Quote :

"Burglars working to cut their way through a roof and into a tobacco and liquor store in Des Moines earlier this month misjudged their location and spent much of their time drilling a hole to the sidewalk outside the store. "They forgot to take into account the overhang," said Rich Bartlett, owner of Southside Tobacco & Liquor"

Bonus:

Quote :

""I told the cop, 'You don't spend your days chasing geniuses, do you?' " he said."

http://desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070927/NEWS01/709270397/1001/NEWS

9/27/2007 3:38:08 PM

^ Holy shit, that is hillarious! Thanks

9/27/2007 3:59:37 PM

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8RVIP500&show_article=1

Quote :

" PHOENIX (AP) - A woman late to her plane became irate, was put in handcuffs and was later found dead in a holding cell, police said. Authorities were investigating Saturday if the woman choked herself while trying to get free from the handcuffs. Carol Ann Gotbaum, 45, of New York, was arrested Friday at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport after a conflict with gate crews who refused to allow her to board a plane, said Sgt. Andy Hill, a Phoenix police spokesman. The airline said the plane was already preparing to depart. She was rebooked on the next flight, but "she became extremely irate, apparently running up and down the gate area," US Airways spokesman Derek Hanna said Saturday. Officers handcuffed her and took her to the holding room, where she kept screaming, authorities said. Hill said officers checked on her when she stopped screaming and found her unresponsive. Hill said it appears Gotbaum may have tried to get out of her handcuffs, became tangled in the process and the cuffs ended up around her neck. A cause of death will be determined by the Maricopa County Medical Examiner. "She was very agitated and irate and angry," Hill said. "These are the things that led to the disorderly conduct arrest." Authorities said neither a Taser nor pepper spray was used on the woman."

9/30/2007 3:23:49 PM

http://www.phoenixvillenews.com/WebApp/appmanager/JRC/Daily?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pg_article&r21.pgpath=/PVN/News&r21.content=/PVN/News/ContentTab_Feature_715762

Quote :

"PHOENIXVILLE — The Phoenixville Police Department is investigating a freak accident in which a borough woman ran over both of her legs in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s, 651 Nutt Rd., Friday afternoon."

How in the hell does this happen?!

9/30/2007 8:12:36 PM

probably got out to either yell at someone or pick up a quarter she dropped, and the car wasn't all the way in park

9/30/2007 8:41:57 PM

^^are you sure this fits in this thread? Seems like just an accident to me, no stupid business going on.

10/1/2007 11:11:36 PM

Quote :

"One witness said that it looked like the woman had placed an order, and her vehicle was slowly moving forward. The witness said that the next thing they knew, the woman had somehow fallen out of the Blazer and landed partially in the lane, and her legs went underneath her vehicle."

1. Place order
2. Move vehicle forward slowly
3. ???
4. Run over legs!

[Edited on October 2, 2007 at 12:26 AM. Reason : heh]

10/2/2007 12:26:09 AM

Quote :

"GREENSBORO, N.C. -- A Triad man who was trying to rid his home of yellow jackets is now looking for a new place to live, WXII-TV in Piedmont reported. Authorities said Hugh Williams first sprayed insecticide in a hole next to the house, but that didn't kill the bugs. He then stuck paper in the hole and lit it, but the fire spread into the house and the attic, authorities said. The home was draped Monday with a blue tarp, and the chimney was bruised with fire soot. "We certainly do not advocate the burning out of these insects, although it may work," said assistant Greensboro Fire Chief David Douglas. The family is safe, and no injuries were reported, but about $80,000 worth of damage was done to the home. Fire officials said the house has been condemned until repairs can be made. Williams did not want to be interviewed, the television station reported."

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/14250002/detail.html

10/3/2007 9:18:27 AM

Another NC story:

Quote :

" DURHAM (AP) — Add another victim to North Carolina's prolonged drought. Donald Meeks set out Monday morning with bow and arrow in hand to hunt for carp on Falls Lake. He almost didn't return. The retired landscaper from Durham went on foot out on the lake because the drought had left the water level so low. High school friend David Minshew came along for the ride and waited for Meeks at the car, expecting him to return in a few hours. Those few hours passed. The afternoon faded. Darkness began to fall and still no sign of the 68-year-old Meeks. A motorist stopped around 7 p.m. and asked if they were stranded. Minshew used the driver's cell phone to report his friend was missing and to call Meek's wife. Durham County sheriff's deputies responded, using boats to search the grassy area to no avail. It was now midnight. Maj. Mike Andrews asked for a Highway Patrol helicopter. Using thermal-imaging equipment, the helicopter crew found Meeks at 2:11 a.m. Tuesday, about 300 yards north of Interstate 85. He was surrounded by tall grass and "buried up to his chest in some mud, quicksand-type matter," Andrews said. Deputies were unable to pull Meeks out using a rope. They created a walkway with plywood and used some "elbow grease" and finally freed Meeks about two hours later, Andrews said. Meeks says he was simply walking when he fell in a hole, and that he began hallucinating while he was cold and wet and stuck in the mud."

http://www.news-record.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071003/NRSTAFF/71003037/-1/NEWSRECRSSGNRL

I saw someone walking on the Falls Lake lakebed yesterday ... I think it was someone else though.

