$Ken = "The man";

$shazam = "INSERT INTO teh_awesome SET



$Ken";

$ok = @mysql_query($shazam);



if (!$ok) {



exit( rickroll() );
}

5/20/2008 12:41:22 AM

ha, this /= omg

the email i got earlier this week where a guy i went out on a date with wrote a theoretical java program to determine who i should end up with (read: him) = omg!

5/20/2008 12:42:56 AM

omghi2u

5/20/2008 12:43:01 AM

^^sounds like a true keeper!

5/20/2008 12:43:56 AM

^^^ thats a bad sign.


if you give me your number i can rectify this situation

5/20/2008 12:44:06 AM

yeaaaaa, i got that and then told him we werent gonna be seeing each other again

he came off as *kind of* normal, until i got that email

5/20/2008 12:44:28 AM

yeah, who the hell uses Java. what a loser, amirite

5/20/2008 12:44:33 AM

so if that was a week ago, then you're single now right?

5/20/2008 12:45:07 AM

hold up, lemme find the email (and remove his name from it)

you guys are gonna be like wtf????????? about this shit

5/20/2008 12:45:18 AM

    use strict; my @love;
    my $wounds = open(FLAME, "of_passion");
    foreach () {
      push @love "fully";
    }

5/20/2008 12:47:01 AM

Quote :

"push @love "fully""

for this, fred, you are forever my hero

5/20/2008 12:47:26 AM

*dies*
You are too dorky for me.

5/20/2008 12:48:04 AM

Quote :

"evan (12:48) : DA your side of the bed is getting cold, sweetie evan (12:48) : come on to bed, daddy will make everything all better"

5/20/2008 12:49:11 AM

k, sorry for the delay, had to format it some

Quote :

"Jessica, Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-). Let me know if your "dating algorithm", after all inputs from inheritance class (source file) "MalesArousedByJessica" returns the correct object "david" from class "UltimateSexMachineJessicaCantLiveWithout" so I can take you out on a formal date. I could write a song or a poem, but just this time, for your highly intelligent left hemisphere, I constructed a Java Applet- just for you- called ManSorter.java. Using this application, you can clearly see why you should allow me to ask you out again. import objectdraw.*; import java.awt.*; /** * This program uses a novel algorithm to quantitatively analyze and assess characteristics of Jessica's male suitors (includes real-time objective quantitative data on charisma and personality, goals-set/goals-attained ratios, penis size [and associated wielding skills], potential for a happy and successful future, probability of divorce, various dating statistics among 768 other int value data inputs). The compiled algorithm yields object [name] of Jessica's best match, saving much valuable time and opening up a world of unprecedented happiness. */ public class ManSorter extends WindowController { { // Variables of qualities and ratings of suitors private MalesArousedByJessica everyone; private RealtimeSuitorStats dontDateLosers; private ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys notNecessary; } public void begin() { public everyone statSort () { return: list) } public void realTimeSuitorStats.arrage () { return: list.sort(){ } } public void computeGuyJessicaShouldHangOutWithAndLetHelpWithHerNewApertment (){ return.topMan (){ { Public void addToCanvas.topMan() { { { topMan = DAVID. rank #1 of 5,301,000) { topMan.showStats(){ Mature Successful VERY well-endowed… Can fix up your apartment in one day Wont rush things Think we have a chance If you want more dating "experience" be my guest, but lets go out tomorrow night unless you have another date public void manSorterSuggestions () { Go out with David again. Unless you're actually seriously dating someone else right now and not telling me (totally possible for all I know), there's nothing wrong with going on a date tomorrow night and hanging out at my apt. But, again, if you have something to hide or can't break your dating rules, at least let me know if I can take you out tomorrow night, or in a few weeks… ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys = dull conversations and feeling of dissatisfaction; } } }}"

and, btw, i did say thank you for the drinks

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 12:54 AM. Reason : i was pretty much in a state of shock by the time i got to "public void begin() { "]

5/20/2008 12:53:38 AM

You're the worst kind of homosapien...emphasis on homo.

5/20/2008 12:53:44 AM

hahahaa... that is great.

Why would any person think that is acceptable to send to a girl/guy after a first date...

5/20/2008 1:01:55 AM

i have no idea, he was then pretty surprised that i was so shocked and thought that we shouldnt see each other again
and tried to argue with me about it!
like that was gonna change my mind!!!!

5/20/2008 1:02:57 AM

I'd put a restraining order on any chick who sent me crap like that

and i used to write code for a living..

5/20/2008 1:04:09 AM

JESUS

5/20/2008 1:05:55 AM

i'm glad i'm not the only one who found this shocking/appalling


and i thought it was just a little presumptuous to assume i wanted to know that he was an "ultimate sex machine i can't live without" and that he has a big penis and knows how to use it

i mean, seriously??????? wtf

5/20/2008 1:09:51 AM

if (furtherContact) {
return restrainingOrder
}

5/20/2008 1:12:31 AM

First of all, that message wasn't supposed to go to you but another Jessica I know.

I got confused. Don't act like you're embarassing me because some coincidental shit happened.

5/20/2008 1:12:55 AM

remind me not to open this thread anymore.

5/20/2008 1:13:29 AM

oh and i mispelled apartment.

