 lbs so i wld need a rather large car i also will have my seven cats accompany me on this trip. i dont go anywhere without them. i am very clausterphobic in vehicles so i have a cd of opera music and a bottle of xanax that will relax, sedate me. help will be needed in and out of the car as well as i have bladder issues so frequent bathroom breaks will be needed. my cats are very good and only 2 are what i would call mild sheddars. i have a rolling brush for that though, dont worry. i am trying to find a sitter for my ferrett charlie but if unable, he will need a ride too. i can pay extra for this. i'm not good with directions so i hope you are. i'm sure your still wondering why i wld pay so much and the main reason is i ABSOLUTLEY CANNOT be in a vehicle going over 45-50 mph. caution is very important to me. and my beloved cats. if you can accomidate me, please give me a call and we can work something out. 910-978-1950. my name is francis marybeth annaleigh stewart. thank you! * Location: fay "

http://fayetteville.craigslist.org/rid/1894321106.html

8/17/2010 12:21:59 PM

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/cas/1905375853.html

Quote :

"Wow, I had no idea - w4m -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-08-18, 8:30AM PDT Reply To This Post -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or maybe it's just me. But I'm finding out that if I go a long time without getting fucked, I have spontaneous orgasms. Like not even touching myself. Like sitting at work, and BAM! Nobody's noticed, thank god I have my own office but holy shit, this has to end. Write me and tell me a bit about yourself. I can host. "

8/19/2010 3:08:31 AM

http://charleston.craigslist.org/bar/1914110982.html

Quote :

"HUSBAND ON SHITLIST, HIS TOYS ON CRAIGSLIST (Knightsville) My husband has a 197 --- something. Not exactly sure of the year---- Jeep cj5. he decided to romp around, drunk, on private property, get it stuck, and get in a mess of trouble, so it has to go. OBVIOUSLY it runs good, it has a lift, knobby tires. 3 speed transmission, i don't know all the details of it, but it has to go, and soon. I HAVE THE TITLE SIGNED AND IN MY HAND. Willing to trade for something of value, or take 2500 cash. I want this damn thing gone asap. As you can see in the pics, it is MUDDY. . . I will have my husband clean it when he gets his hungover butt outa bed. Send all offers please, this thing is NOT allowed back in my driveway, and my HOA says it can't sit on the street I am getting rid of alot of these "man toys" that are causing trouble. His loss is your gain. Make me an offer, also have a1951 ford pick up. . http://charleston.craigslist.org/cto/1909182480.html AND. . . his precious el camino. . . http://charleston.craigslist.org/cto/1902001286.html IF THERE HAPPENS TO BE SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT WILL TAKE EVERYTHING, I WILL TAKE 6,000. THATS A DEAL! "

8/24/2010 11:13:35 AM

Quote :

"uncork my brain (Triangle) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-09-09, 5:01PM EDT Reply to: gigs-y2tzz-1945359838@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am sitting on about 500 billion worth of good ideas percolating in my brain and need someone to release them and help bring them to life. I am looking for a doer, partner, someone with a little capital that likes ideas both big and small. Ever hear of a cellphone? I thought of that - someone beat me to it. How about the laptop computer - same thing. Google? - nope... didn't think of that but wish I had. Know what a dosiometer is? - got a great idea there. Too many to list. Take my ideas and makes lots of money... seriously. Reply if interested."

[Edited on September 9, 2010 at 5:55 PM. Reason : ]

9/9/2010 5:54:53 PM

Quote :

"in need of a couch that aint from the 60s Date: 2010-09-10, 3:05PM EDT Reply to: sale-r7bs6-1946961601@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] if there is some one you know that is giving away a nice suede faux couch i do want it it doesnt have to be all fancy but atleast no rips or stains or stuff like that i am willing to go to your home and check it out people please there are some nice stuff on this website but come on youre trying to sell a couch that has been used for three hundred or more ? comeon that ridiculus and the fact is no body told you to spend money you didnt have on a couch that wasnt worth buying in the first place and now you expect someone to buy your couch that is hardly new for more than what you brought it for get real when i do get a couch i wont be tryna rip people off saying its new or barley used when infact its a lie so comeone be nice and stop being so highly priced its just like when i go into a good will and i ask them how much will it cost for this picture frame and they tell me oh its 20.00 bucks like get the f***k outtah here you gottah be kidding me i say i remember back then not even four years ago when craigslist was so cheap and now the economy has failed and people are asking for more than what the item is worth at least if youre gonna sell something online have some dignity to say you will take what ever soneone can afford because to rip people off is a shame ! "

