Quote :

"#1 Coffee There is no doubt that white people love coffee. Yes, it’s true that asians like iced coffee and people of all races enjoy it. But I promise you that the first person at your school to drink coffee was a white person. You could kind of tell they didn’t enjoy it, but they did it anyways until they liked it - like cigarettes. White people all need Starbucks, Second Cup or Coffee Bean. They are also fond of saying “you do NOT want to see me before I get my morning coffee.” White guys will also call it anything but coffee: “rocket fuel,” “java,” “joe,” “black gold,” and so forth. It’s pretty garbage all around. If you want to go for extra points - white people really love FAIR TRADE coffee, because paying the extra $2 means they are making a difference."

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.org/

2/14/2008 11:23:06 AM

that quoted part is so stupid, theres no way i'd click the link.

2/14/2008 11:25:26 AM

white people probably like that website

2/14/2008 11:26:31 AM

I'm white and I absolutely despise coffee.

2/14/2008 11:26:48 AM

no way dude, you know you gotta have yer rocket fuel1!!1

2/14/2008 11:27:14 AM

Coffee addiction isn't that bad. At least it isn't crack or anything.

2/14/2008 11:29:16 AM

asian people like coffee too but they mix it with soy sauce

2/14/2008 11:32:41 AM

I laughed.

2/14/2008 11:34:13 AM

and baby corn amirite

2/14/2008 11:37:43 AM

Im white, dont drink coffee but found this really funny.

2/14/2008 11:39:39 AM

i drink tea

does that make me gay?

2/14/2008 11:45:31 AM

if its green tea, it makes you asian.

2/14/2008 11:47:54 AM

Quote :

" #2 Religions that their parents don't belong to White people will often say they are “spiritual” but not religious. Which usually means that they will believe any religion that doesn’t involve Jesus. Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it’s much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque. Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much."

2/14/2008 11:48:19 AM

it is green tea! well, mostly...i tend to make a half-gallon pitcher of it every day and will sometimes throw in some tazo or republic of tea for a little flavor...i go through the half gallon before the day's done

2/14/2008 11:50:40 AM

that explains so much about jewish people.

2/14/2008 11:57:20 AM

Quote :

"Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn’t require them to do very much"

That hit the nail on the head for 90% of middle class society.

2/14/2008 11:58:18 AM

unfortunately the vast majority of things listed on that site are true about me

2/14/2008 12:00:56 PM

this only works for american white people.

2/14/2008 12:01:27 PM

some of these are great

Quote :

"#62 Knowing what’s best for poor people White people spend a lot of time of worrying about poor people. It takes up a pretty significant portion of their day. They feel guilty and sad that poor people shop at Wal*Mart instead of Whole Foods, that they vote Republican instead of Democratic, that they go to Community College/get a job instead of studying art at a University. It is a poorly guarded secret that, deep down, white people believe if given money and education that all poor people would be EXACTLY like them. In fact, the only reason that poor people make the choices they do is because they have not been given the means to make the right choices and care about the right things. A great way to make white people feel good is to tell them about situations where poor people changed how they were doing things because they were given the ‘whiter’ option. “Back in my old town, people used to shop at Wal*Mart and then this non-profit organization came in and set up a special farmers co-op so that we could buy more local produce, and within two weeks the Wal*Mart shut down and we elected our first Democratic representative in 40 years.” White people will first ask which non-profit and are they hiring? After that, they will be filled with euphoria and will invite you to more parties to tell this story to their friends, so that they can feel great. But it is ESSENTIAL that you reassert that poor people do not make decisions based on free will. That news could crush white people and their hope for the future. "

2/14/2008 12:06:33 PM

^^ that makes sense because America is the greatest country on Earth

2/14/2008 12:07:00 PM

2/14/2008 12:08:39 PM

Quote :

" Farmers Market This one is a no-brainer and served as the inspiration for the photo on the far right. That photo described the woman as a “local herb merchant.” Everything about that description is white. White people like Farmers Markets for a number of reasons. The first is their undying need to support local economies (see future post), and the idea of buying direct from the farmer helps them assuage the fears instilled in them from reading Fast Food Nation (and yes, every white person has read this book). White people also like Farmer’s Markets because it is outdoors (they love being outdoors), they can bring their dogs and children in expensive strollers, and they get to see other white people. If they are single, this is a good place to meet other single white people who share their passion for sustainability."

