fuck a duck

phone is officially dead


this is the first time i've run the iphone battery all the way down

12/27/2009 12:04:57 AM

that last chapter finally came to a close. i suppose i'm happy to have finally reached the end although, knowing the full book now, i'm not sure how i feel about it all....

12/27/2009 12:07:08 AM

12/27/2009 12:24:04 AM

<3 Mike Rowe

12/27/2009 12:35:25 AM

Packs of feral dogs. Both because they live around here and are currently being talked about on the TV.

12/27/2009 12:48:26 AM

Why you women always think I'm tryin to bwn you? I r offended.

12/27/2009 12:49:43 AM

For the record, women, shmorri is like the rest of us in that he is always trying to bwn you. Do not be fooled by his hollow, shamefaced lies.

12/27/2009 12:50:43 AM

I am nothing like you people


































[Edited on December 27, 2009 at 12:52 AM. Reason : .]

12/27/2009 12:51:26 AM

Sometimes I hate my imagination.

12/27/2009 12:56:00 AM

Today my mom said, "What do the windshield wiper, fire escape, and (some other invention) have in common?"

"I dunno, what?"

"They were all invented by women."

"Oh, nice."

"I know. Just goes to show you."

"Yeah, I hear that. Hey, I've got one, what do the atom bomb, skyscraper, automobile, airplane, space shuttle, machine gun, steam engine, cotton gin, television, electrical power, concrete, the domestication of crops and animals, helicopters, satellite dishes, refrigerator, microwave, penicillin, and the interstate highway system have in common?"

"Ha-ha-ha."

"Oooh, or how about the smallpox vaccine, the transistor, the internet, solar panels, photography, vinyl siding, stealth bombers, republican government --"

"GRUMPY SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

And I laughed and laughed because mom was cussing me out.

12/27/2009 1:03:25 AM

you know. amnesia would be really nice.


and on that note - i'm going to bed!

[Edited on December 27, 2009 at 1:04 AM. Reason : .]

12/27/2009 1:04:38 AM

<sub>I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear, 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.</sub>

12/27/2009 1:06:14 AM

^ That is a [WIN]


With that said... I wish this whole world would catch amnesia.

12/27/2009 1:22:04 AM

12/27/2009 1:44:27 AM

hahaha

gg OBC

12/27/2009 1:45:29 AM

Oh man I really like animal collective.

12/27/2009 2:10:16 AM

WTF iTunes. Why can't I find a normal version of the doxology. Why do people have to go and ruin a pefectly good hymn by adding all those "special" touches? Just do the harmonies right and it will sound amazing.
I've never quite understood that. There is such beauty in the hymns how they are. Making them all contemporary ruins them imo.

12/27/2009 3:30:25 AM

Mom made me sleep in a house contaminated w/black mold last night. I woke up with ridiculous congestion. Good or bad sign?

12/27/2009 9:24:45 AM

A true heartwarming story of a mother's gift to her daughter

12/27/2009 9:27:42 AM

i was gonna say that this place is dead, but realized its 10am on a sunday morning

12/27/2009 9:55:27 AM

It was dead all yesterday too though

12/27/2009 9:59:51 AM

I'm going down in a bit to get myself something small to eat, to clean up a bit, to tend to the dogs, and then to GTFO this house.

12/27/2009 10:41:41 AM

at least it's not just MY mother that goes on groundless rampages

I'd feel bad for my FIL if...I dunno.

12/27/2009 11:04:43 AM

man, this apartment is a wreck

12/27/2009 11:07:29 AM

hurry up and get out of the house, you crazy bitch

let the rest of us have some peace

12/27/2009 11:09:39 AM

^yikes. relatives?

MIL. got it.

[Edited on December 27, 2009 at 11:44 AM. Reason : a]

12/27/2009 11:44:12 AM

12/27/2009 11:47:11 AM

^lol well with that picture of her it seems like a lot of people could do better.

12/27/2009 11:48:53 AM

^^^STEP MIL

[Edited on December 27, 2009 at 11:49 AM. Reason : sadf]

12/27/2009 11:48:55 AM

Airport Security coming into the US is ridiculous. They are patting down, and wanding every passenger. Everything is being xrayed, swabbed and tested, all items turned on, etc. Took forever to get through.

12/27/2009 11:58:41 AM

that terrorist attack thing in Detroit probably has a lot to do with that

12/27/2009 12:05:48 PM

I'm missing a 20 out of my wallet from last night.

I had 60 bucks on me, spent roughly 30. I should have a 20 hiding in there with all these fucking ones!

12/27/2009 12:06:52 PM

Olive garden with the entire extended family, sitting across from 5 kids under 10. Fml.

12/27/2009 12:29:41 PM

Looks like I'm stranded at my apartment til Brandi gets off work

12/27/2009 1:28:33 PM

lawl at my cousin's facebook status:

"you know what i wanted to actually spend new years with the girl i fell for but doesnt look like thats going to happen I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel (PAPA ROACH)"

12/27/2009 1:42:15 PM

^hahahahahaha

12/27/2009 1:43:42 PM

haha wow. what are they like 12?

12/27/2009 1:46:08 PM

Quote :

"I'm missing a 20 out of my wallet from last night."

been there done that!

12/27/2009 1:54:36 PM

giants are getting spanked

12/27/2009 2:22:17 PM

i really wanna go hiking or something so i can test out the new camera.

12/27/2009 3:34:09 PM

saaaaaaaaaaad panda

if southpark didn't have all their episodes online i would probably be murdering all of my cousins right now

saaaaaaaaaaad panda

12/27/2009 3:42:21 PM

i, too, hate spending holidays with my cousins

12/27/2009 4:16:58 PM

I always get teary eyed when I see a baptism.

12/27/2009 4:24:07 PM

i don't mind my cousins. it's my dad and sister who make me want to shove forks in my ears.

12/27/2009 4:33:14 PM

someone just asked me if we had a "jam band" section in our store

12/27/2009 4:41:44 PM

Quote :

"haha wow. what are they like 12?"

He's like 21 or 22.

12/27/2009 4:42:24 PM

i can't believe i got another flat on my bike today...i really hope it's just bad luck and not a bad wheel

12/27/2009 4:51:35 PM

Mario Kart for Wii

12/27/2009 4:56:37 PM

you should invite me over sometime to play wii. and drink your beer. and eat breakfast for dinner.

12/27/2009 4:59:50 PM

^i will absolutely do that. one night this week while lucy is in town!!!

12/27/2009 5:00:22 PM