i think its absurd but a couple people ive mentioned it to have not seen a problem with it

my roommate (30 y.o professional) and i live in a ~1000 sq ft apt here in the DC area

for the second time in about 3 months, his parents have come to town and stayed with us for an extended weekend. this time we're looking at a thurs through sunday stay + his stepmom's two small dogs

the first time was his stepdad and mom, so not even the same set of parents... and i ended up coming home at around 3pm one afternoon to find her cooking all sorts of shit in our kitchen in her nightgown...gross.

he apparently sees nothing out of the ordinary with doing this, because all i get is an occasional email like "hey my rents will be in town a couple of days, hope you dont mind"

so basically, is this something you people have ever even heard of or am i just a dick for thinking it's completely unacceptable. trying to gauge reaction for when i say something to him about it.

11/12/2008 2:30:44 PM

His parents should respect that it is not just HIS place and that he has a roommate. In turn, they should get a hotel room.

Not to mention he is 30. I know my parents would feel awkward as hell staying at my place, even if I didn't have a roommate.

11/12/2008 2:46:27 PM

thats the thing

no one seems to feel that it's an awkward situation except me

must just be a weird family thing

i mean, on the one hand, he pays rent and neither of us own the place, so im limited in my recourse without being a total dick about it (not above that, just dont want to make the next 6 months awkward as hell)

but im also not going to go the passive aggressive route either. ill probably just say something to him after this time if it appears that im not the only one here in this stage of my life who thinks this is absolutely bizzare.

11/12/2008 2:49:49 PM

The right thing for his parents to do is to get a hotel room, and not infringe on your privacy.

11/12/2008 2:55:34 PM

so

odd - 2
you're a dick - 0

11/12/2008 2:59:21 PM

[quote]His parents should respect that it is not just HIS place and that he has a roommate. In turn, they should get a hotel room./quote]

Definitely. I had my own apartment for 3 years after graduation, and when my parents came to town (which was not often, usually 1 or 2x each year) they would stay with me. Even though I was in my mid 20's, it didn't bother me and it saved them money. However, when I moved and now have a roommate again to save money, they stay in a hotel room when they come to town, because it would be an extreme imposition on my roommate if they were to try to stay over.

11/12/2008 3:13:17 PM

Quote :

"His parents should respect that it is not just HIS place and that he has a roommate. In turn, they should get a hotel room."

I'm surprised the parents are cool with just hanging around and staying at the bachelor pad anyways.

11/12/2008 3:45:40 PM

well, in defense of that, they are going to be out most of the days at a trade show or something...but still, the entire premise is what im concerned about

the previous time his other parents were just there to hang out and do stuff around town with him

11/12/2008 3:49:20 PM

^^ exactly. my parents would feel awkward as hell

11/12/2008 3:57:42 PM

it really depends on your family. some dont think about much about it. i say if it happened once in a while that would be cool, but if it happens that often i would say talk to your roommate about some boundries

11/13/2008 3:02:35 PM

definitely odd

11/13/2008 3:24:53 PM

Quote :

"His parents should respect that it is not just HIS place and that he has a roommate. In turn, they should get a hotel room."

11/13/2008 3:28:40 PM

that's very odd, especially in a 1000 sqft apartment.

11/13/2008 7:59:11 PM

before i had a guest bedroom - my parents always got a hotel room - same with my roommates as well - my parents have never mentioned anything about staying with me while i had roommates and my roommate never mentioned anything of the sort to me

i wouldn't say it's overly crazy though especially since it's different sets - possibly 1 set of them visiting spurred the other set

he should have enough balls to say it to your face though unless you never see each other

11/13/2008 8:44:13 PM

It's not unusual to have an out of town guest spend a night or two at your place. Whether they're your parents or your friends. Whether you have a roommate or not. We have all crashed at someone's place. Most of us have had a roommate have someone stay overnight.

But it's not cool when the visits start to run longer. And the dogs. Ugh. Board them.

11/13/2008 10:21:33 PM

he should ask you before they have made their plans. he is asking you after the fact so you really have no recourse.

