So I go over to pay the rent to my landlady's house yesterday, and her 70 year old husband looked like he had been knocked around something fierce. He refused to open the storm door for me, even though all I wanted to do was drop off the check, and kept babbling on about how he hadn't seen his wife (she's in her 50s) or his son (he's 17) in a day or two.

I kept checking for her car last night, but never saw it, and when I came over today, he was still alone and hadn't seen her. He finally confessed that he had been slapped around by his son, but backed off the more I questioned him.

I plan on calling Social Services for my county tomorrow, but I was wondering if anyone else had come up against something like this and what they'd done about it.

12/6/2007 7:15:03 PM

this isnt your business.

stay out of it

12/6/2007 7:17:56 PM

fuck it

I'd call

there is no excuse for that shit to go on


a 17 y/o should know better

but then again, the old man may have been beating his wife too and the son laid the smack down on him

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 7:19 PM. Reason : m]

12/6/2007 7:18:51 PM

10-16 is everyones problem

12/6/2007 7:20:04 PM

yeah no doubt

problem is usually there is a 10-96 or 10-56

12/6/2007 7:22:56 PM

^^^^ Well, thats why I'm not going to the cops right away, but I will if I have to.

^^^ this guy is probably 5'2" and maybe 100lbs . . . he wasn't slapping around is 5'8" 160lbs wife.

[Edited on December 6, 2007 at 7:24 PM. Reason : V: its possible, but he seems far too meek.]

12/6/2007 7:23:02 PM

you never know


if you think it's an issue have an officer check it out or something

12/6/2007 7:24:17 PM

elderly abuse is sadly very common. i dont know what reporting it would do since the incident was days ago. i'd keep an eye on the house and if you hear something going down i'd call. or build the neighbors trust and get the real story or give him the confidence to report it himself or offer assistance

this is all assuming you live close enough to do this. hopefully you do

12/6/2007 7:30:14 PM

yeah but you never know the full story.

that age, 17, is an age where kids rebel. and when they do it gets dangerous. its an age where even boys will hit their mothers.

if its happened before, then yeah i would say something.

thats just me.

12/6/2007 9:04:56 PM

it really isn't your business.

12/6/2007 9:14:54 PM

^ the whole "it isn't your business thing" is an extremely awful thing to say. if more people made certain situations "their business" a lot of terrible situations could be prevented or remedied. it isn't a matter of being nosy and actually getting into the family's personal business...it could just be an anon. phone call. little things can make a huge difference. humanity. i don't get how people can be so apathetic and sit back and feel better by telling themselves "it wasn't my business" or "it wasn't my place." uhhh who's place is it?? would you rather read about it later in the newspaper and then wish you could have done something?

no, maybe it isn't your business. but i don't think researching ways to help without being too intrusive is such a horrible idea.

12/6/2007 11:11:39 PM

^ very well said. I agree.

12/6/2007 11:49:02 PM

its elder abuse

its illegal

and now you have a moral and legal obligation to report it.


on the hospital admission form it has a place for us to ask if anyone at home is hurting them or making them feel afraid. we have to ask the patient when they are alone and if they say yes we have to put a social work consult in the system.

[Edited on December 7, 2007 at 12:04 AM. Reason : .]

12/7/2007 12:01:28 AM

I mean obviously you did not go snooping around but more walked in to that situation. If enough red flags were raised just by you bringing a rent check by then god knows what the hell is really going on.

It looks like you have an obligation to report it, especially since he admitted he had been beaten.

I mean look at it this way, if someone in that family turns up dead or critically injured the last thing you want is that on your chest along with the criminal liabilities that come with failing to report it.

12/7/2007 12:19:00 AM

they have specific divisions for elderly abuse like that. it is wrong on so many levels. son needs to pick on someone more his age.

12/7/2007 3:28:56 AM

It isn't a question of if I'm going to report it, I am. I just haven't exactly been confronted with this situation before and I am looking for resources other people have used.

I'm calling social services this morning around 9.

12/7/2007 6:33:56 AM

^^ you said it! let's all go beat his ass

12/7/2007 7:57:23 AM

son gettin revenge on pops pulling out the belt one too many times growing up

12/7/2007 12:20:10 PM

Call social services.

12/7/2007 12:32:44 PM

report that shit

seriously

12/7/2007 12:39:43 PM

I called adult protective services this morning and left a message since no one picked up the phone. I'm going back over there this afternoon (I still have to pay the rent) and I'm going to make a point of asking the owner about her husband's condition.

The worst she can do is kick me out of my place.

12/7/2007 12:44:08 PM

so wtf ended up happening?

