Quote :

"right. which is why i, from the female perspective, do not understand why other females would want to cheat."

There are plenty of examples of female infidelity from the biological literature with attendant evolutionary explanations. Females who can sneak off and get impregnated by someone outside of their materially-supporting relationship increase the genetic diversity of their offspring and might even be able to include potentially beneficial traits that their mate (or any suitable mate) cannot provide (or is unlikely to provide).

1/17/2011 4:08:32 PM

Quote :

"i have heard lately about more women that have intent in plans to quit with the bjs and cut back on sex after marriage. and i can only think that perpetuates the whole significant other cheating...."

These women should not be surprised when their men look elsewhere. I find it entertaining that women can understand why another woman would want to step out when a man ignores her and does not fulfill her emotionally, yet are flabbergasted when a man steps out because he isn't being fulfilled sexually.

1/17/2011 4:15:44 PM

You're surprised that women don't always make sense?

1/17/2011 4:18:10 PM

I am surprised that more people aren't harassing me. It's the new obsession son. Come over to my thread and join in the fun!

1/17/2011 4:21:06 PM

Quote :

"These women should not be surprised when their men look elsewhere. I find it entertaining that women can understand why another woman would want to step out when a man ignores her and does not fulfill her emotionally, yet are flabbergasted when a man steps out because he isn't being fulfilled sexually."

i understand the men cheating for sex more than i understand women cheating for the emotional part. if you have REALLY good sex with 0 of the emotional stuff, why be in that shitty ass relationship anyway...surely good sex lurks elsewhere. you could be having lots and lots of good sex with lots of people sans the burden of an emotionless relationship.

i don't get it.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 4:24 PM. Reason : .]

1/17/2011 4:22:38 PM

those girls that want to hold out just need to find some highly religious boy that thinks its a sin anyways

1/17/2011 4:23:38 PM

^^I read your statement and it's too confusing for me to understand.

Fire good. You complicated. Sex good. You sex me.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 4:23 PM. Reason : t]

1/17/2011 4:23:39 PM

I saw the pre edit. You want teh grimx.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 4:24 PM. Reason : fail]

1/17/2011 4:24:39 PM

You got me son.

1/17/2011 4:25:08 PM

i don't understand how you can have great sex and not feel emotional about it. i suppose that is part of being a woman.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 4:32 PM. Reason : ]

1/17/2011 4:32:03 PM

that makes me wonder about dating someone with a promiscuous past... especially a promiscuous woman, if they are that ok with one night standing and friends with benefits what's to keep them from having something on the side when in a commited relationship?

maybe i'm more insecure than i thought, but i also think a leopard doesn't change its spots

1/17/2011 4:38:11 PM

there is a major different between being okay with friends with benefits or one night stands vs cheating on an SO

either men or women

1/17/2011 4:39:57 PM

Quote :

"especially a promiscuous woman, if they are that ok with one night standing and friends with benefits what's to keep them from having something on the side when in a commited relationship? "

oh the ole double standard. how i love thee.

Quote :

"there is a major different between being okay with friends with benefits or one night stands vs cheating on an SO"

i also see a difference! just because someone has slept around doesn't mean they are more likely to cheat. and just because someone has cheated before doesn't mean they will be a repeat offender...but yea...i guess it is human nature to find out someone has cheated and then be like "oh shit maybe i should think this through"

trust is hard. getting hurt sucks. we are all defensive i suppose.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 4:58 PM. Reason : .]

1/17/2011 4:40:22 PM

Two handed, deep-throat BJ's?

where do I sign up again?

1/17/2011 4:41:01 PM

Quote :

"that makes me wonder about dating someone with a promiscuous past... especially a promiscuous woman, if they are that ok with one night standing and friends with benefits what's to keep them from having something on the side when in a commited relationship?"

No meaningful generalization can be made here. I could make an equally good case that serial-monogamists are more likely to cheat given that they lay down the emotional bedrock for the next relationship while involved in the current one.

1/17/2011 4:41:50 PM

^^do you fall in love with every beer that you drink or every piece of cake that you eat? it's the same thing. it makes you feel good and excites you, even more so if you know you're not supposed to be doing it.

1/17/2011 4:42:12 PM

Quote :

"oh the ole double standard. how i love thee. "

no double standard, i'm just a straight guy so only women apply to me

1/17/2011 4:43:29 PM

So, to all of you folks who say cheating is ok, and find it exciting, why even bother being in a relationship to begin with? Just be promiscuous and fuck whomever you want for the rest of your lives. Being an eternal bachelor/bachelorette is ok if that is what you want. But don't put yourself in a relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you and feel justified in hurting them for the sheer joy of being with the unfamiliar. You are hurting that person that you supposedly care about, and who cares about you. Again, unless you are in a open relationship that you both agreed to be a part of.

And another question, do you people who cheat and are all about it get pissed off when your SO cheats on you? Or do you just not care?

