Dear Car,
Please warm up quickly and don't run out of gas until after school and the cooperative discipline meeting tonight. Thanks!

Love,
Leann

3/9/2005 7:59:25 AM

Dear transmission,
thanks for working smoother in warmer weather. I find great enjoyment in driving my car when you are working the way you have been working the last 2 days.

much,
-Brian-

3/9/2005 8:07:40 AM

Dear cough medicine,
Please help

~Absolut

3/9/2005 10:57:39 AM

Dear Bank account.

You're free to grow on your own. Really. Become the giant you were meant to be!

Kisses,
Ian

3/9/2005 11:17:58 AM

dear strep,

fuck off.

...no, seriously. fuck off.

wishing you weren't here,

lauren

3/9/2005 11:23:58 AM

dear strep

Stay in lauren and the hell away from me.


Ian

3/9/2005 11:51:55 AM

^can't it just get out of me and leave town peacefully?

3/9/2005 11:54:21 AM

Dear Latex,

Why must you do this to my precious skin? It was once so smooth and nice.
Now it hurts to even put water on it.

_Josh

PS I am cheating on you with your cousin, Nylon.

3/9/2005 11:54:48 AM

Dear Food,


get in my belly

kthx

3/9/2005 11:55:18 AM

Dear Cock,

why cant you be big and brown?

3/9/2005 11:56:19 AM

Dear Herb Sendek,

Please find some emotion when you coach NCSU against FSU on Thursday.

much,
-Brian-

3/9/2005 11:56:35 AM

Dear clock,
Please hurry and make it 9:30, I have things to do and pool games to be won!

Fondly,
Misha

3/21/2005 3:11:18 PM

Dear cell phone,
Please upgrade yourself to a model that does not suck.

Thx, Ronny.

3/21/2005 3:20:46 PM

Dear gas in my tummy,

settle down, you're not going anywhere until 5:00
when i'm out of the office and in my car, i'll let you go
well actually, i may wait until i get home and get out of my suit, so you'll just have to keep waiting just a little bit longer

3/21/2005 3:38:10 PM

dear fishbowl

i will clean you tomorrow. fishie hang on until then.

3/21/2005 3:54:49 PM

dear Cansnuts' fishbowl

sorry i pooped in you

--------------

dear fishie

sorry i ate you

--------------

dear Cansnuts

that ain't a fish

3/21/2005 4:03:39 PM

Dear Puppy Poop,

Why do you keep showing up at my place? I mean, I watch you come out of the puppy like 5 times a day outside, but yet I still find you just kicking it around the house every now and then. And also, why do you prefer to lay on the carpet? I mean, I think the lanoleum would be much more comfortable for you. Anyway, I am respectfully writing this letter in hopes that you will pack up your "shit" and stay outside.

PS. Can we also do something about that smell?

Respectfully yours,

djeternal

3/21/2005 4:11:33 PM

dear toilet,

im sorry i take like 30 dumps a day. youre way over worked, and im sorry. however, i refuse to stop eating dairy products and spicy foods.

3/21/2005 4:14:30 PM

dear ophelia book

please appear somewhere, i need to read you for class.

3/21/2005 4:34:52 PM

Dear thread,

You are the funniest thing i've read on TWW in a long time.

Sincerely,

moron

3/21/2005 4:36:42 PM

Dear Thermo Test,

Please be easy so I can do you fast and forget about you even faster.

respectfully yours
Jen

3/21/2005 4:39:34 PM

Dear Nutrition Notes,

Please implant yourself into my brain, for I don't have the time or energy to actually sit down and read!

Needing to pass,
Dana

3/21/2005 4:42:07 PM

dear gas in my tummy

there is no need for this current uprising and rebellion
i understand the situation is dire
but the hour approaches for your freedom
i need you to be strong, can you be strong for uncle billy?

3/21/2005 4:44:01 PM

dear coffee,

i love you. you have helped me through many a dull day. we are friends til the end for sure, but how could you let yourself spill? i need to be studying, not cleaning your mess off the floor, wall, and desk. maybe you did this because you are trashy gas station coffee and you crave negative attention. i love you still and will let it slide this once.

forever yours
jen

3/22/2005 11:16:00 AM

Dear Prescription,

I don't like that you dizzy and drowsy. Just make my E.coli go away

3/29/2005 9:06:08 PM

Dear chinchilla toys, please entertain my babies better.