Accompanying picture:

2/14/2008 12:09:11 PM

haha the one about religion their parents dont like is funny and true

angst definitely runs rampant amongst you white people, no family values at all

white people dont love they momma

[Edited on February 14, 2008 at 12:11 PM. Reason : x]

2/14/2008 12:10:35 PM

haha #4 is great

"assists"

2/14/2008 12:12:46 PM

I see lots of black & brown people at the farmer's market

because I'm white so of course I go to the farmers market

2/14/2008 12:14:51 PM

lol
this is a wonderful website. thank you for posting it

2/14/2008 12:16:55 PM

Ahahahaha this blog is pretty funny

#62 Knowing what’s best for poor people

2/14/2008 12:16:55 PM

Quote :

"#57 Juno Juno, starring Halifax’s Ellen Page, is a critically acclaimed comedy about a wise cracking teenager, dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. As 2007’s Indie hit, it is alternative mainstream and white people love it when low budget movies do well, even though the $7 million budget is enough to feed thousands of villages in East Africa for a year. White people, especially ones over 30, also love movies that take them back to a time when there was zero hip hop influence in white high schools. So although the character of Juno and her high school are very unrealistic, older people identify with her and wish that their unappreciative children would be more like her. On another note, the film takes place in a fictional suburban town in Minnesota, but imagine the same storyline in say West Baltimore or Socorro, TX. My guess is that there would be less qurkiness, less acoustic guitar and zero references to Dario Argento. Teen pregnancy is not as big a problem in the suburban midwest as it is in urban centers or border towns, therefore it is acceptable to not only green light a movie shedding light on teen pregnancy but it is okay to laugh at the situation and add a killer indie soundtrack. It also doesn’t hurt that the screenplay was written by somebody named “Diablo” and that Jason Bateman and Michael Cera are in the movie as well. p.s I’m not a robot, I cried when Vanessa got her baby"

2/14/2008 12:17:39 PM

Quote :

" #8 Barack Obama Because white people are afraid that if they don’t like him that they will be called racist."

2/14/2008 12:18:37 PM

Quote :

" #54 Kitchen Gadgets White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food. Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure. If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat. But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to own the holy grail of white kitchens - the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle. Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters. If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.” If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence."

fuck a panini press!

2/14/2008 12:24:26 PM

Quote :

"You could kind of tell they didn’t enjoy it, but they did it anyways until they liked it - like non menthol cigarettes."

2/14/2008 12:26:00 PM

Quote :

"the kitchen aid stand mixer"

i'm totally one of those

2/14/2008 12:26:15 PM

ha ha my sister has a Kitchen Aid. they're great!!!

2/14/2008 12:28:12 PM

Quote :

"#64 Mos Def Feb 13th, 2008 by clander In the olden days of white culture, people used to look up to Kings and Princes. These were the people that they adored, and every night they wished and hoped that somehow they could wake up and be just like them. But with Royal Families crumbling, that role has been filled by one man: Mos Def. He is everything that white people dream about: authentic (”he’s from Brooklyn!”), funny (”he was on Chapelle show!”), artistic (have you heard “Black on Both Sides?”), an actor (”he’s in the new Gondry film!”) and not white (”I don’t see race”). "

I don't know how many white people have heard of Mos Def, but the second paragraph is hilarious.

2/14/2008 12:28:32 PM

Quote :

"WARNING: under no circumstances should you EVER list Dane Cook as your favorite comedian. The wrong kind of white people like him. And mentioning him will cause white people to lose all respect for you."

2/14/2008 12:29:51 PM

lawl at the obama one!!!!!!!

2/14/2008 12:30:48 PM

Quote :

"White people love to talk about how much they hate their parents, so if you are in a situation where you need to gain a white person’s trust, ask them about their parents. But under no circumstances should you try to one up them, regardless of whether or not you were an orphan, abused, or watched your parents get shot. If you bring this up, the white person will never talk to you about their problems again, and you will be unable to gain their trust."

2/14/2008 12:30:56 PM

« #13 Tea#15 Yoga »#14 Having Black Friends
Jan 21st, 2008 by clander

From guest contributor Kristen Warner

Since we are on the verge of electing a black president, it seems important to explain why white people want black friends. Every white person wants a black friend like Barack: good-looking, well-spoken, and non-violent. Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system:

1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them.

2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it.

3 -4—The white BET-er. See Justin Timberlake/ Robin Thicke/ Jon B for more information. For old school reference, see Michael McDonald.

