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rallydurham
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Listen if you really want this girl back (and right off the bat im gonna tell you this is a mistake, but im not here to make your decisions for you)


Make her be the one to contact you. Dont cut off lines of communication but dont be the guy who sets her AOL name on "alert status" and starts freaking a leek everytime she signs on.

And please people Dont feed this guy any bullshit about trying to stay friends with her. After six years friends is totally out of the question.

If you want to fuck this girl again let her be the one who contacts you. Pretty soon she'll realize this new guy isn't really interested in dating her (he's just fucking down).... and she'll start inquiring about how you are doing.

This is where you have to re-assert the power in the relationship. You can tell her you miss some things about her but DO NOT TELL HER OR IMPLY YOU WANT HER BACK.

Do not play the role of the "puppy dog". Dont let her think you're scratching at the door and when she puts the key in the door you're gonna jump into her arms. Girls do not fuck puppy dogs.

You need her to see you at a social function or gathering and you need her to see you making "connections" with other girls.

Let me be specific about these "connections".

Im not talking about her walking in on you and a girl post-coitus.... or playing find the cobra in the laundry room.... or even good old american face fucking for that matter.

All of the above will just cause her to jump the next guy she sees or even worse seek out one of your buddies. You do not want to play "lets see who can fuck up the other persons head the hardest" with a college aged girl, trust me.

By "connections" I just mean flirtatious talking, eye-fucking, sitting beside a girl on the couch, playing drinking games, etc...

Remember this girl sees you as more than just a sexual object... girls define their self-worth by how much they can fool a guy into "loving" her.

If there's one thing that will break a girl down it's watching other girls pitch tents on her old territory.

In a girls world this is the equivalent of when you get done with a game of madden and the playstation freezes before you can save it.


Last piece of advice. If your ex is blonde, flirt with brunettes. If your ex is brunette, flirt with blondes.

Do not stray from this formula.


[Edited on June 15, 2006 at 5:57 PM. Reason : a]

6/15/2006 5:48:02 PM

wolfNstein
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"finding herself" means she already has another guy. i guarantee she took him out for a "test drive" before she traded you in. you might not want to believe it but she probably called him up or went over to his place immediately after she got done breaking up with you.

best thing is to break off all contact (phone, IM, email) and move on to the next girl.

6/15/2006 5:54:29 PM

Sleik
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rally has won the shit out of this thread.


Add to my topics + bookmark

6/15/2006 5:54:52 PM

jimb0
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^

6/15/2006 6:06:31 PM

DaveOT
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Quote :
"In a girls world this is the equivalent of when you get done with a game of madden and the playstation freezes before you can save it."


ahahahahahahahahaha

6/15/2006 6:08:27 PM

rallydurham
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There are two options really.

You can be a pussy, drink yourself into a coma, sob in your sleep, let your school and work performance suffer, and strike out with every girl you meet in the next 6 months because of self pity...

OR...


You can get your ass up and go to the gym and work out. When you get tired and wonder if you should do another set, ask yourself if the guy she's fucking now backed off when he found out she had a boyfriend.

You can immediately rid your apartment/house of all photographs and possessions she has left behind, throw away her toothbrush, and turn your place into a bachelor pad. **Note** Save the women's shampoo, conditioner, etc. It is a satisfying feeling to shower with random girls the morning after while they use your ex's hair products.

When you're ready to date again go for a younger girl. Girls hate to be replaced by someone younger than them.

[Edited on June 15, 2006 at 6:09 PM. Reason : a]

6/15/2006 6:08:41 PM

jackleg
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ive found that putting naked pictures of them on the internet really helps with the bridge burning and all that

6/15/2006 6:15:20 PM

ssjamind
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^^ what he said

6/15/2006 6:19:06 PM

GraniteBalls
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My stomache hurts.



Everything tells me to wait for her, but I guess you guys are right.

6/15/2006 6:27:51 PM

CowboyLovinU
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Quote :
"you're 22?

this is probably a very good thing. you might not think so now, but in six months you'll be glad.

"



you're young. as a person coming fresh out of a 3 year relationship (happened in Feb) trust me, you'll be OK, and you'll start realizing it was for the best. but you won't listen to any of the advice on here, I'm sure. And then 3 months from now you'll go "yea I'm alright"

6/15/2006 6:34:00 PM

rallydurham
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^^ go get pepto bismol.

the first time's a doozy and you're not gonna want to believe people who tell you to move on because before today you thought your situation was unique and that you had something other guys didnt have.

