Quote :

"It was important to me that my wife take my last name, and my wife had no desire to keep hers. It would have been a dealbreaker if she refused."

Quote :

"It was important to me that my wife be of the same religion as me, but I didn't see it as a dealbreaker."

You compromise if your wife doesn't want to follow your religion (or at least your particular denomination), but you'd jump ship if she didn't want your last name? I thought it'd be the other way around.

7/14/2007 1:53:16 AM

Quote :

"no offense but why would someone even consider marrying her after the 2nd one..."

haha, none taken. that's pretty much what i said. she's definitely got some issues. she has a phd in psychology also. go figure.

on the upside, her current one seems to be working out well. they've been together a few years now.

7/14/2007 2:36:21 AM

^^ Like i explained in the same post, it's not the issue of the name in and of itself, but what that is an indicator of.

7/14/2007 8:45:36 AM

Quote :

"I've never met a guy with a hyphenated last name, but I can guarantee that people would make a mockery of him all the time."

I know a guy with a hyphenated last name, and a long hyphenated last name at that. He's a journalist, and his name's all over the various papers he writes for, and I don't know of him ever having trouble.

We call him "hyphen," but mainly because he told us that people used to call him that. It's used lovingly, though

And women are trying to be men? Fuck me, I'm on the wrong planet.

7/14/2007 11:05:27 AM

I would certainly prefer she take my name... I am a bit old fashioned, though with some persuasion I could settle for either her keeping hers or her hypenating hers. However, I won't hypenate mine, and definetly not take hers (what 'man' would do that?).

Now something people haven't talked about on here: whose name do the kids get?

Quote :

""I've never met a guy with a hyphenated last name, but I can guarantee that people would make a mockery of him all the time.""

Yup, I've heard some, and have known a couple ladies who laugh at them too "he musta got pussywhipped good"

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 11:56 AM. Reason : ]

7/14/2007 11:53:51 AM

I am a bit old fashioned, and by that I mean that "certain types of people" should know their place in society.

7/14/2007 12:00:50 PM

Yup, just like noobs really need to know their place on internet message boards.

7/14/2007 12:05:44 PM

STAY ON TOPIC PEOPLEZ

btw they talked about children's last names on the front page

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 12:09 PM. Reason : +]

7/14/2007 12:08:31 PM

^ oops just read it.

A compromise on the kids could be, if her last name works for the gender of the kid and it doesn't sound bad etc... Make the kids first name her maiden name (or middle name).


By the way, women who get upset about keeping 'their' name, need to realize it is most likely their father or paternal grandfathers name first! How many generations should they go back to hypenate it with mom/grandmoms/greatgrandmoms name.....?

7/14/2007 12:25:11 PM

Quote :

"he musta got pussywhipped good"

you know, a lot of people with hyphenated names have it because of divorced or remarried parents, not because they're pussywhipped.

actually, come to think of it, I know two guys with hyphenated names and one girl. All 3 of them have those names because of their parents being divorced and/or remarried.

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 12:35 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2007 12:35:14 PM

Quote :

"shovenistic "

Quote :

"totually "

Quote :

"as of us, "

Quote :

"alpahet "

Quote :

"lineange "

if we get married, i'm going to demand that you take my last name


because it's only 4 letters long and spelled just like it sounds, so maybe you'll manage to not fuck it up.

7/14/2007 1:18:45 PM

lol

7/14/2007 1:32:52 PM

I took my husbands last name.
It was hard to get used to the idea of changing it though. Where I'm from my last name is pretty important. My ancestors helped found the colony of Connecticut with Thomas Hooker. My ancestors also used to own the majority of our town and the name is eveywhere. I've always found my familys history very interesting and have done a few research projects on it. I was always proud of my last name and it was hard to give it up.
Our compromise is that our first son's middle name will be my maiden name. My husband thinks it's a great idea and a way to honor my family.

7/14/2007 1:48:29 PM

Quote :

"Thomas Hooker"

7/14/2007 3:32:22 PM

i knew a lady one time who took her husband's last name of "Bimbo"

7/14/2007 3:44:38 PM

Quote :

"for the ladies: will you or have you taken your future husbands last name?"

I'd sorta like to keep my name. There's no need for me to change it, really, and all my cousins on this side of my family are girls (which means the name dies out with us if we all get married and change our names). Or if he insists that I change mine, he can change his last name to my last name. Otherwise it's just a bullshit male property thing (which people funnily enough now like to say "Oh, well I changed my name because it was romantic!"). I don't see why the woman's family has any less of a history/legacy than his does.

