"Mrs. Alito aparantly had a tragic laundry accident and came to the hearing wearing her grandma's couch."

1/12/2006 11:13:39 PM

no they fucking just topped that


I WOULD TOTALLY FUCK THAT PURPLE MONKEY


^but yes....i had to pick myself off the floor

[Edited on January 12, 2006 at 11:15 PM. Reason : -]

1/12/2006 11:15:19 PM

Nothing beats the time he and the audience started sucking each other's political dicks with unending, but well written, liberal jargon on a show thats supposed to be funny

1/12/2006 11:18:58 PM

^zing!

1/12/2006 11:23:48 PM

LIBERAL JARGON~~!!!!

those .... LIBERALS!!!!!!


its so outrageous.

1/13/2006 12:00:20 AM

my dick, i will have you know, is completely nonpartisan. i'd even let a dog give me head.

1/13/2006 12:02:03 AM

You say potato, I say THERE IS AN UTTER LACK OF POTATOES!

1/13/2006 12:39:22 AM

fucking liberal jargon. and what the hell does john stewart know about comedy. i bet noone watches his show anyway. that wired cover/article was just a fluke, he sucks.

1/13/2006 12:56:54 AM

go kill a jew baby.

1/13/2006 12:58:28 AM

of course there is a market for that show but they sell it like its a zany (bordering on kooky) show that pokes fun at establishment
its the polar opposite of this when 100% of the show can be found (months before airing) on any number of wacky internet sites consisting of material varying in political affiliation ranging from "left wing" to the "liberaly democratic"
which everyone not pre-disposed to chugging industrial solvents also recognizes as what is on 99% of all heavily funded popular media (ie. "The Establishment")
SEVEN THUMBS DOWN

1/13/2006 1:18:25 AM

man, that show fox news is HILARIOUS.

1/13/2006 1:20:41 AM

^^ stop trying so hard.

oh, and check here:http://www.uottawa.ca/academic/arts/writcent/hypergrammar/punct.html

1/13/2006 8:43:40 AM

most conservatives I know with a sense of humor enjoy the daily show. you're just brainwashed to think it's liberal.

there was some research done, and I'll try to find the link, that showed that the liberal bias was miniscule at best in the show, based on number of jokes towards politicians from each party, guests, etc.

1/13/2006 8:55:42 AM

Quote :

"most conservatives I know with a sense of humor enjoy the daily show. you're just brainwashed to think it's liberal. there was some research done, and I'll try to find the link, that showed that the liberal bias was miniscule at best in the show, based on number of jokes towards politicians from each party, guests, etc."

It does have a slight liberal bias but nothing earth shattering. I'm a conservative and think the show is one of the funniest out there. You have to be able to laugh at yourself (or at least those sanding on your side of the ring). It would be nice if tDS could send some current event jokes the direction of SNL's Weekend Update so they could funny on occasion too.

1/13/2006 9:54:02 AM

BRING ME MORE JEW BABY

1/13/2006 10:37:33 AM

I think the Bias Is raging on that show, its not to say it isnt funny sometimes, but lets not pretend the bias isnt there. sometimes they get way tooo mean spirited with it though. and a joke at a liberals expense every now and then would make it a little better

1/13/2006 10:47:47 AM

you mean like how he makes fun of john kerry every single time he's mentioned?
any time john kerry does anything that involves talking, they play the clip and stewart makes some joke about how he is boring no matter what he's saying, etc.

1/13/2006 11:05:32 AM

there have been some mean things said about kerry by jon.

1/13/2006 11:06:50 AM

well oreilly has said some mean things about the right

so i guess there is no bias on his show

1/13/2006 11:23:38 AM

fermat sucks ; \

1/13/2006 11:28:27 AM

well, as i said, that research examined jokes towards both sides and found they were almost even

and o'reilly's show isn't so much a problem with who he talks shit about, it's that he LIES

1/13/2006 11:30:45 AM

Bias or not the show was funnier back when it was less political comedy and more comedy.

1/13/2006 11:42:37 AM

I guess you guys missed him ripping Kennedy during that segment...?

1/13/2006 11:42:57 AM

the daily show with craig kilborn?

1/13/2006 11:45:36 AM

Quote :

"it's that he LIES"

how?

1/13/2006 11:46:13 AM

I think it's just easier for him to make fun of conservatives right now because they're the ones in control.

If it were a democratic white house and senate, there would be more opportunities to make fun of those damn liberals.

1/13/2006 11:46:56 AM

The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went heads up.

1/13/2006 11:50:07 AM

1/13/2006 12:29:18 PM

I pretty conservative, and I watch the Daily Show, religiously... I think Jon Stewart is fucking hilarious.


WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, LADIES DRINK FREE!!!

1/13/2006 12:34:52 PM

I could have sworn the thread title was favorite quote from, not discuss the bias of, the daily show and that it was in entertainment not the soapbox...however I am functionally illiterate so what do I know?