9/10/2010 3:37:20 PM

http://wilmington.craigslist.org/sci/1947766210.html

Quote :

" space travel (orion location) Date: 2010-09-10, 11:40PM EDT Reply to: see below 2012 is approching. we are selecting 2 from each major city to travel to a new planet. Location: orion location Compensation: pay is irrevelent This is a contract job. "

[Edited on September 11, 2010 at 12:32 AM. Reason : .]

9/11/2010 12:30:48 AM

9/14/2010 12:13:26 PM

Quote :

"What was I supposed to do? - m4w - 34 (Getting on I-25 from 34) Date: 2010-09-14, 6:08PM MDT Reply To This Post It was monday afternoon around 7 pm. You came whizzing down that ridiculous excuse for an on-ramp to get on I-25 South at Hwy 34. I was in the right lane braking to give you a little advantage to get in front of me. I was looking in the left lane for a break in traffic to scoot my rig over for you...no chance. You ended up braking and honking your horn at me like I was being a dick. Sorry, I tried...at 80,000 lbs I can only do so much to accomidate letting you on. I was doing my best to be courteous to you and you did your best to get into traffic but I guess it just wasnt meant to be. We can thank CO DOT for the genius layout of that abortion of an interchange. You came by me and looked up at me... I was fully expecting you to wave with only one finger, you didnt. I thought you were cute sitting indian style as you gave me your dirty look. How about coffee "

9/15/2010 3:56:25 PM

Quote :

"I thought you were cute sitting indian style as you gave me your dirty look. How about coffee"

WTF?

9/15/2010 4:00:38 PM

^Must have had cruise control on. Which is pretty freaking dangerous when you are traveling on the interstate.

9/15/2010 5:16:14 PM

...and merging

9/15/2010 5:47:21 PM

Quote :

"I had transmissiom put in two mouth ago"

Quote :

"ITS SUCKING AIR IN MAINFOLD."

http://norfolk.craigslist.org/cto/1956120230.html

9/15/2010 8:56:14 PM

Quote :

"Administrative with Accounting (Raleigh west) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2010-09-17, 2:36PM EDT Reply to: job-jhkf5-1959247810@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Office Administrative/Accounting Assistant Full-time/Part-time Office Administrative/Accounting Assistant needed for new service providing company located in Raleigh. Accounting students welcome. Female individuals preferred but not limited to. Duties include but are not limited to: general office tasks, running reports and maintaining other daily/monthly duties pertaining to scheduling services, upkeep of office/company supplies and office equipment, point of contact for customers, phone calls to clients and potential clients, upkeep contact book, maintain office organized and other general offices duties that might come up. Must have Administrative/Accounting experience including proficiency with Outlook, Excel, Word and MAC OS; accounting students welcome ; experience with restaurants is a plus. Location: Raleigh west Compensation: TBD Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. "

That doesn't sound shady... at all.....

9/17/2010 3:06:07 PM

You should apply

9/17/2010 3:15:05 PM

I could do that but no resturant exp.

maybe I need to go find a boring bank job. hmmm. damn.

