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 Message Boards » » Divorce Page [1]  
stone
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so my good friend and one of my groomsmen is getting divorced after only being married 11 months. they have a little girl that is 5 months old. so obviously it was a shotgun wedding. i am really torn up about then separating and feel so helpless. has anyone had their friends get divorced yet? how did it work out with still being friends with both people?

6/3/2008 9:22:48 PM

FeverRed
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I haven't had any close friends go through a divorce, but most of the people I know who have gotten divorced did it before they hit their third anniversary.

I do know couples who have broken up, and I usually end up losing touch with whichever one I had known the least amount of time. It's not even a matter of taking sides or anything, it's just how it goes.

6/4/2008 12:16:44 PM

theDuke866
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haven't had any friends split up where i was friends with both of them...


but family law is a motherfucker. dirty system full of crooks.

6/5/2008 2:06:07 AM

Aficionado
Suspended
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family law

the one time it is a good time to have a vagina

6/5/2008 11:28:14 PM

roddy
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about 75% of the weddings my sister was envolved after she graduated from Chapel Hill (sorority) ended in divorce...heck, some of the weddings were the second go around for some of them. For awhile there she there were multi weddings occuring and then they would fail....costing her alot of money....lol She starting to predict if it would last or not.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 1:40 AM. Reason : w]

6/6/2008 1:39:53 AM

Nighthawk
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Close friend of mine got the big D last year. He and her were married about 5 years and have a 2 year old son together. Its been a real bitch, because it sounds like what happened to Duke, only worse. He's military and she is cleaning him out. She ain't doing shit, got the kid, moved wherever she wanted to, and his child payments and shit cover most all of her shit. He gets his son like in the summer or whatever, but she moved to fucking Denver from NYC where he's stationed because she thought it would be pretty. Hell he moved to NYC because she was into fashion design and all of that shit. She has a degree in fashion or some shit, but only used it for a part-time job at a damn Mac store. Then after they had the kid, she decided she wanted to move to Alaska to raise him! WTF. After they split she got over that, but decided she wanted to live in Denver, even though she had never even been there before.

He's taking it well though. Had a girlfriend like 2 months after she rolled out. Seems to be making the most out of a fucked up situation. She took their car, and promptly sold it. Took most of their shit across country with her. Took the kid. Only thing she didn't get was the dog. And she doesn't want him to fly to pickup their son, because she thinks he is too young to fly. So she is trying to make him drive to Denver to see their son. I would shot my wife if she pulled some fucking shit like that.

6/6/2008 8:37:40 AM

BobbyDigital
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Quote :
"too young to fly."


what the fuck kind of retarded crazybitch logic is that?

Our daughter flew 8 times within the first 3 months of her life.

6/6/2008 12:41:03 PM

djeternal
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I was only married for 6 months, and I am sure there are TWWers that remember that drama.

6/6/2008 1:24:14 PM

user123
Veteran
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man.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 1:30 PM. Reason : .]

6/6/2008 1:27:58 PM

Sousapickle
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Two close friends of mine got divorced about a month ago. The marriage lasted two years, but really it was over after 6 months, they were both just too stubborn to see it. In fact they probably should've never gotten married in the first place, which I used to tell them, but again, their minds were made up. Once the infidelity started, it was just a matter of time before they both just stopped caring about the marriage. Anyway I still consider them both friends, although I see a lot more of her because he's in medical school.

6/8/2008 1:55:10 PM

theDuke866
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Quote :
"And she doesn't want him to fly to pickup see their son, because she thinks he is too young to fly. wants to be a difficult bitch, because it's more important to her to be a thorn in his side than it is to look out for the best interests of her child. So she is trying to make him drive to Denver to see their son, because she knows that it's logistically pretty much impossible to do on anything approaching a regular basis."


there you go. fixed it.

fortunately, as fucked up as the family law system is, he at least won't have to play that dumb bitch's game on that one thing. the judge is not going to say "your son can't fly in airplanes--you have to drive 4000 miles round trip any time you want to see him." I'd use that opportunity (along with any others that I'm sure that retarded slut has surely given him) to make her look like an unreasonable, self-serving bitch in court.

That's what I did, and I won basically every issue that we contested (which, of course, means that what I got was extremely fucked up instead of COMPLETELY fucked up, as I didn't even bother to contest the absolutely absurd amount of child support, and only made reasonable, fair to all concerned demands about other things). I also made her fuckhead lawyer look like a ridiculous slimeball in front of the judge, who basically told him to shut his fucking mouth.