1/17/2011 5:29:15 PM

^have you read the thread, or have you just glance at it angrily as you saw people have a different perspective than you?

Quote :

" why even bother being in a relationship to begin with? "

those who cheat acknowledge that being an eternal bachelor isn't what they want, and that there is 1 desire out of many that isn't being fulfilled. They are seeking this fulfillment, nothing more, nothing less.

Quote :

"feel justified in hurting them "

if they don't know, then you haven't hurt them.

Quote :

"pissed off when your SO cheats on you? "

I don't cheat any more, but even so I wouldn't be offended, unless the cheating was emotionally tied. I definitely wouldn't be upset if I realized that I had been sexually boring/unavailable for a while. My view is that if I were doing what I need to do that she wouldn't step out on me, and I would understand the consequence of my actions.


Th

1/17/2011 5:42:42 PM

Quote :

"if they don't know, then you haven't hurt them."

i absolutely loathe that mentality

1/17/2011 5:44:51 PM

^ agreed

1/17/2011 5:45:23 PM

I bet you do son, lol.

1/17/2011 5:45:35 PM

Quote :

"i also see a difference! just because someone has slept around doesn't mean they are more likely to cheat. and just because someone has cheated before doesn't mean they will be a repeat offender...but yea...i guess it is human nature to find out someone has cheated and then be like "oh shit maybe i should think this through" "

lol. The girl from the quote also said this.

1/17/2011 5:50:40 PM

^^^^^it sounds like you are putting your own gratification first and have no problem if someone else does this too, even if it is at your expense. I know you might not mean for it to sound that way (or hell- maybe you do!) but that is probably the problem people on here are having with what you are saying.


btw:

Quote :

"Skwinkle All American 11960 Posts user info edit post You're surprised that women don't always make sense?"

quote of the page! haha had me lolling

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 5:51 PM. Reason : h]

1/17/2011 5:51:03 PM

Quote :

"those who cheat acknowledge that being an eternal bachelor isn't what they want, and that there is 1 desire out of many that isn't being fulfilled. They are seeking this fulfillment, nothing more, nothing less."

we have very different definitions of a committed relationship. if you have 1 desire out of many not being met, it is probably unimportant and can probably be overcome. if it can't, then, like i have said before, perhaps being in a committed relationship isn't for you afterall. whether you think it's hurtful or not doesn't matter when you're hurting someone else.

1/17/2011 5:54:07 PM

Don't come in here talkin bout cheatin and shit. That has nothing to do with this.

1/17/2011 5:55:12 PM

^^I agree (kinda). I believe that no relationship will be perfect, and that there will always be something that you think about "could it be better," but I do agree that if everything else you have with the person is not enough for you to get over this, then you need to get out of the relationship. And the minute you feel like you need to step out of the relationship to get this "fulfillment" is the minute you need to step out of the relationship for good. That's just my opinion though.

[Edited on January 17, 2011 at 5:57 PM. Reason : saab is back with a vengence in this bitch!]

1/17/2011 5:57:11 PM

1/17/2011 7:41:14 PM

Quote :

"I don't cheat any more, but even so I wouldn't be offended, unless the cheating was emotionally tied. I definitely wouldn't be upset if I realized that I had been sexually boring/unavailable for a while. My view is that if I were doing what I need to do that she wouldn't step out on me, and I would understand the consequence of my actions."

I hate this kind of shit. To me, being in a relationship isn't 100% about how all of your desires need to be fulfilled all the time or you're going to go fuck something else and that's okay because your SO had it coming for not blowing you at the breakfast table. The cool thing about an LTR is that it's truly, to some depth, about the other person, provided you really care about them. My attractions and desires be damned, I am sickened by the thought that I would be justified in cheating on my SO because she has a day where she feels insecure and isn't interested or whatever. It's cool to be like, "don't sweat it babe, ima hit that shit twice tomorrow to make up for it," and it's all gravy.

I guess what I'm getting at is that not having the pressure to deliver every second of every day is the cool part about a relationship. Using that as an excuse(as the cheater) makes you a selfish piece of shit. Showing a little mutual restraint and compromise beats the fucking shit out of busting a spare nut and having to watch your own back all the time.

1/17/2011 11:53:24 PM

Quote :

"i don't understand how you can have great sex and not feel emotional about it. i suppose that is part of being a woman. "

haha, 99-100% of the sex I've ever had has lacked any emotional component. I suppose that's part of being a man.

Quote :

"just because someone has slept around doesn't mean they are more likely to cheat."

Yeah, I'm totally fine with sleeping with every hot chick who comes my way (as long as she is neither married nor STD-infected), but I think that cheating is some bullshit.

1/18/2011 12:08:18 AM

Quote :

"I am sickened by the thought that I would be justified in cheating on my SO because she has a day where she feels insecure and isn't interested or whatever. It's cool to be like, "don't sweat it babe, ima hit that shit twice tomorrow to make up for it," and it's all gravy. "

What if you're only getting it once a month? Once every six months? Or once a year?