5 and up—Impossible.

2/14/2008 12:34:38 PM

Quote :

" #14 Having Black Friends Since we are on the verge of electing a black president, it seems important to explain why white people want black friends. Every white person wants a black friend like Barack: good-looking, well-spoken, and non-violent. Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system: 1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them. 2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it. 3 -4—The white BET-er. See Justin Timberlake/ Robin Thicke/ Jon B for more information. For old school reference, see Michael McDonald. 5 and up—Impossible."

2/14/2008 12:37:04 PM

Quote :

"#41 Indie Music Jan 30th, 2008 by clander If you want to understand white people, you need to understand indie music. As mentioned before, white people hate anything that’s “mainstream” and are desperate to find things that are more genuine, unique, and reflective of their experiences. Fortunately, they have independent music. A white person’s iPod (formerly CD collection) is not merely an assemblage of music that they enjoy. It is what defines them as a person. They are always on the look out for the latest hot band that no one has heard of so that one day, they can hit it just right and be into a band BEFORE they are featured in an Apple commercial. To a white person, being a fan of a band before they get popular is one of the most important things they can do with their life. They can hold it over their friends forever! Indie music also produces a lot of concerts, for which white people can attend and meet other white people. It’s especially useful, since they are attending the same concert, they both like the artist and can easily strike up a conversation that will flow from band at the show->other bands they like->where they went to/go to school->where to get the best vegan food in town->agreement to meet at said restaurant for awkward date. It is worth noting that white people are expected to stay current with music and go to concerts well into their 40s. Unlike at dance or hip hop clubs, there are few stigmas attached to being the “old guy at the club.” But BE WARNED, talking about Indie Music with white people is perhaps the most dangerous subject you touch upon. One false move and you will lose their respect and admiration forever. Here are some general rules Bands that have had their songs in an Apple ad are still marginally acceptable Bands that have had their songs in ads for other companies are not acceptable If you mention a band you like and the other person has heard of them, you lose. They own you. It is essential that you like the most obscure music possible. Remember, popular artists can turn unpopular in a heartbeat (Ryan Adams, Bright Eyes, The Strokes), so you would be best to stick to the following statements: “I love the Arcade Fire,” “I still think the Montreal scene is the best in the world,” “I would die without Stereogum or Fluxblog“* and “Joanna Newsom is maybe the most original artist today.” *-do not substitute Stereogum for Pitchfork, as this is one of those things that used to be cool, but is now not cool. "

2/14/2008 12:37:11 PM

gunzz you beat me

LOL 5 and up: impossible

2/14/2008 12:37:34 PM

Quote :

"But the vast majority of white swimming revolves around lakes in the summer. Almost all white people have fond memories of swimming in a lake, and almost all of them have a funny story about how someone they know pooped in the lake and it was gross."

2/14/2008 12:40:23 PM

Quote :

"White people love those flip flops with the rainbow logo on them, especially wearing them with pants to work."

2/14/2008 12:42:49 PM

ya know, I like all of these things

the traveling entry really got me because he called out Czech Republic and Slovenia as places white people would go

I am white and I am going there at the end of the month

its like he's known me all my life

2/14/2008 12:51:46 PM

Quote :

"But what about the white people who study Science, Engineering or Business? Unless they become doctors, they essentially lose white person status (and can only be regained by working at a non-profit)."

2/14/2008 12:52:38 PM

Quote :

"Non Profit Organizations It is a known fact that white people make up 95% of non-profit organizations. They can’t get enough of them. They like working there for a number of reasons, the most important of which is that it gives them a sense of self importance. This is important so that they can tell their friends and parents that they are “helping” society, and not just working to make money. But the sweet side of non profits is that you are paid a competitive salary for your field. So you can be working at a non-profit and still make six figures, and you don’t have accountability or pressure. Again, like most things with white people - you can’t lose!"

2/14/2008 1:25:00 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDefMg1y5lw

2/14/2008 1:26:41 PM

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com

2/14/2008 1:27:31 PM

how in the hell has this thread made it this far without the borka with a steamin' cup of coffee picture not made an appearance

2/14/2008 1:43:32 PM

Quote :

"-After saying a multisyllabic word such as "understand," Johnny will often follow it with a translation for my benefit like "Dig?" I am glad that he makes his big words accessible to me. "

lolol at black people love us

2/14/2008 1:51:34 PM