Quote :

"Anyone have good recommendations on groomsmen gifts you've seen? Please don't suggest any of the following (have been used by other groom's):"

My husband's groomsmen were all divers, so he got them signed copies of a shipwreck diving book. Do they have a hobby in common that you can work with?

[Edited on August 17, 2011 at 2:48 PM. Reason : ]

8/17/2011 2:47:36 PM

^ Most of us play basketball together a lot, I was thinking about some Nike ID basketball shoes with names on it, however those are a little pricier than I thought ($150+).

8/17/2011 3:13:00 PM

^ Why not tickets to a game?

8/17/2011 3:20:09 PM

Lots of ideas with basketball, depending on your group of people:
--Good tickets to a game for a team you're all interested in,
--autographed photo of their favorite player,
--a mini basketball hoop (a nice one) for their desk at work,
--personalized jerseys.

I always tend to find that gifts that are less trinkets, and more memory making are better.

[Edited on August 17, 2011 at 3:21 PM. Reason : ]

8/17/2011 3:20:30 PM

Box seats to a Bobcats game!

8/17/2011 3:31:35 PM

what about a nice pair of sunglasses? they can pick out the style they like and i would imagine they could use them again

8/18/2011 12:29:17 AM

i didn't know where else to ask this question...

my brother is recently engaged. i love my future sis-in-law, but we come from completely different social groups, i guess you'd say. anyway, i'm a bridesmaid & just got an email about planning the bachelorette weekend. the bridesmaids are me, her insane/bitchy sister that i've only met a couple of times, and 2 friends (who i've never met). oh and possibly some other friends of the bride who aren't in the wedding party. they want to go to charleston for a whole weekend. i'm probably jumping the gun here, but i reallyyyyy don't want to go. i don't drink/party/go out/dance or any of that stuff, & i'm extreeeeemmmely uncomfortable in those types of situations. i don't dress up, i'm not very girly, and i really just can't stand that type of stuff. i think my only saving grace here is that i will hopefully be pregnant by then, and maybe i can use that to get out of it.

am i getting worked up too early here? how do i get out of going? it'll be in march or april.

8/18/2011 1:07:48 PM

Well it's definitely all about you, so you should probably do whatever you want and not worry about the bride.

8/18/2011 1:10:18 PM

damn right it is

8/18/2011 1:20:14 PM

^^^ No offense, but if that's what the bride wants then that's what she should be able to get. If you really don't want to go for the weekend, just say you have to work that weekend. But of course that excuse won't work until close to the weekend of the getaway.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 1:22 PM. Reason : a]

8/18/2011 1:21:54 PM

it wouldn't work at all bc both my brother & i work for my dad. she can and will have a great weekend. i think that me not being there would just be wayyyy less awkward for everybody.

8/18/2011 1:30:08 PM

There's nothing wrong with skipping the bachelorette party. I know several women who have opted to skip the bachelorette party because they knew that they wouldn't have fun in that sort of situation and that they'd bring down the rest of the party.

Honestly, if you know that you'd be the Negative Nellie of the bunch and bring everyone down, then it's better for you to skip it.

8/18/2011 2:10:08 PM

^that's what i was thinking

but now that i've finished spazzing about this, i'm going to back off the judgmental bitch role & try to get to know these girls via fb or something first. maybe they're really awesome people who somehow like the same stuff i do. i'll give them a chance.

8/18/2011 2:15:31 PM

I think if you know the bride well enough, she would know or at least understand that you're not interested in that type of thing. I knew my cousins wouldn't be interested so while I sent them an invitation to the bachelorette party, I told them I would not be offended in the least if they didn't come. They didn't come and I'm totally fine with it. I think if you were the maid of honor, there would be more of a "sense of duty" to plan it and/or go, but you're not so I wouldn't worry about it. I would just tell her straight up, "Hey...I may pass on the bachelorette party, but I would love to help you out with anything else wedding-related"

8/18/2011 3:00:42 PM

^ Exactly. See how else you can help, whether it's contributing a little more to a shower (decorations, prep work) or taking on an extra set of tasks on the days leading up to the wedding. That would probably mean a lot to her. And I'm sure she understands that the bach party isn't your cup of tea.

