Quote :

"do you not see my point about preparing for the worst to have peace of mind? does that not make sense? it has nothing to do with the current status of my relationship. I could be dating a diety and would do the same thing."

no, the thing is, i DO see your point, and i am a HUGE fan of preparing for the worst and having peace of mind...in my life, though, that preparing for the worst tends to fall apart when it comes to something so completely unpredictable as another person, because you never know what MIGHT happen...so, rather than limit myself (because that's how i see it) by holding back, i go full out...if after 6 years i really don't feel that i can trust her not to take my money and run, or cheat, or something else within her control, then i guess i should probably find someone else

all-in-all, i don't really disagree with you in particular...you're not advocating keeping EVERYTHING separate, just minimizing what's shared (financially)...i can see that, and while i will probably share more with my wife in the future, your viewpoint is realistic and probably works very well for A LOT of people

lewoods, on the other hand, is kind of nuts

4/10/2008 5:01:43 PM

I think the whole point of marriage is commiting that for better or worse you will stay with that person forever and share everything you have.

The thing is with a house you cannot just say "aaight lets just split 'er down the middle". There are dozens of other things to consider.

I mean what do you do with the large deck, fence, and detached workshop you added on and invested hundreds of sweat hours in? You can't put a price on that. What if one owner moves and the remaining one has to eat the cost of a roof replacement?

Also, what do you do if the person you co-own the property with just leaves. You might want to sell it, but you can't unless the co-owner cooperates. In the mean time you might be living there making improvements and payments, but if you sell it you will still owe the other party half.

Say the HOA hits you with an asessment. (this happens) The swimming pool is broken and every owner needs to pay an $800 assessment to get it brought up to code. Good luck getting half that money from the person that has already moved on.

In theory saying you agree to split it 50/50 sounds great, the reality is you may have to go to court to enforce that. When you go to court you often times spend more money in fees than you stand to gain. A home requires a lot of investments after the purchase. You invest your own skills fixing it up and repairing things. You invest money in upgrades and replacements. You pay continuously to keep it up and improve it. All of that is hard to keep track of and even if you do it wont matter in court, you both own 50% of the whole thing and you both are gonna have to agree how to sell it and divide it up.

4/10/2008 5:35:28 PM

i didn't think this thread would span so many different topics of love marriage and finances.
to all the people saying i should be ready to get married before purchasing real estate why do you say that?? i understand the parallels in levels of commitment but what advantage does getting married earlier serve? by buying instead of renting i'm investing in something that will not only most likely appreciate in value but also be the cheapest option as far as living in a quality place. seems like a thread for the soapbox. i'm really reconsidering things now and thinking maybe we should rent a really cheap place to live in as a trial run and if that works we would have saved up more $ for a down payment.

4/10/2008 7:20:37 PM

because the law is taylored for people who are married to own real property together. it is not specifically taylored for people who are unmarried to own a house together. there are thousands of pitfalls to consider.

4/10/2008 8:16:24 PM

I don't think anyone has proposed rushing a marriage. I think they are saying wait to buy together until you are on that track.

4/10/2008 10:53:43 PM

Quote :

"to all the people saying i should be ready to get married before purchasing real estate why do you say that"

They say that b/c of social norms. Get an education, get married, buy a house, have kids. That's society telling you what to do.

4/10/2008 11:31:40 PM

Quote :

""Just buy it and make her pay rent. If she isn't willing to do that, how do you think buying a house with her will turn out?" but what if they split? then he is stuck covering the mortgage on his own. It's risky dude"

Probably shouldnt buy a house that it requires both of you to afford.

This was on page 1. I stopped reading at that point. Sorry to chime in late

4/11/2008 8:22:49 AM

Quote :

"They say that b/c of social norms. Get an education, get married, buy a house, have kids. That's society telling you what to do."

Its the government maaaan. Telling you what to do maaaan.

4/11/2008 9:21:21 AM

buy the place yourself and she pay rent or vice versa. split the bills. know that whoever comes in with something gets to leave with something. and whoever is the homeowner purchase all items that would add value or needs to be done to the house (new doors, windows, paint, remodeling, repairs, whatever). never buy items "as a couple." like he bought a TV after we moved in together...that's his.

that's how my bf and i do it, and we'll have been living together for 2 years. he owns. hell we don't even buy groceries together. we'll make the account merge when we get married.

everything works fine. except maybe repairs/upgrades to the house. i can think of 5 things that i'd love to do, but i just have to wait until he's ready b/c since it's "his place" i can't buy it. it's frustrating from a time perspective, but i know that we'll get to it when he's ready. like in the next few weeks, we're finally getting a new door. YESSS!

[Edited on April 11, 2008 at 9:47 AM. Reason : ]

4/11/2008 9:44:12 AM

^ see now that makes sense

4/11/2008 9:45:59 AM