6/9/2008 12:32:28 AM

theDuke866
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also, after seeing how this stupid system works both firsthand and in my parents' divorce, and after hearing countless other stories since I gained a certain interest in the matter, and after seeing how unethical some lawyers are, and after seeing what kind of ridiculous shit people will do when their precious fucking feelings are hurt and/or when they have a lot of potential money dangled in front of them, my advice is to not even entertain the idea of marraige without getting God's own prenup first.

6/9/2008 12:36:06 AM

theDuke866
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and personally, if i get married, i will insist that our finances be as seperate as possible. joint account for mortgage payments, utility bills, groceries, and any children...otherwise, seperate.

6/9/2008 1:46:52 AM

wolfpack0122
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I've got a good friend of the family who has been married for right at a year. His wife recently had a baby. He is in the marines and is (well was, don't know if he still is) part of the security detail for Marine 1, and has less than a year left before he gets out. His wife just filed for divorce because, "hes never home." What a bitch. They even had the "talk" about how often he is gone before they got married. I just want to punch people's face in that do shit like that
At least on the "good" side, her family is alienating her because of it

6/9/2008 6:04:02 AM

djeternal
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Quote :
"His wife just filed for divorce because, "hes never home."she's fucking someone else"

6/9/2008 8:28:06 AM

elkaybie
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Quote :
"family law

the one time it is a good time to have a vagina"


except in my coworker's situation. she paid for her hubby while he was in dental school. when he becomes big shot dentist making $texas, he dropped her like a bad habit to run off with his sex-retary. my coworker was 4 months pregnant with their child.

she didn't work anymore, and was penniless from putting him through school. he "came back," but it was only to trick her into moving out of their house b/c his lawyer told him if she willingly left the house, then she would have a bad case in trying to get the house.

he contested child support until she was in so much debt, she couldn't fight it anymore. she sees her daughter every other weekend.

SO...money ruled in that family court room.

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 9:56 AM. Reason : ]

6/9/2008 9:55:35 AM

JennMc
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Wait a second, I thought that the husband would have to pay her attorney fees for Child Support Actions.... Granted, that may not happen in real life and just on the NC Bar Exam.

It makes me sad to hear of so many shady family law attorneys.

6/9/2008 10:37:27 AM

dannydigtl
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^^wow thats pretty evil.

6/9/2008 12:04:46 PM

theDuke866
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^ yeah

^^ no, that definitely happens.

in my case, they tried to make me pay for the lawyer's fees for both sides, and I refused. Of course, then her asshole lawyer tried to add it into the lawsuit, but I made him look like such a dirtbag and made her look so completely unreasonable in court (along with making it clear that I was being the good guy) that they figured that the judge wouldn't award it, since they were the ones running up the legal expenses by trying to score a bunch of ridiculous shit (like not even allowing me to have my daughter at my house--i.e., when I would have visitation, she wanted me to have to visit my daughter at her house. that's just one example).


after the first court date, it went to mediation. her lawyer again tried to get me to pay for her legal bills. I think it was more of a bargaining chip this time--just something for her to concede to get me to compromise on something else. I told the mediator that I hated her lawyer more than anyone else on the planet and would never voluntarily pay him a cent, and if they brought it up again, I'd walk out of mediation and see her back in court. Since she didn't get anything she wanted in court the first time (because it was all ridiculous), I guess she decided not to do that.

In the end, the only thing I had to compromise on was to agree to pay her $1500 (which would cover some medical expenses for our daughter that she ran up by continually taking her to a doctor that wasn't covered through Tricare, and also because for the first few months after our daughter was born, I was giving her mother money, but only what was needed. This was, of course, far less than what gets ordered in child support, so I had to backpay the difference).

However, I was about to move across the country in a couple of days, and had been trying to get visitation with my daughter for 2-3 months (since I finally had a court order to allow it), but her mother and grandmother kept doing little things to keep it from happening. You know, not being home/not answering the phone/etc when I was supposed to pick her up, etc. My lawyer suggested that we word the mediated agreement such that I would drop off her $1500 check when I picked my daughter up for visitation, which would be my last day in FL.

Well, to make a long story short, her mother fucking hid her at a neighbor's house all day! I dropped the check off anyway, because I wanted to make sure there could never be anything bad said against me in court, and immediately emailed my lawyer to have her charged with contempt of court. Unfortunately, since the judge had not signed the agreement yet, the only recourse would be that she would owe me an extra day of visitation in the future (great, except I'll be living 3000 miles away and unable to keep her for more than a weekend, anyway). So, I stopped payment on the $1500 check since she didn't live up to her part of the deal. Figured that she wouldn't DARE bring it up in court after the things she did, and if she did, I would completely destroy her, as I'd kept a running logbook of every time she'd pulled some bullshit over the last 6 months. She never gave me any problem about the $1500.