^^ Oh, also, maybe they're looking for a low-key Charleston weekend. A spa getaway could be quite relaxing. Def doesn't hurt to give the gals a chance.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 3:07 PM. Reason : r]

8/18/2011 3:05:45 PM

thank you

8/18/2011 3:08:26 PM

i recently attended a bachelorette party i wasnt thrilled to be attending and i only knew the bride

there were 15 girls and some of them were mean to me growing up

i just drank heavily and everything was fine

8/18/2011 3:18:17 PM

yeah see this is just my brother's gf. i know her...alright. not super well but we're not strangers either. i've never hung out w/ her outside of a family function. she's really nice & i like her a lot, we're just not really close. i don't/can't drink, but if i could it probably wouldn't be nearly as awkward.

i guess what i'm getting at is that i'm pretty sure i'm a bridesmaid bc she's being nice/that's what you're expected to do, not bc we're close friends.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 3:24 PM. Reason : ]

8/18/2011 3:23:17 PM

^^ OOOH! 15 is way too many for a bach party, in my experience.

I went to a 17-person bach party in NYC in April. A lot of the girls fought, which was stressful for everyone, especially the bride. With that many folks, not everyone will get along. And money issues come up.

My favorite bachelorette party ended up just being 3 people. We took a cruise to the Bahamas, got massages, ate great food and enjoyed moments of relaxation on a tropical island. The bride loved it and we all got some nice time together.

I'm glad most of my friends are at the age where we don't want a booze-filled hurrah. Most of us just want some spa time, shopping time, pool time and overall relaxation.

^ I think the main thing to do is get an idea of whether or not it's going to be a wild weekend or mild weekend. Relaxation vs booze-fueled party. Nothing wrong with the latter, but it's stressful for some.

Maybe you should make an offer to hang out with your SIL one-on-one to get to know her a little better as the date approaches. Go out to lunch or dinner. Or go for a hike together.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 3:27 PM. Reason : s]

8/18/2011 3:24:56 PM

My fiance is having 19 at hers...

8/18/2011 3:50:53 PM

Charleston is a beautiful city. Lots of stuff to do there besides dancing and drinking. Fantastic food, shopping, and yeah, you could go the whole spa relaxing part...

8/18/2011 3:53:52 PM

hahahhahah my brother just came back from a meeting. all i told him was that the weekend was gonna be in charleston, he said, "oh, you don't want to go to that. that's not your scene. [fiancee] won't care."

hahaha. freak out for nothing

8/18/2011 4:58:19 PM

Awesome.

I still think you may want to do something nice for her in town. Just a little gesture. Maybe offer to take her to a day spa or out for dinner. Even if she says no, I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture. Just a simple welcome-to-the-family gesture.

"It's not really my scene, but I'd love to take you out to dinner or go get a manicure instead."

Your brother sounds very cool!

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 5:08 PM. Reason : d]

8/18/2011 5:07:35 PM

Quote :

"I went to a 17-person bach party in NYC in April. A lot of the girls fought, which was stressful for everyone, especially the bride. With that many folks, not everyone will get along. And money issues come up."

I just don't get this. I guess with the advent of the bachelorette traveling weekend that adds stress, but there's no reason that 17 grown adults can't go to a bar and be civil with each other if not friendly. Whatever happened to party manners?

8/18/2011 5:10:15 PM

^ When people drink too much, sometimes bad things happen. And these were 17 grown women with very bold opinions. Women in their 30s and 40s. Apparently there was a dispute over a bill, which just unfolded into a mess.

There was also a bit of a debacle involving limo reservations and getting stranded at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. Long story. Either way, a few folks were just crabby and tired by the end of the weekend.

It's one thing if it's one night. But when you get 17 folks together for 3 nights in a lively city, people can start to act a little odd.