Quote :

"I will insist that both my wife and I change to my dog's last name, Rocketpants-Explosion.com, and, yes, it's a deal breaker."

hahahaha, now there's a last name everyone can agree on

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 4:05 PM. Reason : ]

7/14/2007 3:50:44 PM

^ This is where it gets touchy I think, because there are cases where there are no sons to carry on a family name....but that's where the name always comes from...the father, grandfather, etc. You probably didn't get your last name from your mother, now did you? What makes you think that your future husband is going to be okay with not being able to carry on HIS family name because you see it as a "bullshit male property thing". I find it very difficult to believe that there are men out there that are going to say, you know what, my name isn't that important, we'll use yours. And then there is the giving the girls one name and the boys another. You are creating a family, but yet you are not united because you are still keeping this separate based on gender. To me, not signifying a family. Doesn't make any sense. I don't think anyone is saying that a woman's family has any less of a history or legacy than his does...and I also don't think your family expects you to have children so you can carry on the family name. You not giving your children your last name isn't erasing your family history or legacy. That will happen if you don't teach them about it.

7/14/2007 4:05:17 PM

Quote :

"What makes you think that your future husband is going to be okay with not being able to carry on HIS family name because you see it as a "bullshit male property thing". I find it very difficult to believe that there are men out there that are going to say, you know what, my name isn't that important, we'll use yours."

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, I thought this was about a guy who'd care about me and my family enough to marry me. Seriously, I don't see why his name is more important than mine. I didn't say I should keep mine and he has to take mine (because I'm not an asshole, like so many men in this thread), I just said we could switch if a change in names just had to occur.

So your question was, "What sort of guy would be okay with that?" One who gives a shit about me, that sort. I didn't say I wouldn't use his name: but there's no reason he can't use mine.

Quote :

"And then there is the giving the girls one name and the boys another. You are creating a family, but yet you are not united because you are still keeping this separate based on gender. To me, not signifying a family. Doesn't make any sense."

Oh fuck you. If I say I'm a family with my mom's side of the family (WHO, OMG, HAS A DIFFERENT LAST NAME THAN MINE!), then last names aren't that important. Seriously, what about mixed families with stepchildren who have different names? Are they any less important family members just because of that one thing? No. Does it mean they don't care about each other? Does a name mean anything about signifying your love for someone else? No. Besides which, if he has the right to demand that I change my name, I should have the same right to demand that he change his name.

Quote :

"I don't think anyone is saying that a woman's family has any less of a history or legacy than his does...and I also don't think your family expects you to have children so you can carry on the family name. You not giving your children your last name isn't erasing your family history or legacy. That will happen if you don't teach them about it."

No, it's not erasing it, but it's putting it on the back burner by a hell of a lot, and essentially erasing my father's entire line, in my case. I don't really plan on children, so I don't expect that to be an issue, but I can't believe you're perfectly fine with getting rid of a name your father gave you so flippantly.

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 4:21 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2007 4:13:26 PM

^^

You have reached a moral impasse based on your definition of family unity that will not allow you to understand or cede to where some of us coming from.

This isn't a bad thing, people just have been brought up differently.

It just means that I can stop reading the thread now because it's run a soapbox cycle and the only thing that's gonna happen is rinsing, lathering and repeating.

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 4:14 PM. Reason : +]

7/14/2007 4:14:26 PM

Hey Fuchsia don't go ballistic on me, k? Anyway, if you have read my posts in this thread, you know what side I am on.

Quote :

"all my cousins on this side of my family are girls (which means the name dies out with us if we all get married and change our names). "

Unless you plan on giving your children (or your females cousins giving their children) your last name, or at least a hyphenated one, wouldn't your name die out anyway even if you kept yours? Whether you keep yours, change it to his, or hyphenate it, has no bearing on whether your name will live or die after your death. What matters is what name the kids will get.

So in essence, were you indirectly also saying that your kids would get your last name, or at least a hyphenated one, and not exclusively your husband's?

7/14/2007 4:39:08 PM

If I did end up having kids, then yeah, my name would have to be part of it. Still, I don't see why his name would be more important than mine in any capacity. I'm down with hyphens, whatever.

None of my other cousins (or my sister, actually) have this view on naming kids, so yeah, that specific name's line might die out. I'm not going to have a child just so it won't, though, that's silly.

