Quote :

"Amen. I knew I didn't want to see, but I accidentally caught a glimpse off of a reflection from a picture hanging on the opposite wall. That ruined any chance of her getting oral from me for a good year or so until I could get that image out of my head "

goddamn this thread is disturbing

5/4/2007 10:45:16 AM

Quote :

"i just threw up in my mouth a little bit "

5/4/2007 11:23:42 AM

This thread is worthless without pictures.

5/4/2007 11:25:06 AM

I'm def. not taking any pictures. Whoever said pregnancy was a beautiful thing was either a hippy or a really fucked up pervert.

5/4/2007 11:27:48 AM

Quote :

"there's always that 0.008 chance yep that's the same percentage of chance that I won't strongly recommend an abortion"

AHA Snewf ftw

5/4/2007 11:34:52 AM

OK, if she stops getting you hard in a month or two, and she happens to be one of those women who gets really horny during pregnancy...



...get over to Priscilla's and buy her a dildo or something. She doesn't want to waddle in there eight months along looking for stimulation.

[Edited on May 4, 2007 at 11:56 AM. Reason : .]

5/4/2007 11:55:57 AM

BTTT with update.....

*Nipples no longer leak because of Lliy Padz (sticky plastic nipple pads)
*Belly button popped out
*Pimples are all gone, thank god
*Only farts in her sleep
*Made her get nair for asscrack hairs.

He will be here around August 15. (Reality is setting in)

6/8/2007 12:07:39 PM

I had a kid once, but then I took some tylenol and it eventually went away

6/8/2007 12:09:35 PM

OMG. I don't wanna get knocked up. OMG.

6/8/2007 12:34:16 PM

This is seriously messed up. I think I'll just try to get a girl pregnant and then join the army and return in two years after she's had the kid so I don't have to be around when this is going down.

6/8/2007 12:48:53 PM

No seriously... That's not NORMAL...






is it?

6/8/2007 12:52:02 PM

which part???

6/8/2007 12:53:34 PM

it smells like a pregnant woman in here

6/8/2007 12:55:15 PM

Quote :

"*Has constantly started leaking a honey-like substance uncontrollably from her disgusting, fat nipples *Has pus-filled pimples all over her boobs and back *Has inch-long black hairs growing in her asscrack"

Mostly that.

6/8/2007 12:55:51 PM

Honey-like substance=Colostrum
From what I've heard this is pretty common. Leaky, Puffy nipples and fat boobs.

Pus-filled pimples on back and boobs
Common as well from increse in hormone. Think puberty.

Inch long ass hairs...
Never had these before. I'm thinking she used to Nair them and let it slide.

But you are gonna fart girls, and it aint pretty.

For any preggo girls I recommend Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy By Jenny McCarthy

[Edited on June 8, 2007 at 1:01 PM. Reason : .]

6/8/2007 12:59:48 PM

Quote :

"My guess is she was all these things prior to pregnancy."

haha, u know what pregnancy can do to a normal woman

u need a girl like brooke burke to make it look easy


and when someone said it was beautiful, it was probably a woman saying the child was beautiful, mother looks like shit after the birth
and sometimes the kids ugly too, based on parents or that its not cooked all the way and looks like an iguana

6/8/2007 1:32:52 PM

I can't wait til he's born. I've heard that most women puke and almost all of them take a big dump which is swiftly whisked away by some poor nurse.

6/8/2007 1:36:55 PM

dont you want to video tape it?


pukin, poopin, fartin, getting cut open, releasing afterbirth

6/8/2007 1:37:55 PM

^ most places won't let you video tape it these days. You could use it to charge them with malpractice or something.


Not that you would ever want to video it or anything. I know I never wanted to

6/8/2007 3:42:53 PM

8/7/2007 5:28:03 PM

Quote :

"He will be here around August 15."

The turd ball is on its way!

[Edited on August 7, 2007 at 5:38 PM. Reason : ]

8/7/2007 5:37:53 PM

this thread is like birth control

8/7/2007 5:41:15 PM

8/7/2007 5:51:19 PM

i'm skurred

8/7/2007 5:58:42 PM

^my wife

8/7/2007 5:59:16 PM

this is why i'm having a surrogate.

8/7/2007 6:04:24 PM

yah, preganacy is officially the scariest thing evar. And i know ive heard off all this shit, except for the ass hair thing.

I was just talkin to a friend today about how im nervious cuz i know my boobs would get so unhumanly fucking monsterious. I never wanta do this

8/7/2007 6:47:12 PM

For some reason I read the title as

'My pregnant wife is 6 months pregnant who.....'

and I figured it would be

'did it'

8/7/2007 6:49:09 PM

I think she had the ass hairs before but she used Nair so I never saw them.

8/7/2007 6:51:24 PM

all women have ass hairs

if they say they don't, they are lying

8/7/2007 6:52:40 PM

Quote :

"u need a girl like brooke burke to make it look easy"

well when your now ex-husband is a plastic surgeon, it makes things a lot easier.

8/7/2007 11:07:26 PM

Quote :

"I can't wait til he's born. I've heard that most women puke and almost all of them take a big dump which is swiftly whisked away by some poor nurse."