1/13/2006 12:38:06 PM

I like his facial expressions. The man is pure genius and every word that flows out of his mouth is like a small pearl of knowledge and wisdom.

1/13/2006 12:40:44 PM

i was pretty damned sickened when j.lo was shoved down our collective throats

then, it was jessica and nick.

now for the last goddamn time stop telling me the daily show and steve carelle are funny. it's like that bastard that asks you to try his favorite lasagna that his mom makes with brussel sprouts, cinnamon, and goat cheese. it might appeal to you because its what you're used to but i'm pretty damn sick of hearing how great it is only to find out that it's "meh"


plus i bet you guys that love this say "chaaah" alot, and laugh like roger ebert.

1/13/2006 12:42:09 PM

id rather shove me down j lo's or jessicas throats

1/13/2006 12:43:27 PM

an old one:

"john, the only reason my wife and i got married was because gays couldn't. our marriaged was conceived as a giant taunt to homosexuals everywhere."

-stephen colbert

1/13/2006 1:00:03 PM

my all time favorite bit was when they had governor bush from 2000 debating president bush from 2004

1/13/2006 2:12:41 PM

Paraphrase:

"So for those of you keeping track Man married to a Woman is greater than Man married to Man which is equal to Man fucking a turtle."
-After a clip in which someone compared same sex marriage to marriage to a turtle.

1/13/2006 3:32:08 PM

Highlights from their "Indecision 2004" DVD package

Stephen Colbert (summarizing the Democratic primaries): "Sharpton talked circles around his opponents and was the clear winner in the debates but alas...he was black."

Bill Clinton: "Contrary to popular belief, strength and wisdom are not opposing values."
Jon Stewart: "Unlike say, power and self-control."

John Kerry: "Above me is a great flag. We call her 'Old Glory'."
Jon Stewart: "Lets burn that bitch."

John Edwards: "When you talk to your brother, and he says he's spending all his time at the office and can't get ahead. Tell him hope is on the way. When your parents call you and say they can't afford to pay for their medicine, tell them..."
Jon Stewart: (whispering) "I'm on the other line."
...
John Edwards: And you can tell Al-Qaeda that regardless of what they do or where they go that..."
Jon Stewart: "Uhh...hope is on the way?"



"This is a story I could really wrap my hands around. I mean, I'd love to grab this story by the hilt and work this story long and hard, maybe teasing you with a few details. Make you beg for the story until it builds into a huge climax and explodes all over the front pages."
- Stephen Colbert describing a Prince Charles sex scandal, before trying to wolf down a banana and then completely losing his composure.

[Edited on January 13, 2006 at 5:00 PM. Reason : .]

1/13/2006 4:55:49 PM

Quote :

"Bill Clinton: "Contrary to popular belief, strength and wisdom are not opposing values." Jon Stewart: "Unlike say, power and self-control.""

I laughed so hard the cat got scared.

1/15/2006 2:12:09 AM

Quote :

"my all time favorite bit was when they had governor bush from 2000 debating president bush from 2004 "

I'D LOVE TO SEE THAT

1/15/2006 2:21:00 AM

this is from one of the "special reports" or whatever but as he was interviewing someone who was spouting nonsense, it went something like this:

Daily Show Correspondent Which I Can't Remember: What exit do you take when you go home?

Person He Was Interviewing: Why?

Daily Show Correspondent Which I Can't Remember: Because I wanna know where you get off!

1/15/2006 5:06:14 AM

This show is absolutly great, you just need an open mind to enjoy it.

1/15/2006 11:35:04 AM

It occasionally makes me laugh but I don't find it consistently funny(aka SNL syndrome).

The funniest thing I remember from the Daily Show was the interview with Don King and was just a quick clip of him waiving a little American flag.

1/16/2006 5:27:26 AM

when talking about pat robertson, who said that the new orleans flood was the fault of the gay pride parade coming to the french quarters. john stewart showed a map and the french quarters were not flooded and all of the areas around it were.

he then said, "what this means is that god doesn't hate the gays, but he hates the gay adjacent"

1/16/2006 7:36:23 AM

First she was like a sister. Then she was a like a mother. Then she was like a sister who motherfucked me.

The Monica Lewinsky interview by Barbara Walters in Jon Stewart's own words.

1/16/2006 8:27:55 AM

Quote :

"Daily Show Correspondent Which I Can't Remember"

ed helms

1/16/2006 9:44:17 AM

"the Daily show: Where more people get their news than probably should."

If you don't think its funny, you either don't get it, or are too uptight.

1/16/2006 1:11:54 PM

its so wierd to think about this show back when craig kilbourne hosted it

1/16/2006 1:43:45 PM

^

I actually thought it was better then but then again I guess I'm the only one who doesn't like the "Hey, look at me! I'm a jew!" thing.