1/18/2011 8:10:04 AM

Then on that one day of sex, there's hell to pay

1/18/2011 8:11:34 AM

Quote :

"i could confess that you're not enough and that with others you must share but when i reach for you at night i know you wouldn't be there i could reveal all my thoughts to you the darkest corners of my heart but would you praise me for my honesty or would you depart? i don't know where i should be this game we play it's killing me she's all that i could dream but she tears me apart she wants me to fill her need she begs for authenticity you don't want truth from me you just want what you want"

1/18/2011 8:33:09 AM

Interesting subject. I don't know if it's become the "social norm" because I think it happened just as much in the past as it does now (maybe a little bit more now as overall promiscuity looks to have risen).

Personally, I'm not a cheater, although I've come close. And I don't feel bad about that (for the people who say that just being tempted to cheat is wrong...you're retarded). I'm in a great relationship now, and the only thing that lurks in the back of my mind is that I won't be able to sleep with any other women for the rest of my life. I can't speak from the woman's point of view, but from a man, I would like to sleep with pretty much every woman that I find attractive. If I could do that without letting emotions get involved, without my SO finding out, without anybody else finding out (thus altering their perception of me), or without feeling guilty myself....then I would probably do it. But I would definitely feel guilty and its pretty difficult to consistently cheat without someone finding out. So that will never happen.

1/18/2011 8:41:30 AM

^ most honest response in this thread.

1/18/2011 8:52:21 AM

I've been cheated on and I have also cheated.

You know what I did?

Got over it.

1/18/2011 8:55:01 AM

I'd like to reiterate my solution to this problem... stay single. Simple yet effective.

1/18/2011 9:47:57 AM

perfectly fine for some


Completely unfullfilling for others

1/18/2011 9:49:53 AM

I understand I was simply offering the only real solution to this problem. Well either that or find someone perfectly ok with being in an open relationship where you are both banging other people but seems like that would be a lot more difficult haha

1/18/2011 9:55:40 AM

or just don't cheat. thats the other real solution

1/18/2011 9:57:43 AM

Eventually you gotta sack up with someone because you need kids to take care of your ass when you are old and indigent.

But that can wait until I'm done wanting to bang every girl under the sun. Or at least until the impulse slows down a little.

1/18/2011 9:58:38 AM

I plan on dying before I get to that point, but that's just me haha (the whole kids taking care of me thing)

crap this was my pallindrome post!

[Edited on January 18, 2011 at 10:01 AM. Reason : !]

1/18/2011 10:01:11 AM

cheating is fucked up and should in no way be the social norm. if it's becoming that way then God help us all. my wife and i have this agreement where if at any point in our relationship we feel the need to fuck some one else then we just need to be open and honest about it. maybe we can work something out, like a trade or what ever.

1/18/2011 10:03:53 AM

as long as you have a solid "retirement" plan

although i think that deserves its own thread

1/18/2011 10:04:01 AM

^^i know you are in a solid relationship, but doesn't that agreement make you worry that at some point she'll search for a reason excuse to have a trist rather than it being a serious concern? or that you could yourself could do the same?


again, this is probably just me having a slightly insecure/paranoid personality when it comes to relationships.

1/18/2011 10:10:02 AM

Quote :

"maybe we can work something out, like a trade or what ever."

I do not think humans are biologically programmed to be monogamous. Then you have to ask yourself what society would be like if everyone fucked whoever, whenever, they had the urge. A balance has to be struck somewhere.

1/18/2011 10:12:29 AM

^^ there's a level of trust that has to be there

1/18/2011 10:13:10 AM

I know some married couples that have separated, fucked all over town like 19 year olds (for 6-12 months), and gotten back together and went back to having a normal story book marriage.

In one case my fiance (gf at the time) made me go out to dinner with this couple after they got back together and all I could think of was his wife screaming in the other room of some random apt with some dude from ruckus.

1/18/2011 10:18:53 AM

I see sparky's point. As much as it would suck to have your spouse come to you and say they've been thinking about stepping out, it would show that they don't want to do something behind your back that could majorly screw up the trust and the relationship as a whole. A trade or whatever agreement you come to might still cause those issues, or it could be fine for both of you. That just depends on the people and the circumstances. But at least you can talk about how to deal with the issue before the hurtful actions are done rather than after.

That's just me though. I believe in being very open, whereas some people would probably rather shield themselves from a few realities because their feelings would be hurt and they couldn't let it go (and there are probably some things I couldn't let go too, but I'd still rather know).

1/18/2011 10:20:21 AM

If you are in an open marriage, then you clearly are not committed to one another. The entire point of being married to one person. Forever.

If my wife ever brings up that she wants to sleep with someone else, then the marriage is over in my eyes. I don't care if she hasn't done it yet or how honest she is being with her feelings.

1/18/2011 10:28:24 AM