[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 5:16 PM. Reason : x]

8/18/2011 5:15:09 PM

But that's kind of my point. If you can't manage to hold your tongue for a weekend to avoid stressing out everyone else in the equation, then those women probably shouldn't be going on a trip together in the first place. I just think it's a shame that people selfishly blow shit up during what's supposed to be a fun vacation rather than putting their grievances on the back burner and dealing with them once the weekend is done.

8/18/2011 5:22:58 PM

Agreed. I'm not defending them, but when money issues come up, people tend to get pissy.

Also, the ages ranged from 27 to 40 and the women came from a variety of backgrounds. There was a bit of animosity because of age differences, plastic surgery and income.

For example, a couple of the women were heiress/socialite types, while some were struggling journalists. The wealthier ones were getting irritated at the others for not participating in spa appointments and upscale dining. But the ones with less money figured they would do some activities, but not all. The wealthier women thought the poor folks were being cheap and aloof.

Either way, 17 can be a lot, particularly if you have a diverse group of friends.

By the end of the first day, tensions were bubbling. And by day two, they exploded.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 5:30 PM. Reason : d]

8/18/2011 5:29:58 PM

^ same shit at the one i went to with 15

some of the girls didnt make a lot of money and didnt want to go out to dinner

we're not talking upscale dining or anything

the best night for me was the one in which i got "lost" from the group and went off with another girl i met from the party who didnt know anyone either.

shit started hitting the fan bc the bride was a push over and tried to make everyone happy and kept changing her mind to the point at which half the group ended up back at the hotel thinking the bride wanted to go back and chill in the room and drink (bc thats what the bride said at the time) then found out she changed her mind and went back out

drama all around. it took me a couple days to recover from it all. i decided before the bachelorette party that i wasnt attending the wedding in ohio

also opinion on something else: my 3rd cousin sent me an invite to her bridal shower in florida... she knows there is no way in hell i can attend a random sat party in october and we dont even talk often. we get along great but i found it odd that i was invited to her bridal shower several states away...... shes older than me so i dont think its a ploy for gifts but when the invite showed up i thought it was the wedding invite and it wasnt....thoughts?

ALSO i got invited to my step-cousins wedding 3 weeks before the event. i never see him much less talk to him. i think the last time we saw each other was like....5+ years ago?? would it be tacky to skip sending a gift? i doubt he even knows how we're related...

8/18/2011 9:53:09 PM

lets clear this up

big bachelorette parties can be a problem

big bachelor parties are never a problem

lesson: women are crazy

but seriously, i have heard numerous stories about big groups of girls getting together for something like that and having a huge fight; never heard a similar story about a group of guys.

but let me get the f out of this thread, my gf doesnt even go on tdub, but i dont want her to sense a disturbance in the force and start getting ideas!

8/18/2011 11:28:10 PM

Hahaha! I saw you posting here and started to freak out!



[Edited on August 19, 2011 at 12:03 AM. Reason : S]

8/19/2011 12:02:01 AM

^^^ sounds like your cousin is just being polite. As for your step-cousin, go to JC Penny, find a normally $50 gift on clearance for $20 and mail it to them. That's what I do when I get a wtf wedding invite.

8/19/2011 8:12:14 AM

Quote :

"also opinion on something else: my 3rd cousin sent me an invite to her bridal shower in florida... she knows there is no way in hell i can attend a random sat party in october and we dont even talk often. we get along great but i found it odd that i was invited to her bridal shower several states away...... shes older than me so i dont think its a ploy for gifts but when the invite showed up i thought it was the wedding invite and it wasnt....thoughts? ALSO i got invited to my step-cousins wedding 3 weeks before the event. i never see him much less talk to him. i think the last time we saw each other was like....5+ years ago?? would it be tacky to skip sending a gift? i doubt he even knows how we're related... "

I've received bridal shower invites from out-of-state and I just politely send my regrets. I'm pretty sure she doesn't expect you to attend, but might have invited all the females or maybe just didn't want you to feel left out.