3/29/2005 9:15:39 PM

Dear Lego ARC-170 fighter:

Why do you have to have gaps in your cockpits? That drives me crazy. Now I'm gonna have to find some pieces to make you look better.

Thanks, Eddie

P.S. I know how old I am, thank you very much.

3/29/2005 10:07:25 PM

Dear Mainstreet Market:

I love your bourbon street chicken...but i went with the veggie plate today and it was oh so good.
and the roll, PERFECT...

but i said Dr Pepper...what's this diet coke shit you gave me?

~LK

[Edited on April 1, 2005 at 12:20 PM. Reason : vt]

4/1/2005 12:20:09 PM

dear stoopid bellsouth dsl

i hate you fuckers 4 taking away the t1 line we had but no one paid for... bastards.

~bill

4/1/2005 9:22:00 PM

dear snack,
please hold me over until lunch

-Brian-

4/4/2005 9:57:07 AM

Dear photos,
Please sell so I can make back the money I spent on prints and frames.

Yours Truly, Ronny

4/4/2005 9:58:24 AM

Dear alarm clock,
I want my hour back

4/4/2005 9:59:40 AM

dear diet dr. pepper,

please make my stomach stop being so mean. the day has barely begun.

lauren

ps- you'd better have the $25,000 winning code under your cap

4/4/2005 10:00:04 AM

Quote :

"dear walmart socks, why do you come in a resealable bag? i just want to wear you, not eat you bye"

There is a very good reason for this.
People go up in Wal-Mart and tear open socks and underwear and shit to see if they will fit or to see what they look like. With resealable bags, Wal-Mart won't lose one out of ten bags of socks to these people.

[Edited on April 4, 2005 at 10:09 AM. Reason : i only searched the first page to see if this had been addressed, didn't realize there were 9 pages]

4/4/2005 10:03:13 AM

Dear Job,


There was nothing to do today.
No papers to file.
No bags to stuff.
No accounts and computers to screw with.

I walked in and my manager wasnt even there and no work was left for me. That emergency exit door that doesnt sound off when you open it was too tempting. Oh well.

Hope I see you tommorow again at 3,

lazy bastard

p.s. I'll sign the time sheet when i leave my room for class

[Edited on April 4, 2005 at 10:04 AM. Reason : 3q4 trasg]

4/4/2005 10:03:51 AM

Dear Time Sheet,

I'm coming back to sign you. It might be a awhile b/c I'll have to sweet talk the boss about the Illinois/Carolina game to avoid some interrogation as to where I've been. See ya soon.

-Me

4/4/2005 10:49:31 AM

Dear Sports Talk,

I'm going to stop reading/posting in you for a while.
See you around the time that football starts back.

-Brian-

4/4/2005 2:18:59 PM

Dear Bed,

You were so comfortable this morning. Im sorry I had to leave you. Ill be back tonight

Jen

4/13/2005 10:27:26 AM

dear sinus pressure, runny nose, and itchy eyes:

GO AWAY DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!

love
~LK

4/13/2005 10:28:46 AM

Dear Tax Return,

Hurry up.

-Brian-

4/13/2005 10:31:38 AM

Dear money,
Plz multiply on your own.
<3 Sam.

4/13/2005 10:31:59 AM

dear golden grapes,
you are so yummy. thxj00 for being my breakfast.
<3,
emily

[Edited on April 13, 2005 at 10:39 AM. Reason : ]

4/13/2005 10:39:06 AM

dear internet,

01001001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01010100 01101111 01101110 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01101111 01101100 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111001 00101110 00100000 00100000 01010100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00101110

bye

4/13/2005 10:46:40 AM

dear dishwasher,
plz to stop making such horrid noises

kkthx,
xtine

4/13/2005 12:25:56 PM

dear car keys

stop running away

-Joie

4/13/2005 1:12:33 PM

dear laundry

please wash yourself

4/13/2005 1:19:41 PM

dear bags,

please pack yourselves. it would seriously speed up all i have to do his evening.

thanks

4/13/2005 4:08:09 PM

Dear revisions,

please correct yourself.

-Brian-

p.s. at least don't multiply

4/13/2005 4:11:50 PM

Dear penis
I know i abuse you and treat you like a peice of meat, but you have to understand i only beat you because i love you, and want the very best for you, that way when you get older you'll be very productive.

P.s. the next time you spit at me i'll kill you

~Bobby

4/13/2005 4:15:00 PM

dear penis spitters,

you spit that shit on me and i'll kill you too

best regards,

josh

4/13/2005 4:16:01 PM