[Edited on July 14, 2007 at 4:45 PM. Reason : .]

7/14/2007 4:44:54 PM

As I thought. Cool with me!

Hey, why don't you have a child and it can be named just after you, and after birth you give it to me, and I will raise it

S/he will be on the news in a couple of decades for being some hotshot super brainy super nice scientist/engineer/athlete/artist/lawyer/doctor/businessman/etc... or all combined into one

7/14/2007 4:53:58 PM

I'd probably be too fucking lazy to go down there and get my named changed.

And I don't really care what people do with their names...EXCEPT one tiny thing...

All you maiden-name-dropping bitches are so fucking transparent. "Oh, I'm dropping my maiden name and keeping my middle..." That's some BULLSHIT. Just come out and say it..."I'm ashamed to be Polish/Russian/Hungarian/whatever. Now that I'm marrying a guy with a 'good' name, I'll be vanilla perfection!"

7/14/2007 5:17:27 PM

Quote :

"I agree with BobbyDigital I am going to take my husband-to-be's last name come November Sure it will mean some hassles with changing my name on stuff - oh well. For business purposes I'll do the 3 name thing (NOT hyphenated) for a while until people make the connection with the new last name. I'm an independent woman and not threatened by "losing" my name. I see it as a sign of our unity - From that day, we belong to each other. Yes, I know you don't necessarily have to have the same name in order to do that - feels more like a statement of the life/attitude change in not being "separate" from each other in ways. "

Basically I agree with this girl. I didn't want to lose my own name completely, because I know a lot of women that have had old friends look for them and not knowing their "new name" they were way harder to find. That being said though, it's just easier for the family to all have one name and as long as I have my name with my husband's I didn't mind. I put my name on official forms with all 4 names (first, middle, maiden, and husband's name) and sign with just my first, maiden, and husband's last name. If we have kids I want them to just have the one last name, but I would still pass on my own family's history and what not through their middle name in some way I think.

7/14/2007 6:22:53 PM

Quote :

"All you maiden-name-dropping bitches are so fucking transparent. "Oh, I'm dropping my maiden name and keeping my middle..." That's some BULLSHIT. Just come out and say it..."I'm ashamed to be Polish/Russian/Hungarian/whatever. Now that I'm marrying a guy with a 'good' name, I'll be vanilla perfection!""

umm there have been good points on both sides of this argument from several people but i completely 100% disagree with that in every way shape and form...

7/14/2007 11:12:09 PM

^Shit, when you get married, you should see about dropping your first name.

7/15/2007 12:17:13 AM

lol no thanks i have no problem with it

7/15/2007 12:19:34 AM

Seeing as few people spell my last name correctly and fewer can pronounce it, I am more than willing to give up mine. I find it kind of odd even for women who have established a name for themselves to not give up their last name. I see nothing wrong with heiphenating or keeping their former last name as a middle name. But to me it seems that a lot of marriages don't last so people would rather not risk losing their name and taking on their husband's so that they don't end up stuck with that name after a divorce. I think that taking your husband's last name is a form of commitment in a way. But I can understand how some women feel that they should be an equal and have a right to keep their names.

7/15/2007 12:23:10 AM

I havent read the thread, but I got married recently and thought I might put in mytwocents...My wife didnt take my last name, and I'm not really offended by it at all. I respect her opinion to do what she feels is best, and what is right for her. We had the understanding before we got married that she was going to keep her last name, but our kids (if we have kids) will have my last name. We both though hyphenating the last name was pointless and kind of stupid. I think in this day and age that if we are two grown up people and really love each other, who cares what your last name is?

7/15/2007 12:35:18 AM

i dont really like my last name and wouldnt be against taking the girls name if it sounded cool

7/15/2007 2:32:34 PM

?

7/15/2007 2:34:38 PM

^woman?

7/15/2007 4:06:30 PM

Some of you dumbasses posting here are going to be single for a long LONG time!!! From these postings-it serves a lot of you right!!

7/15/2007 4:52:38 PM

Quote :

"you know, a lot of people with hyphenated names have it because of divorced or remarried parents, not because they're pussywhipped"

DING DING DING.... there's actually more reasons than this, too

Quote :

"Yup, I've heard some, and have known a couple ladies who laugh at them too "he musta got pussywhipped good""

any lady who says this probably doesn't have all of her teeth. and i'll leave them for you, 3 of 11... sounds like your type

7/15/2007 7:15:13 PM

pm 3

hyphenated when he married his boyfriend

7/16/2007 9:53:37 AM

I like my last name, and I won't change it. It's not fair that the woman has to change her name and the man doesn't.