As for your step-cousin, I would be weary of an invite 3 weeks before the event...meaning you were probably B-listed. In that case, skip the gift

8/19/2011 8:13:42 AM

Sometimes I wish I had more girl friends then I read stories like these and I'm so happy I dont

8/19/2011 8:36:50 AM

^ I know right? Like, it really flabbergasts me that this sort of shit actually happens. Back in the day you'd just internally grumble about the offending person and bitch about their actions after the event. I can't believe women actually pull bitchy stunts like this. Well, I can, I'm just glad I don't associate with those sorts of people.

8/19/2011 8:38:54 AM

you don't need a huge group of girls to have one of them pull bitchy crap.

I didn't even want a bachelorette party, and my sister was being hella-catty about it. B and I decided to just go out to our usual tiny dive bar with some close friends and siblings as a low-key, joint "last hurrah" two nights before the wedding. Big sis decided to bring her father and step-mom, along with some people B doesn't even know (her friends).

I nearly punched her in the face when I saw all of them walk in.

8/19/2011 10:28:28 AM

Her FATHER??? That's just bizarre. Did she not realize the significance of the occasion?

Now that I'm thinking of it, here are another couple of odd bach parties:

#1:
One of my friends is in a wedding next year and the couple getting married wants to have a JOINT bachelor/bachelorette party in Costa Rica for a week. At least half the wedding party can't go because of the tremendous expense associated with it--a few of them are teachers, or have kids or simply don't have enough vacation time. And the traveling party is still around 16 people. My gf is a little nervous because there have already been some fights about overall budget. That's a very expensive bachelorette party. And they're trying to rent a house, which means someone's going to put down a lot of money up-front, then hope that everyone who commits ends up going.

#2:
My gf who had the cruise bachelorette party got really upset because only 2 of the 8 invitees could go. The cruise probably cost the local FL girls about $500 per person after all was said and done. However, most of the bridesmaids were coming from another state, meaning the trip probably would cost them over $1,000 after airfare (followed by a return trip 2 months later for the actual wedding). Also, this was her second marriage, so most of the gals been in her first wedding/bach party.

I thought she would have been more understanding of the expense, but she was really pissed!



Shouldn't the bride be a bit more understanding about expenses? I just hate to see stuff like this cause a riff in friendships. Money matters can drive a huge wedge.

8/19/2011 10:57:44 AM

^
Any bride that doesn't understand expenses deserves to be let down like that. If you truly want everyone to go on some expensive vacation for your bachelorette then pay for those who don't have the money. If you can't afford it, do something local.

8/19/2011 11:34:00 AM

Quote :

"If you truly want everyone to go on some expensive vacation for your bachelorette then pay for those who don't have the money. If you can't afford it, do something local."

damn straight! we didn't do any showers or pre-wedding events until the weekend of the wedding, mostly because it would have cost an arm, leg, and first born for most of our friends and family to attend. and we even covered the hotel/travel/childcare costs for the wedding for a few family members/friends. I'd rather be out a little money and not put our loved ones in awkward money-related situations.

And if I had wanted the weekend girls-getaway thing, the first thing I would have done is make sure either I could cover the cost or all my gals can easily afford it. Those women that pitch a fit if you don't shell out money far beyond your budget for a party or shower just blow my mind.

8/19/2011 1:23:51 PM

Quote :

"Also, this was her second marriage, so most of the gals been in her first wedding/bach party."

lol that's just cruel. i understand that the first marriage didn't work out but i have quite a few friends who are on marriage #2 and they expect everyone to go all out the second time around (even with folks who were involved in the first wedding).

8/19/2011 1:32:54 PM

^ She chewed out a few people in the weeks following her wedding because they gave her cheap gifts (under $100) and she thought they could afford more.

But those guests had also been to her first wedding, so their thought was that they didn't have to be as extravagant the second time around.


Just wondering, when y'all plan bach parties, what do y'all typically anticipate spending? And what are the rules for the $$$ to spend on a wedding gift?

