User not logged in - login - register
Home Calendar Books School Tool Photo Gallery Message Boards Users Statistics Advertise Site Info
go to bottom | |
 Message Boards » » the best news article ever written Page [1]  
zebranky
All American
1668 Posts
user info
edit post

every sentence is hilarious

http://www.theherald.com.au/news/local/news/general/man-caught-with-penis-in-pasta-jar/1363831.aspx

Quote :
"Man caught with penis in pasta jar
BY STEPHEN RYAN
19/11/2008 12:59:00 PM
A MAN caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed.

Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

Weatherley, of Promontory Way, North Arm Cove, attracted attention parked in a no-stopping zone before noon on October 26.

Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Weatherley pleaded guilty to offensive behaviour, resisting police and disobeying a police direction.

Magistrate Elaine Truscott asked Weatherley, who represented himself, why he behaved the way he did.

He said he resisted police because he was trying to make himself "decent".

He was fined $600 for offensive behaviour and convicted of the other two offences without further action taken."


discuss amongst yourselves

11/20/2008 2:17:21 AM

ThePeter
TWW CHAMPION
37709 Posts
user info
edit post

Quote :
"They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling"."


NO STOP, I'M ALMOST THERE.

11/20/2008 2:18:58 AM

Ragged
All American
23473 Posts
user info
edit post

Quote :
" a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."


wtf bro

11/20/2008 2:19:37 AM

zebranky
All American
1668 Posts
user info
edit post

i would like to reiterate the following

Quote :
"A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."


i would posit that a more fantastic sentence has never been written nor will another ever be

11/20/2008 2:19:50 AM

ThePeter
TWW CHAMPION
37709 Posts
user info
edit post

I'd say that the start of The Scarlet Letter of

Quote :
"A throng of bearded men..."


is pretty funny...for some reason.

11/20/2008 2:21:10 AM

hypaone
All American
11084 Posts
user info
edit post

^^That quote is most certainly of the utmost quality.

[Edited on November 20, 2008 at 2:21 AM. Reason : laul]

11/20/2008 2:21:29 AM

TenaciousC
All American
6307 Posts
user info
edit post

^^^ that's the line that got me. Lolz.

11/20/2008 6:37:07 AM

jetskipro
All American
1635 Posts
user info
edit post

Quote :
"A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."


one of these things just doesn't belong here!

11/20/2008 7:05:02 AM

jataylor
All American
6652 Posts
user info
edit post

reading it with an english accent makes it even funnier

11/20/2008 7:52:59 AM

wdprice3
BinaryBuffonary
45912 Posts
user info
edit post

Quote :
"Jack

Russell

terrier"

11/20/2008 7:57:17 AM

jethromoore
All American
2529 Posts
user info
edit post

Quote :
"Weatherley, of Promontory Way, North Arm Cove, attracted attention parked fapping in a no-stopping no-fapping zone before noon on October 26."


I don't know if I have ever seen so many one sentence paragraphs.

[Edited on November 20, 2008 at 8:04 AM. Reason : ]

11/20/2008 8:04:17 AM

 Message Boards » Chit Chat » the best news article ever written Page [1]  
go to top | |
Admin Options : move topic | lock topic

© 2025 by The Wolf Web - All Rights Reserved.
The material located at this site is not endorsed, sponsored or provided by or on behalf of North Carolina State University.
Powered by CrazyWeb v2.39 - our disclaimer.