6/9/2008 1:06:42 PM

umbrellaman
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^I knew divorce can be a real drama, but I didn't realize it could be so tooth-&-nail.

Quote :
"I've got a good friend of the family who has been married for right at a year. His wife recently had a baby. He is in the marines and is (well was, don't know if he still is) part of the security detail for Marine 1, and has less than a year left before he gets out. His wife just filed for divorce because, "hes never home." What a bitch. They even had the "talk" about how often he is gone before they got married. I just want to punch people's face in that do shit like that"


One of my roommates was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. He just gotten out of the army (out of Iraq, in fact), and he and his wife had been living in El Paso. But he wasn't happy with the money he was bringing in, and so he came to NC for a better job so that he could provide better for him and her. He's not even here half a year when he gets wind of her sleeping with another man, and the bitch even calls him up and says "it's not working out between us." On the one hand being away from your spouse like that can be very taxing on the marriage, but this dude was completely faithful to her! He didn't have other women over, etc.

Fortunately they don't have any kids and maybe they even had a good pre-nup, because he's never said anything about her trying to suck him dry. In fact, he promptly went down to El Paso and took all of his furniture and shit. That I know of, she didn't get the chance to clean him out.

6/22/2008 4:30:54 PM

stone
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so my buddy got the child support payment info friday. he make 40K a year and she has a degree but is going back for a masters. she moved out left him with no help with house payment or utilities and he gets to pay 510 a month. that is some shit if u ax me. she is at home with her parents and doesn't have to work at all now and he is stuck paying 500 a month when the baby only legit cost him about half of that monthly before. our system is fucked.

6/22/2008 5:16:49 PM

theDuke866
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yep. it's fucked.

my child support is $1007/month, and would be even more if my daughter didn't have all of her healthcare covered as my military dependant. With childcare and everything, it only really legitimately costs, ohh, ~$750/month or so to provide for her, so effectively, I pay for EVERYTHING concerning my daughter, plus her mother's car payment (she's been working with me a little lately and giving me back some of the extra money, like $100-200/month on average

the way child support works is they look at how much each of you make and consult a table that spits out total amount of "needed" support based on your combined incomes. Then they add in stuff like child care and health insurance. Then they split this total amount based on how much each of you make (for example, if you make 60% of the combined income, you pay 60% of the total support amount, and she pays 40%).

That's fair enough, in and of itself. The problem is that, at least in my case and many others, their formula grossly overestimates how much total money is needed. The non-custodial parent (or at least the one without primary custody, where the child spends >50% of the time) pays the money to the custodial parent. The custodial parent is nominally responsible for contributing his/her (generally her, due to the bias of the system) share, but since the non-custodial parent pays the custodial parent, and the amount is so inflated, the custodial parent contributes little to nothing most times in reality.


^^ ha, mine wasn't even a divorce--just an out of wedlock birth.

and yeah, from what i've seen and heard, some of that stuff may not be the norm, but it's not really unusual, either. Chicks will do some stupid, crazy shit, especially when they're pissed off and have the upper hand in the family law system.

6/22/2008 7:37:22 PM

hooksaw
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Quote :
"my child support is $1007/month"


Sweet Jesus! Even with flight pay, BAQ, and any other allowances you receive, that's got to be a quarter to a third of your salary.

Wow.

6/23/2008 6:57:46 AM

Nighthawk
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^Remember kids wrap your shit up. Condoms cost a couple bucks. Kids cost 1/3 or more of your paycheck for the next 18 years. She better be a damn good lay.

6/23/2008 10:23:32 AM

JennMc
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Outside sources of income (contributions from parents for living expenses, etc) should be taken into account as income for that party.

I will look into the effect of a party living with their own parents and the potential effect on child support. Based on what I have studied so far, it potentially could affect the child support amounts.

6/23/2008 10:33:47 AM

theDuke866
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^^^ yep

^ hmmm. she had moved back home at the time the child support was calculated (which was half of how that mess got started to begin with. i think her parents were a big factor in her sueing me). i don't remember factoring that in, though. Both my lawyer and her lawyer calculated the support amounts, and the amounts were in a few dollars of each other. We didn't really even contest it in court, because while it isn't right, it's the way the law works.

