Sorry if it's old... I thought it was funny...



The following is supposedly an actual BONUS question given on a
university chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so
profound that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as
well.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state:
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Joani during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Joani kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

12/5/2005 5:05:33 PM

i've read this before except...

Quote :

"and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Joani kept shouting "Oh my God." "

the one i read went something aolng the lines that since it (sleeping with said chick) didn't happen hell is not exothermic and will combust

[Edited on December 5, 2005 at 5:09 PM. Reason : fvdbxf]

12/5/2005 5:07:42 PM

i think this was like the second thing that was ever on the internet

12/5/2005 5:19:01 PM

its new to me. funny shit

12/5/2005 5:23:13 PM

new to you?

I don't see how this could be new to anyone

I got this email in like 1998

It was probably first written using Babbage's Analytical Engine

12/5/2005 5:25:03 PM

Heaven forbid someone spend enough time away from the internet to not see this forward.

12/5/2005 5:30:14 PM

Quote :

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? "

boy, talk about a stressful exam.

12/5/2005 5:31:38 PM

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

[Collected on the Internet, 1997]

12/5/2005 5:32:41 PM

I saw this in like the mid 90's. I'm not exaggerating.

12/5/2005 5:35:41 PM

hahhaa

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY, STUPID EMAIL

12/5/2005 5:46:17 PM

1997

12/5/2005 5:51:59 PM

Quote :

"It was probably first written using Babbage's Analytical Engine"

fucking classic

12/5/2005 6:07:54 PM

apparently you're NOT the ldywhoknows

12/5/2005 6:10:39 PM

first time I've seen it. Thanks for posting that.

12/5/2005 6:15:22 PM

Quote :

"i think this was like the second thing that was ever on the internet"

WE HAVE A FUCKING WINNER! FUNNY AS SHIT!

[/END THREAD YOU LOSE Shaggy WINS]

12/5/2005 6:19:58 PM

yall are some elitist assholes. i knew this already, but it needed to be stated again

12/5/2005 6:39:34 PM

elitists...maybe.

it's still old. good, but old.

12/5/2005 6:44:30 PM

http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/humor/

felt like droping this one in

12/5/2005 6:46:41 PM

there is this other one about an english inclass assignment

12/5/2005 6:55:19 PM

it's new to me, but I actively avoid anything resembling an email forward/"true" anecdotes

12/5/2005 7:19:53 PM

http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/humor/1980s-kids

WTF, I was born in 1985 and over half of those don't apply.

12/5/2005 9:30:04 PM

yeah i was born in 78 and thats pretty much bullshit

12/5/2005 9:37:21 PM

[old]

12/5/2005 9:57:12 PM

Quote :

"WTF, I was born in 1985 and over half of those don't apply."

why dont you let grown ups handle this you little shit.

12/5/2005 11:26:24 PM

alt.humor owns your dad's ass

12/5/2005 11:27:29 PM

i thought it was cute... i never got the e-mail either... nice break from the math hw

12/5/2005 11:34:52 PM

Quote :

""It was probably first written using Babbage's Analytical Engine""

/thread.

12/5/2005 11:53:37 PM