In reality, you just found out girls are whores a lot later in life than most people did....

The good news is that it gets easier everytime. The other good news is that you didn't rip her still beating heart out of her chest yet and its already been a few hours.

The exceptional news is that she didnt wait another few years to do this when she coulda taken 50% of your shit.





[Edited on June 15, 2006 at 6:43 PM. Reason : a]

6/15/2006 6:35:37 PM

ssjamind
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i have no idea what a 6 year relationships feels like, but i can sort of empathize with how you feel...won't go into details about my two long term relationships that come moderately close because this thread's not about me.

but i will say to take the advice here with a grain of salt. much of this advice is valid and applies to most people, but its "conventional wisdom". some of the happiest and most succesful people in the world (and among all the people you know), are happy/successful because they went against the grain of conventional wisdom. So take conventional wisdom seriously -- just don't take it as gospel.

6/15/2006 6:39:02 PM

rallydurham
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Quote :
"you're young. as a person coming fresh out of a 3 year relationship (happened in Feb) trust me, you'll be OK, and you'll start realizing it was for the best. but you won't listen to any of the advice on here, I'm sure. And then 3 months from now you'll go "yea I'm alright""


Seriously girls stop trying to give this guy advice. Do i give you advice on which direction to wipe after you pee? You know nothing about this topic and pretending you do is laughable.

Yeah February might have been rough for you because you were having no-strings attached, unfulfilling sex with random drunk guys that could care less about getting you off.

But regardless you were still out there slutting it up and taking your mind off things... that is way better than what a guy goes through (spending $30-$50 a night at bars with a 10:1 ratio, coming home empty handed six nights a week, facing the realization that he might have to lower his expectations on the girls he can pull for a few weeks/months until he regains his confidence or hits the lottery).

6/15/2006 6:44:05 PM

whtmike2k
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Quote :
"pop her from a different angle and trajectory."


hahaha

rallydurham is on top of his fucking game today.

6/15/2006 6:46:18 PM

Lewizzle
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Quote :
"Last piece of advice. If your ex is blonde, flirt with brunettes. If your ex is brunette, flirt with blondes.

Do not stray from this formula."


again, gg.

6/15/2006 6:47:56 PM

Sleik
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Casual oversimplification at it's finest below:



GraniteBalls, become an asshole. If you already are - I don't know you to judge - then kick that shit up a few notches. You'll have broads braiding your nutsack hairs in no time. To put it another way:

Q: What do you get when you have 9 nice guys and an asshole in a room with 10 decent-to-hot women?

A: Nine motherfuckers going home to jack off at night and one neck deep in conflicted pussy.

6/15/2006 6:49:38 PM

ssjamind
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rallydurham is on point

6/15/2006 6:49:47 PM

rallydurham
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One more thing and then im out of here to go buy some beer, watch the game, and fuck my casual partner.

*note, ^ the exact three things you should be doing within the next few days to take your mind off things.


Do NOT put up sappy song lyrics as your away message or in your profile. You should go ahead and kick your own ass right now if you were even considering this.

6/15/2006 6:59:02 PM

Sleik
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yeah just delete the Simple Plan mp3s post haste

6/15/2006 7:00:21 PM

mildew
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Seriously... Lucky ass break my friend... some of us are stuck

6/15/2006 7:00:49 PM

GraniteBalls
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thanks rally.

6/15/2006 7:03:17 PM

EverMagenta
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Quote :
"girls define their self-worth by how much they can fool a guy into "loving" her. "


We do?

I guess I've been doing it incorrectly this whole time.

6/15/2006 7:08:14 PM

elkaybie
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at first i was slightly offended by rally's brash talk on women post-relationship (obviously i'm female)...but a few more posts later i've been laughing my ass off b/c of course, it's truth the man speaks...especially the post at the top of this page...man that's on point. hahaha

then this just sealed the deal

Quote :
"One more thing and then im out of here to go buy some beer, watch the game, and fuck my casual partner."