6/23/2008 12:33:18 PM

GraniteBalls
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Holy Shit.

6/23/2008 2:21:29 PM

susie Q
All American
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Next time I get it in my head that I want to be married, I'm going to read this thread. Add to My Topics!

7/23/2008 1:46:20 PM

JS
All American
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http://www.ncdivorce.com

google search

7/23/2008 11:57:27 PM

moron
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My friend might be going through this soon... anyone know if/how infidelity (on his part) affects custody? Does it matter too if he’s still with the side chick? Currently according to him, he does most of the work raising the kids and he thinks he can get priamary custody but this seems specious to me.

3/17/2019 10:56:11 PM

Nighthawk
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He sounds like a moron.

3/18/2019 3:40:05 PM

moron
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Ha def not me. I don’t have kids and wouldn’t cheat...

3/18/2019 3:45:06 PM

theDuke866
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Quote :
"So, I stopped payment on the $1500 check since she didn't live up to her part of the deal. Figured that she wouldn't DARE bring it up in court after the things she did, and if she did, I would completely destroy her, as I'd kept a running logbook of every time she'd pulled some bullshit over the last 6 months. She never gave me any problem about the $1500. "


The damned idiot actually tried to sue me over that $1500 years later during one of our subsequent legal fights. It just gave me an opportunity to explain to a new judge one more fucked up thing she did.

I think I'm $40k deep on money spent with lawyers at this point, or at least pretty close to it. I've gotten child support reduced a couple of times as I got 50/50 custody and as daycare costs went away, but I'm still something into the six-figures there over the last 12.5 years. I don't think I've hit 150k yet, but I know it's over 100k.

and she's still fucking broke.

3/22/2019 11:47:26 PM

synapse
play so hard
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^ I don't mean to get too personal, but why did you do it? I definitely get the progeny payoff...but was it a conscious decision?

[Edited on March 25, 2019 at 1:05 AM. Reason : Was it an Officer and a Gentleman situation?]

3/25/2019 1:01:53 AM

theDuke866
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Not quite following you...why did I do what?

3/25/2019 9:50:54 AM

synapse
play so hard
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Decide to enter into an 18 year contract with her

3/25/2019 10:29:06 AM

theDuke866
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Oh I didn’t decide anything! It wasn’t intentional.

Not sure if it was accidental on both of our parts—she’d never admit it, but there are a couple of reasons I have my doubts.

3/26/2019 8:28:03 PM

aaronburro
Sup, B
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Quote :
"My friend might be going through this soon... anyone know if/how infidelity (on his part) affects custody? Does it matter too if he’s still with the side chick? Currently according to him, he does most of the work raising the kids and he thinks he can get priamary custody but this seems specious to me."

Unless your friend can get a really good lawyer, he is fucked. A buddy of mine got slammed for banging a chick after his wife left him while the divorce proceedings were going on.

4/3/2019 12:24:45 AM

PaulISdead
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What do you mean by slammed?

4/3/2019 10:26:02 AM

aaronburro
Sup, B
51960 Posts
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I mean the proceedings against him went much worse than they otherwise would have

4/3/2019 8:53:02 PM

synapse
play so hard
57496 Posts
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...i can't imagine that would take anyone by surprise.

4/4/2019 11:45:19 AM

lazarus
All American
1013 Posts
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WE WANT PRENUP

6/20/2019 11:45:32 AM

Wraith
All American
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Quote :
"A buddy of mine got slammed for banging a chick after his wife left him while the divorce proceedings were going on."


So let me get this straight -- a women left her husband. Made it very clear that the marriage was over and the relationship was over. She no longer had any interest with her husband. Understanding this, he pursued a relationship before the divorce was finalized and was punished for it? Why does that have anything to do with the divorce proceedings? What about the wife who left, did she just remain single during the whole divorce? Some divorces can take like a year to through. Are both people supposed to remain completely uninvolved the whole time? Not even a single date with another person?

6/21/2019 9:42:28 AM

PaulISdead
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At most it slightly tips the scales if there were allegations of infidelity during the marriage with the same person

6/21/2019 11:02:38 AM

Arab13
Art Vandelay
45124 Posts
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That said, it used to have a, large, impact. Now, not so much.

6/26/2019 3:36:32 AM

afripino
All American
10388 Posts
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just keep it in ur pants until the legal bindings are severed. until the divorce is final final, you're married.

6/27/2019 3:16:42 PM

BanjoMan
All American
8920 Posts
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if youre a dude. Ladies can do whatever the fuck they want apparently.

8/23/2019 4:06:17 PM

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