Somebody's trying to scare you. Unless those are reactions to the epidural or something. . .in which case it would be some women, not most.

8/8/2007 8:03:16 AM

^ the show scrubs has informed me that nearly all births include an accidental doodie.

8/8/2007 8:10:25 AM

I hate to ruin the pity party, but after 2 of my own I can safely say that a lot of this stuff doesn't have to happen. My wife never leaked until after the kids were born. She really never got any stretch marks, which was amazing to me. No pimples and certainly no ass hairs either. And as for farting, I never heard her do any, but she wasn't a nasty farting chick before that. She also rarely had major cravings, and it was never a thing where she had me get up and get her anything, esp. not something that was out of the house. Just the usual "I want Chinese tonight" or some shit like that. Only thing she's retained is a little wider hips (when your 5' and like 110 with a petite frame its to be expected) and a little pooch on her stomach she's working away at.

Birth really isn't that bad either, but she's a damn baby machine. She spit both of them out in about 2 hours time from admittance in the hospital. No shitting, no puking, nothing. Natural deliveries both times. 5.5 and 8.5 pound kids. Worst thing she had was the whole slight tearing deal, and after a month or so that shit healed up to where I think its tighter than before. Hell the first delivery she was so fast she didn't even get any pain meds! So ladies, don't freak out. You don't turn into disgusting female sasquatches. Some women can still be beautiful and dignified and pregnant all at the same time. And its no reason to stop sex either. We did it up until a week or two before the kids were born.

8/8/2007 8:50:58 AM

worth quoting

Quote :

"my boobs would get so unhumanly fucking monsterious"

and is that when something is really big and mysterious?

8/8/2007 12:32:13 PM

Quote :

"So ladies, don't freak out. You don't turn into disgusting female sasquatches. Some women can still be beautiful and dignified and pregnant all at the same time."

Operative word highlighted.

8/8/2007 1:02:44 PM

Quote :

"For any preggo girls I recommend Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy By Jenny McCarthy"

I posted this before because she had a really bad pregnancy. Nothing went wrong-she just had all of the worst symptoms. She said she looked at her pooty in the mirror one day and it looked like two blue twinkies. She pooed while delivering also.

8/8/2007 1:07:08 PM

Nevermind...

[Edited on August 8, 2007 at 1:12 PM. Reason : ]

8/8/2007 1:11:45 PM

Quote :

"yeah and uhhh ill remember never to get knocked up. cuz i'd feel bad for the babydaddy havin to deal with those gross side-effects for 9mths "

you cant even keep up with your pets. i would suggest you not get preg for those reasons.....

Quote :

"*Made me clean up the two panty-liners my dog ate that were soaked in "discharge". "

i can not stop laughing at that

8/8/2007 1:26:02 PM

haha

8/8/2007 1:37:56 PM

bttt, going to induce labor at 7:00 AM on Sunday if he is not here by then.

hope he comes before then-I have two Fantasy FB drafts that afternoon. I had to put my wife's shoes on this morning cause it hurts her too much She has been hiking at least two miles everyday trying to get him out and taking 6 primrose pills a day plus eating fresh pineapple-guess it helps to induce. She has gained 23 pounds since her 1st Dr.s appointment.

8/22/2007 1:19:17 PM

^ most hospitals have wifi, I was using the PSP during labor nurses gave me rough looks but...

8/22/2007 1:31:32 PM

have fun with that man ... just stay on the opposite side from where shes aimin ... dont wanna get hit by flying debris!!!

23 pounds is pretty good actually, some women flat out blow up when they get pregger... especially already heavy girls.

We had our first last september, and then my wife got back down to pre pregger weight, but then got pregnant again.

If she can, she should breastfeed ... that will loose all the weight, if shes concerned.

8/22/2007 2:01:48 PM

i have prolly spent about 200 bucks on breastfeeding books hehe, she better do it. after 6 months, I'm going to sell all of the books we have on half and amazon to start a college fund.

8/22/2007 2:06:53 PM

treat wifey to a pedicure @ a spa. when my friend was pregnant, they wouldn't rub her feet because azn lady said there were places on a pregnant woman's foot yu could press that would induce. i'm sure she'd love a pedicure, you'll look like a good husband, and it'll help speed up the process

8/22/2007 2:09:52 PM

Quote :

"its no reason to stop sex either. We did it up until a week or two before the kids were born. "

aint that kinda... not very good for the baby?

In before double penetration jokes

8/22/2007 3:39:21 PM

^ Why would it be bad for the baby? The penis doesn't come anywhere near touching the baby when you're having sex.

[Edited on August 22, 2007 at 3:46 PM. Reason : At minimum, the cervix and amniotic sac are in the way.]

8/22/2007 3:44:44 PM

^^^^ lol awesome!

[Edited on August 22, 2007 at 4:02 PM. Reason : .]

8/22/2007 4:01:34 PM

Quote :

" She said she looked at her pooty in the mirror one day and it looked like two blue twinkies. She pooed while delivering also."

Thank you for this.

8/22/2007 4:06:43 PM

^^^haha, it's not like his head is just resting at the end of the vagina

[Edited on August 22, 2007 at 4:07 PM. Reason : .]

8/22/2007 4:07:22 PM