9/17/2010 3:16:29 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/zip/1961293369.html

Quote :

"Gorilla suit!!! (Fuquay ) Date: 2010-09-18, 6:00PM EDT Reply to: see below FREE Gorilla suit!!!! great condition! I have to move this weekend! call or text 919.780.9391. "

9/19/2010 2:54:06 AM

http://fayetteville.craigslist.org/apa/1964203045.html

Courtesy of petejames

Quote :

"$650 / 3br - New carpet, ceramic tile, fireplace (15 mins. to Ft. Bragg) Date: 2010-09-20, 2:59PM EDT Reply to: kartonprops@gmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?] 440 Kathleen, Lillington, NC 27546 $650/month Manufactured house with new carpet and ceramic tile in the kitchen, guest bath and master bath. There is a wood-burning fireplace in the den. This home also has both a front and back porch with a shed for storage in the yard. BEFORE viewing the interior of our properties it is required that you fill out an application and pay a $25 application fee. Indoor pets require a $300 nonrefundable deposit per pet, outdoor pets require a $100 nonrefundable deposit. For information or to schedule an appointment please call 336-263-5444 or 910-728-8356 (when leaving a message, please state the address for the property you are interested in. We have several homes posted on craigslist) "

Before you can see the place at all, you must give us $25. wtf?

Also, pretty sure all of my pets will be outdoor pets...for about 5 minutes

[Edited on September 20, 2010 at 4:49 PM. Reason : link and ref]

9/20/2010 4:49:18 PM

That's not unheard of, actually, for the landlord to want $25 to run a credit check on prospective tenants.

BUT... that really is the landlord's responsibility. So, yeah... they're trying to deflect their own responsibilities onto you

9/20/2010 6:44:30 PM

but to have to pay it before you can see the inside of the apartment at all? jeez.

9/20/2010 7:32:37 PM

Quote :

"Thank you for mailing my wallet back. (Raleigh) Date: 2010-09-21, 7:46PM EDT Reply To This Post I assumed it was lost forever, including the irreplaceable autograph on the back of it. Then today I came home and there was a package in my mailbox. Inside it was my wallet with everything in it, including my measly $7. There was no note and no return address - just my wallet with everything intact. I'm happy to have it back again, but I want you to know, whoever you are, that the thing I'm most grateful for is the tangible reminder that humanity is not a lost cause. "

9/21/2010 9:48:54 PM

Here's a winner

http://greensboro.craigslist.org/w4m/1970825912.html

Quote :

"would you be willing fulfill a fantasy..of..mine and let my guy friend suck your cock, ( even if it's for..2..minutes) then you and I can meet and you fuck me anyway and in any..hole..you want?..I want this done because i'm looking for a guy who is..willing to do..almost anything for me sexually and doesn't give a shit...Basically an..open minded guy who i can have a long term fuck buddy..relationship...so meet my guy friend first he sucks it and leaves then i meet you and fuck you....trust me it's worth it "

Funny if she had another listing in Winston-Salem offering herself up to whatever guy would come over to "suck her friend's dick... just for about 2 minutes..."


[Edited on September 24, 2010 at 11:23 AM. Reason : ']

9/24/2010 11:20:23 AM

Quote :

"I'm on the 4th floor of a walk up in the South End. You can come see/pick it up this morning. Please email for address. Thanks. Good condition http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/50103086" rel="nofollow">http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/50103086 bought from IKEA for $70 plus extras Excellent storage: Insert with 2 drawers ($35): http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20156948 Insert with door ($20): http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/90190944 Basket ($13): http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/00138432 (will add real picture that shows these included later today) 70 + 35 + 20 + 13 = $208 selling for $100 obo "

10/5/2010 9:48:39 PM

great math skillz

10/5/2010 10:03:44 PM

10/13/2010 1:40:16 PM

10/13/2010 1:41:54 PM

^^ That's gotta be fake... If not, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

10/13/2010 4:43:13 PM

I think that's sweet

10/13/2010 4:46:30 PM

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/bfs/2006447461.html

Quote :

"After an abysmal showing by its team in the first three home games, the Penguins organization has decided to sell its highly prized, but wholly depressing nascent sports complex to whoever is willing to take the cursed arena. The team was projected to win 50 games in its regular season at Consol (with some wins counting as "double wins") by at least ten goals per game. Furhermore, our golden boy, Sidney Crosby, has only been able to muster one goal, six inches from the net (twice the distance from which he normally shoots). This could be attributed to the emotional distractions caused by his sudden move, which vastly upset his overlord, Mario Lemieux. In summation, this arena has fallen far below our expectations and is merely carrying over the bad tidings left over from our magical run to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs. We would like to move on as swiftly and quickly as possible. "

10/14/2010 11:22:57 PM

From Lake Boone Trail, Raleigh....