LOL

[Edited on June 15, 2006 at 7:09 PM. Reason : ^yeah except for that line]

6/15/2006 7:08:30 PM

Quinn
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Im going to copy and paste all of rallys posts into a word document, and submit it as my own

6/15/2006 7:22:09 PM

GraniteBalls
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I'm going to make a poster of that shit.

6/15/2006 7:22:44 PM

spöokyjon

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Seriously, without knowing anything about you or this girl except that you've been dating since you were sixteen, I can say with 99% certainty that THIS IS A GOOD THING.

It's hard enough for two people to stay close to each other for the rest of their lives from a starting point somewhere in maturity. Can you really imagine somebody you were attracted to and wanted a relationship with at 16 still being that way at 25? 30? I mean, for fuck's sake. People completely change in that period of time. I'm sure you had a good run and you'll always whatever blah blah blah, but seriously, be glad. Breakups suck, but that was for the best. If it'll make you feel better, go nail some bus station skanks. iphotou can hook you up.

6/15/2006 7:27:29 PM

GraniteBalls
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No thanks on the bus station skanks.


The more I think about it, the more I agree with you guys.

6/15/2006 7:29:46 PM

NCSUWolfy
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rallydurham is right ab most of the stuff hes saying

when long term relationships come to an end, it sucks

eventually you'll get over it. but no one can tell you how long it'll take

but i totally agree with cutting off contact with her. i mean you guys might talk for a week or two post break up but after that-- cut it off

its hard but it'll help you in the long run

6/15/2006 7:45:27 PM

elkaybie
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one question though--do you have mutual friends? 6 years is a long time and if you do...that's a horse of a different color and hopefully will go the high road over the low.

6/15/2006 8:17:32 PM

Pyro
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Forget women. Forget relationships. Forget sex.

There's money to be made and shit to get done.

6/15/2006 9:04:49 PM

youwould
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I have a friend who is 21 and has been dating the same girl since he was 15. They break up in a dramatic fashion atleast every 3 months and then get back together. They both have never dated anyone else. Therefore, they are both retards.

Date someone else. Seriously.

6/15/2006 9:41:45 PM

SuperDude
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Do what you can to get over it.

If you've been dating for that long and she pulls something like this, then she's convinced that there is someone better than you out there, and she's looking for him. She probably does have a few guys in mind. It doesn't mean that she's hooked up with them instantaneously, but you can at least give her credit for breaking up with you instead of cheating on you.

Even if she looking to date anyone at the moment, don't let that keep you from trying to find new girls to date. Don't refuse to date because you're "waiting" on her to come back. She let you become single. Anything you do while you're "single" is free game. She may think that there is better out there for her. You may think she's the best. You'll find that even the best can get better.

So even if you want to be with her, don't let it keep you from searching around yourself. I made that mistake for a year before I tightened up and started to look again. (Granted, I haven't made much luck, but at least I'm trying here ). I'm lucky, my girl has found her way back without having to date anyone. It's funny how a few bad experiences can make them start to appreciate what they had (especially if its a good thing).

Go hang out with some friends, chat with some girls, and move on.

6/15/2006 10:05:28 PM

zxappeal
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rallydurham...where did you get this stuff? Or are you really that in touch?

It's kinda funny, because I caught myself unconsciously nodding while reading all of it.

GraniteBalls...it is indeed time to move on. Remember this one thing: Take care of #1 first because nobody else will, at least not to the degree that you need/deserve.

It's a hard row to hoe, but the work's gotta be done, and getting back into a relationship with this girl is just letting the weeds grow in other parts of your life. And you need to take care of it ALL.

Now something interesting...in all of my past relationships (and that's not really many), I've NEVER had my significant other come right out and break it off. I was always manipulated into axing it. Even with my wife...she even went so far as to ask me why I left her so quickly a couple of months after I had to move out. She was the one who started seeing somebody else, and pretty much made it impossible for me to live in my own house.

6/15/2006 10:06:29 PM

Natalie0628
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My first serious boyfriend (Yes I am almost 19...I know it wasn't that serious, but give me a break) broke up with me after almost a year the night before a) meeting my academic advisor for the first time and b) my calc midterm and c) my bio test.

Let's guess how well I did on those tests. And I am sure Dr. Flick still thinks me a total whack job.

I am still not over this guy. I just bought him a Burberry polo shirt for his birthday.