I think anything more than an overnight stay is very much an imposition on you, especially with pets, especially in such a small apartment.

next time he does it, you should get hammered drunk and come home late with your friends or a chick. be loud. they wont come again.

11/14/2008 8:41:33 AM

yeah if he had asked ahead of time and you approved, different story.

otherwise, they should get a hotel room.

Personally it probably wouldn't bother me if I got the "yo my parents are crashing for a couple days" email unless I had a reason like I had people coming over or I knew I'd be coming home late or whatever. Thats just me though, I generally don't care about that shit. I care even less if they cook me some fucking breakfast or something as a thank you for letting them crash.

I can understand how others would though.

11/14/2008 9:40:49 AM

Quote :

"next time he does it, you should get hammered drunk and come home late with your friends or a chick. be loud. they wont come again."

well, by default, that's pretty much tonight through sunday...(and sunday night for skins/cowgirls)


i think i've come to terms with my feelings on this. if i had known the guy and his family outside of the roommate relationship, i'd feel less awkward about it, but as is the case, my relationship with this guy thus consists of 6 months of rent checks and a shared common area. im not usually around and aside from the one tangential mutual friend, he is not someone i'd hang out with or be friends with, but he pays rent and is generally an ok roommate in the literal sense of the word. his parents have been very nice and deferential (not surprisingly), and about 10 orders of magnitude less weird and awkward as his mom/stepdad were, but nonetheless, it's just too many warm bodies for that kind of square footage, and the lack of self-awareness on his part to recognize that only furthers my conclusions that i want to continue to keep this relationship on a strictly living-situation enabled basis.

either way, ill be letting him know after they leave on sunday that it was a little too much and that while i appreciate his parents saving money, it's not realistic given our living situation.

appreciate the responses, because i honestly wasn't sure if i was being a dick about it. friends on the couch for a night are one thing bottombaby, but i think you're in the minority when lumping family members/parents into the mix as acceptable, esp over mutiple nights

11/14/2008 10:39:53 AM

I think he should have warned you further in advance, but i do not see what the big deal with it is. I would just get drunk and stay up really late watching TV with my friends or something ...ahah

1/6/2009 12:24:55 PM

this is one of the reasons that i live by myself

1/6/2009 1:28:49 PM

God I had one fuckstick of a roommate once that his parents + three siblings would show up randomly and stay for a week at a time. It kept happening more and more frequently and I had the feeling they were living in their car. The dad was a deadbeat and never had a job, and was constantly "borrowing" all of my roommates money.

It pissed me off every time and I asked him nicely to cut that shit out, and then asked firmly and then demanded and finally threw a hell spell about it, but he said "what can I do, I can't throw them out in the street". Finally it came to a head when I came home from work, he hadn't got home yet, but those brothers and sister of his (3,5, and 8) were in the kitchen COOKING. No parents in sight.

I told him once they were gone they either stayed gone or he'd be out on his ass too. He wasn't on the lease, so that put a stop to it.

1/6/2009 3:14:42 PM

you may think its odd but its not wrong
in fact having two grown loving parents over to cooks and get to know is a nice thing
as long as its only a weekend

1/6/2009 4:04:31 PM

make his parents buy you beer, problem solved

1/6/2009 4:58:54 PM

Quote :

"he should ask you before they have made their plans. he is asking you after the fact so you really have no recourse. "

Exactly. He should have given you the opportunity to negotiate or even say no to the deal.

And bringing dogs is a big no-no. You don't just show up at a non-dog-owner's home with a pair of dogs and assume it's ok. What if they damage something? What if they annoy the neighbors or she doesn't pick up after them when she takes them out?

I dunno, anything more than a Saturday night or maybe even a Friday/Saturday stay seems a little long to me as well. Again, that goes back to the fact that he should have asked and given you a chance to negotiate or set some ground rules.

I'm going to vote that parents staying overnight (one night that is) if you have a spare bedroom is not that strange as long as the roommate discusses it with you first. When they start taking up the living room, bringing dogs, cooking in nightgowns, or staying more than one day it is really stretching the boundaries.

[Edited on January 6, 2009 at 5:58 PM. Reason : l]

1/6/2009 5:56:24 PM