10/4/2007 10:30:11 AM

He was hunting for fish with a bow and arrow? Is there something I am missing? How big are these carp?

10/5/2007 10:33:55 PM

Quote :

"ZHEJIANG police nabbed a suspected thief after he used an identity card he had allegedly stolen from another man, who turned out to be a wanted suspect at large, according to a newspaper affiliated to China's Supreme People's Procuratorate. The suspected thief, a man in his 20s surnamed Liu, has been sought by police in Suzhou since May for his alleged role in the theft of four cars and extortion of car owners. His three alleged accomplices were caught, but Liu escaped and hid in a small village in the city of Wenzhou in Zhejiang Province since July, the report said. ... What Liu didn't realize at the time, however, was the man he stole the ID card from was wanted by police in Anhui Province for forcing women into prostitution."

http://www.shanghaidaily.com/sp/article/2007/200710/20071010/article_333930.htm

Quote :

"A thief in Germany was charred beyond recognition by a 10,000 volt electric shock when he tried to steal a live copper cable."

http://au.news.yahoo.com/071008/2/14mkl.html

10/10/2007 11:52:05 AM

Quote :

"charred beyond recognition"

does that sound really cool(just saying those 3 words) or what?

10/10/2007 11:54:50 AM

At 10,000 V, it would take a fairly long time to char a body beyond recognition. Perhaps several minutes

10/10/2007 1:23:30 PM

^x5 I've been stuck in mud up to my waist before. It sucked ass.

10/10/2007 1:42:14 PM

^ Is that supposed to be funny?

10/10/2007 2:38:16 PM

Quote :

"At 10,000 V, it would take a fairly long time to char a body beyond recognition. Perhaps several minutes "

depends on the current. FTA:

Quote :

"Only because one of his hands survived incineration were officers able to identify the man as a German of Kazakh origin. "His fingerprints were already logged on police files," a local police spokesman said. "The force of the shock was so great that the hand was severed from his body.""

10/10/2007 5:40:08 PM

Quote :

"EUGENE, Ore. (AP) — When Robert Gillespie looked up from his text message, he saw a freight train. EOM. ("End of message," that is, for non-texters.) Eugene police say Gillespie's car crashed into the side of the Union Pacific freight train about 2 a.m. Tuesday."

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jxD1VsQFRfNBDfYiE_R2UldgnS0wD8SAL3NG0

From the article: He was speeding, driving while drunk and text messaging...

10/17/2007 10:35:24 AM

Okay, this is just too odd ...

Quote :

"The man arrested over a fire at a fraternity building told police he tried to burn the cuffs off his pants because he kept tripping over them. Ryan M. Johnston, 19, of Burfordville was charged Friday with arson and second-degree burglary. He is being held at the Cape Girardeau County Jail on $100,000 bond."

It gets better ...

Quote :

"After telling several different versions of the evening's events during other interviews, the statement said, Johnston admitted to entering the building without permission and using a laptop he found in a loft to "check out songs" that had been downloaded. While using the laptop, he decided to burn his pants at the cuffs because they were too long, according to the probable-cause statement. Thinking the fire was out, he rested his legs on a box of files under the desk, and later realized the box was on fire. It was then that he fled the scene and ran to Rhodes for help. The final story didn't "entirely match up with the evidence," said Sgt. Barry Hovis, spokesman for the police department. Hovis declined to elaborate."

http://www.semissourian.com/story/1288599.html

11/4/2007 9:31:51 PM

Quote :

"HEBRON, CT (NBC) -- It may have seemed like an emergency at the time, but a Connecticut man is now regretting his call to 911. 35-year-old Brian Poulin of Hebron was arrested Sunday after police said he called 911 several times and asked them to bring him beer. Hebron was charged with disorderly conduct. Police said he called 911 numerous times and told the dispatcher he was out of beer and asked them to pick up more for him. Poulin was transported to Windham Community Memorial Hospital after officers arrested him at his home."

http://www.wlbz2.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=74280

11/8/2007 9:21:33 AM

Quote :

"Man Fleeing Police Killed By Alligator Tuesday, November 13, 2007 SWEETWATER, Fla. — A man was killed by an alligator on the Miccosukee Indian Reservation in Miami-Dade County, Local10.com reported. The man, who has not been identified, was running from Miccosukee police when he dove into a retention pond, Local10.com reported. There, he was reportedly attacked by the gator and bitten several times. The man was suspected of breaking into cars with another suspect on the Miccosukee Indian Reservation, Local6.com reported. One was quickly captured. The man's body was found at the bottom of the pond Friday. The man was bitten on the head several times, Local10.com reported. The gator was later trapped."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,311476,00.html

11/14/2007 10:09:13 AM

they should deputize that gator.