1/17/2006 2:12:05 AM

ahahahaha, you said jew, ehehe

1/17/2006 2:14:25 AM

Governor Bush 2000 debating President Bush 2004 Transcript

Jon Stewart: "Now, since the beginning of all this weapons of mass destruction, regime change, pockets of resistance, targets of opportunity business, it's been difficult to have an honest discussion about the direction President Bush is taking this country. In fact, when you combine the new mandate that criticizing the commander-in-chief is off-limits in wartime, with last year's official disbanding of the Democratic Party, well we're left at an all-time low in the good ole fashioned honest debate category. Now I know you're thinking 'But Jon, everytime I want to have a calm, honest discussion about these kinds of issues, I'm shouted down and harassed by the Dixie Chicks and their ilk.' Well tonight it all changes. We're going to have an honest open debate between the President of the United States and the one man we believe has the insight and the cojones to stand up to him. So first, joining us tonight, George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States. Welcome Mr. President."

President Bush 2004: "Good evening, I'm pleased to take your questions tonight."

Jon Stewart: "Well thank you very much sir, I'm pleased to ask them. Taking the other side, joining us from the year 2000, Texas Governor and Presidential candidate George W. Bush."

Governor Bush 2000: "Good evening."

Jon Stewart: "Thank you Governor. Mr. President, you won the coin toss, the first question goes to you. Why is the United States of America using its power to change governments in foreign countries?"

President Bush 2004: "We must stand up for our security and for the permanent rights and for the hopes of mankind. The United States of America will make that stand."

Jon Stewart: "Well certainly that represents a bold new doctrine in foreign politics, Mr. President. Governor Bush, do you agree with that."

Governor Bush 2000: "Yeah, I'm not sure it's the role of the United States to go around the world and say 'This is the way it's gotta be.' "

Jon Stewart: "Allright, well that's interesting. Well that's a difference of opinion and certainly that is what this country is about, differences of opinion. Mr. President, let me just get specific, why are we in Iraq?"

President Bush 2004: "We will be changing the regime of Iraq for the good of the Iraqi people."

Jon Stewart: "Governor, then I'd like to hear your response on that."

Governor Bush 2000: "If we're an arrogant nation, they'll resent us. I think one way for us to end up being viewed as the ugly American is for us to go around the world saying 'We do it this way, so should you.' "

Jon Stewart: "Well that's an excellent point. I don't think you can argue with that. Mr. President, is the idea to just build a new country we like better?"

President Bush 2004: "We will tear down the apparatus of terror and will help you to build a new Iraq that is prosperous and free."

Governor Bush 2000: "Well I don't think our troops ought to be used for what's called nation building."

Jon Stewart: "Well that's fair enough Governor. I mean, certainly enough, you're entitled to that. But then Governor, answer this, how do you propose we nation build? Would you use diplomacy?"

Governor Bush 2000: "Let me say this to you. I wouldn't use force. I wouldn't use force."

Jon Stewart: "Well Mr. President, clearly you're skeptical of the Governor. Now Governor, you sound categorically against the use of force. In your time in Texas, what have you done to demonstrate your willingness to be tough?"

Governor Bush 2000: "Well I've been standing up to big Hollywood, big trial lawyers. What was the question, it was about emergencies, wasn't it?

Jon Stewart: "No, no it wasn't. Getting back to Iraq, Mr. President, you are as familiar with the Governor's record in Texas as anybody. Are you willing Mr. President, to trust Governor Bush with our foreign policy?"

President Bush 2004: "I'm not willing to take that chance again, Jon."

Governor Bush 2000: "Strong words from two very different men. Now, as this debate draws to a close, I need to turn to the subject of money. Much of this discussion on foreign policy is moot if we can't afford to pay for it. So we're running out of time, quickly, both of you, lets talk numbers."

President Bush 2004: "I'm sending the Congress a wartime supplemental appropriations request of $74.7 billion to fund needs directly arising from the Iraqi conflict."

Jon Stewart: "$74.7 billion appears to be within the realm of reason. Governor?"

Governor Bush 2000: "Obviously tonight we're gonna hear some phony numbers about what I think and what we ought to do."

Jon Stewart: "Wow. That's a little bit tuperative. Well on that note, I want to thank both George W. Bushes for taking part tonight. In keeping with our debate rules, we will end our discussion with a trite and insincere farewell. Mr. President, you're the most powerful man in the world, you can go first."

President Bush 2004: "Good night, and may God continue to bless America."

Jon Stewart: "Wow. Incredibly insincere. Governor, can you top that?"

Governor Bush 2000: "Thanks. Thanks from the bottom of my heart."

Jon Stewart: "Wow. I have really enjoyed this meeting of the minds. What a historic evening, it's really one for the vault. If only there were a secure place to keep this for all-time. Where could we put it?"

Al Gore 2000: "I think it should stay in a lockbox."

Jon Stewart: "I'm sorry, where should we put it?"

Al Gore 2000: "Lockbox, lockbox, lockbox."

Jon Stewart: "You don't have to shout."

[Edited on January 17, 2006 at 5:53 PM. Reason : .]

1/17/2006 5:44:47 PM