Dear FORTRAN program,

Plz stop crashing. What did I ever do to you?

hugs and kisses
Daniel

2/21/2005 8:29:53 AM

Dear knife,
Please remove yourself from my back.
Kthx.

Love, Ronny.

2/21/2005 8:31:19 AM

dear tww,

please entertain me on this dreary monday.


much,
-Brian-

2/21/2005 8:31:35 AM

dear office manager,

i'm not really sure what you mean by teaching kim what i do that's the most important considering i do things by a request basis now that i no longer have a needles' checklist...
so unless shit's going to hit the fan while i'm gone for spring break (3 days considering i only work 3 out of a 5 day work week), you should just use the other legal assistants in the the other offices--there are 4 of us for a reason ya know

think outside the box

~me

2/21/2005 8:41:03 AM

Dear car,
Please turn into a Carrera GT. I'd much appreciate it.

Yours truly, Ronny.

2/21/2005 8:49:45 AM

Big Mouth,

Thanks for letting my foot slip right in there

Sadly,
APRIL

2/21/2005 9:19:10 AM

Dear time,
I wish I could travel through you.
Ronny

2/21/2005 9:20:03 AM

Dear TWW,

I wish I could see what happens to a server when it melts. Quick, someone start a pictures thread.

Bored and wondering, Canis Lupis

2/21/2005 9:35:11 AM

dear laundry,

i win.

your best friend in the entire world,
josh

2/22/2005 12:14:21 PM

Dear Environmental Ethics Syllabus,

why must you put that I have to read like 20390 pages before class everyday? You do this as if you believe that I will actually do my work. I wonder who in my class has the time to read all this before class and keep up with their other work. You really aren't my friend anymore mr. syllabus.

I hate you,

~E

2/22/2005 12:16:44 PM

Dear Bridesmaid Dress,
Can you go get yourself altered today? You should have been last week.
Later
-Joie

2/22/2005 12:20:26 PM

Dear papers on my desk,
Please sort and file yourselves accordingly...the mess is driving me crazy

Thanks!

Love, April

2/22/2005 12:23:39 PM

dear clean cloths i haven't folded....
please fold yourself ?

thanks
Bill

2/22/2005 12:37:47 PM

Dear TWW Drama,
god I love you you often give me infinite entertainment. Thanks!
Love
heather

2/22/2005 9:22:38 PM

dear tv,

wtf are you thinking?

jessica

2/22/2005 9:44:54 PM

dear chapstick,

you look good, you feel good, and you smell good but goddamn you fucking taste like shit

2/22/2005 11:36:46 PM

dear woodpecker thread

thanks for the reminder


rooney

3/4/2005 7:37:17 AM

Dear alarm clock,

I heard you the first time

thanks
Alan

3/4/2005 9:58:17 AM

dear computer,
please start working faster so i can leave work on time

much love,
-Brian-

3/4/2005 10:01:35 AM

Dear Workroom shelves and such

Plz to rid yourself of junk

binge and purge

Thanks,
Love,
APRIL

3/4/2005 11:31:12 AM

Dear bed...
i'll be there sooon don't lose hop just gotta finish this work up, e-mail it in and then
Pass The Fuck Out with you

3/4/2005 11:37:41 AM

Dear fifty dollar bill,
how about inviting some of your freinds over for lunch and then we will go shopping ...you know...spend the day out together

<3 ali

3/4/2005 11:41:41 AM

dear band aid,
Next time I'd like to keep some of my hair

3/5/2005 4:16:50 PM

dear cellphone

please magically appear, i need to get a number out of you very badly.

3/5/2005 4:17:46 PM

dear speakers

keep blaring dope music



<3 jason

3/5/2005 4:18:04 PM

dear KY Jelly,

Thanks for keeping me from getting friction burns

Penis

3/5/2005 4:18:37 PM

dear haters,

KING KONG AINT GOT SHIT ON ME, THIS SHITS CHESS NOT CHECKERS.

~josh

3/5/2005 4:20:24 PM

dear fat ass

quite being inanimate

gym closes in 2 hours

3/5/2005 5:45:42 PM

dear hang nail,

i am going to cut you off

bye, elizabeth

3/5/2005 5:49:25 PM

dear atm machine

please give me money from someone elses account

3/5/2005 5:53:25 PM

dear bottoms of my toes,

i don't understand why 2 of you are white and numb and the rest of you are red and warm.

please come back to life,
elizabeth

3/5/2005 6:13:45 PM

Dear Stomach-


Please figure out what you want to eat because my brain can't.
Then you can stop rumbling and i can take a nap.
K, thanks.

-Allie

3/5/2005 7:03:45 PM

Dear Beer,

Why do you treat me so well one night then treat me so poorly in the morning?

Why do you make me think that the ugly girl is hot and make me feel like I can get her?

Why do you abuse me when I only show love for you?

The times are changing and my liver has asked me to stop seeing you. However, I have learned that I cannot live happily without your constant caresses in the palm of my hand. Things must change between us, but it is so difficult.

I would like to have this conversation with you in person and hope you will join me at a bar tonight to work out our many problems.

Cheers,

udorawala

3/5/2005 7:31:34 PM

Dear Cancer Biopsy,

Please come back negative. I'd really appreciate it since I'm already fighting for so many other things. Even if you don't, please be aware that I'll fight you too, and you'll lose. Thanks for your understanding.


Axelay

3/5/2005 9:05:09 PM

Dear Crown Royal,

mix your damn self with Dr. Pepper .... you're wasting my drinking time


-- Rooney

3/5/2005 9:06:49 PM

dear rain,
wtf?

jessica

3/5/2005 9:20:57 PM

Dear Cary,
goodbye forever

-Steve

3/5/2005 9:21:21 PM

Dear shower,
Please stop being cold and suddenly scalding hot. I'd really love a nice, hot, relaxing shower.
Love,
Leann

3/5/2005 9:23:58 PM

dear mary poppins,

please come clean my apartment. wait, you're not an inanimate object.

oh well,
elizabeth

3/7/2005 5:46:20 PM

Dear Oreo pudding cup:

I :heart: you You are yummy in my tummy

~Absolut

3/7/2005 5:49:28 PM

3/7/2005 5:52:24 PM

dear concord house
why are you so fucking cold all the time
I know you are the keeper of the heinous bitch called mom.
but you don't have to be so cold too
please warm up
k thx
~bill

3/9/2005 2:09:22 AM

dear monitor:
stop making that high pitched buzzing noise because it's starting to make my nose and ears bleed

3/9/2005 2:11:02 AM

^^hahahaha

homestarrunner.com rocks!

3/9/2005 2:11:19 AM

dear voicemail

do not pick up when he calls. just, fuck it, I don't know....act like I don't have your services on my cellular. let it ring and ring. do not give him the satisfaction of knowing i have to hear his voice later on in the evening. i am truly disgusted at this record you keep.

abusively,
D

3/9/2005 2:13:40 AM

Dear Women,

Why are you so complicated?

3/9/2005 2:15:56 AM

Write letters to inanimate objects

last time i checked women are alive... start a new thread

3/9/2005 2:17:41 AM

It was a satire moron !

3/9/2005 2:18:26 AM

Dear GSK interview this Friday,

Please go well so I can get drunk in peace Friday night.

Best Wishes,
SIG

3/9/2005 3:18:32 AM

Dear saps MP3 player

thank you for quality drunken musical entertainment for hours on end

-- Roooney

3/9/2005 3:20:34 AM