11/14/2007 11:38:20 AM

^Agreed.

Another "vacuum cleaner used to siphon gasoline with predictable results story":

Quote :

"A man using a vacuum cleaner to suck gasoline out of a vehicle was burned and his house damaged when the fuel exploded, the Albuquerque Fire Department said. The department responded Tuesday morning to 1500 Seven Falls Place Northwest, where they found a 33-year-old man had been blown into the street by the explosion, Capt. Mike Paiz said. He was treated at University of New Mexico Hospital for burns, Paiz said. The house was condemned by the city after a team found the roof was lifted off and some walls displaced several inches by the blast, Paiz said."

http://www.abqtrib.com/news/2007/nov/14/blast-injures-albuquerque-man-house-damaged/

11/15/2007 12:26:35 PM

rofl

11/15/2007 12:31:13 PM

Quote :

" Man hurt using gun to change tyre A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun. The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place. Shooting at the wheel from arm's length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris. The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries. The man, from South Kitsap, 10 miles (16km) southwest of Seattle, had been repairing his Lincoln Continental for two weeks, according to the police, and had removed all but one of the nuts on the right rear wheel. Frustrated by the one remaining nut which refused to budge, he resorted to fire power in an effort to shift it. "He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," said Deputy Scott Wilson, a spokesman from the sheriff's office. He sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some pellets reaching as high as his chin, police said. "

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7091904.stm

11/15/2007 2:20:44 PM

Quote :

"No brakes driver 'reversed to stop' A 32-year-old man who put his car in reverse every time he wanted to stop allegedly drove his car from Frankston to Kew with no brakes, Victoria Police said. Police said the Thornbury man collided with three cars on Swan Street, Burnley last Monday at 5.30pm after running several red lights. "It is alleged the man continued without exchanging details and was apprehended by police a short time later, after he lost control and collided with a power pole in College Avenue, Kew," a Victoria Police spokeswoman said. Camberwell Police have charged the man with dangerous driving and numerous other driving offences. Police said the man was driving a metallic green 1989 model Ford sedan with stolen registration plates DRB-058."

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/no-brakes-driver-reversed-to-stop/2007/11/28/1196036962571.html

11/28/2007 9:45:17 AM

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/12/06/BA3NTOVO7.DTL

Quote :

"(12-05) 17:02 PST SAN LEANDRO - A pedestrian apparently absorbed in a cell phone call was struck and killed by an Amtrak train in San Leandro today after he walked around a lowered crossing gate and onto the tracks, authorities said."

12/6/2007 10:21:31 AM

Let's get the new year started, shall we?

Quote :

"A would-be bank robber was clued in about demanding money at a Boston bank counter but clueless about the customer behind him -- a police officer in uniform. Suspect Adam Grennan didn't realize police officer Kamau Pritchard was standing behind him, in uniform, about to draw his weapon and place the man under arrest, The Boston Globe reported."

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Quirks/2008/01/01/robber_focused_on_cash_not_cop/3240/

1/2/2008 11:42:25 AM

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007.html

Darwin Award winners for '07 announced

1/13/2008 9:29:01 PM

Quote :

"A Schuylkill County man who broke a warehouse window as he and several friends filmed themselves to put the footage on the Internet site YouTube.com has been charged with criminal mischief, police said. "

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/police/all-1youtube.6269145feb12,0,985456.story

2/13/2008 9:53:39 PM

Quote :

"Police said they have arrested a suspect who solicited an officer, then proceeded to use drugs in the police cruiser. Cincinnati Police said 30-year-old Felicia Chandler knowingly solicited an officer on duty while working as a prostitute -- offering $20 for her services. The officer arrested Chandler for solicitation. While she was being driven to custody in the police vehicle, the officer said that Chandler began to smoke crack cocaine."

http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=c2440c84-578c-42dd-a262-60ef6416c475

2/18/2008 2:11:03 PM

Some fake, some violent, most pretty good
http://www.brainblog.to/mediaview/594/Darwin_Awards

3:33 in is a good one with a biker.

2/19/2008 9:24:31 AM