Quote :

"The guy who lives below me . . . - m4m Date: 2009-12-06, 1:00AM EST You and your girlfriend live in the apartment below me. I came home about 20 minutes ago and could easily see you bent over the couch getting banged by a dude in your living room. Next time be sure to close your vertical blinds all the way when getting nailed with the lights on, or at least angle them away from the parking lot, or maybe take it into the bedroom. FYI: I hooked up with the same dude a year ago, and though he's got a pretty big tool, he did give me crabs. Yes, I'm sure it is the same dude. His tattoos are unmistakable. Anyway, I suggest a full bottle of Rid-X before the girlfriend gets back in town. * Location: Raleigh -- Lake Boone Trail "

sure, its in Best Of, but still local...

10/20/2010 5:50:19 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/m4m/2030662967.html

Quote :

"Looking to take 100 kicks to the Nads, no Cup - 25 (NCSU) Date: 2010-10-28, 3:39PM EDT Reply To This Post This is not for sex. I don't want sex. I just want some guy preferably 6 feet or shorter to pound my fucking nuts into oblivion. I assume full responsibility. I'm talking full force, soccer style punting, or you can use your knee. I'm 6 feet, 180 lbs and look good and all, and i want to see if someone actually has teh strenght to lift me completely off the ground. I've taken 50 kicks before, now I wanna see if I can make it to 100. Think you got what it takes to make me puke or pass out? This is no shit. Corner of Gorman and Western."

10/29/2010 3:27:36 AM

This made me lol for some reason

Quote :

"fire wood - $60 (madison n.c) we are selling a truck load of wood stack on truck..it is not just throwed on the truck. you get more wood if it is stack on a truck..call david or dillon any time day or night. you can also call ruby at ******.---dillon-******..-- david ******---or home ******--timothy at ******.. thank you and i hop you will call on us ...just live us a message and we will call you back.. "

[Edited on November 10, 2010 at 4:23 PM. Reason : reminds me of Orlando Jones in Office Space]

11/10/2010 4:21:52 PM

Quote :

"you get more wood if it is stack on a truck"

11/10/2010 4:27:45 PM

Quote :

"Tim that used to come in Harrison's grill - w4m - 26 (cary) Date: 2010-11-11, 12:58PM EST Reply To This Post I have not seen you in here in a while. Are you still out there? I thought we had a connection. I am working tonight if you see this. * Location: cary * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 2054637090"

Quote :

"re:Tim that used to come in Harrison's grill - 27 (Cary) Date: 2010-11-11, 6:50PM EST Reply To This Post "Tim that used to come in Harrison's grill - w4m - 26 (cary)" How did Harrison feel about that? Hope he had a toothbrush handy. * Location: Cary * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 2055348930"

I'll admit, I chuckled...

[Edited on November 11, 2010 at 8:14 PM. Reason : bold]

11/11/2010 8:13:54 PM

^LOL

11/11/2010 10:08:12 PM

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAHAHAHA

LUCIUS, GET YOU SOME DAWG.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/2059591530.html

Quote :

"Mustached Bartender under the Sea... - w4m - 24 (Neptunes) Date: 2010-11-14, 10:56AM EST Reply To This Post . I presume you have a wife/girlfriend/significant other, but I just want to let you know you're one of the most beautiful Men I've ever seen..I wanna play with your hair and ask annoying questions about where you get your clothes..I'm down with the 70's man..I think it's hot! You also have the most spectacular mustache...I don't usually dig on men with taches but yours is mesmerizing! I've also seen you slightly tipsy around town and you seem like a laugh...anyway....you're pretty..nuff said Location: Neptunes it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 2059591530"

11/14/2010 10:32:18 PM

I'd love to see a picture of the chick who wrote that

11/14/2010 10:45:27 PM

Quote :

"you're pretty..nuff said "

true that

11/14/2010 10:47:35 PM

Ha, I too think Lucius is sexy. Really sexy

11/14/2010 11:07:17 PM

set em up craig

11/15/2010 12:33:13 AM