5/20/2008 1:14:10 AM

at first this thread was no where *near* the level of "omg"

now...

it's like

OMFG

thats one fucked up email.

5/20/2008 1:16:18 AM

HA HA HA HA HA

5/20/2008 1:19:18 AM

Quote :

"Wont rush things"

...he talked about his dick size and marriage in an email.

show him this thread.

5/20/2008 1:24:13 AM

Quote :

"Can fix up your apartment in one day"

and, sorry buddy, but like I told you when we were getting drinks - I don't need your help "fixing" my TOWNHOUSE. I can do it myself.

and theres no way you can apply 12 coats of paint to 3 rooms in 1 day, especially not when all of said rooms need to be sanded, and I want it to actually look decent


^hahaha dude, he kept trying to come over and help me with painting after the date
i was like "uhhhhh, no thanks" and had to say it like 5x

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:26 AM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:25:54 AM

i think this is one of the most disturbing things ive read in a long, long time.



damn rjrgrl, you really attract some winnars. where'd you get this guy? Craigslist?

5/20/2008 1:29:28 AM

a] how did you end up going out with this creepy bastard?
b] close your windows cuz he's in the bushes right now.

5/20/2008 1:31:12 AM

he struck me as a little over zealous before we actually went out, but I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt

actually, he seems (even with that email and getting pissy about me not wanting to see him again) pretty harmless, more like an over eager puppy than anything else

but, that he thought that email was a good idea was enough to send me running for the hills

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:31 AM. Reason : ^haha, i didnt tell him where I live FOR A REASON]

5/20/2008 1:31:32 AM

like he needs you to tell him where you live. he already knew, honey, he already knew

5/20/2008 1:33:03 AM

haha, i mean, if he was smart he could find it. but i dunno if hes that smart about that kind of thing

but, maybe i'll invest in some pepper spray

5/20/2008 1:34:02 AM

tell that dumbass his shit doesn't compile, and that he gets a zero for this assignment.

5/20/2008 1:40:59 AM

omg i still cant look away. this is like a bad freeway accident.

his "mature, sucessful, well-endowed penis and welding skills"

i dont know whether to laugh or cry.

one things for sure, you run this thread, rjrgrl.

now maybe this'll teach you to get your dates on Craigslist.

5/20/2008 1:41:02 AM

^^gg

^haha, i understand, i stared at the first screen of it just horrified for a good 20 minutes when I got this the other night.
and trust me, I learned to steer clear of CL already

5/20/2008 1:42:44 AM

That shit just doesn't make sense, B.

5/20/2008 1:43:01 AM

I been thinking about this, and you know what ...

I think Java-Penis-Man is not completely at fault here.

in fact, i think you must have indicated to him that being "well endowed" is an important characteristic for your future partners.

cuz, seriously... guys just dont go there out of the clear blue. not even this pathetic java nerd.

i mean i can almost see it: you and him, having drinks, and you're telling him how all the other guys you've dated have tiny little winkies, how you're sick of not being fulfilled, and how you have so much work to do at your new house that you need a guy with tool skills...

good lord, hon.

if you're gonna go on "casual encounters" and try to hook up, you're bound to run into some freaks. it just comes with the territory.


.... still ... it doesnt excuse that horrible horrible java code -- that shits just whacked.







[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:52 AM. Reason : ]

5/20/2008 1:47:52 AM

hahaha
i think he was trying to overcompensate for the fact he hasn't dated in two years (something about blowing out his knee and having to, legitimately, be on morphine for it for 1.5 years)

the mistake i made was telling him that i know a couple programming languages, and that i took java (even though i CLEARLY stated that i hated java because of the class i took) in college. unfortunately, he had taken a java class as well.
i mean, it was a *kinda* cute idea, that maybe after several dates i would have laughed at (had the content been a little less ridiculous). but, he just took it wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too far

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:53 AM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:52:26 AM

hmm. yea. well... my head's still spinning.

you know, i've got some tylenol with codeine syrup. i think ill fix me a drank and go to bed.

i need to get this out of my brain.

5/20/2008 1:55:26 AM

hahahahaha I am glad I clicked on this, although I didnt really read every post so I originally assume it was evan who wrote the email

5/20/2008 1:58:10 AM

ahaha holy shit...i'm amazed you made it past the part where he gave a backhanded insult for not thanking him for drinks

and reading that whole e-mail made me feel physical pain

i could see that being something funny after a relationship has been establised...but for a second date try? lol

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 3:01 AM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 3:01:00 AM

"private MalesArousedByJessica everyone;"

ok i lol'd a little

lol

5/20/2008 9:42:07 AM

10/10

5/20/2008 9:50:58 AM

i just read this thread in it's entirety. omfcreepy. and i'm out of here

5/20/2008 10:13:58 AM

Quote :

"so I originally assume it was evan who wrote the email"

wat

5/20/2008 11:31:59 AM

i'm debating whether this gem of an email needs its own thread

5/20/2008 11:47:48 AM

^belongs to best of craigslist!

5/20/2008 11:49:12 AM

Quote :

" if (furtherContact) { return restrainingOrder } "

100/10 ...this would have been a great response.

5/20/2008 11:56:13 AM

yeah, if he contacts you again, you should def send that.

and yeah, this part:

Quote :

"Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-)."

i mean what a fucking loser already.

5/20/2008 2:43:05 PM