7/16/2007 1:47:57 PM

Quote :

"for the ladies: will you or have you taken your future husbands last name?"

I would. Ladies who don't are probably way too high-maintenance for my taste.

7/16/2007 1:59:16 PM

because of this thread I actually talked to my gf this past weekend since we are planning to get engaged soon and have some more things like this to talk about. she said she wanted to take mine so that was easy

7/16/2007 2:15:06 PM

Quote :

"It's not fair that the woman has to change her name and the man doesn't."

its really easy for a woman to change her name
its a royal pain in the ass for a man to



and i would be offended if a woman didnt want to take my name, but it won't be an issue because i dont date gross feminists

7/16/2007 2:21:38 PM

there no law saying the woman "has to" change her name

7/16/2007 2:30:18 PM

Quote :

""I had a SOC professor who married a chick like this. They felt it "degraded the female" to just take his name, so they settled on combining the two with a hyphen in between, like Jonna Brown-Smith. ""

So if the problem is with being given a man's name, wouldn't it "degrade the female" to take her father (a man's) name?

Anyway, I think the hyphenated name sounds a bit pretentious unless you are a celebrity or well established business person who makes money off their name. Kind of like getting a pre-nup when you live in a trailer park, what's the point?

It's not an issue for me and my fiance because she wants to take my name. I can't imagine it being a big enough of a deal to not want to be with someone over. Of course she would probably have to deal with teasing from my family for the rest of her life if she didn't, haha

7/16/2007 2:33:48 PM

^Ummm...are you retarded?

7/16/2007 2:36:47 PM

and i would be offended if a woman didnt want to take my name, but it won't be an issue because i dont date gross feminists

7/16/2007 2:44:39 PM

I think most people can agree that it is the "norm" for females to take the males name. Maybe I'm just old fashioned though. Every person in my extended family has done it this way. I don't know a single person with a hyphenated name and from what I can tell all of the people I knows families all have the same last name.

If someone I was going to marry wanted to do something unconventional with what happens with the last name I wouldn't have something against it as long as she had a reason. Maybe her family tradition was different and the female taking the males name wasn't the norm for her. That's a good enough reason for me. But if she was just trying to make a point by keeping her last name I would have a problem.

That's the way I look at it. I don't consider doing what is the norm demeaning. If you deviate from the norm in either direction that is when it could be considered demeaning. I don't know anyone who would look down on a woman for taking her husbands last name. I know plenty of people who would look down on a couple for having different last names though. I'm not saying that is the way it should be, but like I said, if you are doing something unconventional there better be a good reason other than a power trip.

7/16/2007 2:50:48 PM

Quote :

"its really easy for a woman to change her name its a royal pain in the ass for a man to"

explain, please. I fail to see how it would be any less of a pain in the ass for a woman.

[Edited on July 16, 2007 at 4:15 PM. Reason : WOman is what I meant]

7/16/2007 4:11:51 PM

Quote :

"its really easy for a woman to change her name its a royal pain in the ass for a man to"

it is the EXACT same process

7/16/2007 4:14:59 PM

^ & ^^ actually, it most states, it's not. http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=2778930&page=1&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

Quote :

"Under California state law, he needed to pay more than $300, go to court, file a petition, and publicly advertise his name change for four weeks in a local newspaper. If he had simply gone along with tradition, it would have cost only $50 to $80. "

Quote :

"California is one of 44 states with unequal name change laws for people getting married. Right now, only six states -- Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York and North Dakota -- explicitly allow a man to change his name through marriage with the same ease as a woman can. California is not the only state with a high price tag for a groom's name change. In Illinois, a man wishing to take his wife's surname must fork over $246 for a petition and another $150 to publish the change in a newspaper. Connecticut's price is slightly lower, at only $150 for a court petition. "

Quote :

"In California, a surname change for the husband is not even an option during the marriage process. Instead, the man must go through a regular name change process, as if he were changing his first name from Bob to Jim."

[Edited on July 16, 2007 at 5:58 PM. Reason : .]

7/16/2007 5:50:22 PM

^don't call out the feminists so harshly. they don't like being told they are wrong.

7/16/2007 6:00:40 PM

^ haha

7/16/2007 6:01:49 PM

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7/16/2007 6:13:57 PM