[blog]
this ended up being a lot longer than i thought heh - is anyone going to read this?

some background information
5 kids in my family - 3 married - 1 long term gf - 1 no gf
2 make decent money (as do their SOs) and the other 3 do not (as well as their SOs)
we've all graduated from college - the youngest graduated in 2005 but the last graduation was this year

our parents birthdays are within a week of each other in september so as an idea i offered to buy them tickets to a comedy show i thought they'd like (jim gaffigan) and told my siblings that if they wanted they could contribute to the gift and i'd sign the card from all of the kids - i said it didn't matter how much you contributed and it didn't have to be equal - everyone agreed

nobody sent me a dime and i never brought it up because it wasn't a big deal

so a few days ago my sister sent out an email saying we should do a group xmas gift and take up a collection for mom/dad/g-ma - she didn't ask how much everyone wanted to contribute - instead she said she needed $50 for the three of them with what she was going to buy with the money - i replied back that i'm okay with the group gift idea but i'd prefer the gifts to be a little more substantial - especially for our parents - we had already purchased something separate for my g-ma earlier in the year so this being another gift was fine by me

my reply

Quote :

"Maybe you guys talked about it at Thanksgiving and we are just late to the party but if we are going to do group gifts like this we should probably talk about it a little bit more in advance - we haven't bought [father name] and [mother name] a gift but we've already done the rest of our Christmas shopping [wife name] and I are okay with it except if we are going to do a group gift we'd prefer them to a little bit more substantial - at least for [father name] and [mother name] - it sounds like we're only spending about $10 per person on each of them. If that's not a shared view then we'll throw in for the group gift and get them something small in addition. We don't want to spend a lot of money on Christmas this year but I think in this area we can spend a little more."

then we all get sent 2 sob story guilt trip emails about how much my sister and my sister-in-law would love to spend more money because they love to buy gifts but money is tight this year - also how xmas isn't about money but it's a time for the kids and grandkids to get together and enjoy the family

email from sister - who my parents gave their 5yr old SUV to earlier this year because when they tried to go home from the hospital after having a kid - realized the 2 adults and child seat wouldn't fit in any of their cars (2 trucks and an eclipse) so the hospital wouldn't release them....

Quote :

"I totally agree with you, [me], that [father name] and [mother name] deserve something more substantial. That said, a few of us don't have a lot of extra money to spend this year. I love buying gifts so it really hurts to have to limit myself especially when [father name] and [mother name] are so generous to us. We also have a small additional gift for [father name] and [mother name]. Now that we have a baby she has to give them something too so we had a calendar made for them and professional photos printed (about $30). I think that if you want to spend more on them this year please don't hesitate to buy something else from the two of you. Hopefully next year I will be making more (they are trying to raise my hourly rate as promised but have claimed no budget) but that might require a job change. Let me know if you have any other thoughts."

email from sister-in-law

Quote :

"My two cents worth – please remember that Christmas is not about the amount of money that we spend on gifts, because, I can’t say that next year we will be able to spend more money either. Trust me, I would love to be a lot more generous with everyone than we are able to be ( Be glad, [brother name] wanted us to make gifts this year). I truly feel that what makes everyone happiest is having all the kids and grandkids together! Luckily, all of our parents are fortunate that they don’t need many things and I don’t think that they want us to spend a lot either - Again, this is just my two cents worth. Ok, I will get off the Charlie Brown soap box now!"

i really want to email them back and tell them there is no need for this guilt trip wish i could pay more bullshit and tell them to put the $$ they owe me for the birthday gift from a few months ago towards their xmas gift or something along those lines - basically it would just continue the ridiculousness - my wife wants me to send it too but is the voice of reason and told me not to and to just ignore it

here's my draft that won't be sent

Quote :

""if you are interested on contributing to the idea let me know - any amount is okay and it'll be equally from all of us that want to go in - you can either paypal the $$ or mail a check" Choooo Choooo.....I had no idea we were going on a guilt trip - It's always fun to take a ride so I've included a quote from my email regarding [father name] and [mother name]'s birthday gift email from 2 months ago. After everyone agreed on the idea - not a single person contributed towards the gift and the card was signed From All the Kids. As I imagine you are now aware, I never once mentioned it again because it's ridiculous to argue over money with family - there's no need to pull this I wish I could give more crap. I didn't mind putting more towards the gift and making it from us equally then and wouldn't have this time either but this is a little ridiculous. Can't wait to see everyone for Christmas."

[/blog]

12/8/2008 5:38:59 PM

words, words, words

12/8/2008 5:41:31 PM

tl;dr

12/8/2008 5:42:24 PM

tl;dr

12/8/2008 5:42:37 PM

summarize if you want more serious responses. there is no way you really require that many words to convey a story about whining over money with your siblings.

12/8/2008 5:45:21 PM

so glad I'm an only child

12/8/2008 5:45:37 PM

i really don't care for a response - at least not a serious once...hence chit chat

bored on my status call and typed it up - not going to summarize -

12/8/2008 5:53:20 PM

im glad that when my brother and i do group gifts for our parents, it is a phone call, an oh hey, great idea and ill send you money.

and its done

12/8/2008 5:56:23 PM

just give them an extra gift on top if you want to spend more. they have made it clear they can't or don't want to spend more.


if you want to remind them about the birthday present thing, just write them a card that says you consider taking care of their portion part or all of your christmas gift to them.

12/8/2008 5:56:53 PM

you call your parents by their first names?




Also, I would just opt out of participating in any further group gifts and buy your own gift individually for everyone since the group gift idea isn't working out.

12/8/2008 5:58:47 PM

don't send that email.

just make a snide comment durring xmass in real life. at least then they have no proof.

12/8/2008 6:00:02 PM

tl;dr

12/8/2008 6:03:09 PM

group gifts always work well when it's with me and my little brother - once we get everyone else involved it goes to hell it seems

another thing i guess i didn't mention is that 3 are step-siblings - parents got married 20 years ago tho so it wasn't like it was yesterday

12/8/2008 7:28:34 PM

leave them out of it and just do things with the bro.

12/8/2008 7:43:44 PM

I think you should forget doing group gifts with your siblings. From your post, I'd say that this is due more to your feelings than the behavior of your siblings. They were insinuating in their emails that they could not spend more money. They did this because you insinuated that you wanted to spend more than was originally proposed. They simply felt the need to explain their reluctance to increase their spending. I don't think they were trying to deny that you would put up a larger portion, if asked. Further, I didn't see their emails as attempted guilt trips. In fact, from your comments in between posted emails, I think you believe they should be feeling guilty. It sounds like what you really want is to tell them how much to spend, or at the very least receive acknowledgment for spending on their behalf in the past.

12/8/2008 8:03:52 PM

I am not trying to be a jackass here, but you are coming off as a real douche here. They obviously don't have the money. Regardless of the reason, they just are not able to spend what you can. I get where you are coming from... I make way more than my brothers, and thus I would never even dream of suggesting a group gift. Think of how they must feel.... hey you can give me a dollar and I will spend $100 and we'll "say" it's from all of us. You KNOW that they feel like shit for not being able to pay equal, and you KNOW your parents will absolutely realize that you spent more on the gift than your siblings did, and you KNOW your siblings will know this. You're putting them in an extremely akward position.

12/8/2008 8:23:26 PM