[Edited on August 19, 2011 at 1:46 PM. Reason : f]

8/19/2011 1:42:18 PM

maybe it's because i'm getting older, or that i'm a bit frugal at times, or that i've been to 8000 bachelorette parties, but honestly i'm not a big fan of them....especially the ones where it's like, "ok you need to block off three days on your calendar JUST.FOR.ME" that's just not really how i roll.

the most fun bachelorette party i went to was a for a coworker/friend of mine. she wanted something low key so she invited a bunch of girls out for dinner and then we went bar hopping and drank. went home at the end of the night. no giant blow-up penises, no silly games. for me - that's more my thing and is what my bachelorette party will be like (although mine will have my 2 best gay guy friends there with my 3 best girlfriends and that's kind of all i want). the only trouble is that 1 friend lives out of state and 2 friends live in another part of NC so as much as i don't want this to be a "weekend about me" most of them will have to stay at least one night here in town.

as far as what i've spend on previous bachelorette parties - i've spent as much as $350-400 to as little as $50. when you factor in the drive to where ever you're going (gas), the hotel costs, food, drink, lingerie (if there is a lingerie party), and anything else extra, it adds up quickly. most of the bachelorette parties i've gone to though have cost me about $300 on average.

8/19/2011 3:29:53 PM

my bachelorette party will be drama free


why? because I have eliminated all drama makers from my life... all fun and games with this crowd

(except for my sister )



anyway.....


9 months to go

8/19/2011 3:57:44 PM

I can come and cause drama.

8/19/2011 3:58:41 PM

My last one cost over $700 just for transportation, accommodations and one night of entertainment (the bride wanted to do a limo tour/barhopping excursion) for a bach party in NYC. After food & bev, it was easily a $1,000 weekend. The dinner for a low-key night was at BLT Steak ... definitely not low-key dining.

The bride was irritated that a couple of the girls (including myself) opted to skip the Broadway show ($100 and I'd already seen it) as well as the 8 a.m. spa appointment (another $100 to $200). We met up for everything else. But it was a little mind-boggling. The bride may have just been a little moody bc she was pregnant.




The one before that was a $500 cruise.



I need frugal friends, dagnabbit.

^ Sam, where are you going for yours?

[Edited on August 19, 2011 at 4:02 PM. Reason : d]

8/19/2011 3:59:06 PM

wtf is up with bachelor/bachelorette parties being these weekend vacations essentially? I just don't get that. Whatever happened to going barhopping and getting plastered for the night? That's what we did and it was great. Personally I'd feel awful asking people to spend hundreds of dollars to fly to NYC or something for a freaking bachelorette party, because there's this underlying, "Oh you MUST come," that a lot of people feel for anything wedding related.

8/19/2011 4:05:03 PM

I think it's pretty crazy to ask someone to give up that much money and TIME! The time is the kicker. Most of us don't get a ton of free time. Our weekends are precious. For a lot of my friends, we only see our sig others on weekends. So weekend trips can be a bit draining.

A one-night thing is definitely nice.

8/19/2011 4:09:26 PM

Yeah fuck that weekend nonsense... I don't even have that kind of time



We're probably going to go out in Raleigh and I'm going to get drunk. That's about all I want. Oh, and I want some really awesome cake. And I'll possibly steal LK's "suck for a buck" idea.



We're having a weekend in ATL for my sister.. that was my idea though because I only have to drive 2 hours now (4 hours both ways) versus 18

8/19/2011 4:13:55 PM

Best engagement photos ever?

http://mlkshk.com/p/69H1

I would hotlink photos but I'm on my phone. Somebody else feel free.

8/19/2011 4:40:17 PM

^ yeah someone posted them in the chit chat... awesome!

8/19/2011 4:51:18 PM

Quote :

"I have eliminated all drama makers from my life... all fun and games with this crowd (except for my sister)"

lol BEWARE! my sister was the source of every ounce of drama for me.




On the weekend bachelorette party- I actually really like the idea. It gives me a chance to get to know any of the ladies I didn't know already, and spend some quality time with the bride. Since I don't live near my best friends (and thus never get to see them), I like getting more than just a night to celebreate with em.

8/19/2011 5:20:38 PM