6/15/2006 10:28:37 PM

Aficionado
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^ see graniteballs

that dude did it right

6/15/2006 10:34:46 PM

Nighthawk
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^^Giggity giggity

6/15/2006 10:37:05 PM

Quinn
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your ability to get over an ex is directly related to your ease or lack thereof of finding a replacement

6/15/2006 10:44:12 PM

PaulISdead
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you seem like a classy dude



[Edited on June 15, 2006 at 10:45 PM. Reason : wee tod]

6/15/2006 10:44:57 PM

ncsutiger
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I have to agree that it's probably b/c of another guy, I'm sorry you have to read that again.

Look at it this way - you two have been dating since you were 16, apparently. That means practically no time to go fishing. That probably caught up to her and she found out that she wanted that kind of experience. I've found that my guy friends are typically a little more devoted than their exes were. It's usually the girl that screwed them over. These guys completely fall for the women. So apparently you're in that class of men.

It will be very hard for you to move on, and I hope you have a good support system of friends and family that won't get tired of you yapping about it, because you will since it's such a huge chunk of your life, and a significant one in your development as well.

Don't rush into a new relationship though, because you don't want to cause hurt to others, or more to yourself. Don't make your life messy.

However you don't necessarily have to give up on this girl. It depends on how close you two had been, but she may not be thinking straight if she's in lust for some guy. I mean, were you two practically living together, or actually doing so? Did you spend every spare waking moment together, and share interests that made you two even closer? Etc etc. If yes to those sorts of things, you may want to be ambivalent if she makes contact with you. However, you also know her personality and character, so try to be clear-headed if you have to make a decision whether or not to take her back if she does try.

6/15/2006 10:52:57 PM

wilso
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Quote :
"
You can get your ass up and go to the gym and work out. When you get tired and wonder if you should do another set, ask yourself if the guy she's fucking now backed off when he found out she had a boyfriend."

BEST ADVICE EVER

6/15/2006 10:55:07 PM

wilso
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jawbreaker - "sluttering"
I made a word to give this state a name, this game a guess.
I call it "sluttering."
It means as little as your little test.
You are your worst revenge.
Your very means, they have no ends.
This is a story you won't tell the kids we'll never have.
If you hear this song a hundred times it still won't be enough

6/15/2006 11:06:21 PM

ncsutiger
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6/15/2006 11:09:09 PM

Grapehead
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get drunk and fuck some new talent. quit pining over shit you can't control. it's the weekend baby, and theres hot chicks with spring fever around every corner.

6/16/2006 8:34:45 AM

JCASHFAN
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I post in quiet awe of rallydurham

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 9:56 AM. Reason : .]

6/16/2006 9:55:25 AM

1CYPHER
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I had a couple of ex's I sulked over, and basically drove them nuts and now we aren't even friends. But with my first real college girlfriend, we dated a year and then she became a different person and we ended up breaking up. I was done with her, moved on, was going out and had already hooked up with a couple different girls in the ~1.5-2 months before I talked to her since the breakup. She phoned one weekend when we were both in town (we are from neighboring towns but I am at NCSU and she is at UNCG) and we made small talk for about 3 minutes and then to my surprise she asked if I wanted to get dinner.

During dinner, we had to be expected uncomfortable conversation about nothing in particular. Finally, on the ride home she opened up about how she kinda missed me and she didn't know what she was thinking in the few weeks leading up to our demise. Eventually, somehow, I ended up getting road head out of the deal. That was the last time I talked to her, it's been over a year now.

Point being, had I been a nuisance about the whole deal, I probably wouldn't have scored some free helmet polishing out of it. I'm sure I could have established some boning had I wanted to deal with the consequences of just another average crazy chick.

6/16/2006 10:52:17 AM

scud
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holy goddamn shit

Quote :
"
rally has won the shit out of this thread.


Add to my topics + bookmark
"

6/16/2006 11:32:53 AM

GraniteBalls
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I want to call her.



Fuck.

6/16/2006 11:38:51 AM

sarijoul
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do. not.

DO. NOT.




don't do it.

6/16/2006 11:42:34 AM

Jere
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gg, cypher

6/16/2006 11:50:00 AM

elkaybie
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NO!!!!!!!!!! someone take his phone priveleges

and lord knows, don't drunk dial her

6/16/2006 11:53:30 AM

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