12/11/2007 8:42:29 PM

report it

12/12/2007 4:19:08 AM

nevermind

[Edited on December 12, 2007 at 6:31 PM. Reason : w]

12/12/2007 6:31:27 PM

report it

12/13/2007 9:45:09 AM

a coworker of mine told me about a couple that lived in the apartment next to him (shared wall). they'd hear this guy beatin on his wife probably twice a month, but never did anything about it b/c "it wasn't any of their business." after a few months of this, the guy killed his wife.

so yeah, its your business.

12/13/2007 9:49:53 AM

Nothing, yet. I placed a call to the social services adult protective services office last week, and haven't heard back. I've been out of town in some pretty remote areas recently, so I haven't had cell phone service, but I'm going to follow up today now that I'm back.

I'm also going over to my landlady's house to complain about my lack of hot water and I'll use that as an excuse to check up on him again.<!--

[Edited on December 13, 2007 at 10:18 AM. Reason : --></]

12/13/2007 10:18:31 AM

I still haven't heard from APS. It turns out that they moved him to a nursing home about an hour away this weekend, so he won't be around his son any more anyway. Probably the best answer all around, since his Alzheimers had gotten pretty bad.

At least he isn't in harms way now.

12/17/2007 3:08:39 PM

Quote :

"At least he isn't in harms way now."

I wouldn't be so sure. Have you ever had a relative in a home, or heard some of the abuse stories from homes?

12/17/2007 3:38:22 PM

Quote :

"its an age where even boys will hit their mothers. "

excuse me?

12/17/2007 3:53:57 PM

^^ you're right, but I'm not going to drive an hour away once a week to check up on this guy. In the end, I really didn't wind up doing anything, but I'm not sure there is much I can do at this point.

12/17/2007 4:02:35 PM

Cops > Social Services

Anything involving recent physical violence should probably be reported to the police not a social services office.

12/17/2007 4:19:25 PM

Quote :

"I wouldn't be so sure. Have you ever had a relative in a home, or heard some of the abuse stories from homes?"

Yes, but not all nursing homes are like that.... in fact there are a lot of really good ones out there.

12/17/2007 5:36:00 PM

there is a lot of business giving in this thread

12/18/2007 2:15:02 PM

if they find her, you're going to have to pay her rent

if you leave well enough alone, free housing!

12/18/2007 2:17:28 PM

If you do not hear anything from social services, call your state rep and senator and talk to their office. They'll be able to help you on this one.

12/18/2007 4:38:51 PM

Quote :

"you're right, but I'm not going to drive an hour away once a week to check up on this guy. In the end, I really didn't wind up doing anything"

What if he deemed going to a nursing home worse than whatever he was dealing with at his own, didn't go to any autorities for that reason, and you made him more miserable?

12/18/2007 4:54:51 PM

what the hell is a 70 year old man doing with a 17 year old son. he should have gotten his tubes tied.

12/19/2007 6:21:51 PM

Quote :

"What if he deemed going to a nursing home worse than whatever he was dealing with at his own, didn't go to any autorities for that reason, and you made him more miserable?"

depending on how advanced his alzheimers is

he is no longer mentally competent to decide if a nursing home is worse than what he is dealing with. Unfortunately the situation is out of his hands.

12/19/2007 6:34:52 PM

Quote :

"it really isn't your business."

Technically neither is a lady getting mugged in an alley, a building burning down that isn't my house or the house of anyone I know, starving kids in another country, or a car accident that I'm not involved in. Kind of a selfish way to go through life though...

12/22/2007 8:26:46 PM

SING IT!

Quote :

"There comes a time when we heed a certain call When the world must come together as one There are people dying and its time to lend a hand to life There greatest gift of all We cant go on pretending day by day That someone, somewhere will soon make a change We are all a part of Gods great big family And the truth, you know, Love is all we need Chorus: We are the world, we are the children We are the ones who make a brighter day So lets start giving Theres a choice we're making We're saving out own lives its true we'll make a better day Just you and me Send them your heart so they'll know that someone cares And their lives will be stronger and free As God has shown us by turning stones to brend So we all must lend a helping hand Chorus: We are the world, we are the children We are the ones who make a brighter day So lets start giving Theres a choice we're making We're saving out own lives its true we'll make a better day Just you and me When you're down and out, there seems no hope at all But if you just believe theres no way we can fall Let us realize that a change can only come When we stand together as one Chorus: We are the world, we are the children We are the ones who make a brighter day So lets start giving Theres a choice we're making We're saving out own lives its true we'll make a better day Just you and me"

12/23/2007 12:57:31 PM